Relationship virgins.
- Thread starter Ossian
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I am 20 and I never had one. Reasons are my increasing social anxiety, my allegedly sub-average appearance, that I don't like to lie, my shyness and my laziness. Also I am not such a nice person. As a result I don't have many female friends which is not that much of a loss because most girls are dumb and/or devious. Once when i was very drunk i sucked face with a very drunk girl and i sometimes pay a visit to ye ol' brothel. That's all.
The whole "I like X girl" thing never works. I've had a crush on this hipster girl for about a year and we were practically inseparable in a BFF kind of way. Got tired of the whole "friend-zone" situation and knew that anything with her was pretty much a pipe dream, so I hit up some friends, got together a few girls from college and after a quiet evening in the local art bar, BAM, problem solved. Got a new girlfriend who's now my fiance.Ossian said:
I suggest you do the same. Get yourself a night out with some friends, tell them to call some girls and the evening will pretty much sort itself out.
And this is why you're 20 and never had a girlfriend. Seriously, dude... get over the whole "GIRLZ ARE TEH EVIL" thing... They only walk all over you if you let them. Also, looks count for nothing, untill very recently I was an overweight game jockey with an attitude problem and an obsession with doing well in college above all else. Got me a girlfriend regardless who actually helped me lose weight (seriously almost 38lbs), helped me stop being a prick and have more fun and now I'm a much nicer person!Grimbold said:
awwwwJulianking93 said:
I would give you a hug, regardless of gender.But yeah, I suppose I have kissed a few people, but usually in truth or dare games. Oh and that one night which I'd rather not go into :S.
21, almost 22 (born in Januari) and I've only had something that you could almost call a relationship.
When I talk to girls online from other countries (dutch boy, here) they say I'm cute and probably am "swimming in panties" (I'm not the best at spotting sarcasm, but I see this as a true compliment, someone actually said this to me)
Most people take relationships seriously when they enter the age of 25. Under this age they'll see it as a nifty new thing they can try and quit whenever they want. (or in some perspectives: I need a girl to get laid! DERP!)
So you take relationships seriously, good for you. But I can't tell you what you're supposed to do. I'm clueless and still thinking about the reason like it's the meaning of life.
When I talk to girls online from other countries (dutch boy, here) they say I'm cute and probably am "swimming in panties" (I'm not the best at spotting sarcasm, but I see this as a true compliment, someone actually said this to me)
Most people take relationships seriously when they enter the age of 25. Under this age they'll see it as a nifty new thing they can try and quit whenever they want. (or in some perspectives: I need a girl to get laid! DERP!)
So you take relationships seriously, good for you. But I can't tell you what you're supposed to do. I'm clueless and still thinking about the reason like it's the meaning of life.
Well considering you were home schooled and unless you played Recreational Sports or were in some out of school organizations you didn't really have the opportunity, so I can see how that happened. All you need to do is get into some organizations where you can meet people.
23, 4 ex girlfriends, plenty of dates in between, currently betrothed to girlfriend. Plenty of emotional scars and phobias, but also enough living experience to know that one should not be afraid of women and failing.Pecoros7 said:
Don't worry, mate! Do your thing and life will pretty much work itself out romantic-wise.
You pay the hooker so it isn't exactly free. I suppose you could file the expense under "sex" without noting that a meal was included, but that seems shifty.FarleShadow said:
As for something useful.
The first and most obvious hurdle is that pesky bit where you meet the girl (or whatever). This is the most difficult part all told and yet paradoxically it is also the easiest. All you have to do is ask.
I should clarify: it is possible that you can land a date by asking a stranger but your odds are incredibly slim here. There are plenty of reasons why this is true but it suffices to say that if you aim to land a girlfriend by this method, you are going to have to deal with lots and lots of rejections (As a not-at-all based on facts example, you have a 1 in 10 chance of someone saying yes to a first date and then a 1 in 10 chance of the relationship going anywhere from there).
The better bet is to ask someone you know. If you ask a random stranger for a date, the deck is stacked against you and the game is rigged from the start. This isn't to say you should try and convert a girl who is a friend into a girlfriend but rather that you should make an effort to get to know the person before you ask. This isn't just to increase the odds that she will say yes either. You might find out that the girl you are interested in is utterly intolerable for some reason and you'll be saving yourself trouble by realizing this before you're stuck paying for more than a drink.
