Question about "friend zone".

[chowderface]

Being someone's friend is a wonderful thing, not a demotion. And acting like being a woman's friend is the ultimate insult for a man paints men far too slutty.

Concept of "friend zone" as i understand it is all about "i wanted a girl but was rejected". This topic isn't about being friend with other gender. Sorry.

Actually Lilith is completely on topic. She's saying "the Friend Zone is bunk", and I'm inclined to agree.

I'm almost certain that the "Friend Zone" as a negative concept was invented entirely by Nice Guys.

It's possible. We - men - like to harness the unknown, to label things.

Missing the point, I feel. I'm saying that without Nice Guy Syndrome, we wouldn't have the "Friend Zone."

Well, I became friends with the girl I like(d) out of complete coincidence. I always just hoped that the friendship would eventually evolve into something more, but so far, no good. [forever_alone.jpg]

Fuck, son, ask her to go steady. If you just wait for it it'll never come. Waiting is how Nice Guys do it, and trust me: When Nice Guy is capitalized you DON'T want someone calling you that.

 

[Combustion Kevin]

Well one of the reasons that I would like a person that way is that I find them exceptionally enjoyable to be around, so if I just put it out there and she says no then I really don't have an issue with just being friends/bros/what have you. I'm not going to try to change their mind because I understand that it's just pushy and annoying.

If you only remain friends with them after that because of some delusion that they're suddenly going to be attracted to you then it's time that you abandon ship on that friendship.

thank you, good sir.

basicly, I think that a romantic relationship should hold the same criteria (probably more) as friendship, if you can't hang around and have fun as friends in the first place, how the fuck do you expect to maintain a relationship?

that they aren't romanticly interested in you is no reason to stop being friends, hell, none of the guys I hang around with are attracted to me (presumably, but that is of little importance).

women are people too, and can be just as fun to hang around with as men.
there is no need for this "no sex, no contact" bullshit, there is more to a person than just that and it'd be damn shallow to ignore it.

 

[Hugga_Bear]

There's no such thing as the "friend zone". I'd write something up, but BonsaiK has already said it better than I ever could:

Yes it's possible to be friends with someone but the idea of a "Friend Zone" that you're allocated to after a certain time period of knowing somebody is total fantasy, thought up by bored, lonely, misogynist keyboard jockeys who can't deal with the simple fact that men and women aren't really all that different when it comes to this particular point. They're looking for something to shift the blame for their failures on (because it couldn't possibly be that girls just don't like them much, oh gosh no) so they create this bullshit theory instead of acknowledging the harsh truth: that they never had a chance because she just didn't like them in the first place. Anything but take personal responsibility for their life and actions, hey.

This this a thousand times this. The friend zone just doesn't exist, you are their friend because they want nothing more from you, not because you were just too slow off the bat or because you're "Too Nice"tm.
No. That just doesn't happen. Girls DO like nice guys, odds are if you're the type bitching about being a Nice Guy(tm) and being in the friend zone then you're simply not a nice guy.

I'll leave it with these which better exemplify my view:
http://xkcd.com/513/
http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lrskhrpOs21qcz3izo1_500.png

 

[Kurokami]

It didn't occur to me earlier, however when i sobered up enough to remember my life it finnaly got me...

You're in the friend zone, so i guess there was this moment when she said "you're like my best friend, older/younger brother" or similar sh*t.

Question is (or rather questions are) : how could you agree ? Why didn't you protest ? Why haven't you proposed better, more adequate solution ?

http://stickerish.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/JackiechanBlackSS.png

"You're like a brother to me!" she would say, "Mmhm... I hear you, but on the other hand... Sex?" I would suggest in counter, "Sex" she would agree.

Whatever works for you, but that's generally a position reserved for people too chickenshit/skeptical about asking the person out (AKA me). The genius idea of having them ask them out isn't exactly reserved for the moment wherein the person's already decided you're gonna be the one handing them out at their marriage.

 

[smithy_2045]

There's no such thing as the "friend zone". I'd write something up, but BonsaiK has already said it better than I ever could:

Yes it's possible to be friends with someone but the idea of a "Friend Zone" that you're allocated to after a certain time period of knowing somebody is total fantasy, thought up by bored, lonely, misogynist keyboard jockeys who can't deal with the simple fact that men and women aren't really all that different when it comes to this particular point. They're looking for something to shift the blame for their failures on (because it couldn't possibly be that girls just don't like them much, oh gosh no) so they create this bullshit theory instead of acknowledging the harsh truth: that they never had a chance because she just didn't like them in the first place. Anything but take personal responsibility for their life and actions, hey.

Quoting because it bears repeating. It only exists in your own mind if you let it.

 

[JesterRaiin]

Actually it's pretty clear where the point is here. It's stupid to compare forcing 'joint operations' to a relationship for pretty blatant reasons that you choose to ignore.

