Poll: Would you date an asexual person?

[DTWolfwood]

i don't want a girl that can be mistaken for a guy. Sorry. We can be friends, but thats about it. unless she's real kinky...the kind i like, then i might reconsider. Sex friends yes, relationship no.

Wait what now? Are you sure you know what being asexual means?

in its most popular colloquial use. Not its actual definition ^-^

care to define the word? I'd look it up if i wasn't on the slowest connection ever or care to look it up

 

[mikespoff]

Seriously, what's the advantage of calling it a "relationship" rather than just being friends?

 

[Katherine Kerensky]

-Snip-
So sex has no intimate or connecting value to you?

As condescending as this sounds, I feel bad for you.


*Sad-face*

It is just bleh. Boring.
Uninteresting.
If my boyfriend wants it, he can have it. I love him, and want to be close to him <3
I don't need people to feel bad for me over something of no value, though.
We each have our lot in life, and mine leaves me with a lot of free time.
I swear I lost my sanity a long time ago, and that may be linked... too much thinking...

 

[Kathinka]

-Snip-
So sex has no intimate or connecting value to you?

As condescending as this sounds, I feel bad for you.


*Sad-face*

It is just bleh. Boring.
Uninteresting.
If my boyfriend wants it, he can have it. I love him, and want to be close to him <3
I don't need people to feel bad for me over something of no value, though.
We each have our lot in life, and mine leaves me with a lot of free time.
I swear I lost my sanity a long time ago, and that may be linked... too much thinking...

he's right though, that's the best reason to feel sad for you then. you are missing out on something uncomprehensible beautyfull that would bring love and being close to a whole new level, if you could experience it.

 

[minuialear]

It's also kind of a selfish hurdle on the part of the asexual person. "Well I'm asexual and we're in a relationship, so that means you have to be asexual too. Deal with it." ...C'mon. Seems pretty unfair.

It's also kind of a selfish hurdle on the part of the sexual person. "Well I'm sexual and we're in a relationship, so that means you have to be sexual too. Deal with it." ...C'mon. Seems pretty unfair.




Or are you saying that it's selfish to not want to do something you have disinterest in (or an aversion to), but totally okay to want to force such a person to do it because you do have an interest in it?

 

[Katherine Kerensky]

-Snip-
he's right though, that's the best reason to feel sad for you then. you are missing out on something uncomprehensible beautyfull that would bring love and being close to a whole new level, if you could experience it.

I'm nonsexual, not a stone.
I'm not missing out on anything except, you know, sexuality. Sexual attraction, interest, etc. My nerves don't suddenly cut off below the waist, I can still feel stuff, it is just boring to me.
I don't need to have a sex drive to have a close and loving relationship with my boyfriend, which I do have.
It could be said that the love we have is truer/purer than a relationship between two sexual people. Sex doesn't play an important role.
Perhaps I should feel sorry for others >.>

 

[Gormers1]

Seriously, what's the advantage of calling it a "relationship" rather than just being friends?

Well I guess some people want to be more committed? In this context I would assume were talking mainly about monogamous relationships, meaning you uh, sort of would be committed to being the bestest friend of the person youre in a relationship with.

What Im trying to say I guess is that jealousy can happen with persons in a close friendship (for instance when somebodys friend finds a lover), and a relationship could be the "solution" or assurance to that not happening?

It's also kind of a selfish hurdle on the part of the sexual person. "Well I'm sexual and we're in a relationship, so that means you have to be sexual too. Deal with it." ...C'mon. Seems pretty unfair.



Or are you saying that it's selfish to not want to do something you have disinterest in (or an aversion to), but totally okay to want to force such a person to do it because you do have an interest in it?

Just to mention out the third option: the one with sexual desires in the relationship having permission to fulfill that with others.

 

[Kathinka]

-Snip-
he's right though, that's the best reason to feel sad for you then. you are missing out on something uncomprehensible beautyfull that would bring love and being close to a whole new level, if you could experience it.

