Poll: Sexual Assault

[Fox12]

This is a pretty heavy topic, so please, lets be civil.

I read a recent Cracked.com article talking about women's experiences with sexual assault. It mentioned the famous statistic that 1 out of every 5 women will face sexual assault by the time they reach their college years. This can include groping, manhandling, and more serious crimes, especially in colleges, where such crimes often go unreported. The comment section was then filled with antidotes by women who claimed to have been assaulted before turning 14, or who talked about being scared to walk down streets at night, because groups of men would make cat calls and scare them.

Now, I should add that I have some stake in this. I have two friends who have been raped, one of which had the incident hushed up by her high school. On top of that I've had several friends and acquaintances face attempted assault on campus. I've also had friends who faced domestic violence by their partners. This includes men as well, particularly members of the homosexual community I've spoken to, who feel like these are issues no one talks about. Furthermore, since I work with campus faculty, we've been briefed on the policy changes created by the new title nine legislation passed by the government. As a result this has been looming over my head as of late.

The statistic seems startling, and most guys I know don't take it very seriously, and yet it doesn't seem excessive to me. My question is simple: have you, or someone you know, male or female, ever felt endangered because of gender related issues? I'm curious how prevalent of an issue this is, and if people feel that these are major issues that are swept under the rug. Because this is sensitive, I do ask everyone be respectful to individuals who want to discuss any experiances. Otherwise, I'm curious how large scale of a problem this is, or how it can be improved.

 

[Lilani]

I'm fat and rather a homebody, so luckily I can't say I've ever been personally sexually harassed or assaulted. But I had a friend in college who was stalked while walking in town near campus in broad daylight. A man was following RIGHT behind her, right on her heels, practically leaning over her. After several blocks of this it became clear it was no coincidence, and she was close enough to campus for the campus police to act, so she called them. She talked on the phone to them right within earshot of the guy, he could definitely hear every word she was saying. She described where she was, where she was going, where she had been, and gave the best description she could without turning around and looking at him. They met up with her a couple of blocks later but as soon as the campus police vehicle was in view, he darted off through an area they could follow.

And several other of my female friends have stories about being inappropriately touched or stalked by guys. Nothing more serious than that, but then not everybody who's had such serious experiences is willing to tell just anybody.

 

[Queen Michael]

As a man, I haven't been endangered, exactly. A dirty old man once touched me inappropriately, but I honestly didn't mind all that much.

 

[StriderShinryu]

Threatened? Sure. I do a job that's not always the safest and I haven't always lived in the safest places. Was it ever due to my gender (male) though? Nope.

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

Five or six guys once threw me into a ditch, stomped on my left hand, kicked me in the face and tore the back pockets of my jeans.
But I don't think being male had anything to do with it.

 

[Caiphus]

Working as a waiter, I was cornered in the stock room by a drunk female patron one Christmas Eve, who then started to undress.

That was fun!

Was that due to my gender? I guess. *clicks*

 

[DefunctTheory]

Male, have been subject to unwanted sexual advances in the work place and else where, and was fondled by an 80 year old Korean lady in the back of a knock off clothes store. Also got fondled by 7 gay gentlemen in a gay club.

Why I was in a gay bar is a story for another time.

I suppose as a male, its easier to shake things like this off, despite how horrible they may have been at the time. Can't say it keeps me up at night, but it has happened.

 

[Ramzal]

-snip- On second thought, nevermind. Way too personal. -edited-

 

[Kopikatsu]

Aside from incidents involving three of my mother's many boyfriends... In middle school, I had a group of three girls stalk me for about a year and a half. Was chased down, tackled, and molested on my way home from the bus stop on more than one occasion. However, my understanding is that their 'leader' was the only one who was actually interested, the other two just followed along with what she told them to.

But in retrospect, the reason I resisted was because I had difficulty believing that anyone could actually be interested in me. Had I recognized their affection as genuine (Which I now believe to have been the case), then I would have probably asked her out. Too late now, I suppose. To be totally honest, I kind of miss it. (The being stalked part, not the being molested part). There's something... intriguing about being pursued so doggedly by someone. The idea that you occupy so much of their thoughts and time is romantic.

 

[Little Woodsman]

Ok, so I'm a straight man.

I've had incidents that could be described as sexual assault happen to me three times... always at work or school. Two of those were having female customers/clients touch me inappropriately.

The third was having a gay male co-worker feel me up.

But did I ever *feel* threatened? None of the individuals who committed these acts could have/could be a threat to me physically... the highest level of threat that I felt from them was that the gay co-worker had a similar incident with another straight male co-worker, and when the other co-worker said anything about it the gay co-worker made up a story about the straight co-worker trying to physically assault him and initiated a lawsuit against our workplace. So I was afraid of that kind of fallout, and only mentioned it to one supervisor (and not even as a formal complaint, just wanted it to be on record in case it ever happened again). But I've never felt *physically* threatened in that way.

