Poll: Sexual Assault

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

I too unfortunately, was violently raped before the age of 14 by a 24 yr old man I had never spoken to. I Have had other family members raped as well as many friends. Hell, one girl in my school was gang raped in the parking lot during a football game and nothing was ever done about it although the whole damn community knew about it at the time. People heard her screaming for help and no one would help her.

* I had many other things I consider minor in comparison happen, such as guys pull down my skirt, grab my breasts, put their hands in my clothing, undo my bra, Rub their junk on me through their clothes, even had a complete stranger come up take it out of his pants and rub his penis on my leg once when out with friends watching a game at a sports pub which then caused the pub to erupt into a fight when both one of my friends and the bartender who saw him do it went to tackle the guy.

* I was picked up at a concert by a big guy I didn't know and passed and thought I was going to die and had guys intentionally groping me as I begged to be put down. I have had many guys pick me up into the air and carry me around against my will.

* I had another guy I went to school with come over to my apartment uninvited grab my wrists in my apartment and tried to hold me down, but managed to fight him off and get him out of my apartment thanks to a friend opening the door.

* I had 2 men in a truck try to drag me into their truck while walking when I was 19 and I lost my jacket over that one.

*I had an ex try to kill me, and he was luckily finally put into prison when he stabbed my neighbor who saved my life.

*I have had guys stalk me, and that is really scary too. There have been times I parked next to a police car due to guys following me to make them leave, once I had to get an officer to make a guy go away that was still following me even after parking next to the police, the police didn't even scare him off at first, then the officer who had responded and followed me home " for my safety" left flowers and a note on my front door asking me out the next day.

* I had my apartment broken in to and pictures of me and panties stolen.

* I had a peeping tom incident I didn't even know about until a neighbor informed me the next day that she had called the cops because of a man staring in my window the night before.

* I had a weird guy masturbating staring at me in his car once while at the pool, MANY guys online sending me unsolicited pictures of their penis and them masturbating and countless sexual comments in games.

* I had guys take my pictures from a fan site and make a mouse roll over where my clothes fell off.

*I did tell a guy that if he came over here it would be the last thing he did and sent him a picture of my glock 40 once after he sent me a picture of my street sign and said he gets off to choking women.

I am sure I probably forgot something there but tried to include what I could remember off the top that I thought would qualify.

I just wanted to say that I'm really sorry you've had to go through all that in your life. I hope you're alright.

I'm a male. I've definitely been in danger because of my gender, but it was nothing sexually related. I was walking two female friends home once late at night after they had been drinking. They were being really fucking stupid, as you do. A bunch of scummy blokes in a car rolled up and slowed down to coast next to us, revved their engine really loudly and yelled some things out the window at us. The girls I was with called them faggots and gave them the finger. At this point I started to get scared. I'm a horrifically anxious guy at the best of times and this was like a nightmare for me as they pulled in at the side of the road ahead of us. I told my friends to just keep walking and not give them any notice. At this point in my life I was quite a steady self-harmer and carried a small knife around pretty much everywhere (ilegally, I might add, and it was pretty damn stupid to take it out drinking). Luckily I didn't have to try and use it because they just called me some names as I walked past, threw a bottle at me and drove off. They didn't take much notice of the girls when they were looking for a fight, they were solely targeted on me as the male. I'm lucky they didn't get out and curbstomp me or force me to try and flail around at them with a pocket knife.

Sexually, I've had unwanted advances and contact as I'm sure most people have, mostly at parties where people's heads are clouded by substances. That's about the extent of it.

I have seen my male friends targeted as well when we were out from guys trying to pick a fight with them, although something I noticed when that happened sometimes, they didn't target the guys that were with other guys as much as they targeted guys that were with girls, just as in your circumstance. What exactly was it that provoked them? I always have wondered when that happens is what would have happened if it had just been the girls there? Are they targeting the male like they are competing for females as other species do in mating? I saw this happen so frequently when I was bartending in college, they targeted guys with girls far more frequently than targeting guys on their own or guys with other guys. Now I can understand why they would not want to target guys with other guys because they would be worried about their friends jumping in, but the fact that they most often targeted guys with girls with them made me wonder why that was, if it was jealousy and if the male had not been accompanying them would they have just continue to sexually harass the women instead?

Males have more instances of guys trying to fight them whereas females have more instances of guys trying to impose their sexual advances on them. When we are also looking at how they also frequently target males accompanying females as well, I wonder if that too is not also sexual aggression manifesting itself in another form as well. If they just wanted to fight, they could have found a guy by himself without having witnesses, but I have noticed they target males with females much more frequently as well.

 

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

The 1/5 statistic is actually false and based on shoddy research methods. Real number is probably something from 1/10 to 1/7, not that it's necessarily much better but that's not even including a high prevalence of false reports. Including sexual violence, men are actually by far more likely to be the victims of violent crime in general than women, and I'd rather have my ass grabbed than punched in the face. Cherrypicking sexual violence is a propaganda tactic to arouse white knights and male protective instinct to the side of women. The majority of violence in society is committed against men, and no, I don't give a shit that your friend got catcalled or groped at a party because I've had to deal with false charges levelled out of spite and the system gives women the benefit of the doubt 95% of the time at least. It's a problem that a woman can say three words and get a man arrested with no proof, when our justice system is founded on the principle that it's better to let 100 criminals walk free than wrongly convict one innocent man.

