Poll: Sleeping around

[holy_secret]

Hey everyone!

I have a question. Well. Let me tell you a little story instead.

You get to know someone, hang around and have a good time. After going home to this person, you end up having sweet sweet sex. Afterwards, it just feels good.
Time passes and you keep meeting, having a good time and having sex. There are absolutely no strings attached. No expectations, no responsability. Just easy and uncomplicated times with a very interesting person. It really is like having a friend and having sex with said friend.

So! You go at this ffriends birthday party. You hang around, get to know a bunch of strangers. And then you see someone. A very beautiful person who makes your heart beat just a little bit faster. You want this person. You want to do anything with this person.
You talk with this person most of your time at the party. In the end, when you decide to go home, the heart-beat person leaves with you. The person asks you if you'd like to go to its home and watch a movie (we all know what this means). You say that you already have plans with your friends, that you'll give the person your number and that you can hang out together another time.

So...the question!
Is it okay to have sex with my ffriend's friend? Has something like this ever happened to you? Tell me

 

[BlueberryMUNCH]

Well of course it is...?
The best part of a friend with benefits is that you can be with other people at the same time, right?
In the...say, arrangement, I'm in at the moment, we're completely open. She can do what she wants, I can do what I want.

So...yeah, it's absolutely okay, in my eyes:].

 

[SL33TBL1ND]

If you're just having sex with the first friend, sure.

 

[Togs]

Meh whilst Id never be in this situation in the 1st place Im kinda of the opinion that no strings attached sex is a myth- an emotional connection will eventually develop. I guess Id talk to the fuck buddy about it 1st, cutting it off explicitly before pursuing the new girl.

 

[Zantos]

If you both know it's just for sex and don't really think anything's happening other than that then go for it!

 

[LooK iTz Jinjo]

You say there are no strings attached and it is purely physical. If that is the case then sure it's fine. But this is the situation where you will find out if that really is true, if she does have any underlying emotions, this is when they will come out. But hey it's no strings attached? Go for it.

 

[Trivun]

Ehhhhhhhh, it's a bit iffy. I'm inclined to say yes, it's perfectly fine, however I can't deny that in a 'friends-with-benefits' situation at least one will always end up having feelings for the other. Okay, maybe not in every case, but I've seen several of my friends be in 'friends-with-benefits' deals and then they've further down the line become proper exclusive couples - including a pair of my former flatmates, who are still seeing each other, three years down the line - and it's a proper relationship, they have a shared bank account and are living together and everything.

I guess if we discount the chances that either party in the arrangement has feelings for the other beyond sex, then yes, it's fine to do what the OP suggests. But either way, just because of that possibility, you do need to know where everyone stands and tread carefully just in case...

 

[holy_secret]

If you both know it's just for sex and don't really think anything's happening other than that then go for it!

The thing is that we're good friends as well. There are just no romantic feelings. A friend of mine started mentioning the bro code. I don't want this uncomplicated thing to turn into that annoying thing. You know when things go unsaid and feelings are surpressed and expectations are created. That's some scary shit.

But sex is so nice <3
I haven't gotten a phone call yet, so I still have time to consider this.

 

[Snork Maiden]

Ehhhhhhhh, it's a bit iffy. I'm inclined to say yes, it's perfectly fine, however I can't deny that in a 'friends-with-benefits' situation at least one will always end up having feelings for the other.

I've always thought that as long as both people understand what the boundaries are it should be fine. When I've been in a situation like this I've always known what I expect to get out of it, and I've always been very good at separating out feelings toward the other person and sex with the other person (if I need too) and so I've never worried I'd be spoiling a friendship.

But it occurs that I can never be totally sure that the other person can do the same. Is it therefore unfair of me to enter a sexual relationship with someone given that it could go wrong on their end? Even if I'm totally sure of how I'll be if we maintain a sexual relationship I can't be completely certain that they won't react differently no matter how much they reassure me. Is such a situation, therefore, totally selfish of me?

Note I'm not really worried about things here, more just thinking out loud.

