whenever you smile the ozone layer dies a bit more, and the sun expands. whenever you cry, the ozone repairs.
the villain streams, to your brain, Weekend At Bernie's. your Facebook says 'i always rofl at it lol'.
UNFORTUNATELY! he rented The Notebook, a film you believe to be so sad you never willingly watch it.
instead of causing the fiery apocalypse, you are congratulated!
HOWEVER! the villain say that he was the one who rented The Notebook, and he is celebrated.
THEN! you revenge-kill him for being a glory hog, and are kicked off the planet.
AFTERWARDS! on the video call to Earth from your ship you laugh at the irony that you will hit the sun... causing the events of before to be nullified and the fiery death of Earth to happen.
SOON! you see the villain appear on screen. he used a body double clone, and it was all a Xanatos Gambit!