I disagree, I would think the stat to be low balled and is probably much higher. Most girls I know that are raped DO NOT REPORT IT, we just try to help each other along as best we can as it is FAR WORSE to report it than to not report it. You have to be willing to ruin your life, move, give up many things you enjoy and most are not willing to let one rapist take that from them just to report them. You make a choice, do you let the rapist take that moment from you and forget about it? Or do you let them ruin your life as well just for the possibility of him not even being convicted after a smear campaign against you? I do not know many willing at all to do the latter.

It is extremely hard to convict a rapist and honestly not worth it to try. Why do you think they do it in the first place?

" cherrypicking?" Women an girls fear rape because of what we live with, not from what the media has to say about it.

I suggest you go out and ask actual women and girls you know about this subject to just gage how it has affected the women where you live and to gain a better understanding of the subject.

I see many people here talking about their own personal experiences, not spouting off propaganda.. except for you right there. We can talk about the media this and that all day long, that doesn't change what is actually happening to us. The stats for Native American women is even higher at 1 in 3, the sad thing is from my perspective, regretfully that may even be too low.

 

[default]

I too unfortunately, was violently raped before the age of 14 by a 24 yr old man I had never spoken to. I Have had other family members raped as well as many friends. Hell, one girl in my school was gang raped in the parking lot during a football game and nothing was ever done about it although the whole damn community knew about it at the time. People heard her screaming for help and no one would help her.

* I had many other things I consider minor in comparison happen, such as guys pull down my skirt, grab my breasts, put their hands in my clothing, undo my bra, Rub their junk on me through their clothes, even had a complete stranger come up take it out of his pants and rub his penis on my leg once when out with friends watching a game at a sports pub which then caused the pub to erupt into a fight when both one of my friends and the bartender who saw him do it went to tackle the guy.

* I was picked up at a concert by a big guy I didn't know and passed and thought I was going to die and had guys intentionally groping me as I begged to be put down. I have had many guys pick me up into the air and carry me around against my will.

* I had another guy I went to school with come over to my apartment uninvited grab my wrists in my apartment and tried to hold me down, but managed to fight him off and get him out of my apartment thanks to a friend opening the door.

* I had 2 men in a truck try to drag me into their truck while walking when I was 19 and I lost my jacket over that one.

*I had an ex try to kill me, and he was luckily finally put into prison when he stabbed my neighbor who saved my life.

*I have had guys stalk me, and that is really scary too. There have been times I parked next to a police car due to guys following me to make them leave, once I had to get an officer to make a guy go away that was still following me even after parking next to the police, the police didn't even scare him off at first, then the officer who had responded and followed me home " for my safety" left flowers and a note on my front door asking me out the next day.

* I had my apartment broken in to and pictures of me and panties stolen.

* I had a peeping tom incident I didn't even know about until a neighbor informed me the next day that she had called the cops because of a man staring in my window the night before.

* I had a weird guy masturbating staring at me in his car once while at the pool, MANY guys online sending me unsolicited pictures of their penis and them masturbating and countless sexual comments in games.

* I had guys take my pictures from a fan site and make a mouse roll over where my clothes fell off.

*I did tell a guy that if he came over here it would be the last thing he did and sent him a picture of my glock 40 once after he sent me a picture of my street sign and said he gets off to choking women.

I am sure I probably forgot something there but tried to include what I could remember off the top that I thought would qualify.

I just wanted to say that I'm really sorry you've had to go through all that in your life. I hope you're alright.

I'm a male. I've definitely been in danger because of my gender, but it was nothing sexually related. I was walking two female friends home once late at night after they had been drinking. They were being really fucking stupid, as you do. A bunch of scummy blokes in a car rolled up and slowed down to coast next to us, revved their engine really loudly and yelled some things out the window at us. The girls I was with called them faggots and gave them the finger. At this point I started to get scared. I'm a horrifically anxious guy at the best of times and this was like a nightmare for me as they pulled in at the side of the road ahead of us. I told my friends to just keep walking and not give them any notice. At this point in my life I was quite a steady self-harmer and carried a small knife around pretty much everywhere (ilegally, I might add, and it was pretty damn stupid to take it out drinking). Luckily I didn't have to try and use it because they just called me some names as I walked past, threw a bottle at me and drove off. They didn't take much notice of the girls when they were looking for a fight, they were solely targeted on me as the male. I'm lucky they didn't get out and curbstomp me or force me to try and flail around at them with a pocket knife.

Sexually, I've had unwanted advances and contact as I'm sure most people have, mostly at parties where people's heads are clouded by substances. That's about the extent of it.

