Real men...

[Cavouku]

Fight bears with just a knife.

... And yes, some russians actually do that.

John West doesn't use a knife, he just wants his damn salmon.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CVS1UfCfxlU

 

[Vykrel]

Real Men are secure in their masculinity, and thus don't feel the need to come up with ridiculous statements to shore up outmoded gender stereotypes.

real men dont say sissy crap like that.

lol jk

 

[OakTaooper]

Real men understand the laws of quantum mechanics, calculus, and check The Escapist thrice daily.

 

[emeraldrafael]

Real Men wear pink.

EDIT: And arent egoistical jackasses with an insercurity and unnecessary need to overcompensate for their short comings.

Dont ask Vegeta, he wont know what you're talking about. XD

 

[jacx]

real men dont shit bricks
they shit buildings

 

[HellsingerAngel]

Real men go missing for 12 years and when they finally show back up (or are promised to), all the pussies jizz their pants in anticipation.

Well, I don't think anyone will top that.

Close second:

real men:
1. are men
2. have the speed of a coursing river
3. Have the force of a great typhoon
4. have the strength of a raging fire
5. are mysterious as the dark side of the Moooon.

My pathetic attempt:

Real men hunt large animals like bears with only a stick. And the stick is only used to smack the damn thing to wake it the hell up!

 

[BabyRaptor]

Real men say "are you on your period?" When the missus is giving them hell.

Go on, try it, I dare you.

That one doesn't work on me, because my birth control stops mine. I get tons of funny looks when I announce I never have them, though.

 

[Choppaduel]

... have XY chromosomes.

 

[TOTL_UNIALAYSHUN]

Real Men talk about their feelings.[sic]

Amen, brother.

Very true, I agree with that.

Real men are chivalrous.
Real men don't make friends with girls just so they can make out later.
Real men laugh and weep when their hangy-down parts get hit.
Real men LIVE IN CANADA! > (Just kidding, don't get too mad now, y'hear?)

 

[vrbtny]

Drink Molotov Cocktails
Duel with swordfishes
Ride monster trucks to work.

What is the most ludicrous "Real men" thing you can come up with?

Real men make their own sandwiches!
Real men drink hot milk with choc-chip cookies!
Real men play mario-kart!
Real men play Fallout : New Vegas on hardcore mode, on their first play-through.
Real men shit cactus'
Real men escape death by kicking the grim reaper in the balls(Cookies if you know the references)

Real Men wear pink.

AWESOME!!! I'm a real man.

Exibit A) My Red vs Blue : Donut quote, T-shirt. "It's not pink, It's lightish red."
Exibit B) My pink Hawaiin shirt with palm trees.
Exibit C) My pink shirt which says, "Pink. It's a man's colour."

 

[ComicsAreWeird]

Real men dont eat honey. They chew bees.

 

[SplicedUp068]

Yahtzee quote real men "eat danger and shit bullets"

 

[Brawndo]

... approach girls and ask them out instead of pretending to be their friend or resigning themselves to virginity and spending the rest of their youth on internet forums and playing video games.

am i doing it rite?

 

[oldskoolandi]

Real men watch this at least half a dozen times every day. On full volume.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NpGVsiS7bBw

 

[DocBot]

Drink Molotov Cocktails
Duel with swordfishes
Ride monster trucks to work.

What is the most ludicrous "Real men" thing you can come up with?

PFF! I DRIVE a monster truck to work! Then park it on top of my boss's car...

 

[WOPR]

Drink Molotov Cocktails
Duel with swordfishes
Ride monster trucks to work.

What is the most ludicrous "Real men" thing you can come up with?

Can play guitar hero and DDR at the same time

can enjoy a wii game

and can chug a powerthirst/falcon punch without flinching

(for the record I've made something I called "falcon punch" imagine fizzy kool-aid with twice the sugar... heh heh...)

EDIT:

Real men carry swords bigger then they are
can suplex a train
and can lose and arm and still ask for a beer

 

[WOPR]

Yahtzee quote real men "eat danger and shit bullets"

YES!

And they go out looking for answers and let their guns do the talking and their guns only know one really loud word!

 

[theonlyblaze2]

Real men have two Y chromosomes.

 

[FriedRicer]

Real men eat bullets,shit grenades,cry blood,drink deisel oil,and fuck bears....missionary...REGARDLESS OF GENDER.
Real men don't die-they NUKE.
Real men instantly die if they haven't killed anyone before 30 and even then-THEY BLOW UP.
If a real man lives past thirty, it's because he's supposed to sacrifice himself so YOU can escape from the aliens,zombies,vampire nazi,exploding base/ship and save the word.
If a real man is given a history book,He will eat all of the pages that mentions Hitler.
Real men sleep commando...in beehives.
You go to work...Real men WORK TO GO TO WORK...
Real men invent things that have already been invented.
Real men can fire any ammunition with their bear hands.
Real men platinum Demon's Souls in one sitting.
Oh and they burn down womens casual clothing stores...

 

[Diligent]

Real men eat nothing but meat, but when they have to eat salad, they eat this:

2c chopped spinach. If it's good enough for Popeye it's good enough for you, Nancy.
1/2 C nuts. Not some dainty pine nuts or almonds...real metal nuts (bolts optional).
1/2 C habanero peppers - CHOPPED, RAW.
1/2 lb beef jerky.
DRESSING:
1/4 C motor oil.
2 TBSP tobasco sauce.
2 TBSP gunpowder.
2 full cloves of fresh garlic.

EDIT:
2 full BULBS of fresh garlic.

Real men can admit their mistakes.