I'm nonsexual, not a stone.
I'm not missing out on anything except, you know, sexuality. Sexual attraction, interest, etc. My nerves don't suddenly cut off below the waist, I can still feel stuff, it is just boring to me.
I don't need to have a sex drive to have a close and loving relationship with my boyfriend, which I do have.
It could be said that the love we have is truer/purer than a relationship between two sexual people. Sex doesn't play an important role.
Perhaps I should feel sorry for others >.>

the lack of this atraction is enough to let you miss out on a lot. not being sexually interested in your partner is like having only half an relationship. sex always plays an important role in coupples, it's the biological and most basic reason people get together after all.

music is boring for a deaf person, of course. sure he can still read about it and talk about it. but he's still missing out.

 

[Azure Sky]

Or are you saying that it's selfish to not want to do something you have disinterest in (or an aversion to), but totally okay to want to force such a person to do it because you do have an interest in it?

Woo, someone got in before me. Always good to read someones thoughts reversing the norm.

I have always found people who have an above-average sex-drive weird. It's like they live sex and nothing else. It's kinda sad really... =/

Perhaps I should feel sorry for others >.>

This describes my thoughts on the matter, to the letter.

 

[Katherine Kerensky]

-Snip-
the lack of this atraction is enough to let you miss out on a lot. not being sexually interested in your partner is like having only half an relationship. sex always plays an important role in coupples, it's the biological and most basic reason people get together after all.

music is boring for a deaf person, of course. sure he can still read about it and talk about it. but he's still missing out.

I'm sorry for you if sex is so important to you in a relationship.
But it isn't important to everyone, thankfully.
There can be love without sex. Hell, I can have sex with my boyfriend, just not interested. I can feel everything, I'm just not interested.
It would be hard for someone who has never experienced it to understand, but sex isn't that important in a relationship. Only love is. And that love can exist without sex. It can be just as strong, or stronger. The love is completely for the other person, not for what is between their legs.

 

[Ziadaine_v1legacy]

I wouldnt date a asexual person. When I get into a relationship I expect commitment and at 20, sex IS unavoidable which is why I wouldn't date one because I refuse to go through the shit I had with my ex 2 years ago. (Im a highly effectionate person)

 

[Gormers1]

the lack of this atraction is enough to let you miss out on a lot. not being sexually interested in your partner is like having only half an relationship. sex always plays an important role in coupples, it's the biological and most basic reason people get together after all.

music is boring for a deaf person, of course. sure he can still read about it and talk about it. but he's still missing out.

That depends on how you view it. Mature couples for instance sooner or later stops having any interest in sex but they dont feel bad about it for that matter.

 

[Kathinka]

-Snip-
the lack of this atraction is enough to let you miss out on a lot. not being sexually interested in your partner is like having only half an relationship. sex always plays an important role in coupples, it's the biological and most basic reason people get together after all.

music is boring for a deaf person, of course. sure he can still read about it and talk about it. but he's still missing out.

I'm sorry for you if sex is so important to you in a relationship.
But it isn't important to everyone, thankfully.
There can be love without sex. Hell, I can have sex with my boyfriend, just not interested. I can feel everything, I'm just not interested.
It would be hard for someone who has never experienced it to understand, but sex isn't that important in a relationship. Only love is. And that love can exist without sex. It can be just as strong, or stronger. The love is completely for the other person, not for what is between their legs.

being apreciated and found beautyfull and atracting by the person i love, and finding him atractive and apreciating his physical beauty is nothing i would consider to be bad. you would understand if you could feel the same way about someone you love.

that's another thing i wondered, how does your partner cope with that you don't find him atractive in this kind of way? i mean, he IS a guy after all (i assume) and no matter what they tell you, this kind of thing IS important for them..

the lack of this atraction is enough to let you miss out on a lot. not being sexually interested in your partner is like having only half an relationship. sex always plays an important role in coupples, it's the biological and most basic reason people get together after all.

music is boring for a deaf person, of course. sure he can still read about it and talk about it. but he's still missing out.

That depends on how you view it. Mature couples for instance sooner or later stops having any interest in sex but they dont feel bad about it for that matter.

lots of truth in that, though i guess it's more out of necessity/inability. i'm not saying it's all about sex, i'm just saying that it's a very important part, and the most basic one, scietificly speaking.

 

[Squeaky]

Not a relationship as such some snogging and flirting but i dont know what asexual people thier limit is i could live without sleeping with someone if i liked them that much but there would probly come a point when id get a little tired of it ;S.

