Real-life porn scenarios

[Bara_no_Hime]

bara, my man,

Um, I'm not a man, as my OB-GYN can attest.

P.S. sex on the beach at sunset, not as bad as it sounds, that is if you bring a towel for parts of it. cause pussies don't like sand HAHAHA..ha..ha..... get it? like a cat, doesn't like sand, get it? *crickets*

I've been to the beach, I'm aware of what sand does to that particular piece of one's anatomy, thanks. Quite a bit better than you are, unless your wife is very descriptive.

Anyway, I don't see a towel being enough. Sand gets ON the towel pretty easily, and unless one is very, very careful, I don't see something like that ending well for anyone.

 

[BENZOOKA]

When I was 15, I was having sex with the same girl (3rd time that evening/night) in a disco's bathroom stall and she was on her knees finishing me off... That stall had a broken lock, which I noticed too late. Just a door knob that I held on to with dear life. I'd heard sounds of the disco ending and everyone being shooed outside, and suddenly I hear steps and "everyone out" shouts from the bathroom. Then someone was pulling the door open, and I managed to hold on to it, until the third pull...
It was the janitor. I knew him, and he is old and ugly. We ran out laughing. Where the hell was I going with this.

 

[lacktheknack]

So, this girl for my number, and then had sex with me to ensure I would call it.

She didn't really. The number was for a scavenger hunt.

foreveralone.jpg

 

[SckizoBoy]

Anyway, I don't see a towel being enough. Sand gets ON the towel pretty easily, and unless one is very, very careful, I don't see something like that ending well for anyone.

Perhaps you would consider sex on a typical British beach... (note: nothing but pebbles). And no, I haven't done it if you're curious. Only time I've had sex in a public place was in Hyde Park... which recalls a bit like a stereotypical porno: two runners in a deserted park early in the morning with her boobies bouncing about... sweat... dripping... *slaps self*

Anyway, actual story I had in mind: an amateur porno (we filmed it, destroying it when we broke up). More of just a roleplay on film: angry master returning home; servant wishing to please etc. etc. lots of spanking and awesome sex and dialogue that we didn't bother with. Watched it back the first time and had to laugh.

 

[EPIC_MAN_OF_BACON]

bara, my man,

Um, I'm not a man, as my OB-GYN can attest.

P.S. sex on the beach at sunset, not as bad as it sounds, that is if you bring a towel for parts of it. cause pussies don't like sand HAHAHA..ha..ha..... get it? like a cat, doesn't like sand, get it? *crickets*

I've been to the beach, I'm aware of what sand does to that particular piece of one's anatomy, thanks. Quite a bit better than you are, unless your wife is very descriptive.

Anyway, I don't see a towel being enough. Sand gets ON the towel pretty easily, and unless one is very, very careful, I don't see something like that ending well for anyone.

My mistake, madam, i do apologize.

Yeah, my wife IS very descriptive, it was a question between us, how does it feel to be a guy and how it feels to be a woman.

And we were very careful. it was on the beach but sorta back on the area where the grass meets the sand, with a towel, its very nice. *cues music*

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DbXSvgzq76Q&feature=related

the warm soft ground beneath you plus the hot body on you, the sun glinting of both of your sweating bodies, the one you love and a romantic evening, slowly stripping off the clothes as we embrace in a passionate kiss and fall gently into the it.... ah memories 8D

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

in a disco's bathroom stall and she was on her knees finishing me off...

Eeeww. Of all the places to have sex... a bathroom toilet stall? Ick. I would NOT want to be on my knees in one of those. Just... bleck. Icky.

The rest of the story sounds like fun. Just... why the toilet? Wasn't there somewhere else semi-private to sneak off to?

Perhaps you would consider sex on a typical British beach... (note: nothing but pebbles).

Huh. Never been to a British beach. Just American ones (both East and West coast). All the ones I've been to are covered in fine sand, and it gets fucking EVERYWHERE, even with a swim suit and no funny business. Pebbles sounds hard on the feet. And the butt. You'd need a pretty thick towel to make pebbles comfortable. Still better than sand, though.