 

[Neo10101]

Do it and who knows, maybe a threesome could occur?

 

[Fetzenfisch]

Thats the whole point behind it isn't it? If there would be a reason against it, it wouldn't work the way it should.

No expectations, no responsability

 

[Smooth Operator]

In theory yes, but I would still be asking the prime sex partner if it's cool, if it is then there is no biggy and if not you didn't mess up a good thing.

 

[Snork Maiden]

I've always considered 'fuck buddies' to be largely a myth. In an extremely high percentage of cases it's more than just friends, the participants just don't want to admit it. You kind of 'wander in' to a relationship; first it's sleeping together, then one time you stay round afterwards, then you do things together during the day and eventually you end up in a relationship.

Me and my partner have had a fuck buddy for about a year - he was straight so unless we were all together he was more her fuck buddy for when I wasn't around. We don't live anywhere near each other so the term "fuck buddy" isn't true anymore, but we remain really good friends - the relationship between me and the wife wasn't compromised, the relationship between us and him never grew into anything more than good friends.

If your friend with benefits turns into a relationship then it's probably because you didn't mind entering a relationship anyway - if you're friends with someone and are sleeping with someone, then it's true it effectively is a relationship of sorts, albeit perhaps one with different boundaries. If you're genuinely not looking for a long term partner then I don't think there is any reason at all the starting situation has to progress beyond what it is.

 

[AngloDoom]

If the person you're sleeping with right now isn't your partner, why not?

I mean, if you two were exclusive then that's a relationship.

 

[drummond13]

Somehow I doubt this is a dilemma most of the posters on these forums have to worry about.

I can't answer your question based on the extremely vague info you're giving. Whether it's okay or not completely relies on your relationship with the first person. I will say that there's absolutely no such thing as sex with a friend without any strings. You may not think so right now, but trust me on this.

 

[Snork Maiden]

EDIT: It's a situation that requires two people with very specific worldviews in an adult relationship to pull off, to be honest most users here aren't really adults so they'll not really be capable of it. It's a very specific set of circumstances that let it work.

This really is true.

To be fair it probably only worked for me because I'm with a girl who shares a very specific worldview (so our relationship isn't ending anytime soon), and if we ever get someone else involved it should be absolutely clear the boundaries, because both of us are taken - the friend I mentioned above would absolutely never dream of breaking us up, so I don't think he'd ever *let* himself fall for her.

And yeah, if I hadn't already found my perfect soulmate, I really aren't sure if I wouldn't fall for anyone I had this kind of relationship with. I do agree it's a totally dangerous game to play, I just wanted to say it's not an impossible one.

 

[Anjel]

I believe in honesty. If you're in a relationship and both parties agree for it to be an open relationship I see this as perfectly acceptable - even though people in their thousands would probably oppose me.

As for you, you aren't in a relationship at all, therefore it is perfectly acceptable for you to sleep with other people. It becomes more complicated when the different people you are sleeping with know each other - though it's definitely better that they know each other as friends than know each other as enemies, but you may want to make sure that they are both fine with it (this is the honesty part) so you don't end up destroying your friendship with your friend or their friendship with each other.

And cover it up boy.

 

[Sevre]

Sleeping around is fine but having continuous sex with one person i.e. a friend with benefits, leads to feelings developing between the two of you so it can get awkward. Once you pass a certain threshold, it's not really acceptable, it turns into cheating.

 

[EvilPicnic]

Yes it is - if it's true that there are no strings attached. If you both are being honest about this, then it's surely no different than sleeping the a friend of a friend.

If it were me, I would mention it to your friend first, though, just to check. No need to get into an unexpectedly awkward situation.

And if it does turn into something with this other person, then your sex-friend would obviously appreciate hearing about it, both from a gossipy point of view and also from a let's-get-STD-checked point of view too.

And if they're fine with it, what's the problem?

 

[blacon]

Ask yourself this question. Did you turn down the 'movie' out of morallity or did you do it because you really care about the ffriend?