Reliable Source: I Sometimes Shoplift From GameStop

Marion Cox

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Reliable Source: I Sometimes Shoplift From GameStop

Marion explains why his criminal behavior is really his mother's fault.

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Triggerhappy938

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I know these articles are fictions, but sometimes, I read articles like this one, and I just have to wonder...

Great article, by the way. May your cargo pants liberate us from our corporate masters.
 

vrbtny

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Sep 16, 2009
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hmmm.... that bit with the whiny kid and his mom somehow reminded me of a character in south park.....

Loved the article, Cargo pant pockets all the way
 

Lost In The Void

When in doubt, curl up and cry
Aug 27, 2008
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God everytime your articles both make me laugh and make me think...stop that I just want to laugh. In all seriousness, keep up the good work, I've been a fan since you started doing the RS papers
 

Daymo

And how much is this Pub Club?
May 18, 2008
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So what did Gil think of the game, I can't be the only one wondering this?
 

Orange Monkey

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Fantastic article as always Marion!
Might I suggest pilfering Dr.Muto if you ever come across it, it's a ps2 game but damn funny and enjoyable to play.
 

Jared

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Jul 14, 2009
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S.R.S. said:
I would love to see Gil's face during the Lust level.
Oh god...the ideas and thoughts that would be going through the mind...heh
 

AvsJoe

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May 28, 2009
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Mr. Cox said:
He was in my world now.
I love that feeling. Getting complete control over someone with vengeance on the mind. It happens very rarely but when it does I savor every second.
 

ThatOneJewYouNo

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Haha, nice. I have a nice recommendation: If you're confident enough to do it, always ask the attending shopkeeper to check the back for any copies of an obscure game. It totally leaves the sales room empty for you, and usually other people there stare at you and smirk, wondering if they could get away with it too.

EDIT: The trick is making sure you're grabbing the right games. The $20 and under section has the games in the cases, but the $25 and up cases are empty. They're not totally retarded.

But seriously, great article. Made me laugh and get a little bit of insight as to why my mother threatened to kill me if I didn't sell my old Pokémon games when I was 9.
 

zombiejoe

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Sep 2, 2009
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People who bring religion into gaming kind of get to me

I like to think of myself as religious, but I don't see to much problem with gaming, and when some person starts saying "Video Games are made by the devil", it dosen't fell to good.
 

Onyx Oblivion

Borderlands Addict. Again.
Sep 9, 2008
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The first paragraph is truth in its purest form.

Great read, you're the greatest Cox since Doctor Cox. BUT YOU WILL NEVER BE AS AWESOME AS DOCTOR COX.
 

Jeronus

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How do you steal the games? They keep the empty cases out and when you bring them the case they pull the games out of a locked drawer behind the counter. I think the discount games in the bins are still in the case but not the current gen stuff. Good article, though!
 

whycantibelinus

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Jeronus said:
How do you steal the games? They keep the empty cases out and when you bring them the case they pull the games out of a locked drawer behind the counter. I think the discount games in the bins are still in the case but not the current gen stuff. Good article, though!
This is what I was thinking when I was reading the article, I want to steal from Game Stop.

Marion you kick ass.
 

Normalgamer

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Dec 21, 2009
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Phoenixlight said:
You should be suspended for stealing games, it's not right.
Wow dude.../facepalm.

OT: Great article! Gil must have been extremely surprised ;0).
 

silversun101

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I share Marion's enjoyment of watching children convince their parents to buy M-rated titles through strategies that span from pleading and guilt to outright lies. This pleasure is effectively doubled by the fact that, as an employee, I am the jagged rocks their young and bright-eyed dreams will be dashed upon. Nothing breaks up the monotony of days filled with kids trading in boxes of GBA games with the labels removed or people thinking we are a tech support hotline than single-handedly denying Gears of War 2 to 13-year-old ritalin junkie. What's best about this experience is, as a young 20-something, these kids initially look to me as friend and ally, assuming that, like some benevolent Big Brother, I will take their side in the debate. As I list reasons both true and fictional as to why their child should never be allowed to play this - nor any - mature game, I must consciously remember not to smile as the look of shock and confusion on their grubby little faces slowly gives away to that vacant stare of deep and weighted finality. It is defeat they are experiencing, pure and unadulterated; born heavy upon their shoulders to forever more drag the stars down from the heavens in their eyes to be trodden into the mud by the uncaring swine of the world.

Good life training and I am glad to be a part of it.
 

