Relationship Deal Breakers

[Fappy]

Don't be a crazy *****. I am a pretty simple guy to please.

 

[lacktheknack]

1. Not religious, I agree with the OP 100% on this. Get rid of religion ASAP. (sorry, to those who are religious)

Don't apologize for things you aren't sorry for. It's dishonest. Dishonesty makes Jesus cry.

OT: Must be Christian. If she's a serious Christian, then the rest of the deal-breakers are moot.

Except being clingy.

If she wants me around 90% of the time, she's asking a bit too much.

 

[Angie7F]

Actually you have 2, no e in grammar and deal beaker is 2 words.

yeah, i'm sloppy and quite unreasonable when it comes to dating deal breakers. (see, i fixed "dealbreaker" already!!)

 

[disgruntledgamer]

About the only thing that is an absolute turn-off for me is unkindness. I do not like Nasty People. I do not like people who make fun of people so that they can feel good about themselves. No matter how attractive someone is, I will not date or love an unkind person.

Anyone who hurts other people for profit, self-service or fun is a bad person. Anyone who enjoys hurting animals is a bad person. Anyone who steals, constantly lies, or is just mean-spirited is someone I could never, ever love. Not even for a second.

What if they make fun of people just for the hell of it?

Joking aside I actually don't like people who are too nice, having a bit of a mean spark in them isn't necessarily a bad thing, there needs to be balance.

 

[Sarah Kerrigan]

Cheaters-Self Explanatory.

Clingers-You know what I mean. I'm a girl that likes her space, and if you don't give it to me i'm not happy at all.

Smokers-I have alot in my family, so I don't like to deal with more.

Social people-I'm not a fan of big parties.

That's all I can think of at the moment..

 

[barbzilla]

2:Excessive drug use: If somebody is a casual user of a drug, I don't care, but it's a deal breaker if it's a lifestyle for them.

I'm almost curious as to what you consider the line between 'casual'/'addicted', to be honest, because there aren't all that many things out there that one can remain a 'casual' user of after starting, since you're not specifying anything specific here.

For example, I seriously doubt that someone could be a 'casual' user of heroin.

Anyway, my last relationship was pretty much a walking example of every red flag. Getting drunk and having casual sex with strangers or just being unable to say "no" to people she did know and feeling no remorse afterwards, excessive smoker of two different substances, zero priorities outside of "having a good time" and horrible time management + extremely scatter-brained, and yet I stayed with her far longer than I should have. I should've remembered that people don't change.

You would be surprised, I think addiction to be a character flaw. I know plenty of casual drug users of all kinds of drugs (mainly due to the kind of work I used to be involved in [nothing illegal mind]). Many of these people are able to do a hit here or there and then not touch it again for a couple of months. On the other hand I have seen people get invited to smoke a joint with a group and then go crazy with it, ending up in a perpetual stoned state.

I will grant credence to the fact that there are some drugs that are more addictive than others, but addiction tends to be a personal issue.

 

[Libra]

Smoking and drinking too much are the big ones for me.
I'm a very insecure person too, so I'd need him to take it slow in the relationship. If he'd start pushing me I couldn't keep dating him.

 

[Blow_Pop]

2. STDs/ Bad HPVs - I'm clean and intend to stay that way.

Ok this one I have a problem with. What about people who are raped by people who have them? It's not like they planned on unsafe sex or anything. And there are ways to still enjoy a partner with an STD(which HPV is technically an STD for the record)without it passing onto you. It's called safe sex and being exceedingly cautious which if you say you intend to stay that way you should be anyway.

Now that that is off my chest......

