Nope. I think polyamory relationships are more or less a lie. I just don't think that they can work and that anyone in one is lying to themselves. Humans are possessive, we don't share well with others, especially not lovers.
Poll: What is your view on a "polyamory" relationship?
- Thread starter ch0pstixZ
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Here's the thing I don't think you can be "in love" with more than one person at a time mostly because I'm one of those people who believes in "one true loves" and "soul mates". I do however think that you can be attracted to more than one person at a time and be in a serious relationship with more than one person at a time because everyone does it everyday. I don't believe in the term poly-amorous, most open relationship like that that I have observed tend to have more to do with lust than love so perhaps the term is miss-named?
I'm pretty much a 1 woman man, if that's what you're asking. Hell I'd sell my left nutsack right now just to have that 1 woman. Screw polygamy!
Polyamorous relationships don't seem long term to me. If you are in a X-Y1-Y2 (just make up the genders) relationship, will Y1 be okay moving if Y2 gets a perfect job halfway across the country? What if Y1 develops a terrible medical issue, would Y2 be okay with you spending all your time caring for Y1?
You can juggle two people really well in the short term, but I don't think anyone can serve two masters (or lovers) forever.
EDIT:
I realize that most of the poly relationships I've seen have been two people orbiting one main person, so that's what I based my opinion on. If three people are all truly in love with each other, then I don't see why it wouldn't work. They could really be one unit.
You can juggle two people really well in the short term, but I don't think anyone can serve two masters (or lovers) forever.
EDIT:
I realize that most of the poly relationships I've seen have been two people orbiting one main person, so that's what I based my opinion on. If three people are all truly in love with each other, then I don't see why it wouldn't work. They could really be one unit.
As an asexual but wanting a family some day, I can't help but wonder about this kind of thing. I mean, I don't want to be one of two wives or something, and as the mother of my hypothetical future husband's child, I'd want myself and our offspring to remain first priority, but I don't know if I could fulfill their needs on a sexual level, and I would hate to ask of them to eschew entirely their natural urges.
So, no, I'd never want to be in a relationship that was polyamorous on all levels, but I could live with my spouse having a fuck buddy with the three of us understanding and comfortable with the situation and each other.
So, no, I'd never want to be in a relationship that was polyamorous on all levels, but I could live with my spouse having a fuck buddy with the three of us understanding and comfortable with the situation and each other.
Left... nutsack...canadamus_prime said:
You have multiple scrotums? O_O
OT: No thanks. It just doesn't seem right.
Doesnt really float my boat, I fail enough with only one partner to please, however I have friends who are polygamous and it works great for them. As long as its consenting and not hurting anyone I don't really care what people do in their bedrooms.
Have tried it. Unsure if I'd be willing to try it again. I suppose it depends on the people involved.
There are upsides and downsides to all forms of relationships. I think why so many of them fail is people go into them with skewed expectations. They think that the feeling they get when they first start the relationship will last for the entire duration of the relationship, and when it doesn't (because it never, ever does, even if the person involved is perfect for you) they think something must have gone wrong.
There are upsides and downsides to all forms of relationships. I think why so many of them fail is people go into them with skewed expectations. They think that the feeling they get when they first start the relationship will last for the entire duration of the relationship, and when it doesn't (because it never, ever does, even if the person involved is perfect for you) they think something must have gone wrong.
Nope. I don't like sharing, and honestly, the whole thing is absurd to me. I don't understand why you would want more than one wife, husband, whatever, and the whole open-relationship deal doesn't appeal to me because I see that as more of a lust thing than a love thing.
Different strokes for different strokes, I guess.
If and when I get a guy, I ain't sharing.
Different strokes for different strokes, I guess.
If and when I get a guy, I ain't sharing.
I couldn't do it. I'm a monogamous guy, physically and emotionally; an open relationship, much less an actual polyamorous relationship, is something I could never do.
However, I have no problem if others want to do it, provided they're not trying to force me into a relationship of that kind. I see no reason to criticize them provided they're not hurting others/everything is consensual.
However, I have no problem if others want to do it, provided they're not trying to force me into a relationship of that kind. I see no reason to criticize them provided they're not hurting others/everything is consensual.