Quiet Stranger

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Soooooo does he actually steal from Gamestop? Cause I'm pretty sure that's impossible, considering they keep all their CDs behind the counter
 

Flight

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A funny and interesting read, especially considering that I used to work at GameStop - and yes, we kept all our games behind the counter while keeping a display box on the shelf. Hilarity sometimes ensued.
 

raunchysandwich

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Apr 19, 2008
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seems to me this article is a cry for help, because I can not begin to understand why she would steal MadWorld if she doesn't even have a Wii
 

Darth_Dude

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silversun101 said:
I share Gil's enjoyment of watching children convince their parents to buy M-rated titles through strategies that span from pleading and guilt to outright lies. This pleasure is effectively doubled by the fact that, as an employee, I am the jagged rocks their young and bright-eyed dreams will be dashed upon. Nothing breaks up the monotony of days filled with kids trading in boxes of GBA games with the labels removed or people thinking we are a tech support hotline than single-handedly denying Gears of War 2 to 13-year-old ritalin junkie. What's best about this experience is, as a young 20-something, these kids initially look to me as friend and ally, assuming that, like some benevolent Big Brother, I will take their side in the debate. As I list reasons both true and fictional as to why their child should never be allowed to play this - nor any - mature game, I must consciously remember not to smile as the look of shock and confusion on their grubby little faces slowly gives away to that vacant stare of deep and weighted finality. It is defeat they are experiencing, pure and unadulterated; born heavy upon their shoulders to forever more drag the stars down from the heavens in their eyes to be trodden into the mud by the uncaring swine of the world.

Good life training and I am glad to be a part of it.
You seem like a really mean person.
And yet, I would pay to see that.
I would pay alot.
 

Darth_Dude

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raunchysandwich said:
seems to me this article is a cry for help, because I can not begin to understand why she would steal MadWorld if she doesn't even have a Wii
WAIT, isn't marion a man?
 

Mr. Blik

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Darth_Dude said:
silversun101 said:
I share Gil's enjoyment of watching children convince their parents to buy M-rated titles through strategies that span from pleading and guilt to outright lies. This pleasure is effectively doubled by the fact that, as an employee, I am the jagged rocks their young and bright-eyed dreams will be dashed upon. Nothing breaks up the monotony of days filled with kids trading in boxes of GBA games with the labels removed or people thinking we are a tech support hotline than single-handedly denying Gears of War 2 to 13-year-old ritalin junkie. What's best about this experience is, as a young 20-something, these kids initially look to me as friend and ally, assuming that, like some benevolent Big Brother, I will take their side in the debate. As I list reasons both true and fictional as to why their child should never be allowed to play this - nor any - mature game, I must consciously remember not to smile as the look of shock and confusion on their grubby little faces slowly gives away to that vacant stare of deep and weighted finality. It is defeat they are experiencing, pure and unadulterated; born heavy upon their shoulders to forever more drag the stars down from the heavens in their eyes to be trodden into the mud by the uncaring swine of the world.

Good life training and I am glad to be a part of it.
You seem like a really mean person.
And yet, I would pay to see that.
I would pay alot.
Good god....
suddenly, i have an urge to have a conversation with you....
 

Fappy

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Gamestop keeps the actual games behind the counter right? Hope you enjoyed all those empty boxes you shoplifted :p
 

Furrama

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silversun101 said:
I share Gil's enjoyment of watching children convince their parents to buy M-rated titles through strategies that span from pleading and guilt to outright lies. This pleasure is effectively doubled by the fact that, as an employee, I am the jagged rocks their young and bright-eyed dreams will be dashed upon. Nothing breaks up the monotony of days filled with kids trading in boxes of GBA games with the labels removed or people thinking we are a tech support hotline than single-handedly denying Gears of War 2 to 13-year-old ritalin junkie. What's best about this experience is, as a young 20-something, these kids initially look to me as friend and ally, assuming that, like some benevolent Big Brother, I will take their side in the debate. As I list reasons both true and fictional as to why their child should never be allowed to play this - nor any - mature game, I must consciously remember not to smile as the look of shock and confusion on their grubby little faces slowly gives away to that vacant stare of deep and weighted finality. It is defeat they are experiencing, pure and unadulterated; born heavy upon their shoulders to forever more drag the stars down from the heavens in their eyes to be trodden into the mud by the uncaring swine of the world.

Good life training and I am glad to be a part of it.
This. This is epic. I golf clap for your comment sir.
 

camazotz

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Ah, the ethical compass of youth appears to be spinning wildly, it seems.

Your mother was right, just in the wrong way....but I have read this is supposed to be fiction, and if so, then it's a well told tale, sir! If not...er....interesting.

EDIT: ma'am? He...she? I have read both above. Now quite confused.
 

Sonofadiddly

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I had a friend whose parents decided that Pokemon was the tool of the devil because of the whole evolution thing. So she gave all of her Pokemon stuff to me. Thank you, Satan.
 

