Poll: Sexual Assault

[Anja Bech]

The worst unwanted aggression I've faced was this one time where I was at an old bar in my hometown. I was barely tipsy and I stood at the jukebox picking out a song, when this 40+ year old man was just suddenly there... and then he kissed me. Not a light peck or anything, but a disgusting though thankfully brief, full kiss. I was just so shocked that I couldn't react as he walked away.

I was once dancing with a woman that I had only just met when she grabbed the back of my neck and full on smoothed me. I awkwardly shimmied away after that. The difference between these two was that she was slightly shorter than me and physically posed no threat to me, while he was both taller, broader and likely much stronger than me. Had he chosen to, he could have easily hurt me. Sure, she could have hurt me as well, but there is a great difference between fighting off a 5'3 woman and a 6' man.

As a kid, age 8-9, a group of boys from my grade tied me to a tree and left me there, but I think it has less to do with my gender and more to do with the fact that I was bully victim number 2.

I've had guys grab my arm, shoulder or clothes to drag me closer to them, even though we were strangers. That can be incredibly intimidating, even if it doesn't seem like an assault. I've been groped countless times as well. When you're out in town, your ass is apparently free for all. I think I have the same problem as 8bitOwl - not attractive or ugly enough to scare people off.

I haven't been sexually assaulted, but I know three women who have, all of them before turning 18. Or rather, three of the women I know have told me they've been assaulted, I don't know if they are the only ones.

I'm really fucking offended when people tell me to modify my behavior/speech/how I dress/where I do, tell me to carry a weapon/take self defense classes, or to carry a personal alarm on my person at all times to avoid being raped. It's not my responsibility to avoid being raped; it's the rapist's responsibility not to rape. Just because I refuse to give up my freedom of movement or modify my behavior, it doesn't mean I'm inviting rape. I will not villify men. I will not work under the assumption that all men are out to hurt or rape me, which, if you look closely, is what most victim blamers are essentially asking of me in order for me to have 'secured my safety' enough that if I'm raped I'm deserving of sympathy. Anyone who disagrees really needs to take a long hard look at themselves and ask themselves why they are telling women to restrict themselves, to restrict their freedom in anticipation of someone else's acts. Sorry if the last bit comes off a little angry or preachy, I'm just so sick of the "well, if s/he'd only... s/he wouldn't have been raped." kind of argument, when it should be "well if s/he hadn't raped, the rape wouldn't have happened."

 

[Twintix]

A guy in my class grabbed my inner thigh when I was in 6th grade. He did it as some sort of "prank", I guess, so I didn't really feel threatened. Just irritated.

Recently, on a trip to the States, some random guy slapped my breast when he walked past me. He totally did it on purpose, too, as he deliberately held out his hand and then shot me a smug smile when he jumped into his car. It was the middle of the night and I had just arrived with my mom, so I was extremely sleep-deprived and didn't want to make a scene, but if I hadn't been I probably would've done something. But the main reason I felt uncomfortable was because the streets creeped me out with the somewhat hostile atmosphere and smell of urine.

The time I really felt a bit threatened, though, was when I was in 7th grade. This guy in the class above me, who also knew my brother, would sometimes make some obscene suggestions to me. Things like asking me to have a threesome in the bathroom and asking "How many dicks have you sucked at the same time?". Other times, he tried to grope me when I was by my locker. While I don't think he was serious about it and did it just to mess with me (I'm far, far from good-looking), it did make me feel extremely uncomfortable. He was part of the reason I haven't worn a skirt or dress for over 7 years.

 

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

I didn't see any females in the thread that said they reported and were not shamed. I'm sorry if I overlooked that, but could you please direct me to where any said that?

Chalk that up to my clumsy wording, it should have said "more willing to come forward than men"..no, that's not right either.
They have a preponderance of coming out with it in regards to the dark numbers..I think that is more inline with what I'm saying.
More women are assaulted than men. More of them come out with it then men.
More men are assaulted than reported, but not..eh..I give up.

Anyways, I apologize not being able to put my words in a more coherent response.

LOL it is okay, I understand what you are trying to say. It was my confusion at first. More men are attacked I think for the purpose of fighting, and more women are attacked for the purpose of sexual advances.

