Retail jobs: the dumbest customer question you've been asked?

[Project Cobalt]

I worked at Toys R Us for about a year. During that time, being a manly man (shut up, I am!) it was part of my job to bring items down to customers which were too large to fit on the sales floor. Bikes, swingsets, and sandboxes of both the large wooden variety and the smaller plastic varieties. So a customer brings up to the cash a slip which tells the cashier what to call and ask me to bring down. After going up a flight of stairs, rooting around to find that someone had put the tiny plastic sandboxes behind the larger wooden ones and moving those, I brought the sandbox down to the customer.


That is when I got the stupidest question I've yet to get in my six years of retail."Can you bring me another sandbox? This one is dirty."

The box. She was going to take home and put dirt in. Was dirty. IT IS A BOX FOR DIRT.

 

[Gardenia]

Not retail, but still:
I work in a pub, and a guest came up to the bar wanting a shot of Jägermeister. We were out of Jäger, so I told her "I'm sorry, we are all out." This was on a Saturday evening, around 23:30-ish. She, a native Norwegian, asked me: "Can't you go buy some more? I'll wait."

Now, in Norway, if you want to bring it out of the place you bought it, anything above 21,9% alcohol has to be bought in a special government run store called "Vinmonopolet," similar to the Swedish Systembolaget. On Saturdays, they close at 15:00. The only other option would be to go to another nearby bar (roughly 800 meters in -20 C), buy a shot of Jäger there, and bring it back to her (which would be illegal).

She then scolded me for being lazy and inexperienced. My boss threw her out for being, and I quote: "a *****."

 

[thejackyl]

SNIP

If it's ok with you, I'm going to post this story on my FB page. I have got to share this

Go right ahead. It's a good story for a laugh.

 

[SomebodyNowhere]

I couldn't think of one and then one from the other day dawned on me. I was helping another associate in electronics helping with the new releases and a customer over near the memory cards stated he had a question. He asked, and I kid you not, if the 8 gigabyte memory card was more than the 4. I kept my composure and answered. As soon as the customer was gone the associate I was helping stated how he couldn't handle a question that stupid.

 

[Kaisikudo]

I live in Scotland.

As I was giving one customer his change back, he specifically requested "English tenners only. I'm going home soon. Don't want to bring back any of your currency with me".


Sure, it's not the dumbest request that's ever been made of me, but it was definitely one of the most frustrating.

 

[kasperbbs]

I work as a super market cashier, so I often get people complaining about the price of something like I some how have power over changing it. A lot of people also obsesses over the price per pound of a product, they don't care about the actual price of the product, just how much it is per pound. Oh and one time I was having this great conversation with a lady since she was a alumni of the college I go too, which I enjoy because with most customers the conversation goes like this

Me: Hello, how are you doing today?
Customer: *grunts*
Me: That's good, where you able to find everything you where looking for?
Customer: Yes

So yeah, I'm happy when I actually have a nice conversation with one of them. The customer after that comes up to me and asks "did I know how long I took with that customer?", "you took ten minutes with that customer, I was waiting while you talked away." it took a lot of personal control to not say anything to her.

Truth be told i would be pissed too if i had to wait 10 minutes because the cashier is chatting with a friend. Usually they serve other customers while doing so.

 

[xmbts]

Old woman: *shoves a cup of yogurt in my face* "What's the date on this, read it to me."

Me: "It expires October 16th..."

OW: "So it's expired then?"

Me: "No. It expires in October..."

OW: "October?"

Me: "Yes."

OW: "That's already passed right?"

Me: "It's...August..."

 

[Odbarc]

Generally the "Do you work here?" while I'm working there wearing the stores branded T-shirts.
I know it's more of an ice-breaker to announce they want my attention to get information, but it does sound stupid and repetitive.

 

[Kaisikudo]

I remember one of the weirdest customers I've ever served. A tall, slim black man, who I would later come to refer to as Caterpillar Guy; because his only purchase was around 30 different pairs of shoes. And the pairs had nothing in common whatsoever. They were completely random design and sizes - plimsoles, dress shoes, trainers, sandals, high heels - both men and women and even kid's shoes.