 

[Itdoesthatsometimes]

In your poll question: Have you ever felt threatened due to your gender, removing 'due to your gender' would get a more accurate result. I think the question should be: Have you ever felt sexually threatened? To which I would say yes, to attribute it to my gender unnecessarily muddies the issue. My response to the question would be, I guess if you want to word it that way, but I don't know the sexuality of the people who I felt threatened by or the gender that they would target, other than that they seemed threatening to my own gender. It may have had nothing to do with gender really. Maybe I was just being paranoid. I mean they did not really do anything sexual, really.

Do you see how muddled the question makes the issue? I can't really answer your question as is.

 

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

I too unfortunately, was violently raped before the age of 14 by a 24 yr old man I had never spoken to. I Have had other family members raped as well as many friends. Hell, one girl in my school was gang raped in the parking lot during a football game and nothing was ever done about it although the whole damn community knew about it at the time. People heard her screaming for help and no one would help her.
~ was not initially reported, later after a long story when I wound up in the hospital due to this rape, it was forced to be reported due to me being a child. I was initially a too scared kid and the guy stalked me for a while as well.

* I had many other things I consider minor in comparison happen, such as guys pull down my skirt, grab my breasts, put their hands in my clothing, undo my bra, Rub their junk on me through their clothes, even had a complete stranger come up take it out of his pants and rub his penis on my leg once when out with friends watching a game at a sports pub which then caused the pub to erupt into a fight when both one of my friends and the bartender who saw him do it went to tackle the guy.
~Not reported

* I was picked up at a concert by a big guy I didn't know and passed and thought I was going to die and had guys intentionally groping me as I begged to be put down. I have had many guys pick me up into the air and carry me around against my will.
~ not reported

* I had another guy I went to school with come over to my apartment uninvited grab my wrists in my apartment and tried to hold me down, but managed to fight him off and get him out of my apartment thanks to a friend opening the door.
~ not reported

* I had 2 men in a truck try to drag me into their truck while walking when I was 19 and I lost my jacket over that one.
~reported as it was an attempted kidnapping

*I had an ex try to kill me, and he was luckily finally put into prison when he stabbed my neighbor who saved my life.
~ reported repeatedly employer, neighbors, friends, family all had restraining order against him finally convicted after stabbing a neighbor who stopped him when he came to kill me in my sleep.

*I have had guys stalk me, and that is really scary too. There have been times I parked next to a police car due to guys following me to make them leave, once I had to get an officer to make a guy go away that was still following me even after parking next to the police, the police didn't even scare him off at first, then the officer who had responded and followed me home " for my safety" left flowers and a note on my front door asking me out the next day.
~ most not reported, the guy the police chased off was reported.

* I had my apartment broken in to and pictures of me and panties stolen.
~ reported

* I had a peeping tom incident I didn't even know about until a neighbor informed me the next day that she had called the cops because of a man staring in my window the night before.
~ neighbor reported

* I had a weird guy masturbating staring at me in his car once while at the pool, MANY guys online sending me unsolicited pictures of their penis and them masturbating and countless sexual comments in games.
~pool guy was reported creepy guys in games not reported.

* I had guys take my pictures from a fan site and make a mouse roll over where my clothes fell off.
~not reported

*I did tell a guy that if he came over here it would be the last thing he did and sent him a picture of my glock 40 once after he sent me a picture of my street sign and said he gets off to choking women.
~not reported

I am sure I probably forgot something there but tried to include what I could remember off the top that I thought would qualify.

EDIT: To be clear I am going to add reported or not reported by each to be clear to make sure this is not confused.

 

[Megalodon]

I read a recent Cracked.com article talking about women's experiences with sexual assault.

Well, there your mistake. Reading Cracked on any serious issue is a mistake.

This can include groping, manhandling, and more serious crimes, especially in colleges, where such crimes often go unreported.

I often see this 'often unreported' line, to which I always have the same questions. According to who? How do they know? How can anyone know how much of anything goes unreported?

The statistic seems startling, and most guys I know don't take it very seriously

It's not just guys that don't take it seriously, and there's reasons for that. The statistic is based on faulty, non-representative studies asking vague questions. But the '1 in 5' claim sounds scary, so it's seized by those looking to push an agenda.

http://www.washingtonexaminer.com/no-1-in-5-women-have-not-been-raped-on-college-campuses/article/2551980

On topic: Sexually threatened? No. I've had some creepy and unwelcome attention from gay guys before, but nothing I'd call threatening. On the other hand, as a guy I'm far more likely to have the shit kicked out of me, and I've felt threatened by that a few times, especially when I was younger.

 

[Tsun Tzu]

Well, straight male here.

I've had women kiss me, rub up on me, grab my junk, and a bit worse without so much as a 'Hi, would you like some sexual attention right now?' all of which was unwanted at the time, but I never really made a big deal out of it aside from a quip or blatant attempts at redirecting their attention toward either their drinks or some other subject.

Couple unwelcome advances from gents too. No big deal.

On a more violent note? I've been shoved, hit, spit at, and shrieked at by both sexes, but mainly the opposite. Mostly during arguments, but a few times outside of disagreements. The outside ones were usually after I'd rebuked them, via quip, for the aforementioned unwanted contact.

