Problematic.

[Flamezdudes]

I recently learned today something very unfortunate. It turns out the girl one of my best friends likes, really likes me. This is problematic since I sort of like her aswell although i'm swaying in the direction of not wanting to mess up my friendship with one of my best friends.

What to do?

 

[dommyuk]

Discuss it with your friend?

 

[Jack_Uzi]

First of, though it sounds cheap: It's your choice what to do. Let me just ask you this: Do you think starting something with this girl is worth it? Do you want to jeapardize your friendship?

For me: NO, I would never EVER go for a girl that already has a boyfriend may that be a guy I know or not, it's just my personal code of conduct.

 

[Rofl-Mayo]

That's sort of a tough incident, but I'd say talk to your friend, see what he thinks and decide from there.

 

[Flamezdudes]

If you like her nad she likes you.
Then stop creating obstacles for yourself.

And perhaps ruin my friendship with one of my best friends?

 

[MasterOfWorlds]

I've been in a similar situation. I royalled messed up by talking to the girl that my friend and I both liked. She ended up choosing neither of us, and my friend was really annoyed with me for a good long time. That friend and I don't speak anymore, but that was because of something entirely different, or so I'm told by the people I've asked who still have contact with him.

He also apparently called her a ***** and a whore after he dropped contact with me, so maybe it did have something to do with it...

 

[SpAc3man]

Find him another girl. I've been with my girlfriend for over two years now. I met her through a good friend of mine who had a huge thing for her. She wasn't interested. He moved on when he became interested in another girl. I asked the first one out two weeks after he started dating the second one. She had no hesitation in saying yes. I am still very good friends with the guy, we are even considering going flatting together next year. It was a win win.

 

[Yureina]

I recently learned today something very unfortunate. It turns out the girl one of my best friends likes, really likes me. This is problematic since I sort of like her aswell although i'm swaying in the direction of not wanting to mess up my friendship with one of my best friends.

What to do?

This is a tough situation, but it is also one that needs a few extra questions answered about it.

First, you say your friend "likes" this girl, but am I right to believe that they are not involved in some kind of relationship? Am I right to assume that this is currently only at the "infatuation" level and nothing more than that? How seriously is your friend interested in this girl?

Second, you say that this is one of your "best friends". I take it that this means that you hold this particular friendship at a high enough esteem that you do not want to cause it any unnecessary trouble?

Third, what is your interest in a relationship with this girl? Do you merely like her and have found out that the feeling is mutual, or do you have a very real desire to make something happen?

As you have stated yourself, this is a fairly difficult situation that does not have many easy solutions. Much depends upon not only your own interests in this case, but also that of your friend's as well. Is your friend the type to get jealous or angry if you ended up getting into a relationship that he is seeking himself? Also, what are your own personal thoughts on this issue, and how much are you interested in seeking out a relationship even if it may potentially cause problems for one of your friendships?

Being able to answer those questions could help alot in being able to determine just how you ought to deal with this business.

Hope that helps. I probably can say more depending upon your answers to what I have said thus far. :3

- Rei

 

[zombiesinc]

I would suggest talking to your friend about this situation. If he truly is your best friend, you'll be able to have a civil conversation about it. From there, you'll have a better idea of how to deal with it.

Depending on the conversation, you can ask yourself if you really like this girl. If you'd actually want to date her. If your friend would hold either of those against you.

Best of luck.

 

[Serge A. Storms]

First figure out if you're serious about this. Don't fuck up a friendship over a girl if you're not at least sure that you're compatible enough to make it work in the beginning.

Talk to her first and make sure that if there's something between you, it's serious and worth the possible repercussions, the one thing you will regret for the rest of your life is fucking up a great friendship over a chick that ain't sure what she wants.

If she's serious about it, she'll let him down easy and then y'all will work it out. Don't confront him as a predetermined couple and patronize him by asking his permission or shit like that, if you make it seem like you're taking his girl or y'all went behind his back, that friendship is gone. He's not going to like it no matter how it plays out, even if he's completely bored of her and was going to dump her anyway, if he has any kind of ego he's going to be hurt. If it's worth that, then go for it, but be warned, you'd better be really sure. I can't emphasize that enough. If she decides she's really into another guy you hang out with, or if you figure out she was only attractive at a distance, you will never live it down, assuming you can at least salvage the friendship.

 

[etherlance]

Oh fuck him..........or more to the point, Fuck her!!.

Seriously??[footnote]

Yes, seriously. This forum is not intended for inconsiderate remarks. The OP clearly wants a way to get through this without damaging either relationship he has. Please don't do this again. ~Aylaine[/footnote]

 

[LarenzoAOG]

Go out with her anyway, if he doesn't want to be your friend after that he's a whiny punk and you're better off for it.