Actually, that reminds me - the first time I went swimming in the Atlantic ocean (at a beach, obviously) I was staying with this friend who I was kind of hoping to sleep with. However, at the beach, I got a NASTY sunburn (my "waterproof" sunscrean wasn't actually waterproof, it turned out) and ended up not wanting anyone to touch me at all for the next week. It's funny now, but at the time it really, really sucked.

 

[SckizoBoy]

Huh. Never been to a British beach. Just American ones (both East and West coast). All the ones I've been to are covered in fine sand, and it gets fucking EVERYWHERE, even with a swim suit and no funny business. Pebbles sounds hard on the feet. And the butt. You'd need a pretty thick towel to make pebbles comfortable. Still better than sand, though.

It's not that bad on the feet, actually... though this is from a guy who typically walks everywhere (within reason) and probably has soles hardened to leather by now... As for the butt, yeah, it can be, but that's why God gifted us with a multitude of positions, no?! =P

And getting sunburnt? Thankfully, I have no experience of such... I've only been to the beach fully clothed or after the sun sets... yeah, I'm eccentric like that... >_>

 

[FilipJPhry]

Was flirtatiously invited to a get-together with 5 women once.

Spoiler

They all had alcohol and seemed DTF. I was about to make my move and then one of them said they invited me because they wanted to hook me up with one of their sisters. Said I was "boyfriend" material. I then told them where the booze was, where I asked them if they needed a 'server' for the night. They pointed me to the fridge inside the garage. No more words needed after that.

 

[BENZOOKA]

in a disco's bathroom stall and she was on her knees finishing me off...

Eeeww. Of all the places to have sex... a bathroom toilet stall? Ick. I would NOT want to be on my knees in one of those. Just... bleck. Icky.

The rest of the story sounds like fun. Just... why the toilet? Wasn't there somewhere else semi-private to sneak off to?

We were inside the building when, after some public warming up, we got the urge to go do it again. It was dark outside, and the yard was swarming with teenagers anyways. Plus I couldn't think of another private place, that wasn't too far off, with a horny teenager mind in a minute. Anywho, it was pretty much as clean as they get and it was only her knees touching the floor. Not even that, if she was squatting; this was some time ago.

And being a gentleman, I had already taken the ground bullet, laying on a heather-filled nearby forest floor during the first time. And the second time for the night was me leaning diagonally with my upper back against a tree, right next to a lighted sports field. That was evidently very satisfying. Although had to fight my feet from slipping and with the freaky position, it was quite a workout.

 

[DevilWithaHalo]

Hung out with this blonde girl once and took her back to her place. She invited me up for a drink and I had nothing better to do at the time, so I went up with her. We chatted for a bit and eventually I mentioned I had just bought a new bed and it was super comfortable. She said I needed to try her bed because it was way better. I didn't believe her so I tried it out. Layed down and ow... something poked my back. Pulled the covers and her massive dildo was starring me in the face. She gets all flustered and says she's embaressed and can't believe something like that would ever happen to her. Sure...

...I left a few hours later.

 

[EPIC_MAN_OF_BACON]

in a disco's bathroom stall and she was on her knees finishing me off...

Eeeww. Of all the places to have sex... a bathroom toilet stall? Ick. I would NOT want to be on my knees in one of those. Just... bleck. Icky.

The rest of the story sounds like fun. Just... why the toilet? Wasn't there somewhere else semi-private to sneak off to?

Perhaps you would consider sex on a typical British beach... (note: nothing but pebbles).

Huh. Never been to a British beach. Just American ones (both East and West coast). All the ones I've been to are covered in fine sand, and it gets fucking EVERYWHERE, even with a swim suit and no funny business. Pebbles sounds hard on the feet. And the butt. You'd need a pretty thick towel to make pebbles comfortable. Still better than sand, though.

Actually, that reminds me - the first time I went swimming in the Atlantic ocean (at a beach, obviously) I was staying with this friend who I was kind of hoping to sleep with. However, at the beach, I got a NASTY sunburn (my "waterproof" sunscrean wasn't actually waterproof, it turned out) and ended up not wanting anyone to touch me at all for the next week. It's funny now, but at the time it really, really sucked.

British beaches are harder to find a moment of privacy though. no trees or large rocks. but still if you work at it, it can be nice.

and as for the bathroom, yup, done it there to. and yeah you can only do it in a clean bathroom. it was one of those high end places where the bathroom is cleaned like 12 times a day. it was pretty nice.