I have seen my male friends targeted as well when we were out from guys trying to pick a fight with them, although something I noticed when that happened sometimes, they didn't target the guys that were with other guys as much as they targeted guys that were with girls, just as in your circumstance. What exactly was it that provoked them? I always have wondered when that happens is what would have happened if it had just been the girls there? Are they targeting the male like they are competing for females as other species do in mating? I saw this happen so frequently when I was bartending in college, they targeted guys with girls far more frequently than targeting guys on their own or guys with other guys. Now I can understand why they would not want to target guys with other guys because they would be worried about their friends jumping in, but the fact that they most often targeted guys with girls with them made me wonder why that was, if it was jealousy and if the male had not been accompanying them would they have just continue to sexually harass the women instead?

Males have more instances of guys trying to fight them whereas females have more instances of guys trying to impose their sexual advances on them. When we are also looking at how they also frequently target males accompanying females as well, I wonder if that too is not also sexual aggression manifesting itself in another form as well. If they just wanted to fight, they could have found a guy by himself without having witnesses, but I have noticed they target males with females much more frequently as well.

I find it hard to fathom what causes people to act like that, or more broadly why gender is such a deep social divide at all. In this case the girls I was with had definitely provoked them by angering them, but in general it's probably just a misguided, primitive drive to show off to females, like animals.

I've definitely been in fights just because I'm a male and I'm there. Just go out at night enough times and you'll find yourself in trouble because you're a male and you're there. One random bloke was having a heated argument with his date, and when she left he turned and punched me in the jaw. I doubt that would have happened if I had been female. And then there are the horror stories of lone men being put into hospital after being jumped late at night by four or five guys at once. I don't really go out anymore..

But as for being especially targeted for being a lone guy among a group of girls... Might be a wierd jealousy, might be a desire to show off. I'm pretty positive sexual aggression will generally have something to do with it.

I'm just lucky enough to have never had to fear another person in a sexual manner.

 

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

The 1/5 statistic is actually false and based on shoddy research methods. Real number is probably something from 1/10 to 1/7, not that it's necessarily much better but that's not even including a high prevalence of false reports. Including sexual violence, men are actually by far more likely to be the victims of violent crime in general than women, and I'd rather have my ass grabbed than punched in the face. Cherrypicking sexual violence is a propaganda tactic to arouse white knights and male protective instinct to the side of women. The majority of violence in society is committed against men, and no, I don't give a shit that your friend got catcalled or groped at a party because I've had to deal with false charges levelled out of spite and the system gives women the benefit of the doubt 95% of the time at least. It's a problem that a woman can say three words and get a man arrested with no proof, when our justice system is founded on the principle that it's better to let 100 criminals walk free than wrongly convict one innocent man.

I disagree, I would think the stat to be low balled and is probably much higher. Most girls I know that are raped DO NOT REPORT IT, we just try to help each other along as best we can as it is FAR WORSE to report it than to not report it. You have to be willing to ruin your life, move, give up many things you enjoy and most are not willing to let one rapist take that from them just to report them. You make a choice, do you let the rapist take that moment from you and forget about it? Or do you let them ruin your life as well just for the possibility of him not even being convicted after a smear campaign against you? I do not know many willing at all to do the latter.

It is extremely hard to convict a rapist and honestly not worth it to try. Why do you think they do it in the first place?

" cherrypicking?" Women an girls fear rape because of what we live with, not from what the media has to say about it.

I suggest you go out and ask actual women and girls you know about this subject to just gage how it has affected the women where you live and to gain a better understanding of the subject.

I see many people here talking about their own personal experiences, not spouting off propaganda.. except for you right there. We can talk about the media this and that all day long, that doesn't change what is actually happening to us.

If you care about fighting rape, actually fight it instead of the idiotic doublethink of refusing to admit it happens while trying to call awareness to it. Join the police or become a detective, or even just carry a Glock in your purse. From the male point of view it's honestly hard to understand why you wouldn't report and try to fight your victimizer even when we recognize cognitively the ideas of shame and guilt, etc. It makes the event seem more trivial to us than less. And if rape is the lived reality of women, violence is the lived reality of men. We're not whining about it and we shouldn't be. Neither you or the media should be complaining about rape as much as you do. Refusing to report to the authorities and then being louder than the victims of any other crime on media platforms comes off as disingenuous to the male mind. Rape was actually taken more seriously when it wasn't being played as the victim card all the time, when women didn't publically cry wolf over sex-regret.

Don't want to live in fear? Carry a pistol.

Excuse me while I do not condone your advice of women being forced into careers not of their choosing to become crime fighters and building their life around the fact that rapist exist because you think it should be their duty as women to fight rape instead of addressing it as the social issue it is.

It is bad enough that rapist force themselves on us, but then they should also determine the course of our lives our careers? We have better things to do " than be rape victims" because once you report a rape and you are slut shamed into oblivion in court and in your community, that is all you will ever be known for there.

You are " that girl that got raped" or " that girl who said she was raped" Or " that slut who had sex and cried rape!" YOU are no longer you, all of your accomplishments, goals and dreams are gone,a s none of that matters now. Remember that time you were in the paper for winning those awards? Who cares about that because "you are just that girl who was raped". Man That cute guy you liked was going to ask you to the dance, but he really doesn't want to go with that " rape girl" she is damaged goods now, his friends would just make fun of him for being with rape girl. Might as well go kill yourself because that is what that rapists friends told you to do. The reality of what happens when you report a rape is not something anyone should take lightly.