 

[Naheal]

You have to decide for yourself which is more important: a current friendship or the potential for a lasting relationship. With the lack of information there, there's no real objective opinion that I can give beyond a personal point of view that friendship is exceedingly important.

 

[TheYellowCellPhone]

Let this be a... little, unpredictable test: a friend should stick with you even if you're dating the girl she likes. Date her, and a good friend (whom you call your best friend) should be happy for you.

 

[Flamezdudes]

I recently learned today something very unfortunate. It turns out the girl one of my best friends likes, really likes me. This is problematic since I sort of like her aswell although i'm swaying in the direction of not wanting to mess up my friendship with one of my best friends.

What to do?

This is a tough situation, but it is also one that needs a few extra questions answered about it.

First, you say your friend "likes" this girl, but am I right to believe that they are not involved in some kind of relationship? Am I right to assume that this is currently only at the "infatuation" level and nothing more than that? How seriously is your friend interested in this girl?

Second, you say that this is one of your "best friends". I take it that this means that you hold this particular friendship at a high enough esteem that you do not want to cause it any unnecessary trouble?

Third, what is your interest in a relationship with this girl? Do you merely like her and have found out that the feeling is mutual, or do you have a very real desire to make something happen?

As you have stated yourself, this is a fairly difficult situation that does not have many easy solutions. Much depends upon not only your own interests in this case, but also that of your friend's as well. Is your friend the type to get jealous or angry if you ended up getting into a relationship that he is seeking himself? Also, what are your own personal thoughts on this issue, and how much are you interested in seeking out a relationship even if it may potentially cause problems for one of your friendships?

Being able to answer those questions could help alot in being able to determine just how you ought to deal with this business.

Hope that helps. I probably can say more depending upon your answers to what I have said thus far. :3

- Rei

I'm not entirely sure how much he likes the girl, but he's not in a relationship with her and simply wants to start a relationship with her.

He is one of my best friends and would defiantly not want to lose him as a friend.

I think with my interest in the girl is that I just like her and that because I now know that the feeling is mutual, I?m interested in her more.

He's probably the second easiest person in my group of friends to make angry. He can just sometimes snap when he gets pissed off and randomly hit someone. For example, I was just messing around with some object which I can't remember and then he hits me in the eye! But he's a really nice guy 99% of the time and great to talk to, so I?m not entirely sure how he would react if I started dating the girl.

I'm not really sure if I would want to risk one of my best friendships over a girl to be honest. However, I?m not sure since if I?m entirely honest, I?ve never had a relationship in my life and this is the first chance I?ve ever really gotten.

Thanks for the replies everyone.

 

[Biosophilogical]

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It sounds like you only like this girl. So really, ask yourself, is your interest in this girl some deep connection you have with her emotionally, something that makes your relationship with her more valuable than (a presumably) long-term friendship? Or is it just your hormones taking over, and she is making you think with your 'other' head, rather than the one that controls your central nervous system?

 

[JourneyThroughHell]

EDIT: Complete and utter rewrite: I misunderstood the situation.

Then, yes, do what Aylaine says. Talk to him. It should work.

Also, if you actually genuinely want to be with her (which I don't know if you do), and she wants to be with you, I'm sorry, but if your friend won't accept that, he is not a very good friend.

 

[Snake Plissken]

Oh man, I was in your position at least 4 different times when I was in high school. It was always between me and my best friend, and girls would always make friends with him just so they could get close to me. Occasionally they'd even date him for a week or two as to not look totally transparent. It was odd because he was always a much more attractive person than I (in a totally hetero way. Totally hetero) but I was a much more...um...entertaining person, I guess.

To this day we are still best friends, and most of those girls are total failures now.

I assume that your situation would be somewhat similar.

Just tell him that she likes you. He'll be happy just to have her around on occasion, even if it's just to sneak glances down her shirt.

 

[Angerwing]

I've been in the same situation, from your best friends side. Twice.

Both guys are still my best two friends.

If your friend doesn't get over it, they need to stop being whiny bitches. His shot is over. She doesn't like you in lieu of him. You're not the obstacle to their relationship. There is no relationship. Talk to your friend. Go for it.

 

[Frozen Donkey Wheel2]

One of my friends, Stan, has been dating this girl for...gotta be about 6 months now. The girl in question used to date ANOTHER one of my friends, Greg, for just as long, about a year or so ago. Stan and Greg remain good friends today.

Talk to your friend. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised. (Although Stan and Greg have known each other since the 3rd grade and we are all currently freshmen in college, so take from that what you will)