The general justification for the latter being that I should feel lucky that they'd given me any attention at all/questioning my masculinity for denying them.

I've actually felt threatened from guys due to my gender...hear me out on this. I've been thrown out of a couple parties for, honestly, trumped up reasons (people starting unwanted shit) and in all cases, it's been at least a pair of drunken dudes threatening me with violence. Guys will attempt to straight up pick a fight with ya for the slightest offense...which can usually be mediated by an offer of a drink, but eh.

Females, I assume (or rather, hope), wouldn't get similar treatment from males in similar circumstances. Perhaps from other women? Known some super violent women, actually.

It should be noted that most of this involved alcohol.

Alcohol: Making people classier since 2700 B.C.

But...straight up threatened from a sexual angle? I honestly can't say I've felt that way, even with the groping and what not. I tend not to take a lot of this stuff too seriously though. Now, made to feel uncomfortable? Certainly.

As for people I know...

Rape of immediate family and a couple friends/acquaintances.

Side Note: If I ever found out who the guys were, I'm not sure I'd be able to keep from doing something about it. Not at all a violent guy, but I can and would make exceptions.

 

[default]

I too unfortunately, was violently raped before the age of 14 by a 24 yr old man I had never spoken to. I Have had other family members raped as well as many friends. Hell, one girl in my school was gang raped in the parking lot during a football game and nothing was ever done about it although the whole damn community knew about it at the time. People heard her screaming for help and no one would help her.

* I had many other things I consider minor in comparison happen, such as guys pull down my skirt, grab my breasts, put their hands in my clothing, undo my bra, Rub their junk on me through their clothes, even had a complete stranger come up take it out of his pants and rub his penis on my leg once when out with friends watching a game at a sports pub which then caused the pub to erupt into a fight when both one of my friends and the bartender who saw him do it went to tackle the guy.

* I was picked up at a concert by a big guy I didn't know and passed and thought I was going to die and had guys intentionally groping me as I begged to be put down. I have had many guys pick me up into the air and carry me around against my will.

* I had another guy I went to school with come over to my apartment uninvited grab my wrists in my apartment and tried to hold me down, but managed to fight him off and get him out of my apartment thanks to a friend opening the door.

* I had 2 men in a truck try to drag me into their truck while walking when I was 19 and I lost my jacket over that one.

*I had an ex try to kill me, and he was luckily finally put into prison when he stabbed my neighbor who saved my life.

*I have had guys stalk me, and that is really scary too. There have been times I parked next to a police car due to guys following me to make them leave, once I had to get an officer to make a guy go away that was still following me even after parking next to the police, the police didn't even scare him off at first, then the officer who had responded and followed me home " for my safety" left flowers and a note on my front door asking me out the next day.

* I had my apartment broken in to and pictures of me and panties stolen.

* I had a peeping tom incident I didn't even know about until a neighbor informed me the next day that she had called the cops because of a man staring in my window the night before.

* I had a weird guy masturbating staring at me in his car once while at the pool, MANY guys online sending me unsolicited pictures of their penis and them masturbating and countless sexual comments in games.

* I had guys take my pictures from a fan site and make a mouse roll over where my clothes fell off.

*I did tell a guy that if he came over here it would be the last thing he did and sent him a picture of my glock 40 once after he sent me a picture of my street sign and said he gets off to choking women.

I am sure I probably forgot something there but tried to include what I could remember off the top that I thought would qualify.

I just wanted to say that I'm really sorry you've had to go through all that in your life. I hope you're alright.

I'm a male. I've definitely been in danger a few times because of my gender, but it's never been anything sexually related.

Once for example I was walking two female friends home once late at night after they had been drinking. They were being really fucking stupid, as you do. A bunch of scummy blokes in a car rolled up and slowed down to coast next to us, revved their engine really loudly and yelled some things out the window at us. The girls I was with called them faggots and gave them the finger. At this point I started to get scared. I'm a horrifically anxious guy at the best of times and this was like a nightmare for me as they pulled in at the side of the road ahead of us. I told my friends to just keep walking and not give them any notice. At this point in my life I was quite a steady self-harmer and carried a small knife around pretty much everywhere (ilegally, I might add, and it was pretty damn stupid to take it out drinking). Luckily I didn't have to try and use it because they just called me some names as I walked past, threw a bottle at me and drove off. They didn't take much notice of the girls when they were looking for a fight, they were solely targeted on me as the male. I'm lucky they didn't get out and curbstomp me or force me to try and flail around at them with a pocket knife.

Sexually, I've had unwanted advances and contact as I'm sure most people have, mostly at parties where people's heads are clouded by substances. That's about the extent of it.

 

[TallanKhan]

There's something... intriguing about being pursued so doggedly by someone. The idea that you occupy so much of their thoughts and time is romantic.

Thank you! If only I could convince the police to see it that way...

I can't hand on heart say I have ever actually felt threatened sexually, although I did once have an encounter (way back when I was still studying and working a part time sales role), with a rather lovely lady who was my then supervisor. I was a more than willing participant so don't really feel it qualifies as anything untoward, however, her behaviour was at least predatory.