Poll: What is your view on a "polyamory" relationship?

[II2]

Seen a lot of couples try variations of it. Has always ended in tears.

I don't believe that to be the ONLY conceivable outcome, but the only people I know of who saw lasting success at it are a husband and wife sex store owner couple and 2 sets of people who authored books on the subject.

 

[Woodsey]

I wouldn't, but other people can do whatever the fuck they want.

 

[Thaluikhain]

Eh, whatever works.

Mind you the only person I know that wasn't into that is now happily monogamous, and another person who was going to try it couldn't manage to get more than one partner at a time.

 

[RagTagBand]

Nope.

If other people can do it, fine, but I will be staying far away from anyone involved in one or wants to be involved in one.

 

[Terminal Blue]

Not gonna bash your argument, but I notice you said you have an open relationship but its not polyamory, does that mean you don't love your partner/s? And do you believe that romantic love is only possible/maintainable between two people?

That's a.. complicated question.

I think romantic love often only works between two people. It's built, ultimately, around the idea that there's one special person out there who will complete your life and make you happy forever. I just think there are other forms of love outside of that frame of reference which might be harder to grasp but are no less fulfilling.

For all the talk in the self help books about how poly people are a kind of superhuman breed of hyper-sensitive social geniuses who can navigate hugely complicated relationships by learning a few simple techniques mysteriously lost to the rest of the population, a lot of poly relationships are quite short lived. There are real problems when you take a model of relationships designed for two person heterosexual couples and try to add more people to it.

However, I think if you recognize that the love you feel for people is limited and contingent, that it only works because of a specific type of connection which can come and go rather than being written in the stars. If you expect your relationships to be a meeting of independent minds rather than an all consuming sacrifice to one another, then I think you can deal much more readily with the idea of feeling something approximating love for multiple people.

Do I love my partners? Well, I love my friends, and the two people I'd call my "partners" are very dear friends to me. Do I love them in some special, formalized and socially acknowledged way which goes above and beyond what we can personally do for each other in the immediate situation? I suppose not. Do I love them equally and in the same way? No. Do I think it's necessary to love someone to have sex with them? No, I don't think that's true either.

I don't want to give away too much specific information about my life, but I hope that answers the question a degree.

 

[Vern5]

Not sure why I would do that to myself.

Dealing with one person's inevitable issues is a chore by itself. I can't imagine the stress of tacking on another angle to a relationship.

Weird thing is that I know a girl who is polyamorous and she seems quite content with it. Then again, she's always struck me as a cloud cuckoolander.

 

[Phasmal]

Snip

That was indeed helpful, its nice to get someone else's perspective.
I do have trouble understanding poly relationships, because I can't imagine loving more than one person the way I love my boyfriend.
But of course, if it makes people happy.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

I'm a one partner kind of guy. If I can't be a responsible part of a single romantic relationship I can't imagine trying to manage several.

So yeah, a definite no for me but I am indifferent to how you spend your time or your sexuality.

 

[Wyes]

I don't have any problems with the idea of it, and have at least one friend who seems to manage polyamorous relationships pretty well.

Personally however, I couldn't do it. I am not the most secure person in the world (and I appear to have abandonment issues), so I wouldn't be able to handle any partner(s) doing it, which wouldn't be fair.

 

[Ieyke]

Let's just say I love three women. 1&2 are good friends, 2&3 are best friends, and 1&3 aren't especially familiar with each other.

If I could somehow have a relationship with all three together...I think I'd've won the game.




I just realized you could call #1 "Intelligence", #2 "Charisma", and #3 "Wisdom", and that would aptly describe the three of them. Weird.

 

[renegade7]

Well I think if you have an emotional attachment and genuinely love and respect two different people (and both others feel the same way) then it's no different than feeling that way for just one. It's uncommon because I think most people who enter into such relationships think it's all gonna be threesomes and watching them make out.

Basically, if you are in a stable relationship right now, imagine that girl (I'm male, so I'm giving the male perspective on this) and now imagine two of her, both the good AND bad aspects. It would be just like having one girlfriend: it's not going to be just sex and making out all the time, there has to be an emotional commitment. And it's difficult to feel true emotional attachment to more than one person.

 

[Ieyke]

It's difficult/impossible for me to be romantically interested in anyone "at random" so to speak. I've got three settings: don't care, friends, love

Love tends to sneak up on me from amidst close long-term friendship and I don't realize it before it's faaaar too late to do anything about it.

So, I do in fact love 3 people.

One of them (#3), I've internally come to recognize as my "partner" or "teammate" rather than someone who really shares many of my interests. We trust each other to the ends of the Earth and we call on each other in dire circumstances, dead certain in the knowledge that together we can solve anything....but we're a bit awkward at just hanging out. Probably because she lives too far away for us to build up a lot of shared experiences to spring off from, TBH.
Nonetheless, I still love her.

The "love" setting doesn't seem to really go away. If all three of them were open to the idea, I honestly think the whole thing could actually work out fantastically. But they're probably not..... #1 is bi, #2 is kinda but not really bi, and #3 is just straight AFAIK. ....And I don't think I could handle other guys, so it wouldn't really be fair in the other direction.



I wonder if most people only being able to care about one person at a time is a self-defense mechanism or something. Gods know my life is more complicated than it should be....

 

[Treeinthewoods]

Hold on, let me go ask my wife...

No, I would not be in a polyamorous relationship (apparently). Lol.

 

[Gizmo]

I suppose I can why someone would want such things.

Personally it's just not for me

 

[game-lover]

My thoughts are:

I wouldn't do it... couldn't see myself doing it. Damn sure don't understand how people do but then I don't understand a lot of things about relationships and/or sex that people do. More power to all of those who can do it but it's not something I'd be too amazed about. Just keep it to yourself because I probably couldn't hear about it without bombarding you with invasive questions.

Yeah... that's pretty much it.

 

[Canadamus Prime]

I'm pretty much a 1 woman man, if that's what you're asking. Hell I'd sell my left nutsack right now just to have that 1 woman. Screw polygamy!

Left... nutsack...

You have multiple scrotums? O_O

OT: No thanks. It just doesn't seem right.

Oh ha ha ha, oops. I was meaning that to be a slang for testicle, but uh... yeah. That's all beside the point anyway.

 

[ch0pstixZ]

It's "polyamorous relationship". Saying polyamory relationship is kind of like saying "homosexuality relationship".

Anyway, yeah, I'm all for it.

Technically no. As polyamorous is not definded in the oxford dictionary, nor in the thesaurus, so there is not right or wrong way to say it.

 

[Clive Howlitzer]

I personally wouldn't but I don't really have any issues with people that do.

 

[guitarsniper]

I don't see them lasting for a very very long time, but i have no problem with them as a concept

 

[Pimppeter2]

I've tried it, and tried hard to be okay with it, but I'm just not. I cannot love 2 partners at the same time, I am just incapable of doing it. When I'm with someone I want to give them my all and be there for them whenever. Being with someone else limits that, I can't do it.