No, I need sex in a relationship and I want them to enjoy it as well otherwise I just feel stupid doing it. I'm sure I could survive for a period without sex but in the long term I will want it and if they aren't providing it then I will get frustrated and feel unloved
Poll: Would you date an asexual person?
- Thread starter Gasaraki
- Start date
Personally, I don't believe I could.
Emotional intimacy and physical intimacy are both different parts of my interpersonal relationships. Some of the people I am closes to emotionally, I have no interest in physically.
However, I would be lying if I said physical intimacy is entirely unimportant to me. Those I find most attractive are those that I can be physically and emotionally intimate with (I will define each of those in a moment for clarification) in a long-term manner. It honestly wouldn't be fair to whomever my asexual partner would be to not be able to express both forms of intimacy to the full extent, as they are quite intertwined in a very specific way.
Emotional intimacy, to me, is the extent at which I can expose my thoughts and feelings without fear for backlash. Those that I am closest to emotionally are those I feel like I can trust to keep my feelings and private thoughts secret as well as those who feel they can trust me in the same way. Both are required for the utmost in emotional intimacy. With an asexual person, I feel that this is entirely possible and wouldn't mind reaching that point with someone.
Physical intimacy is the desire for physical contact, scaling from friendly hugs all the way to full-on sexual intercourse. To reach the extent of physical intimacy that I desire with my partner, we'd both have to want all forms of contact with each other along that scale. An asexual partner wouldn't want me back, no matter how much I wanted them, and that would constantly needle into my mind and make me feel selfish. Half of the enjoyment of sexual activity, at least for me, is the act of giving my partner pleasure by mutual fulfillment of desire.
One might wonder how these can tie in together. While I am engaging in sexual activity is the time I feel the most vulnerable. I cannot bring myself to have sex with someone I do not care about in a very significant way. I can cuddle and even kiss, but I cannot expose myself sexually. The full extent of that vulnerability happens when I let my partner take charge and initiate as well as directing how we do things, which is not something I can see happening when it comes to an asexual partner, even if they do allow sexual activity.
Very much so, I am one who likes to maintain control of a situation. I don't drink alcohol, I don't smoke, I don't do drugs because all of these things affect, in some way or another, my ability to maintain control over my mind and body.
Additionally, while in a relationship I cease to feel physical attraction to those that aren't my partner so that bars the whole idea of separation of sexual and romantic partners.
Honestly, it just wouldn't be fair to her to have to initiate on something that she has no initial desire to do (even if the actual act gives physical stimulation and pleasure) for her to see me when I'm feeling most vulnerable (which is definitely something I want my long-term partner to see) and it wouldn't be fair to me to constantly feel guilty for pressuring her into something that she has no desire to do, even if she feels good while it's actually happening.
It's not out of any particular need to have sex, but I want to feel like I can trust my partner to see me when I'm feeling most vulnerable and I just don't see an asexual partner being interested in the act that would have that happen.
For reference, I am a heteromantic, heterosexual (although slightly bi-curious), male.
Emotional intimacy and physical intimacy are both different parts of my interpersonal relationships. Some of the people I am closes to emotionally, I have no interest in physically.
However, I would be lying if I said physical intimacy is entirely unimportant to me. Those I find most attractive are those that I can be physically and emotionally intimate with (I will define each of those in a moment for clarification) in a long-term manner. It honestly wouldn't be fair to whomever my asexual partner would be to not be able to express both forms of intimacy to the full extent, as they are quite intertwined in a very specific way.
Emotional intimacy, to me, is the extent at which I can expose my thoughts and feelings without fear for backlash. Those that I am closest to emotionally are those I feel like I can trust to keep my feelings and private thoughts secret as well as those who feel they can trust me in the same way. Both are required for the utmost in emotional intimacy. With an asexual person, I feel that this is entirely possible and wouldn't mind reaching that point with someone.
Physical intimacy is the desire for physical contact, scaling from friendly hugs all the way to full-on sexual intercourse. To reach the extent of physical intimacy that I desire with my partner, we'd both have to want all forms of contact with each other along that scale. An asexual partner wouldn't want me back, no matter how much I wanted them, and that would constantly needle into my mind and make me feel selfish. Half of the enjoyment of sexual activity, at least for me, is the act of giving my partner pleasure by mutual fulfillment of desire.
One might wonder how these can tie in together. While I am engaging in sexual activity is the time I feel the most vulnerable. I cannot bring myself to have sex with someone I do not care about in a very significant way. I can cuddle and even kiss, but I cannot expose myself sexually. The full extent of that vulnerability happens when I let my partner take charge and initiate as well as directing how we do things, which is not something I can see happening when it comes to an asexual partner, even if they do allow sexual activity.