Just hope that the guy didn't impregnate you or give you a disease, and that you have friends to help you through. That is the reality of it. Of course victims of rape shouldn't complain about it as much as they do, people shouldn't be raping them in the first place. When we have less rapes happening you will hear less people complaining. The thing is if you are mugged, you can report that because people do not slut shame you for being mugged, the problem with rape is what happens when people find out you have been raped.

I was a child when I was raped by a man I had never spoken to, I was supposed to carry a pistol? Not even every woman can carry a gun where they live, nor should anyone carry a gun that does not know how to use it VERY well. I own a glock 40, I sure as hell would not want every one I know to carry one, they would hurt someone as they do not have the ability to shoot as well as I do. The way I have seen some of my friends shoot I worry about them shooting even at targets in a controlled environment they are so bad. That is terribly misguided advice you gave there.

 

[Vendor-Lazarus]

I'm reading through this thread and seeing a bit of a pattern.
Now, I don't want to step on anyone's toes or downplay anyone's feelings, I just know that I can word things very clumsily sometimes.

What I'm seeing is that women is becoming much better at reporting such instances and not be shamed for it, which is great.
Men tend to make excuses because of situations however and that "it really doesn't bother them".
They must be stoic and shrug of any such assaults and advances.
So to me the poll would be very skewed even before taking in the small sample available on the Escapist.

There should be a drive that no sexual assault is permissible and that there is no pride to be had shrugging it of or shame in not wanting to be touched inappropriately.
People in real life should not to seen as property or objects. period.

 

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

I too unfortunately, was violently raped before the age of 14 by a 24 yr old man I had never spoken to. I Have had other family members raped as well as many friends. Hell, one girl in my school was gang raped in the parking lot during a football game and nothing was ever done about it although the whole damn community knew about it at the time. People heard her screaming for help and no one would help her.

* I had many other things I consider minor in comparison happen, such as guys pull down my skirt, grab my breasts, put their hands in my clothing, undo my bra, Rub their junk on me through their clothes, even had a complete stranger come up take it out of his pants and rub his penis on my leg once when out with friends watching a game at a sports pub which then caused the pub to erupt into a fight when both one of my friends and the bartender who saw him do it went to tackle the guy.

* I was picked up at a concert by a big guy I didn't know and passed and thought I was going to die and had guys intentionally groping me as I begged to be put down. I have had many guys pick me up into the air and carry me around against my will.

* I had another guy I went to school with come over to my apartment uninvited grab my wrists in my apartment and tried to hold me down, but managed to fight him off and get him out of my apartment thanks to a friend opening the door.

* I had 2 men in a truck try to drag me into their truck while walking when I was 19 and I lost my jacket over that one.

*I had an ex try to kill me, and he was luckily finally put into prison when he stabbed my neighbor who saved my life.

*I have had guys stalk me, and that is really scary too. There have been times I parked next to a police car due to guys following me to make them leave, once I had to get an officer to make a guy go away that was still following me even after parking next to the police, the police didn't even scare him off at first, then the officer who had responded and followed me home " for my safety" left flowers and a note on my front door asking me out the next day.

* I had my apartment broken in to and pictures of me and panties stolen.

* I had a peeping tom incident I didn't even know about until a neighbor informed me the next day that she had called the cops because of a man staring in my window the night before.

* I had a weird guy masturbating staring at me in his car once while at the pool, MANY guys online sending me unsolicited pictures of their penis and them masturbating and countless sexual comments in games.

* I had guys take my pictures from a fan site and make a mouse roll over where my clothes fell off.

*I did tell a guy that if he came over here it would be the last thing he did and sent him a picture of my glock 40 once after he sent me a picture of my street sign and said he gets off to choking women.

I am sure I probably forgot something there but tried to include what I could remember off the top that I thought would qualify.

I just wanted to say that I'm really sorry you've had to go through all that in your life. I hope you're alright.

I'm a male. I've definitely been in danger because of my gender, but it was nothing sexually related. I was walking two female friends home once late at night after they had been drinking. They were being really fucking stupid, as you do. A bunch of scummy blokes in a car rolled up and slowed down to coast next to us, revved their engine really loudly and yelled some things out the window at us. The girls I was with called them faggots and gave them the finger. At this point I started to get scared. I'm a horrifically anxious guy at the best of times and this was like a nightmare for me as they pulled in at the side of the road ahead of us. I told my friends to just keep walking and not give them any notice. At this point in my life I was quite a steady self-harmer and carried a small knife around pretty much everywhere (ilegally, I might add, and it was pretty damn stupid to take it out drinking). Luckily I didn't have to try and use it because they just called me some names as I walked past, threw a bottle at me and drove off. They didn't take much notice of the girls when they were looking for a fight, they were solely targeted on me as the male. I'm lucky they didn't get out and curbstomp me or force me to try and flail around at them with a pocket knife.

Sexually, I've had unwanted advances and contact as I'm sure most people have, mostly at parties where people's heads are clouded by substances. That's about the extent of it.