I was astonished to see him arriving at the counter, with nothing but a trolley full of them. It took an extremely long time to finish scanning them all and I don't even remember how ridiculous the price was, but he paid by card. And when I was handing him over his incredibly long receipt, I said to him:

"I'm really sorry for asking, but I just have to know.... What do you need all these shoes for?"

His response was incredible.


"I have many feet."

 

[MortisLegio]

I have never worked retail but I still get asked/hear really stupid questions.

In a KFC:
"Do you guys sell hamburgers?"

While shopping at Gamestop:
"Where are the board games?"
"I was looking for some Xbox games. Do you know where I can get some?"
"Gears of War?" turns to me "Excuse me? Do you know if this game is violent?"

 

[Amethyst Wind]

I was a cashier for a year at Target (basically a higher-class Walmart).

The most infuriating question/statement, by far, that I received on a weekly basis, when having difficulty scanning an item or locating the barcode, was this: "Oh, if it doesn't scan, that means it's free, right?"

Every one of them deserves a punch in the face.

I have worked at a 7 Eleven for years... and yes, every fucking time! "That means it's free, right?" No shit head, it doesn't, and that wasn't funny the first time I heard it... never mind the 1oooth.

I do love it when people come in and ask us if we sell cigarettes though

I always find that the best response is to respond straight-faced with a number in the 20-30 range. Just the number. When they look at you quizzically you keep the straight face but explain that you're keeping count of the number of times that joke has been told that day.

Keeping your expression and voice neutral is the key here, it deprives the fool of having any sort of grounds for calling you out on it while you are clearly implying that they're a fucking tool. I always found that this seems to speed up the transaction as they no longer operate under the false impression that their humour will be tolerated.

 

[DudeistBelieve]

I've had some people, though three come to mind. One is this old lady, and while it wasn't a stupid 'stupid' question, it was stupid in another way. She came up to the counter and asked, "Can I ask you a question?"
"Sure, I'll try to--"
"Why do you only have cashiers on THIS side of the store? How come they're never over on the other side." For three minutes I stood there and listened to her complain about how our people were set up. Funny thing is, last week we had them down at the other end and she complained about how they weren't over on the current end. It's kind of hard to do when there are only two cashiers and it's nine in the morning.
Another time a parent came up and wanted to buy God of War for her eight year old boy for his birthday. I looked at her and explained that the game was full of violence and gore and stuff that tend to give kids nightmares.
"Oh, I'm fine with that," she said. The she lowered her voice and leaned in closure. "But I heard about a certain part of the game where you...you know. Is that true?" I immediately realized she was talking about the sex mini game. My imaginary eyes rolled in my head. Blood, gore, and violence doesn't bother her, but the thought that her son might be exposed to sexual stuff worried her.
Finally, and this is the most recent, some old guy came up to me and asked me some weird questions that I couldn't really answer, but gave it my best shot. He wasn't asking about store questions, but state questions, directions, and just weird stuff. Finally, he asks me, "Do you want to make a lot of money?"
"Uh, excuse me?"
"Do you want to make a lot of money?"
Baffled, I responded, "I don't think I'd be allowed to keep it," because that's store policy and I didn't want this guy handing my a large sum of cash on camera.
He throws his hands up and walks away, shouting, "Never mind. It's clear you're not interested." Just...what?

To be fair, I'd be more okay with the violence of God Of War with my 8 year old playing it. It's not freaking Manhunt, none of it resembles real life, and hell he might pick up a thing or two about the greek pantheon, it'll spark his interest when they cover it in school.

Sex though is kind of a line crosser for me.... But I doubt he'd even understand what was going on or figure out that that is possible.

Just saying.

 

[DudeistBelieve]

Not retail, but still:
I work in a pub, and a guest came up to the bar wanting a shot of Jägermeister. We were out of Jäger, so I told her "I'm sorry, we are all out." This was on a Saturday evening, around 23:30-ish. She, a native Norwegian, asked me: "Can't you go buy some more? I'll wait."

Now, in Norway, if you want to bring it out of the place you bought it, anything above 21,9% alcohol has to be bought in a special government run store called "Vinmonopolet," similar to the Swedish Systembolaget. On Saturdays, they close at 15:00. The only other option would be to go to another nearby bar (roughly 800 meters in -20 C), buy a shot of Jäger there, and bring it back to her (which would be illegal).