People who don't respect me, my family, my friends, my beliefs, etc
People who are going to cheat on a relationship
People who expect me to be fine with them spending a lot of time gaming and almost none with me(like 5 hours on a game after working a shift and it being a game I either can't play because it's single player or a game that I don't play because I don't enjoy it)
Manipulators
People who belittle me or have a superiority complex and think that they can't do anything wrong and it's always just MY fault
Addicted to alcohol/drugs/painkillers
Stealing
Lying(and I'm talking about compulsive liars though in general I do prefer honesty over lies)
People who think that my BMI should match with my weight and judge me on it
People who don't believe facts over what they think(like for instance evolutionary facts vs religion says this so i believe that)
Bigots
close minded people
Sexist douches(which come from all genders for the record not just limited to men, i know it's a shock)
Rape apologists/victim blamers
people who use cultural appropriation as their style and find nothing wrong with it
Racist douches
Anyone who has a problem with the fact that I'm introverted and prefer staying inside as opposed to constantly going out
Being treated as the third wheel at a get together
Being told that because I don't enjoy large get togethers that I'm "not fun"
Someone telling me that my thoughts/opinions/feelings don't matter because theirs are the only ones that are important
Someone trying to tell me that I have to take my piercings out because they're ugly
Being told what i can/can't do as far as what I wear, how I cut my hair, topics of tattoos/piercings, hair colour, what games I play, etc... Basically people who try and control me
Being told I can't see some of my friends or even talk to them(especially without a good reason)
Being ignored especially around your friends or family especially if I don't know them
Being forced to be in the presence of someone I don't get along with and have said that I don't want to be near them ever
Being told that my job isn't good enough/forced to quit or get fired from my job due to your own insecurities
Someone who is insecure enough that I can't have a life outside of them
People who just want to use me
People with less social skills than me (because let's face it, if you have less social skills than me, we probably won't end up talking and if by some miracle we do, it will be awkward conversations with awkward pauses)

And I think that's my entire list.

 

[Hexadeximal]

Parrots. That is, a woman who owns a parrot.

They live forever. The screech like banshees. They can bite through bone.

And they LOVE her, HATE you and will always hate YOU for loving HER.

ALWAYS.

 

[Beffudled Sheep_v1legacy]

The biggest relationship deal breaker for me is being passive/spineless/submissive.

If a girl won't stand up for herself at all, takes abuse and such like a doormat, refuses to fight back then I can't be with them. I see them as weak, and prey (same as spineless men).

Give me a girl that will tell me if I'm wrong with force, tell me if she really doesn't like doing something, and cares about her own happiness equally with mine (or even slightly more than mine) instead of only caring about my happiness anyday.

If you don't have the spine to break your knuckles on my jaw I don't want you unless you have a lot of other qualities I approve of.

My second biggest is smoking and any form of drug abuse.

Third biggest deal breaker would be being the town bicycle. I'm all for a person screwing who they want, when they want, but I see people with sexual connquests that can't be counted on one or two hands to be disgusting for some reason. So if you have a few guys under your belt I don't mind, hell I may even work harder, but if you have like 15 I'll see you as dirty. Same goes for guys even though I don't fancy them.

Fourth biggest is racism, homophobia, sexism, and saying that some people should have their rights removed for reason X or Y.

Other issues aren't deal breakers so four is my limit I guess.

 

[Beffudled Sheep_v1legacy]

2. STDs/ Bad HPVs - I'm clean and intend to stay that way.

Ok this one I have a problem with. What about people who are raped by people who have them? It's not like they planned on unsafe sex or anything. And there are ways to still enjoy a partner with an STD(which HPV is technically an STD for the record)without it passing onto you. It's called safe sex and being exceedingly cautious which if you say you intend to stay that way you should be anyway.

Now that that is off my chest......