 

[minuialear]

It's also kind of a selfish hurdle on the part of the sexual person. "Well I'm sexual and we're in a relationship, so that means you have to be sexual too. Deal with it." ...C'mon. Seems pretty unfair.

Or are you saying that it's selfish to not want to do something you have disinterest in (or an aversion to), but totally okay to want to force such a person to do it because you do have an interest in it?

Just to mention out the third option: the one with sexual desires in the relationship having permission to fulfill that with others.

Anthough the original post doesn't say anything about the asexual person being opposed to that, nor does it really discuss options period, which is why I didn't mention other options. The problem I have with that post is that it seems to assume that wanting sex is fine, but not wanting sex isn't, and that kind of reasoning often comes hand-in-hand with the idea that asexuals are just "holding out" on their partners for the hell of it and are therefore "selfish" because they refuse to give sexual people the amount sex they want. My point's just that it's no more selfish to not want sex in a relationship than it is to want sex in one; both are the result of things that people mostly can't control, and while it's one thing to say you can't be compatible with a person who doesn't fit your needs and refuses to let you find other ways to fulfill them, it's another to say they're selfish only because they refuse to ignore their biology, just so they can fulfill your desires. The latter goes both ways.

 

[LorChan]

Yeah, sure. If I loved them I don't see why not.
We would need some kind of understanding, though, regarding the fact that I am not asexual and do not want to live with intense sexual frustration for the rest of my life, so don't be pissed at me if I have sex with someone else, just so long as I don't lie to them about it.

 

[Katherine Kerensky]

-Snip-
being apreciated and found beautyfull and atracting by the person i love, and finding him atractive and apreciating his physical beauty is nothing i would consider to be bad. you would understand if you could feel the same way about someone you love.

that's another thing i wondered, how does your partner cope with that you don't find him atractive in this kind of way? i mean, he IS a guy after all (i assume) and no matter what they tell you, this kind of thing IS important for them..

You seem to assume that I am somewhat blind.
I'm nonsexual. I have no interest in sex.
I never said I am unable to appreciate the looks of the person I love.
I love him. He could look like Quasimodo for all I care about looks, since I love him as a person, not as an object with genitalia attached for fun.
But I can appreciate the looks he does have.
As for what my boyfriend thinks, why don't you ask him yourself [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.272598-Poll-Would-you-date-an-asexual-person?page=5#10515333]?

 

[Gormers1]

*snip*The latter goes both ways.

Well put and I agree. Just to be arguing and raise a question though: when do you think its the right time to tell a person you have interested in, that you have no interest in having sex? First date? Would it be selfish and/or manipulative to wait a little bit in hopes that the person will be more likely to stay?

 

[Kathinka]

-Snip-

whith atraction i obviously meant sexual atraction. but hey, whatever works for you two and makes you happy. though i'm still certain that you miss out on something which's beauty you can't comprehend.

 

[DoomyMcDoom]

I probably would, depends on the person... thing is the last few women I've met I've refused sex to... since they're so goddamn pushy about it... I may be closer to asexual than most people, I've lived a life of self inflicted and self enforced celibacy for years... might just be that I don't like situations being forced on me... and yeah I'm a virgin, for now... I know a few people who want me in their pants to the extent that they've spent hours begging me to come over to their place and fuck their brains out... but hey, I might take em up on the offer soon enough, depending on whether an actual emotional or at least intellectual connection forms with them as well, I don't screw people who don't even interest me... which is why I'm a virgin still, I find most people in this human race to be deplorable in their actions, irritating in their speech, and just downright retarded... which brings me to another point, I'm generally misanthropic in my views... I hate people... so yeah chances are I could die a virgin and totally not give a shit about it...

But yeah, because of my own viewpoints though I do eventually want to produce offspring, if only to see just how fucked up they are in comparison to myself when I was a child, I would have no qualms about dating someone who didn't care about sex... It might be a pleasant change from all the women who expect me to be screwing them after the first date and dump me because I didn't feel the desire to... Or after the second or third date finding out she's already fucking one of my friends or something instead... Maybe it's just cuz I have really bad luck when it comes to finding women who aren't total whores, but goddamn having someone who wasn't addicted to the idea that sex should be a dayly or at least every second day thing, even when they don't really know you, would be a nice change.