Sort of, if you only look at it from what men do to men/women.
Women are also Sexually assaulting men (and women?) but the amount of unreported assaults in that regard is very huge.

I'll just reiterate my last sentence in my original post:
"There should be a drive that no sexual assault is permissible and that there is no pride to be had shrugging it of or shame in not wanting to be touched inappropriately.
People in real life should not to seen as property or objects. period."

" According to the U.S. Bureau of Justice Statistics, female on male rape accounted for 0.2% of all known and convicted rapes in the United States."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape_by_gender
Yes, even with it being under reported in regards to women raping men, we also have to put this in perspective. We are talking about less than 1% of all rapes. The reason why most people discuss men raping both men and women is how much more it actually happens regardless of reporting.

I completely agree that no one should be shamed for what happens to them.

 

[Smooth Operator]

Well it all depends how far you want to lower that bar.
I have had strangers at clubs stick their hands down my pants and other places where they didn't belong, also try to stick my hand down their pants and other places. Ambush kissing, licking, dry humping, hair smelling, hugging, dragging me around, climbing into my bed, ...
Two ladies even followed me into my stall once, they felt like they could just get a free peep show, possibly more.

I could chalk all those up to assault, but realistically they were just weird/drunken flirting attempts and all the women involved understood shit needs to stop at my request.

 

[Vendor-Lazarus]

I didn't see any females in the thread that said they reported and were not shamed. I'm sorry if I overlooked that, but could you please direct me to where any said that?

Chalk that up to my clumsy wording, it should have said "more willing to come forward than men"..no, that's not right either.
They have a preponderance of coming out with it in regards to the dark numbers..I think that is more inline with what I'm saying.
More women are assaulted than men. More of them come out with it then men.
More men are assaulted than reported, but not..eh..I give up.

Anyways, I apologize not being able to put my words in a more coherent response.

LOL it is okay, I understand what you are trying to say. It was my confusion at first. More men are attacked I think for the purpose of fighting, and more women are attacked for the purpose of sexual advances.

Sort of, if you only look at it from what men do to men/women.
Women are also Sexually assaulting men (and women?) but the amount of unreported assaults in that regard is very huge.

I'll just reiterate my last sentence in my original post:
"There should be a drive that no sexual assault is permissible and that there is no pride to be had shrugging it of or shame in not wanting to be touched inappropriately.
People in real life should not to seen as property or objects. period."

" According to the U.S. Bureau of Justice Statistics, female on male rape accounted for 0.2% of all known and convicted rapes in the United States."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape_by_gender
Yes, even with it being under reported in regards to women raping men, we also have to put this in perspective. We are talking about less than 1% of all rapes. The reason why most people discuss men raping both men and women is how much more it actually happens regardless of reporting.

I completely agree that no one should be shamed for what happens to them.

Ah, I thought we were talking about sexual assaults in general and not full on rape.

At least we can agree that there are things happening that shouldn't and that no one deserves shame for something out of their control. ^^

 

[verdant monkai]

I think everyone has at some stage. I'm a guy and I've felt threatened at concerts and stuff when scumbags get drunk and start trying to provoke other guys to fight them. They don't start on any of the girls though. Basically when some piece of trash gets drunk and thinks he's Mohammed Ali, and looks for another guy to fight. Thats when I start wishing I was somewhere else.

I've never felt threatened by a woman because I'm a man, I've had some women get angry and sexist on me but I was never afraid they would try something.

 

[Greg White]

I stand 6'2" and 230, so I can't say I've ever felt threatened in that way. Have feared for my sisters a few times, but that's about it.

Ah, I thought we were talking about sexual assaults in general and not full on rape.

At least we can agree that there are things happening that shouldn't and that no one deserves shame for something out of their control. ^^

Full on rape has a fairly clear definition(involving penetration or sodomy), but what constitutes sexual assault can vary. The military defines it as any unwanted contact of a sexual nature, which includes any contact in the 'no fly' zones(breast, buttocks, inner thigh, and groin) and any other contact that can be proven to be in a sexual nature(one guy got convicted of this for rubbing someone's arm because they proved he was into that sort of thing), but other places may have other definitions.