People who don't respect me, my family, my friends, my beliefs, etc
People who are going to cheat on a relationship
People who expect me to be fine with them spending a lot of time gaming and almost none with me(like 5 hours on a game after working a shift and it being a game I either can't play because it's single player or a game that I don't play because I don't enjoy it)
Manipulators
People who belittle me or have a superiority complex and think that they can't do anything wrong and it's always just MY fault
Addicted to alcohol/drugs/painkillers
Stealing
Lying(and I'm talking about compulsive liars though in general I do prefer honesty over lies)
People who think that my BMI should match with my weight and judge me on it
People who don't believe facts over what they think(like for instance evolutionary facts vs religion says this so i believe that)
Bigots
close minded people
Sexist douches(which come from all genders for the record not just limited to men, i know it's a shock)
Rape apologists/victim blamers
people who use cultural appropriation as their style and find nothing wrong with it
Racist douches
Anyone who has a problem with the fact that I'm introverted and prefer staying inside as opposed to constantly going out
Being treated as the third wheel at a get together
Being told that because I don't enjoy large get togethers that I'm "not fun"
Someone telling me that my thoughts/opinions/feelings don't matter because theirs are the only ones that are important
Someone trying to tell me that I have to take my piercings out because they're ugly
Being told what i can/can't do as far as what I wear, how I cut my hair, topics of tattoos/piercings, hair colour, what games I play, etc... Basically people who try and control me
Being told I can't see some of my friends or even talk to them(especially without a good reason)
Being ignored especially around your friends or family especially if I don't know them
Being forced to be in the presence of someone I don't get along with and have said that I don't want to be near them ever
Being told that my job isn't good enough/forced to quit or get fired from my job due to your own insecurities
Someone who is insecure enough that I can't have a life outside of them
People who just want to use me
People with less social skills than me (because let's face it, if you have less social skills than me, we probably won't end up talking and if by some miracle we do, it will be awkward conversations with awkward pauses)

And I think that's my entire list.

I like your list. So what are you doing after Escapist time?

 

[mitchell271]

- Anti-theism or overly religious (I really don't like extremes about that)
- Being strongly pro-life (drives me insane)
- Smoking (hate smoking; it smells, costs a lot and terrible for you)
- Being a picky eater (I'm a foodie and aspiring chef so having someone not like what I put time and effort into is a little disheartening)
- Listening exclusively to anything but rock/metal (I really don't like pop/country and people would like rock if they actually listened to it)
- Constantly exaggerating or having terrible grammar (it's so hard for me to not correct it sometimes)
- Getting fat (same reasons as OP)

That about covers it. I can be picky and a bit of a prick when it comes to this sort of thing but if I can choose my partner, I will.
This happened to me "recently" too. During frosh week, I got to know a girl. She was nice, into nerd culture and we hit it off pretty well and then I found out she was an extremely picky eater. I immediately lost all interest and kind of just let us drift apart from there.

 

[Blow_Pop]

I like your list. So what are you doing after Escapist time?

...are you trying to flirt with me?


OH! Add Doormats to the list.
A doormat by definition is someone who lets someone else just walk all over them and never stands up for themselves.

 

[Legendairy314]

Obvious things would be Cheating, crazy, despicable personality, and anything else that would make me flee in terror.

Smoking is a big no for me and I'd prefer keeping other recreational drug use to a minimum. I'd generally like a girl with relative interests/personality but those aren't entirely necessary. Anything else is more so playing it by ear. If a relationship won't work I'll stop it for any number of reasons.

 

[disgruntledgamer]

Ok this one I have a problem with. What about people who are raped by people who have them? It's not like they planned on unsafe sex or anything. And there are ways to still enjoy a partner with an STD(which HPV is technically an STD for the record)without it passing onto you. It's called safe sex and being exceedingly cautious which if you say you intend to stay that way you should be anyway.

Well I feel bad for these people I really do, but I'm not going to expose myself to things like HIV/Hep C (yes it is possible to spread with sex, herpes (except maybe chicken poxs, yes it's actually a herpes virus) and cervical cancer just because I feel bad for them. Nothings full proof so no matter how careful you are, there's always a chance and eventually you'll get it if you keep rolling the dice.

 

[Mr F.]

What's your deal breakers in a relationship. What are the things your Significant Other could do that would be unforgivable no matter how much you were in love with them.