I have seen my male friends targeted as well when we were out from guys trying to pick a fight with them, although something I noticed when that happened sometimes, they didn't target the guys that were with other guys as much as they targeted guys that were with girls, just as in your circumstance. What exactly was it that provoked them? I always have wondered when that happens is what would have happened if it had just been the girls there? Are they targeting the male like they are competing for females as other species do in mating? I saw this happen so frequently when I was bartending in college, they targeted guys with girls far more frequently than targeting guys on their own or guys with other guys. Now I can understand why they would not want to target guys with other guys because they would be worried about their friends jumping in, but the fact that they most often targeted guys with girls with them made me wonder why that was, if it was jealousy and if the male had not been accompanying them would they have just continue to sexually harass the women instead?

Males have more instances of guys trying to fight them whereas females have more instances of guys trying to impose their sexual advances on them. When we are also looking at how they also frequently target males accompanying females as well, I wonder if that too is not also sexual aggression manifesting itself in another form as well. If they just wanted to fight, they could have found a guy by himself without having witnesses, but I have noticed they target males with females much more frequently as well.

I find it hard to fathom what causes people to act like that, or more broadly why gender is such a deep social divide at all. In this case the girls I was with had definitely provoked them by angering them, but in general it's probably just a misguided, primitive drive to show off to females, like animals.

I've definitely been in fights just because I'm a male and I'm there. Just go out at night enough times and you'll find yourself in trouble because you're a male and you're there. One random bloke was having a heated argument with his date, and when she left he turned and punched me in the jaw. I doubt that would have happened if I had been female. And then there are the horror stories of lone men being put into hospital after being jumped late at night by four or five guys at once. I don't really go out anymore..

But as for being especially targeted for being a lone guy among a group of girls... Might be a wierd jealousy, might be a desire to show off. I'm pretty positive sexual aggression will generally have something to do with it.

I'm just lucky enough to have never had to fear another person in a sexual manner.

Yea I have seen guys ganging up on guys before, had a guy come in that had actually been drug from the back of a pick up truck the night before by other guys and it was terrible. Male are targeted for terrible violence, and I am not sure how we can adequately address this social issue in a way that really helps because you would have to take the " power" from the violence, and that is not easily done. The reason why men rape and why men beat people is to dominate them, to have power over them, and I do not know how we can remove that " power" from the act of doing so well enough to make them embarrassed to behave in such ways. We have to essentially show it to be weak to do these things, and remove the " coolness" factor to be effective.

They have been successful at removing much of the violence from educated wealthy classes, as seeing " violence as being beneath them" but it is not so easy for the other classes. The prevalence of rape however, is not limited by classes as much as the violence is.

 

[BathorysGraveland2]

snip

That's quite the unfortunate tale. I'm surprised that so much horrible shit can happen to one person in a country like the US, and it continues to persist. The isolated case, sure, but all of that to one person? That's fucking terrifying.

 

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

I'm reading through this thread and seeing a bit of a pattern.
Now, I don't want to step on anyone's toes or downplay anyone's feelings, I just know that I can word things very clumsily sometimes.

What I'm seeing is that women is becoming much better at reporting such instances and not be shamed for it, which is great.
Men tend to make excuses because of situations however and that "it really doesn't bother them".
They must be stoic and shrug of any such assaults and advances.
So to me the poll would be very skewed even before taking in the small sample available on the Escapist.

There should be a drive that no sexual assault is permissible and that there is no pride to be had shrugging it of or shame in not wanting to be touched inappropriately.
People in real life should not to seen as property or objects. period.

I didn't see any females in the thread that said they reported and were not shamed. I'm sorry if I overlooked that, but could you please direct me to where any said that?

 

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

snip

That's quite the unfortunate tale. I'm surprised that so much horrible shit can happen to one person in a country like the US, and it continues to persist. The isolated case, sure, but all of that to one person? That's fucking terrifying.

The sad thing is these things don't just happen to one person. This happens to MANY women and girls here. My sister was raped, my best friend was raped ( By different guys) Many of my friends growing up can all tell you the same things. Different things, different times, same story though. I really don't think many realize what is really happening here.. ALL of those rapes I mentioned occurred in the wealthiest per sq ft in the state of Texas. This is a low crime area...

 

[BathorysGraveland2]

The sad thing is these things don't just happen to one person. This happens to MANY women and girls here. My sister was raped, my best friend was raped ( By different guys) Many of my friends growing up can all tell you the same things. Different things, different times, same story though. I really don't think many realize what is really happening here.. ALL of those rapes I mentioned occurred in the wealthiest per sq ft in the state of Texas. This is a low crime area...

So where is the law enforcement in all of this? Isn't Texas a state where firearms are legal? Surely the latter would keep crime the police cannot contain in some form of control? Just seems crazy to me that a US state, where firearms are legal, have all these attacks. If such a thing happened just south of that border, there'd be a lynch mob out for blood.

 

[lacktheknack]

No, not at all. Male.

I've had people assume that I was going to hurt them, though, which made me a sad panda. But I'm gonna go ahead and count my blessings and remain really thankful that I'm a large and growly-looking dude.