 

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

The worst unwanted aggression I've faced was this one time where I was at an old bar in my hometown. I was barely tipsy and I stood at the jukebox picking out a song, when this 40+ year old man was just suddenly there... and then he kissed me. Not a light peck or anything, but a disgusting though thankfully brief, full kiss. I was just so shocked that I couldn't react as he walked away.

I was once dancing with a woman that I had only just met when she grabbed the back of my neck and full on smoothed me. I awkwardly shimmied away after that. The difference between these two was that she was slightly shorter than me and physically posed no threat to me, while he was both taller, broader and likely much stronger than me. Had he chosen to, he could have easily hurt me. Sure, she could have hurt me as well, but there is a great difference between fighting off a 5'3 woman and a 6' man.

As a kid, age 8-9, a group of boys from my grade tied me to a tree and left me there, but I think it has less to do with my gender and more to do with the fact that I was bully victim number 2.

I've had guys grab my arm, shoulder or clothes to drag me closer to them, even though we were strangers. That can be incredibly intimidating, even if it doesn't seem like an assault. I've been groped countless times as well. When you're out in town, your ass is apparently free for all. I think I have the same problem as 8bitOwl - not attractive or ugly enough to scare people off.

I haven't been sexually assaulted, but I know three women who have, all of them before turning 18. Or rather, three of the women I know have told me they've been assaulted, I don't know if they are the only ones.

I'm really fucking offended when people tell me to modify my behavior/speech/how I dress/where I do, tell me to carry a weapon/take self defense classes, or to carry a personal alarm on my person at all times to avoid being raped. It's not my responsibility to avoid being raped; it's the rapist's responsibility not to rape. Just because I refuse to give up my freedom of movement or modify my behavior, it doesn't mean I'm inviting rape. I will not villify men. I will not work under the assumption that all men are out to hurt or rape me, which, if you look closely, is what most victim blamers are essentially asking of me in order for me to have 'secured my safety' enough that if I'm raped I'm deserving of sympathy. Anyone who disagrees really needs to take a long hard look at themselves and ask themselves why they are telling women to restrict themselves, to restrict their freedom in anticipation of someone else's acts. Sorry if the last bit comes off a little angry or preachy, I'm just so sick of the "well, if s/he'd only... s/he wouldn't have been raped." kind of argument, when it should be "well if s/he hadn't raped, the rape wouldn't have happened."

I am not sure I understand this " attractive" thing scaring off men.. I have had quite a bit of " not scaring off men" and I actually modeled in high school and college. I think it might be a false idea that " attractive women" are intimidating. Maybe it intimidates actual nice guys, but not the creeps. I am not sure what would intimidate the creeps tbh.

 

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

The 1/5 statistic is actually false and based on shoddy research methods. Real number is probably something from 1/10 to 1/7, not that it's necessarily much better but that's not even including a high prevalence of false reports. Including sexual violence, men are actually by far more likely to be the victims of violent crime in general than women, and I'd rather have my ass grabbed than punched in the face. Cherrypicking sexual violence is a propaganda tactic to arouse white knights and male protective instinct to the side of women. The majority of violence in society is committed against men, and no, I don't give a shit that your friend got catcalled or groped at a party because I've had to deal with false charges levelled out of spite and the system gives women the benefit of the doubt 95% of the time at least. It's a problem that a woman can say three words and get a man arrested with no proof, when our justice system is founded on the principle that it's better to let 100 criminals walk free than wrongly convict one innocent man.

I disagree, I would think the stat to be low balled and is probably much higher. Most girls I know that are raped DO NOT REPORT IT, we just try to help each other along as best we can as it is FAR WORSE to report it than to not report it. You have to be willing to ruin your life, move, give up many things you enjoy and most are not willing to let one rapist take that from them just to report them. You make a choice, do you let the rapist take that moment from you and forget about it? Or do you let them ruin your life as well just for the possibility of him not even being convicted after a smear campaign against you? I do not know many willing at all to do the latter.

It is extremely hard to convict a rapist and honestly not worth it to try. Why do you think they do it in the first place?

" cherrypicking?" Women an girls fear rape because of what we live with, not from what the media has to say about it.

I suggest you go out and ask actual women and girls you know about this subject to just gage how it has affected the women where you live and to gain a better understanding of the subject.

I see many people here talking about their own personal experiences, not spouting off propaganda.. except for you right there. We can talk about the media this and that all day long, that doesn't change what is actually happening to us.