SamElliot'sMustache

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Sonofadiddly said:
I had a friend whose parents decided that Pokemon was the tool of the devil because of the whole evolution thing. So she gave all of her Pokemon stuff to me. Thank you, Satan.
I had a friend in middle school that got Pokemon stuff the same way. I wonder how many similar stories like this exist? :)
 

Sonofadiddly

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SamElliot said:
Sonofadiddly said:
I had a friend whose parents decided that Pokemon was the tool of the devil because of the whole evolution thing. So she gave all of her Pokemon stuff to me. Thank you, Satan.
I had a friend in middle school that got Pokemon stuff the same way. I wonder how many similar stories like this exist? :)
Probably a lot wherever the Pentecostal community has settled in.
 

silversun101

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I love parents who think any sort of media that doesn't directly reference Christ is developed and distributed by Satan. I've trolled online Christian support groups, reading horror stories about "evil" games written by oblivious parents and consisting mostly of poorly understood misinformation and hearsay. My favorite is the understanding that actual wands and ceremonial objects are used when playing Magic: The Gathering and the players must recite spells to invoke the power of demons whenever "summoning" a card into play. There are entire website dedicated to the evils of DnD.

For your viewing pleasure:

http://www.chick.com/reading/books/204/0204_10.asp

Favorite quote:

A retired police officer who lectures police groups on the occult said D & D is "...supposed to be a board game, but kids play it for life and death on the street."
Damn G, DnD straight gangsta, yo!

EDIT: I just found this too. It. Is. AWESOME.

http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0046/0046_01.asp
 

Anterean

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raunchysandwich said:
seems to me this article is a cry for help, because I can not begin to understand why she would steal MadWorld if she doesn't even have a Wii
But he has a Wii, a pink one [/articles/view/columns/reliable-source//7251-Reliable-Source-Being-a-Gamer-Gurrrl-is-hard]
 

MimsySnark

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Jan 18, 2010
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The issue of how much parents should censor their children's media intake is ripe for debate, and I've thought about a lot, even now as I'm 26 and have no plans for children of my own. I grew up in the church, and most of the kids around me were closely monitored when it came to their entertainment. My parents weren't like that, though. My dad in particular always laughed at that. I remember when I was 16 he pointed out to me that the 2 most violent little boys we knew (they were 8) were also the ones most closely protected from watching anything violent by their parents.

I watched Friday the 13th and Pretty Woman when I was 7. I read a book meant for teenagers that was about sex when I was 9. My dad was the first to expose me to Mel Brooks, Monty Python and the Simpsons. None of that ever negatively affected me, so I'm not worried about kids playing "M" games (except that it means they get to invade Live chats!). That being said, I knew my mom disapproved of and worried about a lot of things I saw and read. When she found I had read that book about sex, she gave me a lecture and complained to the library. I think it is good for kids to know their parents care about what they're doing and seeing; it's one of those situations where a little parental resistance is good for kids. For example, I'm kind of appalled when I see parents bringing 7 or 8 year olds into R rated movies, but it wouldn't bother me a bit to know those kids watched that same movie on their own at home.

Anyway, funny, yet thought-provoking, article!
 

VondeVon

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...You and your shoplifting are the reason my local stores don't keep games on the floor anymore.

Actually, I used to work at an Australian branch and (knowing my employers to be evil b*stards who condoned lying to nuns to make a sale) gleefully exposed my company's dubious ethics and practices to any customer who stood still long enough. Oddly, my sales stats went up because customers started seeking out 'the honest one'.

On the other hand, I had one woman yell 'Don't you dare judge me!' when I hesitated (with, I confess, raised eyebrows) as she came to buy GTA, Manhunt and The Suffering for her grotty little boy who didn't even reach my hip.

...it's tough working for evil. I'm convinced Gamestop is really Heaven's PR against Hell.
 

Velocirapture07

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Sonofadiddly said:
SamElliot said:
Sonofadiddly said:
I had a friend whose parents decided that Pokemon was the tool of the devil because of the whole evolution thing. So she gave all of her Pokemon stuff to me. Thank you, Satan.
I had a friend in middle school that got Pokemon stuff the same way. I wonder how many similar stories like this exist? :)
Probably a lot wherever the Pentecostal community has settled in.
Haha, great story about this for me. When I was younger, in 5 grade I think, this really religious lady at church gave my parents this cassette tape entitled "Pokemon Revealed".

I thought it was going to tell me all the secrets, and I'd be able to impress my friends at school. Turns out it was just some bullcrap about how Pokemon was the devil cause some could levitate...

I was disappointed to say the least, and luckily my parents also thought it was pretty dumb considering I went on to own Pokemon Yellow and then Silver.
 