True story - I'm heading out to India on a missionary trip in a couple of months along with three lovely lady missionaries, and I've been told that there's been so many rapes in the area that the girls aren't allowed to leave the place we're staying without me coming along. This really disturbs me and I hope I look scary enough that I don't have to fight anyone.

 

[Rellik San]

I'm a male, I'm 6'5'' on the heavier side of average, but not a terrible looker, long hair, no piercings or tattoos, typical metally looking fellow with a dour expression.

I've been sexually assaulted in the past and honestly it terrified me, all I could really do was seize up and stiffen because quite simply, I have no way of processing bad touch.

In clubs I've had women come up and just grab my crotch and tell me they'll see me later, I've had women tell me how they are going to fuck my brains out... IN FRONT OF MY GIRLFRIEND and what a "delicious morsel" I am and other things to that effect. I'm not gonna rant on about how my story isn't represented or such, because in the scheme of things it's a tiny tiny fraction of a percentile compared to the number of women that experience this behaviour. But it does make you concious of how you interact with people, if I hug a female it's always around the shoulders and she's engaged it, if I brush past I make an effort to apologise (or rather I used too, it's more just a reaction now), it's just all manner of simple things really.

That said, it's up to you to judge me, there's a certain way myself and my friends interact, in that we're the classic abusive friends "Oi knob jockey, you getting the pints in you wanker?" "Sure thing shit for brains, you want another one of those you wank stain?" y'know that kind of thing, which also goes into how myself and some of my female friends interact: "Rellik, you're a fucking bastard at times." "Yeah but you love me really ***** tits," "that I do cunty chops," that kind of thing. So I'm curious, how do others judge those kinds of interaction in the context of a friendship, are they institutionalised harassment or just friends dicking about with each other?

 

[default]

I too unfortunately, was violently raped before the age of 14 by a 24 yr old man I had never spoken to. I Have had other family members raped as well as many friends. Hell, one girl in my school was gang raped in the parking lot during a football game and nothing was ever done about it although the whole damn community knew about it at the time. People heard her screaming for help and no one would help her.

* I had many other things I consider minor in comparison happen, such as guys pull down my skirt, grab my breasts, put their hands in my clothing, undo my bra, Rub their junk on me through their clothes, even had a complete stranger come up take it out of his pants and rub his penis on my leg once when out with friends watching a game at a sports pub which then caused the pub to erupt into a fight when both one of my friends and the bartender who saw him do it went to tackle the guy.

* I was picked up at a concert by a big guy I didn't know and passed and thought I was going to die and had guys intentionally groping me as I begged to be put down. I have had many guys pick me up into the air and carry me around against my will.

* I had another guy I went to school with come over to my apartment uninvited grab my wrists in my apartment and tried to hold me down, but managed to fight him off and get him out of my apartment thanks to a friend opening the door.

* I had 2 men in a truck try to drag me into their truck while walking when I was 19 and I lost my jacket over that one.

*I had an ex try to kill me, and he was luckily finally put into prison when he stabbed my neighbor who saved my life.

*I have had guys stalk me, and that is really scary too. There have been times I parked next to a police car due to guys following me to make them leave, once I had to get an officer to make a guy go away that was still following me even after parking next to the police, the police didn't even scare him off at first, then the officer who had responded and followed me home " for my safety" left flowers and a note on my front door asking me out the next day.

* I had my apartment broken in to and pictures of me and panties stolen.

* I had a peeping tom incident I didn't even know about until a neighbor informed me the next day that she had called the cops because of a man staring in my window the night before.

* I had a weird guy masturbating staring at me in his car once while at the pool, MANY guys online sending me unsolicited pictures of their penis and them masturbating and countless sexual comments in games.

* I had guys take my pictures from a fan site and make a mouse roll over where my clothes fell off.

*I did tell a guy that if he came over here it would be the last thing he did and sent him a picture of my glock 40 once after he sent me a picture of my street sign and said he gets off to choking women.

I am sure I probably forgot something there but tried to include what I could remember off the top that I thought would qualify.

I just wanted to say that I'm really sorry you've had to go through all that in your life. I hope you're alright.

I'm a male. I've definitely been in danger because of my gender, but it was nothing sexually related. I was walking two female friends home once late at night after they had been drinking. They were being really fucking stupid, as you do. A bunch of scummy blokes in a car rolled up and slowed down to coast next to us, revved their engine really loudly and yelled some things out the window at us. The girls I was with called them faggots and gave them the finger. At this point I started to get scared. I'm a horrifically anxious guy at the best of times and this was like a nightmare for me as they pulled in at the side of the road ahead of us. I told my friends to just keep walking and not give them any notice. At this point in my life I was quite a steady self-harmer and carried a small knife around pretty much everywhere (ilegally, I might add, and it was pretty damn stupid to take it out drinking). Luckily I didn't have to try and use it because they just called me some names as I walked past, threw a bottle at me and drove off. They didn't take much notice of the girls when they were looking for a fight, they were solely targeted on me as the male. I'm lucky they didn't get out and curbstomp me or force me to try and flail around at them with a pocket knife.