Very much so, I am one who likes to maintain control of a situation. I don't drink alcohol, I don't smoke, I don't do drugs because all of these things affect, in some way or another, my ability to maintain control over my mind and body.
Additionally, while in a relationship I cease to feel physical attraction to those that aren't my partner so that bars the whole idea of separation of sexual and romantic partners.
Honestly, it just wouldn't be fair to her to have to initiate on something that she has no initial desire to do (even if the actual act gives physical stimulation and pleasure) for her to see me when I'm feeling most vulnerable (which is definitely something I want my long-term partner to see) and it wouldn't be fair to me to constantly feel guilty for pressuring her into something that she has no desire to do, even if she feels good while it's actually happening.
It's not out of any particular need to have sex, but I want to feel like I can trust my partner to see me when I'm feeling most vulnerable and I just don't see an asexual partner being interested in the act that would have that happen.
For reference, I am a heteromantic, heterosexual (although slightly bi-curious), male.
i've thought about it and no. however, i wouldn't date a sexual person person either. i'm too reclusive for that sort of thing; i live the exciting life of a hermit.
I don't think I could, as the relationship would become extremely frustrating for me after a while, as it would severely limit my options for expressing myself toward that person.
I might try it if I really liked someone, but if some degree of sexual intimacy didn't come out of it eventually, I'd get bored and frustrated and eventually leave.
I might try it if I really liked someone, but if some degree of sexual intimacy didn't come out of it eventually, I'd get bored and frustrated and eventually leave.
Only if it's not an exclusive relationship. I, as a sexual, would not be happy never fucking just as an asexual would not be happy fucking every night.
For me, cuddling is almost just as good as sex. (Not quite as good, but still awesome)Verp said:
I do cuddle with close friends, but I don't cuddle naked.
Yes, seeing as I am partly asexual myself, I just do not care that much about sex. But she would have to be an amazing person to be with, intellectual, kind, caring, respectful of others, truly a saint.
I would hope that in time thing might change, but I would not hold my breath as to it. If so happy, if not still happy.
I would hope that in time thing might change, but I would not hold my breath as to it. If so happy, if not still happy.
Depends on the person if im honest, personally im not exactly sex mad and it has always complicated relationships for me personally im in a relationship largely for the companionship and romance and have even considered non sexual relationships myself (which would be a step up from my current singledom).
Most people I know would never go for this though and are focused mainly on the sexual aspects of relationships though.
Most people I know would never go for this though and are focused mainly on the sexual aspects of relationships though.
Time to walk into the landmines.
I would not date an asexual. Maybe when I was younger and didn't have sex on my mind at all (nor relationships for that matter), but I've grown. To clarify, this is exclusively for my life and not meant to say that asexuals need to grow up. [/In before mod wrath]
As I've spotted on this very thread: some people do not like the very notion of others rejecting who they are. Asexuals, by nature, tend not to invite sex into their lives, and although sex isn't the main thing to a relationship, it's certainly something of note. Enough of a note that I'm personally willing to place asexuality in the "personality" department. A department where I am more than willing to judge harshly on. That is one "difficulty" that I'll pass if my heart permits. And luckily, my heart isn't too far ahead of my brain, that detests avoidable friction like me being in a asexual/sexual relationship.
^ You know, except for my last girlfriend - who is giving off so many asexual vibes these days that I probably should have guessed. I don't have the heart to tell her how much of a distance that places her even if I became attracted to her again. ' -'
I would not date an asexual. Maybe when I was younger and didn't have sex on my mind at all (nor relationships for that matter), but I've grown. To clarify, this is exclusively for my life and not meant to say that asexuals need to grow up. [/In before mod wrath]
As I've spotted on this very thread: some people do not like the very notion of others rejecting who they are. Asexuals, by nature, tend not to invite sex into their lives, and although sex isn't the main thing to a relationship, it's certainly something of note. Enough of a note that I'm personally willing to place asexuality in the "personality" department. A department where I am more than willing to judge harshly on. That is one "difficulty" that I'll pass if my heart permits. And luckily, my heart isn't too far ahead of my brain, that detests avoidable friction like me being in a asexual/sexual relationship.
^ You know, except for my last girlfriend - who is giving off so many asexual vibes these days that I probably should have guessed. I don't have the heart to tell her how much of a distance that places her even if I became attracted to her again. ' -'