My circuss, my monkeys. Not your thing ? Don't buy tickets next time. Simple as that.

 

[JesterRaiin]

Actually it's pretty clear where the point is here. It's stupid to compare forcing 'joint operations' to a relationship for pretty blatant reasons that you choose to ignore.

My circuss, my monkeys. Not your thing ? Don't buy tickets next time. Simple as that.

Ok, you're not capable of understanding that your analogy sucked and this being your thread doesn't make it any less stupid of an analogy. Well that's sad.

Jezu Chryste na stelażu...
Could you explain what you mean by "joint event" ? C'mon, indulge me.

 

[BabyRaptor]

Speaking as someone who broke out of the friend zone with someone who swore they'd keep everyone they ever met there, and was *very* adamant about it until I came along...

Leave it the hell alone.

You're generally there for a reason, and rarely does breaking it work out.

 

[JesterRaiin]

Actually it's pretty clear where the point is here. It's stupid to compare forcing 'joint operations' to a relationship for pretty blatant reasons that you choose to ignore.

My circuss, my monkeys. Not your thing ? Don't buy tickets next time. Simple as that.

Ok, you're not capable of understanding that your analogy sucked and this being your thread doesn't make it any less stupid of an analogy. Well that's sad.

Jezu Chryste na stelażu...
Could you explain what you mean by "joint event" ? C'mon, indulge me.

What I mean? Pretty funny there. It's pretty obvious. Event. Involving. Both. People. Working. Together.

Not precisely. "Both" "Joint events" can involve more than two people. Actually "joint events" can be quite big.
But let's move on. Are "joint events" exclusive to let's say "feelings", "romantical relationship" and such ?

 

[Divine Miss Bee]

This post is about simple question : "friendzone inhabitants, y u no stood up and claimed what's yours ?"

that sound you just heard was your sorry ass being blacklisted by every woman in the world who does not consider herself property. "claim what's yours?" what the hell is wrong with you? being friends with a girl never has and never will entitle you to more. you'll hear "no" a lot in your life, so let me assure you that "no" is exactly what the majority of women you meet mean to say.

i'm going to stop now, because people like you make me sick.

 

[Death God]

As I have found out through the years, once in the friend zone, always in the friend zone. I have been stuck in the friend zone too many times to count. Sure I've tried to crawl out from it but in a girls' mind, it isn't going to change. Best to move on to another girl and try your luck. No sense in sticking your head in the mud and waiting.

 

[JesterRaiin]

Actually it's pretty clear where the point is here. It's stupid to compare forcing 'joint operations' to a relationship for pretty blatant reasons that you choose to ignore.

My circuss, my monkeys. Not your thing ? Don't buy tickets next time. Simple as that.

Ok, you're not capable of understanding that your analogy sucked and this being your thread doesn't make it any less stupid of an analogy. Well that's sad.

Jezu Chryste na stelażu...
Could you explain what you mean by "joint event" ? C'mon, indulge me.

What I mean? Pretty funny there. It's pretty obvious. Event. Involving. Both. People. Working. Together.

Not precisely. "Both" "Joint events" can involve more than two people. Actually "joint events" can be quite big.
But let's move on. Are "joint events" exclusive to let's say "feelings", "romantical relationship" and such ?

No. Now is this a thread about romantic relationships?

"No". Exactly.
So one more question if you will. Could you give me some examples of "joint events" ? Possibily some big things (involving more than two people).

This post is about simple question : "friendzone inhabitants, y u no stood up and claimed what's yours ?"

that sound you just heard was your sorry ass being blacklisted by every woman in the world who does not consider herself property. "claim what's yours?" what the hell is wrong with you? being friends with a girl never has and never will entitle you to more. you'll hear "no" a lot in your life, so let me assure you that "no" is exactly what the majority of women you meet mean to say.

i'm going to stop now, because people like you make me sick.

You're just one person. What gives you right to speak for every girl/woman out there ? Chill a little. There's a saying that "The anger is harmful to the beauty".

 

[Divine Miss Bee]

This post is about simple question : "friendzone inhabitants, y u no stood up and claimed what's yours ?"

that sound you just heard was your sorry ass being blacklisted by every woman in the world who does not consider herself property. "claim what's yours?" what the hell is wrong with you? being friends with a girl never has and never will entitle you to more. you'll hear "no" a lot in your life, so let me assure you that "no" is exactly what the majority of women you meet mean to say.

i'm going to stop now, because people like you make me sick.

You're just one person. What gives you right to speak for every girl/woman out there ? Chill a little. There's a saying that "The anger is harmful to the beauty".

i'm not pretending to have the right to speak for every woman in the world, but i do know from he experience of being a person that 100% of women (and men, for that matter) consider themselves to be humans who can make up their own minds, and the rest of the world has to man up and deal with those decisions. also, i looked at your profile and now i'm confused. i didn't think poland was one of those european countries that culturally teaches men that women aren't people. so i guess i learned something today in addition to reinforcing what i already knew about people who don't have enough thoughts of their own to avoid quoting others.