Sexually, I've had unwanted advances and contact as I'm sure most people have, mostly at parties where people's heads are clouded by substances. That's about the extent of it.

I have seen my male friends targeted as well when we were out from guys trying to pick a fight with them, although something I noticed when that happened sometimes, they didn't target the guys that were with other guys as much as they targeted guys that were with girls, just as in your circumstance. What exactly was it that provoked them? I always have wondered when that happens is what would have happened if it had just been the girls there? Are they targeting the male like they are competing for females as other species do in mating? I saw this happen so frequently when I was bartending in college, they targeted guys with girls far more frequently than targeting guys on their own or guys with other guys. Now I can understand why they would not want to target guys with other guys because they would be worried about their friends jumping in, but the fact that they most often targeted guys with girls with them made me wonder why that was, if it was jealousy and if the male had not been accompanying them would they have just continue to sexually harass the women instead?

Males have more instances of guys trying to fight them whereas females have more instances of guys trying to impose their sexual advances on them. When we are also looking at how they also frequently target males accompanying females as well, I wonder if that too is not also sexual aggression manifesting itself in another form as well. If they just wanted to fight, they could have found a guy by himself without having witnesses, but I have noticed they target males with females much more frequently as well.

I find it hard to fathom what causes people to act like that, or more broadly why gender is such a deep social divide at all. In this case the girls I was with had definitely provoked them by angering them, but in general it's probably just a misguided, primitive drive to show off to females, like animals.

I've definitely been in fights just because I'm a male and I'm there. Just go out at night enough times and you'll find yourself in trouble because you're a male and you're there. One random bloke was having a heated argument with his date, and when she left he turned and punched me in the jaw. I doubt that would have happened if I had been female. And then there are the horror stories of lone men being put into hospital after being jumped late at night by four or five guys at once. I don't really go out anymore..

But as for being especially targeted for being a lone guy among a group of girls... Might be a wierd jealousy, might be a desire to show off. I'm pretty positive sexual aggression will generally have something to do with it.

I'm just lucky enough to have never had to fear another person in a sexual manner.

Yea I have seen guys ganging up on guys before, had a guy come in that had actually been drug from the back of a pick up truck the night before by other guys and it was terrible. Male are targeted for terrible violence, and I am not sure how we can adequately address this social issue in a way that really helps because you would have to take the " power" from the violence, and that is not easily done. The reason why men rape and why men beat people is to dominate them, to have power over them, and I do not know how we can remove that " power" from the act of doing so well enough to make them embarrassed to behave in such ways. We have to essentially show it to be weak to do these things, and remove the " coolness" factor to be effective.

They have been successful at removing much of the violence from educated wealthy classes, as seeing " violence as being beneath them" but it is not so easy for the other classes. The prevalence of rape however, is not limited by classes as much as the violence is.

I think it's just a human thing. Unless in some crazy fantasy world every person on the planet suddenly became magically, zen-like enlightened, realised how stupid it is and that there is no point or reason to any of it and spent the rest of their days being kind to each other violence is always going to be around, both sexual and otherwise as long as people are people and can't keep a leash on their minds and bodies.

I know what you mean though. There's not a lot of ways you can take the 'glory' out of violence or the domination of others, unless the aggressors in fights are publically shamed and strung-up on the edge of town like in Victorian times.


Anyway..

 

[Rellik San]

Also another point: I work in a bar and I've had all manner of threats from both drunk and sober people alike but one of the most pertinent and egregious was this:

A girl who looked about 17 came in with her friends, I asked her for ID, she didn't have any I did the usual, I'm sorry can't serve you etc. etc. and she then looked me dead in the eye and told me that if I didn't serve her, she would phone the police and tell them I raped her. This terrified me, because even though I hadn't done anything, that kind of allegation could entirely ruin my life, I'm effectively a public figure in my town, I'm a well known bar person I know most of the regular drinkers in town, but at the time and know they'd all know better.

But at the time, I was new, I wasn't well known and this kind of situation is terrifying to a person. I stood my ground and counted on CCTV to help me out here.

 

[Itdoesthatsometimes]

If you care about fighting rape, actually fight it instead of the idiotic doublethink of refusing to admit it happens while trying to call awareness to it. Join the police or become a detective, or even just carry a Glock in your purse. From the male point of view it's honestly hard to understand why you wouldn't report and try to fight your victimizer even when we recognize cognitively the ideas of shame and guilt, etc. It makes the event seem more trivial to us than less. And if rape is the lived reality of women, violence is the lived reality of men. We're not whining about it and we shouldn't be. Neither you or the media should be complaining about rape as much as you do. Refusing to report to the authorities and then being louder than the victims of any other crime on media platforms comes off as disingenuous to the male mind. Rape was actually taken more seriously when it wasn't being played as the victim card all the time, when women didn't publically cry wolf over sex-regret.

Don't want to live in fear? Carry a pistol.

You are not speaking from 'the male point of view' you are speaking from your own. I can fully understand why women would not report sexual assaults. You are right that the more rapes that get reported and rapists convicted would have a greater impact in reducing rape. Awareness of rape culture, and talk of it can help reduce rape too. This may also help make the reporting of rape less a stigma. Rape does not just happen to, or just effect females.

