Relationship virgins.
- Thread starter Ossian
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Well had one really short "relationship" about a year and a half ago (when 18) but that ended in her ditching me really fast. The deal is that I live in a town with 15k people and many seem to think of me as weird. I even asked a friends girlfriend (with whom I am good friends) and she said that I am a really nice guy, then I asked about her first impression of me and to that she replied that I seemed a bit odd and so but when she learned to know me she now thinks I am the best friend of her boyfriends friends (that just sounds crazy with so many friends ^^). In this town I have noticed that if you find someone it's good but most people are from different towns/cities that date each other and so I am just waiting to get to school in another area and hope for better success there. Also I am very bad at doing the first move which is a HUGE disadvantage, but I am trying.
By social standards, I'm probably classified as having a disorder. I've never so much as been hugged in real life before >>
I'm just worried the fact that if I ever do get a date, won't it be weird if it ever comes up that I've never kissed anyone or ever been on a date? I'm 21, most people have had 2-3 dating relationships and are having the most social time of their life.
These are the things I worry about. As far as relationships, I think I'd be an awesome BF to some luckly lady, problem is I can't find anyone I'm interested in, and when I do I can't act on it. I just overthink it and end up scaring myself out of it.
These are the things I worry about. As far as relationships, I think I'd be an awesome BF to some luckly lady, problem is I can't find anyone I'm interested in, and when I do I can't act on it. I just overthink it and end up scaring myself out of it.
Oh! Oh. See, I thought you meant "relationship" as in "dating for more than a month", not "relationship" as in "holding a girl's hand". I'd offer you advice, but unless you're trying to figure out how to have a series of unfulfilling loveless flings that end within about a week, maybe seek wisdom from someone else.
Basically my situation there.Ossian said:
The longer I go without a relationship, the harder it's going to get.
If you have the formula for a series of sexual encounters that end in a week, don't be a dick about it, share it out and we too can be 'unfulfilled'.AlthorEnchantor said:
Getting a prostitute is actually a viable suggestion. A more PC (and legal) option would be a sexual surrogate, but those are expensive as shit.Metal Brother said:
When it comes down to it, young 20 something females typically don't handle sexual handicapped and socially awkward young men very well.
Than again, he could always just troll high schools for young girls who don't know any better (NOTE: Do not troll high schools for dates).
The hobbies thing is, however, and excellent idea for finding ladies.
Eh.FarleShadow said:
Usually, the kind of prostitutes I'm talking about are not street roaming, cracked out hookers, but are home dwelling, 5-9 working women who are just making a living in a way that beats the hell out of my job.
Movie hookers are not the only kind of hookers. And there is nothing to be ashamed of in seeing a prostitute (Unless she's a *****).
Get a job, hang out with people from there, have a usual haunt in a pub/bar (or even better, get a job in one), get socially active, and get to know girls.
I'd consider it slightly weird, but I wouldn't judge you for it. Everyone's different, and you get nowhere living your life by other people's standards, especially when those standards aren't particularly important. But yeah, regardless of the haters and naysayers against alcohol, it is the perfect social situation, and removes any kind of shyness boundaries that there may be. Are you American though? 'Cos it's harder over there (not hard enough for me to need to change my original statement though).
I'd consider it slightly weird, but I wouldn't judge you for it. Everyone's different, and you get nowhere living your life by other people's standards, especially when those standards aren't particularly important. But yeah, regardless of the haters and naysayers against alcohol, it is the perfect social situation, and removes any kind of shyness boundaries that there may be. Are you American though? 'Cos it's harder over there (not hard enough for me to need to change my original statement though).
I've had female friends and everything, but I probably end up with a combination of my own fear and what I'm looking for shooting me in the foot, to the point that I am in the same boat, never kissed a woman even, though I could probably say I've been on what could be considered 2 or 3 dates.
I really don't want to just "start" a relationship with someone; I want to have some sort of connection with a girl before asking her out. Just straight up asking out someone you barely know seems really strange to me. Of course, then, what usually happens is that I end up waiting too long and some other factor steps in to prevent any relationship past friendship starting. Most often, I just get comfortable in the platonic friendship or I just wuss out on asking her out. If I do manage to gather the courage, it's then that I find out most of the time that she has some mysterious "boyfriend" I've never met or heard about until now, or else she makes up some other excuse. This has led me to add on another factor to my fear and make me more likely to wuss out on girls later; the feeling that I am undesirable. That the answer will always be "no", and that I am always the problem. This destroys my confidence, which makes her less likely to say "yes" if I do actually ask her out. 'Tis a vicious cycle, but I have vowed that if I am not going into the religious life, I would not live my life alone.
