Poll: Would you ever pursue someone who is taken?
- Thread starter Brawndo
- Start date
If i cant make them happier than the other guy then i see no logic in pursuing a relationship with them.
Well if you're ok with her wandering off when she inevitably gets bored with your primitive ass then by all means sanction that kind of fucktardery. If she's willing to go through with it then you clearly deserve each other at least until something "better" comes along.
I have before, but not recently. One time A girl i knew had a boyfriend & i just could not help myself, I really do care for her quite alot, but that never really went anywhere. Now she's back in my life & single this time around so we will see where it goes.
One other time I found myself talking to an old friend from highschool who was in a very bad marriage, before we began flirting I even told her that I was a bit of a homewrecker, but we kept on talking & things quickly got out of hand. She really started that one, but i didn't do anything to stop it, in the end she changed her mind & stayed with her husband. I'm probably better off for it.....
One other time I found myself talking to an old friend from highschool who was in a very bad marriage, before we began flirting I even told her that I was a bit of a homewrecker, but we kept on talking & things quickly got out of hand. She really started that one, but i didn't do anything to stop it, in the end she changed her mind & stayed with her husband. I'm probably better off for it.....
Well, from a female perspective, I have never tried to "get with another person" while in a relationship. No, I think that if I am interested in someone else, I owe it to the person I am with to break it off with them first before moving on. That is a respect issue. However, I did steal another girls boyfriend on purpose though. She stole my deceased grandmothers ring she had given me before she passed, so I stole her boyfriend. Not exactly a nice thing to do, but at the time I didn't really think about being nice. I also stole a bride on her wedding day once, but that is another matter, as I just convinced her not to go through with it.
I have had ample opportunity to steal other women's men, but why would I want their leftovers? I have always refused to date anyone that has ever even dated any of my friends. To me, my friend is worth more to me than that, so of course I would not even date someone they dated like many years ago, that just seems off limits since, as a friend, We have a "unwritten contract" that allows us to complain about all relationships past and present, and that would be infringing upon that.
I have had ample opportunity to steal other women's men, but why would I want their leftovers? I have always refused to date anyone that has ever even dated any of my friends. To me, my friend is worth more to me than that, so of course I would not even date someone they dated like many years ago, that just seems off limits since, as a friend, We have a "unwritten contract" that allows us to complain about all relationships past and present, and that would be infringing upon that.
Now, I am not entirely innocent in this, nor have never been on the harmed side in some fashion on another, so my answer is definitely not.
It's a pretty simple game to play. Ask yourself "how would I feel if my girlfriend/wife/partner/whatever left me for someone else?" I'm pretty sure the answer is 'pretty shitty.' Then you apply some empathy and don't fucking do that to someone else. I understand that sometimes things happen, but don't do it on purpose.
If you are just a selfish asshole, then fine, I can't make you behave the why I think you should and technically I am no more 'right' than you (a general you). But if you want to be selfish, just be selfish. Don't say things like 'all is fair in love and war' or 'well clearly she would be happier with me' because that's just you justifying your selfishness to people who you don't care about in the first place. You don't care about being fair and it's your happiness that you care about.
It's a pretty simple game to play. Ask yourself "how would I feel if my girlfriend/wife/partner/whatever left me for someone else?" I'm pretty sure the answer is 'pretty shitty.' Then you apply some empathy and don't fucking do that to someone else. I understand that sometimes things happen, but don't do it on purpose.
If you are just a selfish asshole, then fine, I can't make you behave the why I think you should and technically I am no more 'right' than you (a general you). But if you want to be selfish, just be selfish. Don't say things like 'all is fair in love and war' or 'well clearly she would be happier with me' because that's just you justifying your selfishness to people who you don't care about in the first place. You don't care about being fair and it's your happiness that you care about.
I have a switch in me that seems to turn of my attraction to someone if they are with someone else.
So I don't think I would ever do that.
My dad made my mum anorexic by cheating on her so yeah...not a great view of that.
So I don't think I would ever do that.
My dad made my mum anorexic by cheating on her so yeah...not a great view of that.
Nope.jpg
Had it happen to me once (while I was in hospital recovering from botched surgery, no less) and I'd never want to put anyone through that.
Had it happen to me once (while I was in hospital recovering from botched surgery, no less) and I'd never want to put anyone through that.
Under no circumstances would I pursue a taken woman (or man). Even though I have yet to be in a relationship or friendship (or ever will be), I know for certain that I could not handle that much drama if I were involved.
In my view, those that have to use such underhanded tactics to get someone are clearly amoral and borderline evil.
In my view, those that have to use such underhanded tactics to get someone are clearly amoral and borderline evil.