If you care about fighting rape, actually fight it instead of the idiotic doublethink of refusing to admit it happens while trying to call awareness to it. Join the police or become a detective, or even just carry a Glock in your purse. From the male point of view it's honestly hard to understand why you wouldn't report and try to fight your victimizer even when we recognize cognitively the ideas of shame and guilt, etc. It makes the event seem more trivial to us than less. And if rape is the lived reality of women, violence is the lived reality of men. We're not whining about it and we shouldn't be. Neither you or the media should be complaining about rape as much as you do. Refusing to report to the authorities and then being louder than the victims of any other crime on media platforms comes off as disingenuous to the male mind. Rape was actually taken more seriously when it wasn't being played as the victim card all the time, when women didn't publically cry wolf over sex-regret.

Don't want to live in fear? Carry a pistol.

Excuse me while I do not condone your advice of women being forced into careers not of their choosing to become crime fighters and building their life around the fact that rapist exist because you think it should be their duty as women to fight rape instead of addressing it as the social issue it is.

It is bad enough that rapist force themselves on us, but then they should also determine the course of our lives our careers? We have better things to do " than be rape victims" because once you report a rape and you are slut shamed into oblivion in court and in your community, that is all you will ever be known for there.

You are " that girl that got raped" or " that girl who said she was raped" Or " that slut who had sex and cried rape!" YOU are no longer you, all of your accomplishments, goals and dreams are gone,a s none of that matters now. Remember that time you were in the paper for winning those awards? Who cares about that because "you are just that girl who was raped". Man That cute guy you liked was going to ask you to the dance, but he really doesn't want to go with that " rape girl" she is damaged goods now, his friends would just make fun of him for being with rape girl. Might as well go kill yourself because that is what that rapists friends told you to do. The reality of what happens when you report a rape is not something anyone should take lightly.

Just hope that the guy didn't impregnate you or give you a disease, and that you have friends to help you through. That is the reality of it. Of course victims of rape shouldn't complain about it as much as they do, people shouldn't be raping them in the first place. When we have less rapes happening you will hear less people complaining. The thing is if you are mugged, you can report that because people do not slut shame you for being mugged, the problem with rape is what happens when people find out you have been raped.

I was a child when I was raped by a man I had never spoken to, I was supposed to carry a pistol? Not even every woman can carry a gun where they live, nor should anyone carry a gun that does not know how to use it VERY well. I own a glock 40, I sure as hell would not want every one I know to carry one, they would hurt someone as they do not have the ability to shoot as well as I do. The way I have seen some of my friends shoot I worry about them shooting even at targets in a controlled environment they are so bad. That is terribly misguided advice you gave there.

When you're a child it's your parent's duty to protect you. And your mindset is typical; No one's forcing you into a career path but there are ways to fight rape, and if it's something you care about I'm telling you that that's how you do it. You don't like how men handle rape? Tell that to the lawyers and detective working their asses on in good faith. Choosing a different career is saying that there's something that you care more about. Rape is not a social issue. It's a human issue that's been going on since day one of our existence as a species and will be going on until the sun sets for good on it.

"People shouldn't be raping in the first place". Of course not, that's blatantly obvious and has been the message of every society with a moral code since ancient Sumeria. We don't live in a utopia and never will, the world is unfair and it's naive to think that we can eliminate that through some bland moral platitude and "awareness". We decrease the incidence of it through practical action. By the actions of people who work to prevent and prosecute it. Violence is the gold standard that stabilizes society. Your message is "You can get away with rape because we'll be too ashamed to tell and the legal system can't do anything anyway, we're weak women who can't handle firearms to defend ourselves". Mine is "If most women were packing heat, rapists would think twice about attacking people". Sadly, rape is easier to prevent than prosecute and unfortunately the burden falls on citizens for prevention a lot of the time. Chances are you look both ways before you cross the road because the road is dangerous and can hurt you, but is that a victim-blaming mindset to tell you to do that? No, it's common fucking sense to protect yourself.

Great advice you give there! I should have given up my choice to get degrees in Pediatric Medicine and Immunology and go fight crime! Taking care of those rapist is my duty as a rape victim and responsibility and far more important than trying to save lives!