Though I think in the past there have been 2 or 3 girls that actually liked me, that I didn't pick up on until it was too late. In fact, I have a story of EPIC failure to pick up on it with one of them from back in high school, that I mentally kick myself for to this day.
I really don't want to just "start" a relationship with someone; I want to have some sort of connection with a girl before asking her out. Just straight up asking out someone you barely know seems really strange to me. Of course, then, what usually happens is that I end up waiting too long and some other factor steps in to prevent any relationship past friendship starting. Most often, I just get comfortable in the platonic friendship or I just wuss out on asking her out. If I do manage to gather the courage, it's then that I find out most of the time that she has some mysterious "boyfriend" I've never met or heard about until now, or else she makes up some other excuse. This has led me to add on another factor to my fear and make me more likely to wuss out on girls later; the feeling that I am undesirable. That the answer will always be "no", and that I am always the problem. This destroys my confidence, which makes her less likely to say "yes" if I do actually ask her out. 'Tis a vicious cycle, but I have vowed that if I am not going into the religious life, I would not live my life alone.
Though I think in the past there have been 2 or 3 girls that actually liked me, that I didn't pick up on until it was too late. In fact, I have a story of EPIC failure to pick up on it with one of them from back in high school, that I mentally kick myself for to this day.
26, one girlfriend, one wife of 5 years, one ex-wife and one relationship. All the same woman. We met at 19, dated for a year, married at 20, divorced at 25. She was my first everything. I haven't dated since. After my divorce, I've been terrified of another failure. The best advice I can give is to take your time and do what feels right to you. Don't force a relationship on yourself if it's not a good one. Just try not to avoid them because you're uncomfortable with relationships. There's only one way to get comfortable with relationships and that's to try it. Just take care when you do.
Took me a while to find the right girl for me. I was 17 when I got my first and so-far only proper girlfriend. Maybe I was a bit picky as well as shy. Thats my best reason. Been with her for over 2 years now. People who start late tend to have better relationships from what I've seen. I have an acquaintance (I won't call him a friend as I have no respect for him) who claims to have slept with over 30 girls. He is 21. His current relationship has lasted for nearly 3 months and is his personal record.
Don't be that guy. Take your time and it will work out well for you eventually.
Don't be that guy. Take your time and it will work out well for you eventually.
I'm 19 years old, and have been in a couple of relationships... And I now wish I hadn't been with them. One of them, I got very close to and she twisted my heart around and ripped it out, and she still gives it a squeeze every now and then. The other...
Lets just say she's a *****.
Of course, not all women are like that, i'm just illustrating a point here. At the very least, without a relationship, you haven't been screwed over in any big way. However, I do think you should get yourself out there, meet someone.
Just be prepared to deal with the hard knocks that might come your way, but even with them, if you find yourself in a happy relationship, it makes all the bad things in the past, no matter how bad, seem worthwhile. Get yourself out there, have fun, and good luck.
Lets just say she's a *****.
Of course, not all women are like that, i'm just illustrating a point here. At the very least, without a relationship, you haven't been screwed over in any big way. However, I do think you should get yourself out there, meet someone.
Just be prepared to deal with the hard knocks that might come your way, but even with them, if you find yourself in a happy relationship, it makes all the bad things in the past, no matter how bad, seem worthwhile. Get yourself out there, have fun, and good luck.
I am 20 and I never had one. Reasons are my increasing social anxiety, my allegedly sub-average appearance, that I don't like to lie, my shyness and my laziness. Also I am not such a nice person. As a result I don't have many female friends which is not that much of a loss because most girls are dumb and/or devious. Once when i was very drunk i sucked face with a very drunk girl and i sometimes pay a visit to ye ol' brothel. That's all.
The whole "I like X girl" thing never works. I've had a crush on this hipster girl for about a year and we were practically inseparable in a BFF kind of way. Got tired of the whole "friend-zone" situation and knew that anything with her was pretty much a pipe dream, so I hit up some friends, got together a few girls from college and after a quiet evening in the local art bar, BAM, problem solved. Got a new girlfriend who's now my fiance.Ossian said:
I suggest you do the same. Get yourself a night out with some friends, tell them to call some girls and the evening will pretty much sort itself out.