1. Cheating - No excuses in my book, on top of which it's a health risk.

2. STDs/ Bad HPVs - I'm clean and intend to stay that way.

3. Listening to Justin Bieber - Self explanatory

4. Being too religious - I find religion to be an obsolete relic, mankind would be better off separating himself from these superstitious beliefs ASAP.

5. Massive weight gain - I may get flamed for this one but seriously if you don't care about your own health.....

6. Trying to Kill Me - You knife me it's over sorry.

7. Becoming too absorbed in MMOs - If it's all you want to do all day long you need to quit.

8. Stealing my stuff - Don't steal my stuff

9. Smoking - Big anti-smoker

Yours?

1. Being an unkind person.

That is it. Really.

As for all of yours... Well, this is already MANY pages long so you have already been flamed to hell for this... But I might as well.

1. I mostly agree, although there can be exceptions to this rule and people can make mistakes. None of us are infallible.

2. See above. STI's can be cured, with EASE, and relationships and sex are not the same thing. Seriously.

3. Hah. I assume this is a joke? People listen to music and have varied music taste. Fuck it, I listen to everything from Alanis Morissette, Annie Lennox through to Ashtar Command and Dragonland. Someone having a guilty pleasure with regards to music is a deal breaker? How judgmental are you? That said, I do not think much for Beiber, but it would not be a deal breaker.

4. Religion is a deeply personal thing. As long as someone is not trying to change your mind, who gives a fuck. I say this as a Christian Atheist dating a Devout Agnostic. Religion is Religion. Its personal. Unless it causes them to break my cardinal rule (Being unkind) who gives a flying fuck?

5. You didn't qualify on any level bar declaring it to be down to not giving a damn about health. Sorry, I am going to put this one down to you being shallow. As most other people have. There are REASONS behind most actions.

6. Hah. Joke, I assume? Although with how judgmental you are coming off I can understand if one of your partners have tried to kill you. Not a personal attack, just a weak joke (Like this one).

7. There are usually REASONS for this, I was absorbed in WoW when my life was hell and I hated the relationship I was in. But was terrified of leaving it cause she was a crazy person. So if someone gets 'Too absorbed' in an MMO, and they were not that way when you met them, you should probably consider the things that have changed and why they are trying to escape from life. If they were that way BEFORE you started dating them, fuck off, you have no right to try and get someone to change.

8. I actually agree wholeheartedly on this one. No stealing.

9. Meh, I am an ex smoker. My girlfriend wanted me to quit, I wanted me to quit, so I quit. She did not tell me to quit though, she did not think she had that right. She just told me it bothered her and she would rather I did not smoke. YOu see the difference? Now, I could get all deep and point out that taking stupid health risks is a right (Down to the Harm Principle) but I can understand your dislike of people smoking in your face or tasting of smoke.

In summary:

Well, you seem to have fit the bill for my one cardinal rule. You are incredibly judgmental, most of what you say is either a joke or violates the terms of the opening most!

If you love someone, truly love someone, you will accept mistakes, or at least try to.
If you love someone, truly love someone, you will accept mistakes, or at least that shit can sometimes happen and that something easily curable does not matter! (You should be having safe sex ANYWAY.)
If you love someone, truly love someone, you will not care about them liking a particular artist.
If you love someone, truly love someone, you will have already accepted their religious beliefs. It would be impossible to have fallen in love with someone without already having accepted their beliefs.
If you love someone, truly love someone, weight gain will not matter.
If you love someone, truly love someone, you will accept mistakes.
If you love someone, truly love someone, you will accept that sometimes life gets hard and you can get absorbed by an MMO without realising it.
If you love someone, truly love someone, you will accept mistakes.
If you love someone, truly love someone, you will accept that addiction is truly a ***** to kick.