 

[b3nn3tt]

This post is about simple question : "friendzone inhabitants, y u no stood up and claimed what's yours ?"

that sound you just heard was your sorry ass being blacklisted by every woman in the world who does not consider herself property. "claim what's yours?" what the hell is wrong with you? being friends with a girl never has and never will entitle you to more. you'll hear "no" a lot in your life, so let me assure you that "no" is exactly what the majority of women you meet mean to say.

i'm going to stop now, because people like you make me sick.

You're just one person. What gives you right to speak for every girl/woman out there ? Chill a little. There's a saying that "The anger is harmful to the beauty".

Could you be a bit more specific about which part of Miss Bee's post you were disagreeing with, because you give the impression that you disagree with it all. If that's the case, then I'd have to agree that you've got a very warped view of how relationships work. For example, do you disagree with this part:

being friends with a girl never has and never will entitle you to more

because I think that that is the crux of the argument here. Just because you are 'there for her' does not mean that she owes you a romantic relationship. By assuming that that is the case you are completely devaluing any friendship that anyone has with a woman.

OT: I think my quote response covered most of this, but my feelings are that the friend zone is a myth. It is created and perpetuated by people either too immature to realise that men and women can be friends, or too fragile to accept rejection.

If a woman says she 'likes you as a friend' (or vice versa, but I'm using women as it the more commonly-used example) then it means that she is not interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with you. Taking this and then constantly working to change her mind and show her how wrong she is is only going to result in you not being with her anyway, but also losing that friendship. Although this does have the advantage on the woman's side of showingthat you weren't actually that good a friend anyway, so in the long run she's better off with you not in her life.

*Disclaimer: 'you' is used in a general sense and does not refer to any specific person.

 

[BluesHadal]

There's no such thing as the "friend zone". I'd write something up, but BonsaiK has already said it better than I ever could:

Yes it's possible to be friends with someone but the idea of a "Friend Zone" that you're allocated to after a certain time period of knowing somebody is total fantasy, thought up by bored, lonely, misogynist keyboard jockeys who can't deal with the simple fact that men and women aren't really all that different when it comes to this particular point. They're looking for something to shift the blame for their failures on (because it couldn't possibly be that girls just don't like them much, oh gosh no) so they create this bullshit theory instead of acknowledging the harsh truth: that they never had a chance because she just didn't like them in the first place. Anything but take personal responsibility for their life and actions, hey.

This this a thousand times this. The friend zone just doesn't exist, you are their friend because they want nothing more from you, not because you were just too slow off the bat or because you're "Too Nice"tm.
No. That just doesn't happen. Girls DO like nice guys, odds are if you're the type bitching about being a Nice Guy(tm) and being in the friend zone then you're simply not a nice guy.

I'll leave it with these which better exemplify my view:
http://xkcd.com/513/
http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lrskhrpOs21qcz3izo1_500.png

I think the idea is that you approach or talk to someone, let's say in a college class or work, and you become friendly with them. But you never make a move but think that you did, either because this person didn't or the girl doesn't recognize it as such. So you become known as a friend. I seriously think that's all there is to it. How is that impossible. Maybe the girl is telling you by her not making a move she's not interested though a lot of women themselves don't make the first move or as previously mentioned, she never realized you were interested.

There's nothing about the concept that sounds farfetched to me.

This post is about simple question : "friendzone inhabitants, y u no stood up and claimed what's yours ?"

being friends with a girl never has and never will entitle you to more

because I think that that is the crux of the argument here. Just because you are 'there for her' does not mean that she owes you a romantic relationship. By assuming that that is the case you are completely devaluing any friendship that anyone has with a woman.

OT: I think my quote response covered most of this, but my feelings are that the friend zone is a myth. It is created and perpetuated by people either too immature to realise that men and women can be friends, or too fragile to accept rejection.

If a woman says she 'likes you as a friend' (or vice versa, but I'm using women as it the more commonly-used example) then it means that she is not interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with you. Taking this and then constantly working to change her mind and show her how wrong she is is only going to result in you not being with her anyway, but also losing that friendship. Although this does have the advantage on the woman's side of showingthat you weren't actually that good a friend anyway, so in the long run she's better off with you not in her life.

*Disclaimer: 'you' is used in a general sense and does not refer to any specific person.

There's some problems with the reasoning here. Who's saying that being nice entitles them to sex or anything? Who's saying that men and women can't jsut be friends?

The term doesn't cover either of those and it and no one that has said that have used the term has either.