 

[Vendor-Lazarus]

I'm reading through this thread and seeing a bit of a pattern.
Now, I don't want to step on anyone's toes or downplay anyone's feelings, I just know that I can word things very clumsily sometimes.

What I'm seeing is that women is becoming much better at reporting such instances and not be shamed for it, which is great.
Men tend to make excuses because of situations however and that "it really doesn't bother them".
They must be stoic and shrug of any such assaults and advances.
So to me the poll would be very skewed even before taking in the small sample available on the Escapist.

There should be a drive that no sexual assault is permissible and that there is no pride to be had shrugging it of or shame in not wanting to be touched inappropriately.
People in real life should not to seen as property or objects. period.

I didn't see any females in the thread that said they reported and were not shamed. I'm sorry if I overlooked that, but could you please direct me to where any said that?

Chalk that up to my clumsy wording, it should have said "more willing to come forward than men"..no, that's not right either.
They have a preponderance of coming out with it in regards to the dark numbers..I think that is more inline with what I'm saying.
More women are assaulted than men. More of them come out with it then men.
More men are assaulted than reported, but not..eh..I give up.

Anyways, I apologize not being able to put my words in a more coherent response.

 

[Rellik San]

I think it's just a human thing. Unless in some crazy fantasy world every person on the planet suddenly became magically, zen-like enlightened, realised how stupid it is and that there is no point or reason to any of it and spent the rest of their days being kind to each other violence is always going to be around, both sexual and otherwise as long as people are people and can't keep a leash on their minds and bodies.

I know what you mean though. There's not a lot of ways you can take the 'glory' out of violence or the domination of others, unless the aggressors in fights are publically shamed and strung-up on the edge of town like in Victorian times.


Anyway..

I think I've found a way too but it requires being tough, not in the machismo "ggggr aren't I big" kind of tough, it requires being able to take some degree of physical punishment.

And that is to not react to violence. Get punched, don't even flinch just stand there and stare at them. Get a glass thrown at you, cover your face but don't lunge for them, if you don't react, they realise their violence and aggression has no power to intimidate you or hurt you. It worries them if you don't react, they panic and they bolt, because if they haven't hurt you with a sucker punch, they realise no matter what they do, they won't do damage to you, so you can probably do damage to them (I can't I can't fight for toffee) but it's all about the illusion.

 

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

The sad thing is these things don't just happen to one person. This happens to MANY women and girls here. My sister was raped, my best friend was raped ( By different guys) Many of my friends growing up can all tell you the same things. Different things, different times, same story though. I really don't think many realize what is really happening here.. ALL of those rapes I mentioned occurred in the wealthiest per sq ft in the state of Texas. This is a low crime area...

So where is the law enforcement in all of this? Isn't Texas a state where firearms are legal? Surely the latter would keep crime the police cannot contain in some form of control? Just seems crazy to me that a US state, where firearms are legal, have all these attacks. If such a thing happened just south of that border, there'd be a lynch mob out for blood.

LAWL enforcement..
This one was actually them throwing the rookies under the bus when that sheriff was the actual problem here, and the sex for drugs was the least of the concerns because of the girls who said they were raped suddenly got shipped off to hunt county ( where sumorows family ran the show there too):
https://www.prisonlegalnews.org/news/2000/aug/15/rockwall-tx-jailers-indicted-in-sex-for-contraband-case/
Be sure to remember that DA Sumrow when you read this next one..
http://www.dallasnews.com/news/community-news/dallas/headlines/20100309-Ex-Rockwall-district-attorney-Ray-Sumrow-5065.ece
Thing was this too was a slap to get out of the other charges people were demanding he be charged with. Him protecting his dirty cop friends, and guess where sumrows case was as well? HUNT county! of course... LOL
Then we had sheriffs who sold drugs, whipped 15 year olds, more sex.. yea wouldn't you want to turn to these guys if you were a scared girl who had been raped?
Just read all of this one..
http://www.topix.com/forum/city/rockwall-tx/TQKJFDJ6761VQ2VFC
"We had two County Sheriffs go to federal prison in the past, one for drug dealing along with deputy James David Knight, and receiving
kickbacks from bail bonds and another for bull-whipping a fifteen year old during questioning. The Sherriff's Office previously had problems with the prison guards having sex with the inmates.."
Our school cop was sleeping with my 14 year friend and smoking pot with her.


LOL our Law enforcement..

Spoiler: I Knew I would forget something

..Forgot to mention this one. When I was 15 and waiting tables at the local pizzaria, the sheriff came in and grabbed my waist, tried to pull me onto his lap, slapped my ass and made me cry in front of all of my tables because he wouldn't stop. AT the time, my tables happened to be a soccer team and the soccer moms were outraged and my employer helped me file a protective order that he could not come into the restaurant or approach me at my residence, and due to the evidence from the security cameras from my job and the moms that were present when this happened, he did not fight the order. And the only thing we did about it was get a court order that he had to stay away from me. THE ONLY reason that was reported was because the soccer moms would not let it go.