So yeah. Stop being so gorram judgmental, stop using the word love incorrectly and, in the words of captcha, 'change yourself'

Edit:

Read through a few posts. I have the following statement directed at the VAST MAJORITY of people within this thread:

No wonder so many of you ***** about being forever alone. Most of you are coming across as incredibly judgmental dickwads/bitches. People, please, how hard is it to accept that people make mistakes! I mean, fucking hell, I smoked for 6 years. 6 years! Since I was 14! Should I really be judged for the person I was when I started? Should I really be judged for finding it fucking hard to kick the habit?

Should someone really be judged for who they were and not who they are?

My girlfriend and I have a rule. If it happened more than a year before our relationship started, it doesn't fucking matter. Because it is who I was. Not who I am. And I have been a horrible person, but I am NOT a horrible person (You see the logic here?).

Yeah, some of you are being logical. I can understand not choosing to date someone who is crazy or treats people like shit or is simply incomptible. But having an itemized list of deal breakers, a long list of things you consider 'Unacceptable'?

Get off your high horses. Nobody is perfect. Everybody makes mistakes.

 

[kyuzo3567]

Cheating - As others have said, there is absolutely no excuse for that. None whatsoever.
Smoking - I detest smoking. It smells horrible and the sight of people doing it is not attractive to me.
Overly Religious - I'm fine with them being religious, but if they're too over zealous about it esp. if it's to the point where they can't accept and respect that others may not share their then it's a deal breaker.
Won't Communicate - I'm not a mind reader so if she won't talk to me and communicate what she wants and what she's feeling I can't work with her.
I don't want to be rebound guy - I agree with Random Argument Man on that one. I don't want to be "the next best thing" or whatever.
Dishonesty - Don't lie to me. Simple enough. Now to clarify, I'm talking major lies here, not the harmless white ones, although I'd prefer if they refrained from those too.
No self-respect - Call me sexist, call me whatever you want, but I don't find women that dress in skanky outfits attractive at all. I think it shows a lack of self-respect. Also don't whore yourself out on the Internet.

@OP: Really? Justin Beiber is a deal breaker for you? Wow... that is so... ok, whatever.

I think the biggest for me are cheating, smoking, and Lying... I saw how much lies destroyed my household when I was growing up, I would rather my Girlfriend cheat on me and be honest then lie to me (over big things). I find it easier to forgive someone who cheated and confessed (if it was a one-time thing) than I do for someone who lies to me.. And smoking is just gross, I have a very good sense of smell and any type of smoke except from a campfire disgusts me

 

[Beffudled Sheep_v1legacy]

I like your list. So what are you doing after Escapist time?

...are you trying to flirt with me?


OH! Add Doormats to the list.
A doormat by definition is someone who lets someone else just walk all over them and never stands up for themselves.

Yep.I'm bad at it but screw it.

 

[Zack Alklazaris]

Besides the obvious trying to kill me type of thing?

I will not be your *****. As in yes I love to be a submissive loving boy friend who worships the ground you walk on. Thats fine I enjoy that. But let me do my own thing too.

Cheating on me with someone else. Look if you don't want a monogamous relationship tell me ahead of time and we'll work something out. Perhaps ask permission first and maybe special requests? For example you can only have sex with the person of the same sex because you already have one of the others. Something like that.

No hard core drugs. No coke, meth, heroine, etc. I will try and get you help, but fuck man that will wreck our relationship. Speed, Weed, perhaps small amounts of things like Xanax is ok, but keep it in check. And I'd rather you not smoke cigs if you can help it. Drinking is ok, but once again in moderation.

You must be open minded, I am a boyish guy who prefers video games to sports and admires creativity both in personality and in the bedroom. A conservative mind will not be happy with me.

You don't need to have a degree, but you should have good work ethic. A lazy person will bring other people down with them.

Anything else is just being nitty picky. I honestly don't care if you don't like everything I like because we can introduce each other to new things, nor do I care if your fat because honestly as long as you don't weigh 300lbs its none of my business. You can be heavily religious, but understand then that in your eyes you may not be with me when you go to heaven as I am agnostic,