Like i said, my wife, sexiest woman ever. Does all this cause i ask, never stoned or drunk. She is just horny, and i love it ;D

As for the sunburn story 9a wanting, but couldn't get there story), all i got is trying not to be horny in front of your parents. it was that my parents were over and we were having dinner. Then i start to feel a rubbing on my leg. i look at my wife, and she is doing her "i want" face (yes thats just what i call it, its when she is biting her lower lip and half-smiling). Thats the thing about her, when she wants it she wants it. So were sitting in the restaurant, she is fondling me, and i want to return it, but my parents are right there! ugh it was a long night.

 

[Nalgas D. Lemur]

Well, this was one hell of a first post.

This is my favorite post on the entire site, partly because I just was just showing that video to my friend earlier today, but mostly because you waited almost three years before making that as your first post. You've been lurking patiently, biding your time for the exact right moment to strike, and after years of quiet contemplation, you have finally discovered the true answer of what to do when life gives you lemons.

 

[thisbymaster]

I had just hired this babysitter to watch my kids. She was the most beautiful woman that I had ever seen. Her face made me melt. She had perfect DD breasts that were still full of milk. She was a gymnast and had a perfect hourglass figure. I fell in love the first time I met her. After the first time interviewing her, she invited me out to the beach where we walked along the beach where she told me about her abusive husband and I told her about my abusive ex-wife. We found each other on a level I had never connected to another woman, person or anyone. In our loneliness we saw each other as a life raft. The next day was her birthday and she invited me to come out with her and her family. We had a good time together and her two girls played with my two girls. She invited me to come to church the next weekend with her and her family. She lead the church service with her voice that seemed to be descended from heaven itself. After church we went back to her place to have me inspect the house so she can watch the girls there. We sat down on the couch after her parents went upstairs to relax for the day. I bet over to pick something up on the other side of her and she whispered in my ear, "You know if anything happens, you will get hurt." I said back, "I know but nothing pleasurable comes without some pain." She grabbed my head and pushed me down on to the top of her shoulder. I kissed and ran my tongue up and down her neck as she started to moan softly. I started running my hands down between her legs slowly reaching closer and closer to her ever trusting crotch. Down deep between her legs I worked my figures to their best, until she said. "Inside." In my ear, the joy that shot through my body made every bit of me feel like a person again, like all the hardships of my life were meaningless and I was at once whole again. I ran my hands down her pants and found the sweet bounty within her moaning turned from quiet to regular voice in my ear. I felt her body move like it had finally been released from chains that had bound her. I could feel her finger nails scratch against the back of my shirt. Then in one motion she playfully clamped down on my shoulder with her teeth. But one of her girls interrupted us asking if mommy was OK. We went over to the kitchen and she pushed herself up on the counter and pulled me towards her. There was no holding back for her now. I pulled down her shirt and found her treasure once again, she moaned and thrashed at me time and again. But still the kids kept coming over to stop us. I finally just put my mouth to the honey pot and went to town. We kept it up but each time no matter what if the kids were around they would always get in the way. Finally two weeks later she came over to my apartment and we made sweet beautiful love to me. A week later she was gone, nothing more then "I don't want to talk anymore for real this time." Here I am a month later and all I can think about is her.

Spoiler

 

[EPIC_MAN_OF_BACON]

I had been approached by a Teacher who had recently gone through a horrible divorce.
She called me to her office and said she needed someone to talk to.
I'm just a slightly above average student but me and my Teacher are good friends.
This happened in my 2nd year of college. I was 20 and she was 32 (also very pretty).

She actually requested me to hold/hug her for a bit and I took a slight advantage of the situation.
I kissed her full on the lips and she was all, "Hey! What are you doing?"

I apologized and then she did the same talking about how it was her fault with me being a hormonal teenager and all. Although she cheekily admitted to having enjoyed it. We talked some more, I gave her some comforting words and that was that. We have not spoken of the incident since. Though I do fantasize about her. As of today, I just finished my 3rd and final year

Huh, you know my wife is a teacher. This reminds me of the time she was working late, and i came to give her some supper. and you can't help notice when your woman is lookin good in her skirt (long one but still a skirt) and nice blouse. so after we were done i just kissed her. didn't think it would turn into this whole role play thing of how i had been misbehaving and she was going to punish me. I was on her desk and she was on me.