It is a social issue, as different cultures have far less rape within that culture than others. It is not just " expected" that people will go around raping other people. It is how that culture decides to address rape that determines it's prevalence in that culture. I strongly disagree that violence stabilizes anything, it destabilizes and should never be condoned.

My friends who can't handle firearms, as I was discussing in my post above were male, not female and they cannot hit the broad side of a barn. That is a terribly ignorant and narrow minded view as being able to handle firearms is not a male/ female issue, there are both males and females that should not handle firearms because they are not very good at it, and I would rather we only have those that are extremely good, not even " good" handling them in public as there is far too much room for error as we have seen even by police officers accidentally shooting bystanders as it is. You want to arm every man woman and child to prevent rape? Seriously?

The best way to prevent rape is for society as a whole to take a stand against it, so we do not have courts and communities slut shaming 11 year girls who have been gang raped by 20 males, So that we do not have young girls raped at school, and we do not have people taking their own lives dealing with the pain of these things being inflicted upon them against their will.

Your parents are not always there to protect you, when you get potty trained you get to use the bathroom by yourself! Your parents are not with you walking to school or on the bus ride home. Your parents are not with you when you are at school. Your parents are not with you every second of your life and you do not always have someone right there to protect you. The idea that anyone should be that afraid, says there is something very wrong in that society that needs to be addressed.

 

[Boris Goodenough]

Great advice you give there! I should have given up my choice to get degrees in Pediatric Medicine and Immunology and go fight crime! Taking care of those rapist is my duty as a rape victim and responsibility and far more important than trying to save lives!

It is a social issue, as different cultures have far less rape within that culture than others. It is not just " expected" that people will go around raping other people. It is how that culture decides to address rape that determines it's prevalence in that culture. I strongly disagree that violence stabilizes anything, it destabilizes and should never be condoned.

My friends who can't handle firearms, as I was discussing in my post above were male, not female and they cannot hit the broad side of a barn. That is a terribly ignorant and narrow minded view as being able to handle firearms is not a male/ female issue, there are both males and females that should not handle firearms because they are not very good at it, and I would rather we only have those that are extremely good, not even " good" handling them in public as there is far too much room for error as we have seen even by police officers accidentally shooting bystanders as it is. You want to arm every man woman and child to prevent rape? Seriously?

The best way to prevent rape is for society as a whole to take a stand against it, so we do not have courts and communities slut shaming 11 year girls who have been gang raped by 20 males, So that we do not have young girls raped at school, and we do not have people taking their own lives dealing with the pain of these things being inflicted upon them against their will.

Your parents are not always there to protect you, when you get potty trained you get to use the bathroom by yourself! Your parents are not with you walking to school or on the bus ride home. Your parents are not with you when you are at school. Your parents are not with you every second of your life and you do not always have someone right there to protect you. The idea that anyone should be that afraid, says there is something very wrong in that society that needs to be addressed.

What do you think lays the foundation for rape culture? The rate of rape you have described in your society is so alien to me, even having talked with loads of girls/women about this stuff here.

 

[Megalodon]

" According to the U.S. Bureau of Justice Statistics, female on male rape accounted for 0.2% of all known and convicted rapes in the United States."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape_by_gender
Yes, even with it being under reported in regards to women raping men, we also have to put this in perspective. We are talking about less than 1% of all rapes.

Is that really surprising though? That only means that a competitively small percentage of men are being forcibly penetrated by women. The US doesn't define being made to penetrate as rape, therefore any/all instances of that are by definition, excluded form the rape statistics. For example, in the (admittedly flawed) 2010 CDC study, when 'made to penetrate' is included, rates of nonconsensual sexual contact were very close to 50/50 (women accounting for 50.8%, men for 49.2%)

 

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

Great advice you give there! I should have given up my choice to get degrees in Pediatric Medicine and Immunology and go fight crime! Taking care of those rapist is my duty as a rape victim and responsibility and far more important than trying to save lives!

It is a social issue, as different cultures have far less rape within that culture than others. It is not just " expected" that people will go around raping other people. It is how that culture decides to address rape that determines it's prevalence in that culture. I strongly disagree that violence stabilizes anything, it destabilizes and should never be condoned.