No. Never. Cheating isn't cool in my book, I wouldn't want someone betraying my trust, so I'm certinaly not going to inflict that upon someone else. I'm not trying to make myself out as some kind of Paragon here, I just feel that people should at least have the decency to be straight up with each other.
- Omni ^_^
- Omni ^_^
I voted no, as that is how I personally feel at this point. I've always retained this philosophy although I made one exception where I took my current girlfriend from some one else. I regret it in the sense, that I wronged him and I know his pain now due to some recent events over the last year or so, but I also have the desire to want to justify my actions because he was over possessive, yelled at her for choosing her family over him, and tried his best to seduce her and take her beyond the boundaries she wanted to go. Its the only time I've actually tried to get a girl who I knew was taken at the time, but at the very least we kept physical contact to strictly hugging until the relationship was nipped in the bud.
But now? I don't ever intend to go after someones girl, I don't want to put any one through that pain, as I was put through it twice with the same person. Golden rule, and karmas a *****.
But now? I don't ever intend to go after someones girl, I don't want to put any one through that pain, as I was put through it twice with the same person. Golden rule, and karmas a *****.
It goes deeper than a 4 answer poll (as with all these posts really go into). I think only the situation dictates for you. Never forcefully 'steal' someone from anyone or intend to do so but if the connection is there then the relationship will find itself in time.
I've done this and it ended up wrong for us as we were initially friends too. We're still best friends which was hard at first but not any more considering the feelings are gone now (after a while). I need to ask if anyone else has been / is in this kind of situation because people still say it's weird.
I've done this and it ended up wrong for us as we were initially friends too. We're still best friends which was hard at first but not any more considering the feelings are gone now (after a while). I need to ask if anyone else has been / is in this kind of situation because people still say it's weird.
See, I'm a bit torn on this. On the one hand, I personally wouldn't do it because it seems terribly disrespectful and I'd feel like a horrible person.
On the other hand, this is how my boyfriend got his hands on me. And while we sort of accept that we were 'terrible people' for the way we acted when I was with my ex (no actual cheating but a lot of flirting and some other vaguely inappropriate behaviour) we don't feel that bad about it. Although I guess that's 'cause my ex wasn't that well behaved himself (he kept our relationship secret for the first three months so he could still flirt with ? and possibly sleep with, if he thought he could get away with it, by his own admission ? other girls).
My friend pursued a girlfriend of one of his friends, who he even called a 'lovely guy' while admitting this to me. My estimation in him went down considerably upon learning this, not least because he DID do naughty things with her at one point while she was still in the relationship, not only completely disrespecting his mate but also putting the girl he supposedly cared about so much in a position of terrible guilt. My friend's excuse was 'we weren't just messing around, we really liked each other!' to which I could only think 'bullsh*t, if you really liked her you'd have stayed the hell away and saved her all the drama and mess'.
As for some people's suggestion that the girl/guy is likely to do the same to you as they did to their ex, I reckon that depends on how many times they've done it to partners and what those relationships were like. I do feel it's somewhat in my nature to be always looking for a substitute in case something goes wrong with my current boyfriend, but while my relationship is strong and healthy I will always block advances from interested parties. (A new tactic I've developed is insisting that I'm a total prude, that really puts guys off.) I've been with my current boyfriend for two years and despite a few guy friends trying to pull a few romantic/sexual suggestions my way I think I've been rather well behaved! I think...
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On the other hand, this is how my boyfriend got his hands on me. And while we sort of accept that we were 'terrible people' for the way we acted when I was with my ex (no actual cheating but a lot of flirting and some other vaguely inappropriate behaviour) we don't feel that bad about it. Although I guess that's 'cause my ex wasn't that well behaved himself (he kept our relationship secret for the first three months so he could still flirt with ? and possibly sleep with, if he thought he could get away with it, by his own admission ? other girls).
My friend pursued a girlfriend of one of his friends, who he even called a 'lovely guy' while admitting this to me. My estimation in him went down considerably upon learning this, not least because he DID do naughty things with her at one point while she was still in the relationship, not only completely disrespecting his mate but also putting the girl he supposedly cared about so much in a position of terrible guilt. My friend's excuse was 'we weren't just messing around, we really liked each other!' to which I could only think 'bullsh*t, if you really liked her you'd have stayed the hell away and saved her all the drama and mess'.
As for some people's suggestion that the girl/guy is likely to do the same to you as they did to their ex, I reckon that depends on how many times they've done it to partners and what those relationships were like. I do feel it's somewhat in my nature to be always looking for a substitute in case something goes wrong with my current boyfriend, but while my relationship is strong and healthy I will always block advances from interested parties. (A new tactic I've developed is insisting that I'm a total prude, that really puts guys off.) I've been with my current boyfriend for two years and despite a few guy friends trying to pull a few romantic/sexual suggestions my way I think I've been rather well behaved! I think...
/essay