I am not for it.
From my experience, poly relationships have their issues. (To be fair, monogamous relationships have issues too, no one is claiming otherwise.)
From my experience, poly relationships have problems and temptations beyond 'normal'. Mind you, that observation doesn't have anything to do with the people involved, in an of themselves. However, the 'scene' usually associated with poly relationships has a lot of temptations which can cause problems which monogamous relationships have a greater resistance to.
To explain...the issue I've seen from poly relationships is that the assumed structure is much more open to abuse. Culturally and socially, in a monogamous relationship if one has relations with another, it's considered 'cheating' and (in theory) is Bad. However, in a poly relationship, it's much harder for others to know when someone is 'allowed' or not, which means it's far easier to conceal such activities.
In addition, in a poly relationship, boundaries can be (can be, not are- I have seen several very stable poly relationships) pushed too far without anyone realizing it. By the time those boundaries are broken, often it's impossible to go back.
In short, my main issue with poly relationships is that they have less resilience and lesser boundaries to keep members together, which can lead to more issues than in monogamous relationships and less stability.
From my experience, poly relationships have their issues. (To be fair, monogamous relationships have issues too, no one is claiming otherwise.)
From my experience, poly relationships have problems and temptations beyond 'normal'. Mind you, that observation doesn't have anything to do with the people involved, in an of themselves. However, the 'scene' usually associated with poly relationships has a lot of temptations which can cause problems which monogamous relationships have a greater resistance to.
To explain...the issue I've seen from poly relationships is that the assumed structure is much more open to abuse. Culturally and socially, in a monogamous relationship if one has relations with another, it's considered 'cheating' and (in theory) is Bad. However, in a poly relationship, it's much harder for others to know when someone is 'allowed' or not, which means it's far easier to conceal such activities.
In addition, in a poly relationship, boundaries can be (can be, not are- I have seen several very stable poly relationships) pushed too far without anyone realizing it. By the time those boundaries are broken, often it's impossible to go back.
In short, my main issue with poly relationships is that they have less resilience and lesser boundaries to keep members together, which can lead to more issues than in monogamous relationships and less stability.
Too much emotional balance to work out. Not for me, and given how many relationships I've seen fail for others among my age group and peers, it's probably rather unstable for the average person.
Polyamorous relationships are like any kind of relationship. As in they work if the people work and don't if the people don't work.
To the OP. You mention that a previous relationship started to go wrong because... "What I found with my last girlfriend is, the more time you spend next to a spouse, the more the little niggling facts that irritate you about them start to show."
Now, first, this happens to ALL romantic relationships. Every single one. Usually around the four year mark, which is when the infatuation stage of a relationship starts to fade. What it is not, is a signal that you are with the wrong partner, or that you need a new partner. As mentioned already, it happens to everyone. Its the sign that you have progressed to the point in your relationship where... well, to be perfectly frank, where you need to grow out of the kid stage as a couple and in to the adult stage as a couple.
There was actually an article about this exact thing in the February edition of Psychology Today, which I highly suggest you read. I won't go into any of the science details or psychology behind it, because, ya know, it's a forum. If anyone wants to ask I'll be glad to share though.
The bottom line is, polyamorous relationships can and in some cases should work. The same goes for monogamous relationships. It all depends on who you are, who your spouse(s) is/are, and what you are willing to put into a relationship etc.
Oh, and usually polyamorous relationships only work if everyone loves everyone. It isn't necessary, but it definitely helps to be bi.
To the OP. You mention that a previous relationship started to go wrong because... "What I found with my last girlfriend is, the more time you spend next to a spouse, the more the little niggling facts that irritate you about them start to show."
Now, first, this happens to ALL romantic relationships. Every single one. Usually around the four year mark, which is when the infatuation stage of a relationship starts to fade. What it is not, is a signal that you are with the wrong partner, or that you need a new partner. As mentioned already, it happens to everyone. Its the sign that you have progressed to the point in your relationship where... well, to be perfectly frank, where you need to grow out of the kid stage as a couple and in to the adult stage as a couple.