My friends who can't handle firearms, as I was discussing in my post above were male, not female and they cannot hit the broad side of a barn. That is a terribly ignorant and narrow minded view as being able to handle firearms is not a male/ female issue, there are both males and females that should not handle firearms because they are not very good at it, and I would rather we only have those that are extremely good, not even " good" handling them in public as there is far too much room for error as we have seen even by police officers accidentally shooting bystanders as it is. You want to arm every man woman and child to prevent rape? Seriously?

The best way to prevent rape is for society as a whole to take a stand against it, so we do not have courts and communities slut shaming 11 year girls who have been gang raped by 20 males, So that we do not have young girls raped at school, and we do not have people taking their own lives dealing with the pain of these things being inflicted upon them against their will.

Your parents are not always there to protect you, when you get potty trained you get to use the bathroom by yourself! Your parents are not with you walking to school or on the bus ride home. Your parents are not with you when you are at school. Your parents are not with you every second of your life and you do not always have someone right there to protect you. The idea that anyone should be that afraid, says there is something very wrong in that society that needs to be addressed.

What do you think lays the foundation for rape culture? The rate of rape you have described in your society is so alien to me, even having talked with loads of girls/women about this stuff here.

I think it starts with the foundations of the culture and what that society holds to be superior. In cultures where the warrior is of elevated social status, where war, violence and dominance are rewarded and exalted this is far more prevalent than in cultures where the warrior is condemned, and violence and dominance are instead shunned and seen as disgusting, repulsive behaviors.

 

[Fox12]

The 1/5 statistic is actually false and based on shoddy research methods. Real number is probably something from 1/10 to 1/7, not that it's necessarily much better but that's not even including a high prevalence of false reports. Including sexual violence, men are actually by far more likely to be the victims of violent crime in general than women, and I'd rather have my ass grabbed than punched in the face. Cherrypicking sexual violence is a propaganda tactic to arouse white knights and male protective instinct to the side of women. The majority of violence in society is committed against men, and no, I don't give a shit that your friend got catcalled or groped at a party because I've had to deal with false charges levelled out of spite and the system gives women the benefit of the doubt 95% of the time at least. It's a problem that a woman can say three words and get a man arrested with no proof, when our justice system is founded on the principle that it's better to let 100 criminals walk free than wrongly convict one innocent man.

I disagree, I would think the stat to be low balled and is probably much higher. Most girls I know that are raped DO NOT REPORT IT, we just try to help each other along as best we can as it is FAR WORSE to report it than to not report it. You have to be willing to ruin your life, move, give up many things you enjoy and most are not willing to let one rapist take that from them just to report them. You make a choice, do you let the rapist take that moment from you and forget about it? Or do you let them ruin your life as well just for the possibility of him not even being convicted after a smear campaign against you? I do not know many willing at all to do the latter.

It is extremely hard to convict a rapist and honestly not worth it to try. Why do you think they do it in the first place?

" cherrypicking?" Women an girls fear rape because of what we live with, not from what the media has to say about it.

I suggest you go out and ask actual women and girls you know about this subject to just gage how it has affected the women where you live and to gain a better understanding of the subject.

I see many people here talking about their own personal experiences, not spouting off propaganda.. except for you right there. We can talk about the media this and that all day long, that doesn't change what is actually happening to us.

If you care about fighting rape, actually fight it instead of the idiotic doublethink of refusing to admit it happens while trying to call awareness to it. Join the police or become a detective, or even just carry a Glock in your purse. From the male point of view it's honestly hard to understand why you wouldn't report and try to fight your victimizer even when we recognize cognitively the ideas of shame and guilt, etc. It makes the event seem more trivial to us than less. And if rape is the lived reality of women, violence is the lived reality of men. We're not whining about it and we shouldn't be. Neither you or the media should be complaining about rape as much as you do. Refusing to report to the authorities and then being louder than the victims of any other crime on media platforms comes off as disingenuous to the male mind. Rape was actually taken more seriously when it wasn't being played as the victim card all the time, when women didn't publically cry wolf over sex-regret.

Don't want to live in fear? Carry a pistol.