Not only that but earlier people were saying that they'd much rather prefer a straight up rejection. So this idea of immature misogynist is bunk. At worst, we're talking about naive people. The idea is that there is doubt as to whether the woman would be interested in a relationship if she considered it. Only one line of what you said has to do with the initial question. Which is why no one tries to say otherwise when a girl says that you're only their friend and that you're in the friendzone(I hate even writing the term though).

fact is there might be nothing wrong with saying that maybe she should think about dating or even asking her out. Doing anything aggressively stupid or maybe doing anything, could be the wrong thing. But there is no concrete, unanimous belief of what to do about it. So you're basically making that up, but the advice is about as good as any.

Also wanting to be in a relationship with someone wouldn't suddenly make a person bad. Maybe they won't focus so much and treat them more like regular friends, whatever that may be.

Alternatively, I can see a situation where a hypothetical person realizes he's in love with a friend that they've known for years, and isn't that a big cliche. So what you're saying is these people would be jerks for trying to figure out if the other person might or could have feelings for them? I ask that rhetorically cause obviously I don't think so.

 

[JesterRaiin]

This post is about simple question : "friendzone inhabitants, y u no stood up and claimed what's yours ?"

that sound you just heard was your sorry ass being blacklisted by every woman in the world who does not consider herself property. "claim what's yours?" what the hell is wrong with you? being friends with a girl never has and never will entitle you to more. you'll hear "no" a lot in your life, so let me assure you that "no" is exactly what the majority of women you meet mean to say.

i'm going to stop now, because people like you make me sick.

You're just one person. What gives you right to speak for every girl/woman out there ? Chill a little. There's a saying that "The anger is harmful to the beauty".

i'm not pretending to have the right to speak for every woman in the world, but i do know from he experience of being a person that 100% of women (and men, for that matter) consider themselves to be humans who can make up their own minds, and the rest of the world has to man up and deal with those decisions. also, i looked at your profile and now i'm confused. i didn't think poland was one of those european countries that culturally teaches men that women aren't people. so i guess i learned something today in addition to reinforcing what i already knew about people who don't have enough thoughts of their own to avoid quoting others.

Yes, you pretend, no, your experiences aren't enough, no, there's noone that's 100% pure gender, meh, "the rest of the world" is a very big word, and covers lands, cultures, people, history and topics you don't have a clue about, no, your assumptions are wrong, micro doesn't equal macro, and no country can be judged by experiences gained from meeting of one of its inhabitants, actually, whoever does is either young, naive or very closeminded, also, i don't know where did you get your impression about women not being people, and, finally, since i checked last time quoting is commonly accepted tool of discussion.

So, please, go gain some more experience before you'll start hissing at someone next time.

Could you be a bit more specific about which part of Miss Bee's post you were disagreeing with

Sure buddy. I stopped reading right after first words. I can't help it - i'm allergic to people acting like some sort of vox populi just because they share some attributes with some of them. I'm ready to think and discuss about pretty much every point of view but not with everyone. I'm picky.

 

[Divine Miss Bee]

at this point you're not responding to things i actually said, so maybe re-check your google translator and try again.

 

[crazyarms33]

My relationship rule No. 3: Know where you stand!

Strangely my rules also work for buses and trains but that's another story.

Wintastic good sir!

 

[JesterRaiin]

at this point you're not responding to things i actually said, so maybe re-check your google translator and try again.

To paraphrase Sir Winston Churchill "Lady, i may be good for nothing dunce hailing from shi*hole of Europe, that use google translator, but my points are valid. You, on the other hand come here, act like on period and expect what ? That someone will bow down before your poorly chosen arguments because your chromosomes are a little different ?"
Ain't gonna happen. You disagree, prove me wrong. Otherwise, g'day to you.

 

[Divine Miss Bee]

at this point you're not responding to things i actually said, so maybe re-check your google translator and try again.

To paraphrase Sir Winston Churchill "Lady, i may be good for nothing dunce hailing from shi*hole of Europe, that use google translator, but my points are valid. You, on the other hand come here, act like on period and expect what ? That someone will bow down before your poorly chosen arguments because your chromosomes are a little different ?"
Ain't gonna happen. You disagree, prove me wrong. Otherwise, g'day to you.

i am proving you wrong by holding an opinion that disagrees with yours. i'm surprised that you, playing as you are the worldly gentleman mysogynist, aren't quite...let's say "present" enough to see that. we're human, we don't have the same ideas. you say i'm not allowed to reject a man because men have a right to my body just by making my acquaintance, i say that i disagree. at the end of the day, my opinion counts the most over who i go home with and the opinions of any other person in my circle of friends does not. to say otherwise is either laughably small-minded or a staggering feat of straight idiocy.

also, i'm not on my period, i'm just cranky over being told i'm subhuman by a man who clearly doesn't understand the first thing about interpersonal relationships. so you can either admit that your views don't run the world or i can point you to a nice bridge to sleep under.