There was actually an article about this exact thing in the February edition of Psychology Today, which I highly suggest you read. I won't go into any of the science details or psychology behind it, because, ya know, it's a forum. If anyone wants to ask I'll be glad to share though.
The bottom line is, polyamorous relationships can and in some cases should work. The same goes for monogamous relationships. It all depends on who you are, who your spouse(s) is/are, and what you are willing to put into a relationship etc.
Oh, and usually polyamorous relationships only work if everyone loves everyone. It isn't necessary, but it definitely helps to be bi.
No way. I'm in a relationship at the moment. I spent a year chasing after this girl and we've now been going out for 3 months and I'm already madly in love. I couldn't imagine sharing her with anyone else or being shared by anyone else. A relationship is two people who love each other.
That being said, if there are people who can be polyamorous and be happy with it, fine by me; I just couldn't do it myself.
That being said, if there are people who can be polyamorous and be happy with it, fine by me; I just couldn't do it myself.
Not for me...
I'm a bit of a traditionalist though, amd my veiws on most matter that involve tradition and morals for some reason lie somewhere in the late 1800's, and marriage is something you do with one person, and for life!!
The idea of a guy being 'in love' with more than one person is absurd to me. Human emotion will always favour something over others. You can be a big fan of crisps (chips in US English), and enjoy eating all types and flavours, but you are always going to have that soft spot for those prawn cocktail, or worcestershire sauce ones that you like the most.
Now I agree, nobody is perfect, and you are going to see inperfections in your partner, but the concept of love allows you to overcome this, and if you can't, then maybe they arn't the one for you! Although it is logical to balance out what is wrong with one boy/birl with the strengths og another, but that doesn't make it emotionally moral! You are always going to favour one, and that isn't fair on the other...
And if it was the other way round it would just tear me apart! Knowing I am sharing a girl I love with another man... that's just wrong! And probably slightly awkward...! Relationships and love are something that is hardwired to be between two people, and its that what makes them so awesome and special! The feeling you get when you eventually feel like 2 halfs of one person! That is something that cannot be replicated to a 3rd person!
I'm a bit of a traditionalist though, amd my veiws on most matter that involve tradition and morals for some reason lie somewhere in the late 1800's, and marriage is something you do with one person, and for life!!
The idea of a guy being 'in love' with more than one person is absurd to me. Human emotion will always favour something over others. You can be a big fan of crisps (chips in US English), and enjoy eating all types and flavours, but you are always going to have that soft spot for those prawn cocktail, or worcestershire sauce ones that you like the most.
Now I agree, nobody is perfect, and you are going to see inperfections in your partner, but the concept of love allows you to overcome this, and if you can't, then maybe they arn't the one for you! Although it is logical to balance out what is wrong with one boy/birl with the strengths og another, but that doesn't make it emotionally moral! You are always going to favour one, and that isn't fair on the other...
And if it was the other way round it would just tear me apart! Knowing I am sharing a girl I love with another man... that's just wrong! And probably slightly awkward...! Relationships and love are something that is hardwired to be between two people, and its that what makes them so awesome and special! The feeling you get when you eventually feel like 2 halfs of one person! That is something that cannot be replicated to a 3rd person!
I think it is a good idea and completely fine but for many people it could cause lots of tensions such as are the girls sleeping with the other guy because he is better than me in bed? I SHOULD HIDE IN THE CORNER AND CRY!!!!!!!!!!! But it is entirely possible for those involved to make it work. It strikes me as being like a group of friends with benefits scheme. Those who don't mind for casual sex and are capable of having friends without any insecurities then I think it'll work fine for them. As for me?, I think I'll be okay in such a relationship.
Uh...I guess it could work, but it's not my cup of tea.
If I were to enter into a relationship with someone who was polyamorous, depending on how strongly I felt for them I'd either end the relationship or let them have their polygamy while letting them know that I wouldn't feel right doing it to them.
Then again, I've never been in a relationship so I wouldn't know.
If I were to enter into a relationship with someone who was polyamorous, depending on how strongly I felt for them I'd either end the relationship or let them have their polygamy while letting them know that I wouldn't feel right doing it to them.
Then again, I've never been in a relationship so I wouldn't know.