What you've essentialy done is blame the victim. Most women don't report this issue at all. My friend DID try to fight it, and she suffered for it. There was a massive smear campaign against her, as her rapist was a popular athlete with perfect grades, and was class president. His friends, in particular, called her a liar, and she was labelled a slut by the student body. On top of that she suffered from flashbacks and night terrors. Her parents didn't know at first, and couldn't figure out what was wrong with her. When the school found out they took her into a room and told her that, if she went public, they would make sure no college would accept her. This was bull, of course, but for a lonely 16 year old dealing with PTSD it's frightening. She eventually dropped the whole deal because of intimidation. Even if a girl reports the scandal, it's a Pyrrhic victory at best, because she's going to have to deal with the defense questioning her moral character in terms of sexuality and honesty. Many are scared to let their families know as well. They're either treated like a victim or a slut, and no one wants that. And as for men not understanding? I have to disagree. Male rape victims may be even LESS likely to reveal what happened, because they feel that it destroys their masculinity, as well as making them a victim I'm the eyes of others.

The fact is that women shouldn't have to carry a glock to feel protected, especially in a country where gun ownership is increasingly controversial, and use of a gun, even in self defense, can lead to years of civil proceedings. I would always urge a victim to inform the authorities, but I can understand why they wouldn't. They just want the world to return to normal, both men and women.

Also, lets keep this civil, as I can already see this potentially getting too heated.

 

[Verlander]

Yes. Violence is far more often directed towards men (by both men and women) in public, especially when alcohol is involved. Had I been a woman in the same situations, I would have far more likely walked away from these situations. Similarly, where it's commonly known that groping a woman is a very bad idea (prepare for violence if you do), groping men is fairly common by drunk women, and complaining about it ends in ridicule by other men, and often violence from the women you reject.

These experiences do not change the fact that women have to put up with far too much abuse though. Humans as a species are abusive.

 

[Rahkshi500]

Yes. One time someone threatened to call the police on me due to assumptions that I was some kind of predator or had ulterior motives for helping out some people before, even though there was no context of any kind that warranted it. Likewise, some of my female co-workers at my job have been reported of either being stalked before or faced physical or emotional abuse. The best I could've done was offer any kind of support or comfort for them, though I sometimes wish that I could've done more.

 

[sageoftruth]

Nah. When you're 6' 4" the world around you tends to look a lot less scary. There were times when I've felt endangered, but I've never felt like I couldn't defend myself against the dangers out there.

 

[JoJo]

If we're going strictly by the letter of the law, I've been sexually assaulted several times in clubs by women attempting to grope me or in one case thrusting my face into her breasts without any sort of warning or attempt to gain consent. I didn't feel threatened or assaulted though, I just either gently pushed them away with a 'no thanks' or went along with it, depending on how on how I felt. I can see why other people might feel differently though, being a man I'm not scared of a woman dragging me away if I say no or anything.

 

[razer17]

I have been sexually harrased or assaulted twice from what I remember, as a male. One was just a creepy older dude staring at me at a urinal, and then going into a cubicle once I was finished. That was weird.

Second time this lady came up to me in a pub and starting putting her hands on my legs and stuff. She was old enough to be my mum, and a bit mental. She eventually buggered off and we laughed about it, but I reckon if that had been a man hitting on a girl like that it would have been very different end results.

 

[CrystalShadow]

I don't go out much these days as a whole.

But I find people honking their car horns at me a lot.
And I've been followed around by creepy guys, gone through what can sort of be called 'date rape' - (not strictly speaking someone I ever went on a date with, but it fits that description better than anything else), groped, forcibly kissed, hugged by some random person (who wouldn't let go)

Being followed home by someone was probably the worst, overall... (Which might surprise you considering the whole rape thing).

Mainly because having someone who follows you around wherever you go, even after you've tried to make it clear to them you don't like it, is not particularly someone you want knowing where you live...

And then there's the stories my mother has, which... Are really pretty disturbing...

 

[Neurotic Void Melody]

This is something i believe necessary to discuss. A couple of close members of family have suffered these experiences...as far as they would admit. Who knows what else other members i dont speak to much, have experienced. Plus whether im told everything or not. However i did use to hang with some manipulative predatory males when young and stupid and boy, it really fckin disgusts me how they are so willing to deceive to get what they want. Also i grew up with bad male impressions around in general, so you could say im cautious around my own gender at least. It seems that all it takes is just that one thing that makes us care and empathise for others, to be overshadowed by the lustfull selfish side. Its a problem whether you admit it or not.