Zaleznikel said:
Ugh, the lack of understanding in this thread upsets me.
An asexual person that wants to date is likely has a romantic orientation. I'm homoromantic, I'm attracted to other men, and I want to go on dates, kiss, cuddle, but I don't really want to go any further. Maybe at some point when I'm very comfortable with a person I'll try it.
I can totally understand asexuality being a deal-breaker, especially in our sexually charged culture, but I want people who read this thread to understand that some asexuals DO find other people physically attractive, they DO form strong emotional bonds, and they DO want something a little stronger than just friendship. They just don't want sex.
I wont blame anyone I date if they don't want to be monogamous or don't want to continue dating. I will be understanding, and I think most asexuals will understand the position that they are in.
You should be a little more understanding too.
Dear friend, perhaps you should try to take this discussion less personally, despite the topic being so close to you. Assexuality is a extremely recent discovery in sexuality, and being so, cannot demand such understanding. Most of the people keeping up with this thread (myself included) are doing so out of sheer curiosity in understanding in a greater depth what asexuality means, and how does it compare to simply an undeveloped sexual drive (such as in most childs). This is not as if trying to understand someone's choices, or preferences. This is like trying to learn a extraterrestrial language.
The most important thing to debate here is on the question that initially began the discussion. If both people involved in the relationship are asexual, then there's not really any conflict in this. Most people are open minded enough to consider a couple that does not have sex, if they both don't want to. But in this case the great question is whether a person with a average sex drive would forfeit their own sex drive to maintain a platonic relationship with someone else. And to most people that's just impossible. In this point you are the one that should be more understanding.
To a ordinary heterosexual that which you described is nothing more that a regular friendship. I know that to you they are worlds apart, but that's because you have a very different standard to create that concept. It's the same way as eskimos have several names for snow and desert people, several names for sand, and most other people simply see these things as one dimensional concepts.
To get back on the question itself, I have a very high sex drive. My girlfriend barely keeps up as it is. A asexual relationship to me seems like a very dark nightmare. But this is no surprise. Obvioulsy there'd be almost no conflict in the scenario described if both people were asexuals.
The great discussion is if a couple that consists of a person with a regular sex drive and another with almost-to none could last. But, the greatest question in my mind is how a asexual person gets to become attracted to another. Is this person more interested in other asexuals or would she be interested in people with a different sex drive? Does this matter to them? If the person have a different sex drive, would they be expected to keep it under check at all times? And if so, would the asexual person feel no remorse for this situation? If I were to have sex with a person unwilling to do it, I would feel terrible. As if I just had abused her sexually. Does a asexual have a similar remorse, if he feels that his significant other wishes for sexual intercourse and is denied of that?
I think that this is a very complex subject, but I'm glad to see it being discussed of all places in The Escapist, given the high education and politeness of all members. And so far I think that the whole debate has all parts being very understanding of one another (as much as it is possible). As I said in the beggining, do try no to take the discussion so personally.
StevieG said:
Can't have sex when you're deployed, so sure, it'd be great to know there's someone who's in it for the intellectual stimulation, not simply a physical thing, and they won't cheat while you're off on the line.
Sir, I think that in all this discussion, you might have made the greatest breaktrough. You actually gave a perfect example as a person with a regular sex drive, under a especific situation, could make the most out of a relationship with a asexual individual. I would never have thought of it and it was so simple...
Well, that's all I have in my mind. Keep this high level of education up!