The first step then really isn't to ask someone out, but rather to strike up conversation. There is no magical way to do this. People might suggest various lines or strategies but I've found that your best bet is to simply say hello and introduce yourself. If they're interested in the slightest, they will likely indulge you in a bit of conversation and here you must tread carefully. If things go poorly, don't try and drag out the inevitable; just politely take your leave. For best results in striking up a conversation, invite them to talk about themselves. People love talking about themselves. If all goes well, then you are free to ask if they'd be interested in a date. Again, don't press the issue. If things actually went well (and they are available) chances are good they will agree to a date.
So, let's just assume that you landed a date and you're asking "Now what?". Well, you need to figure out what you're going to do. Your best bet for a first date is to pick an activity where the two of you can get to know one another. Sure you might be tempted to pick something exotic or exciting but you'll want to ignore this urge. These early dates are best used figuring out if there is anything between the two of you. There are plenty of options in this regard, but your best bet is dinner (skip the movie) at a decent resturant. You're given plenty of time to talk and a dinner can easily transition into another activity if things go well and it offers both of you a guilt free exit point if things go poorly.
When it comes to physical contact, you're really treading dangerous territory. The normal conventions in this regard have been sundered in the last several decades and as such you might find a date that wants to jump right into the sexual part of a relationship after a single date (this is fairly rare in my experience), or you might be dating someone with more Puritan sensibilities. If you want general rules to go by, they'd look something like this. On a first date, physical contact is best kept to a minimum. Unless they make the move, don't go pawing away but at least help her out of the car (by which I mean offer your hand), take their coat and all the rest. The second date is much the same as the first by convention though a greater degree of contact is generally acceptable. The third date is generally seen as the point at which it is okay to make intimate physical contact, most commonly in the form of a kiss (and in this day and age, sex is probably just as common). When it comes to the kiss, you don't really need to make assumptions. At the end of the evening, simply kiss the girl. Don't fret over how to make it happen - just go for a simple lingering peck. If the date desires more, they'll probably let you know in a subtle way.
So, what happens if you made it far enough in a relationship and you're about to have sex? Well, first, you should have prepared in advance. This is terribly important so make sure you carry some sort of protection with you before you go out. The reason is simple enough: in the heat of the moment good sense gets tossed aside quicker than your pants and chances are good you won't be willing to pop out to get something. This is for the protection of the both of you. She might think she's "safe" for one reason or another but an unplanned pregnancy is a tragedy waiting to happen. Besides, you probably don't know much about her sexual history even if you are a virgin, so play it safe and make sure you use proper protection (and not one of those trashy condoms you buy in a seedy bar bathroom either. The rest of your life may very well hinge on the quality of the product you're going to use as protection).
Are you worried that you'll do a terrible job? Don't bother. You will. That's just how it goes. Sex is both exactly what you imagine it is and also quite a bit different (for example, I was not prepared for how messy it was nor did I realize what sort of odors would be present). If your partner is inexperienced as well, then just fumble around and learn together. If they have more experience, ask them to help you along.
So you've had sex. Now what? Well, that is where my advice must end. Do your best to keep your head. If you aren't happy most of the time in the relationship, you need to have the intestinal fortitude to end it. Yes, the further you go into a relationship the harder it is to back out but just remember, you landed a date once and you can do it again.
I know exactly how you feel, mate.Ossian said:
OT: I've had a girlfriend myself.. for about a week. Only one "date", at that. Physical contact still erks the hell out of me in real life, when in a romantic gesture. Unless I'm given a little bit of encouragement or enthusiasm, of course. I had one girl that was one of my closest friends for several long years, had the chance to get a girl that knew me well and made me feel very relaxed in close contact, but.. I fucked up, no less.
If you have been living among people for nearly two decades, you have all the experience you need. Besides, experienced friends won't help you talk to that cute girl. You've got to make that walk alone.Ossian said:
What do you have to risk? The worst they can do is say no and that leaves you exactly where you were when you started the night. Hell, being shot down early is a bonus in a way - you won't have to buy the lady a drink which means you just saved five bucks!