Yeah, im pretty much the family guy of sex stories, with how much i say, "that reminds me of the time...." DON'T JUDGE ME!

 

[EPIC_MAN_OF_BACON]

I had just hired this babysitter to watch my kids. She was the most beautiful woman that I had ever seen. Her face made me melt. She had perfect DD breasts that were still full of milk. She was a gymnast and had a perfect hourglass figure. I fell in love the first time I met her. After the first time interviewing her, she invited me out to the beach where we walked along the beach where she told me about her abusive husband and I told her about my abusive ex-wife. We found each other on a level I had never connected to another woman, person or anyone. In our loneliness we saw each other as a life raft. The next day was her birthday and she invited me to come out with her and her family. We had a good time together and her two girls played with my two girls. She invited me to come to church the next weekend with her and her family. She lead the church service with her voice that seemed to be descended from heaven itself. After church we went back to her place to have me inspect the house so she can watch the girls there. We sat down on the couch after her parents went upstairs to relax for the day. I bet over to pick something up on the other side of her and she whispered in my ear, "You know if anything happens, you will get hurt." I said back, "I know but nothing pleasurable comes without some pain." She grabbed my head and pushed me down on to the top of her shoulder. I kissed and ran my tongue up and down her neck as she started to moan softly. I started running my hands down between her legs slowly reaching closer and closer to her ever trusting crotch. Down deep between her legs I worked my figures to their best, until she said. "Inside." In my ear, the joy that shot through my body made every bit of me feel like a person again, like all the hardships of my life were meaningless and I was at once whole again. I ran my hands down her pants and found the sweet bounty within her moaning turned from quiet to regular voice in my ear. I felt her body move like it had finally been released from chains that had bound her. I could feel her finger nails scratch against the back of my shirt. Then in one motion she playfully clamped down on my shoulder with her teeth. But one of her girls interrupted us asking if mommy was OK. We went over to the kitchen and she pushed herself up on the counter and pulled me towards her. There was no holding back for her now. I pulled down her shirt and found her treasure once again, she moaned and thrashed at me time and again. But still the kids kept coming over to stop us. I finally just put my mouth to the honey pot and went to town. We kept it up but each time no matter what if the kids were around they would always get in the way. Finally two weeks later she came over to my apartment and we made sweet beautiful love to me. A week later she was gone, nothing more then "I don't want to talk anymore for real this time." Here I am a month later and all I can think about is her.

Spoiler

Im pretty sure the part about the kids stopping us well be true for me and my wife in a few years. but we will be ready, we're good at hiding ;D

still, i feel you bro. thats a good story, liked it. you go my man, you go.... for another beauty or decide if you will try to find her. its all you my man

 

[userwhoquitthesite]

Did you find out about Reddit today or something?

What?

 

[ElPatron]

Did you find out about Reddit today or something?

What?

Normal people don't say things like "le wild X appears" nor "hurr durr 4chan references lulz".

I'm sure I am not the only one sick of seeing "le" everywhere.

 

[CAPTCHA]

My first sexual experience involved two girls, an acrylic paint set and copious blowjobs.

Also:

My girlfriend says that years ago she was taking a car for a test drive and then she earned a discount from the salesman in the back seat.

ED: also for a lot of these posts, pics or it didn't happen. lol

 

[Sporky111]

Okay, I have one. It was the morning after a party and my roomie had to go to work early. He left one of his friends passed out on the couch. The guy woke up a bit later and just kind of awkwardly hung out for a bit before starting to talk to me. The topic of relationships and sexuality came up. He wasn't having any luck with the ladies and hadn't gotten any action in a while, but he gradually worked up to admitting some interest in me and finally said that if I helped him get off he'd do the same for me. "You show yours, I'll show mine" pretty much.

So there's your porn scenario: I had sex with my roommate's straight friend (the roomie will never know).

 

[winginson]

I had sex behind her roommates back without her noticing

Spoiler

Actually she did notice and wanted to join us

Spoiler

Actually she wanted to join her. They have been together for 4 years now and thats my latest story much to my regret.

Captcha "trust me". Oh please do, and while you are at it can I look after your bank details?