GodKlown

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Very good story. The part about running into someone you don't like and them asking you for advice is one of those priceless pieces of serendipity where you get a chance to get a little revenge for the past. I'm not for exposing kids to things they aren't old enough or mature enough for, but at least in Gil's case, the weight of responsibility falls squarely on his shoulders since he should have at least read the box. Good for you!
 

Marion Cox

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Sometimes i forget that stealing used to be so much harder, personally im more a fan of a large coat. Another great trip into the void between fiction, reality and sanity. Pure Gonzo.
 

haddaway234

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Pretty interesting, but what really bothered me is that you compared digital piracy to physically stealing something. When you download say, a video game, nobody nows you did it and nothing happened. All you did was take away a potential sale. Keyword potential.

Now, when you steal a physical copy of a game that means that you took it away from somebody else.
 

Marion Cox

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How much of this is actually fiction, and how much of this is a mishmash of real-life stories you mushed together? Because I really don't think you're that good at making stuff up.

Also Civil War dioramas [http://www.dioramic.com/] are awesome, and you should have developed that particular useful skill set when you were young. Then maybe you could have broken into the tabletop gaming scene with your General Lee vs. Ulruk'thar at the Gettysburg interdimensional dark portal setup. Then I'd actually believe that you were writing fiction, rather than a halfway self-confessional. (Self-confessionals-especially halfway fictionalized self-confessionals-are for girls, [http://www.the-spearhead.com/2010/03/16/the-wistfulness-of-elizabeth-wurtzel/] silly!)
 

Sjakie

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stealing Madworld? Yeah, i guess you need to be really drunk to do just that.

I'm suprised the story didn't end with you stabbing your mother.
 

Marion Cox

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TheyTookOurJobs said:
Did you just admit to stealing? You fucking prick.
how can he admit to stealing when all his articles are just made up gibberish he actually wishes he did in real life or warped versions of what hes seen irl to make him appear better/cooler/wittier than what actually happened.
If this was a book it would be sitting in the shit fiction section between twilight and that percy jackson crud.
:)
On another note i really have to wonder who at the escapist's this idiot is related too/sucking off cause its the only article i read and think the phrase "pics or it didnt happen" suits perfectly.
Keep up the good work the world needs more stephanie meyers in it....... cough
 

Professor Idle

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raunchysandwich said:
she shoplifted from the bargain bin.

did you even read the article?
Ah, it's nice to see someone telling people off for not being observant enough, even when he fails to notice that Marion is a man.
 

zahr

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Mar 26, 2009
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Countless anonymous pirates steal games with a couple clicks.
But they don't, do they? Because theft is legally defined (here in Canada anyways) as depriving someone of their property. And piracy makes a copy; it doesn't take anything away.
 

Danpascooch

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Apr 16, 2009
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Triggerhappy938 said:
I know these articles are fictions, but sometimes, I read articles like this one, and I just have to wonder...

Great article, by the way. May your cargo pants liberate us from our corporate masters.
I like to think that they are embellished truth.

The truth I read out of this was: "His mom was overprotective, his sister had sex with a delinquent (probably didn't get pregnant though), and maybe one time he stole a game from a store"
 

Danpascooch

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Apr 16, 2009
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ZahrDalsk said:
Countless anonymous pirates steal games with a couple clicks.
But they don't, do they? Because theft is legally defined (here in Canada anyways) as depriving someone of their property. And piracy makes a copy; it doesn't take anything away.
Sorry, won't get you off the hook in Canada, they could easily argue that you deprived them of whatever the game cost
 

rated pg

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Aug 21, 2008
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Congratulations on stealing empty boxes?

No seriously though, good piece. My parents were the same way...only difference is its now the 21st century and they haven't changed a bit...
 

Godhead

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May 25, 2009
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silversun101 said:
I love parents who think any sort of media that doesn't directly reference Christ is developed and distributed by Satan. I've trolled online Christian support groups, reading horror stories about "evil" games written by oblivious parents and consisting mostly of poorly understood misinformation and hearsay. My favorite is the understanding that actual wands and ceremonial objects are used when playing Magic: The Gathering and the players must recite spells to invoke the power of demons whenever "summoning" a card into play. There are entire website dedicated to the evils of DnD.
I guess it won't help saying that I am currently in a D&D group with my local minister and we also constantly play Magic: The Gathering together will it?
 

silversun101

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lax4life said:
I guess it won't help saying that I am currently in a D&D group with my local minister and we also constantly play Magic: The Gathering together will it?
Haha, nah dude, I didn't say "all christians think dnd is bad", i was just pointing out the humor surrounding a highly vocal and misinformed minority.
 

burntham77

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"Every time I get drunk and shoplift at a GameStop, I am amazed at how successful her plan was."

You are my new favorite person!