She then scolded me for being lazy and inexperienced. My boss threw her out for being, and I quote: "a *****."

...Your Government locks up the booze?

I am horrified by the totalitarian regime in which you live under...

 

[Overblaze]

i work in a fairly large chain restaurant and we get our fair share of idiots.

"Is there bacon in the Bacon Cheeseburger?"

Them: "Can I have (random appetizer) as my side?"
Me: "I'm sorry but we have them pre portioned out as appetizers so we can't make them sides."
T: "I will pay extra..."
M: "I'm sorry but we just can't"
T: "THIS IS RIDICULOUS THIS WAS TERRIBLE I WANT TO TALK TO A MANAGER I'M NOT PAYING FOR ANY OF THIS"

T: "Can i have a virgin rum and coke?"
M: "So you want a... pepsi?"

M: "Hello everyone! Welcome to (store). My name is"
T: "ICE TEA PEPSI WINGS BURGER"
M: "(name) can i start you off with something to drink"
T: ::snide looks then scream orders at me all at once again::

oh the world of a restaurant is a crazy one.

 

[Kinitawowi]

"Are you the only one working right now"?

Oh god, I love this one (and it's cousin, "can you get some more staff over?"). Do you see anyone else here? Do you think I make up the rotas in this place? Do you think I actually want to be the only person stuck here dealing with this mess of a queue because everybody had the same idea that ten minutes before closing would be the time that we're quietest? Do one.

The other one I like is "Do you fix computers here?" (Or even "Is this customer services?") I suspect our PR department are failing to get across the message of what Knowhow means.

 

[Realitycrash]

I have heard the "stay out of the basement" thing alot when talking to newer people. Where is this basement and why must I stay out of it?

It usually refers to the Religion & Politics Sub-forum, and it isn't that you must stay out of it, more that people in general avoid it because they perceive it as a hostile environment.


OT: I've worked as a bartender for awhile, and one of the most common questions were simply 'So, can I have a free beer?'.
First off, it's illegal to give away alcohol where I live.
Second, no of course you can't, we sell alcohol, not give it away.

I've worked at a hobby-supply store that sells soft-air guns and knives, and I've had to turn down a good deal of teenagers who try to buy one without an ID. Seriously, if you can't legally buy smokes, I'm not selling you a weapon.

 

[Kuilui]

So I work at a very popular Deli in my town and Sundays are particularly horrible. We have deals VERY SPECIFIC deals on items.
One guy walks up on a Sunday and goes I want half a pound of low sodium turkey and half a pound of American cheese. That week regular turkey and regular American Cheese were on sale as a combo price. So seeing the line is about 20 people long I quickly cut what he wants separately charge him regular price since he didn't order the combo and walk over to the next customer. All of a sudden he waves me over.

M: Yes?
H: You charged me wrong(Psycho face)
M: You ordered the regular turkey and american so i can't give you the combo price.
H: What, huh?(Looks at my coworker)
My coworker: You have to order specifically whats up their to get the discount.
H: what? I DID ORDER THAT!
M:No you didnt you have to orde-
H:WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT MY WIFE GETS A SPECIAL DEAL WHEN SHES HERE! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT! I WANT THE COMBO PRICE!! MY WIFE GETS THE SPECIAL DEAL!!!!
Nobody gets a special deal at all. His wife just shops instead of him and when he realized he failed at reading and was made a fool of he lost it. The guy has a total meltdown screaming and yelling in front of everyone so i take back the turkey and give him the whole less than 2 dollars off he so desperately wanted and he storms off in a huff. He was causing a scene so I just did what he wanted so he'd go be a psycho somewhere else. Thank god I never saw that guy again. Two other people freaked out on me that day and all my co workers got pretty badly harassed as well. Which is a pretty uncommon occurrence honestly. Not sure what was up everyones rear end that day.

 

[Masterdebator]

The stupidest has to be "Do you work here?"

Indeed. It's baffling how many times you'll be asked that at a retail position, especially when you're wearing a t-shirt with the store's name prominently displayed.

In terms of the "dumbest" question I've been asked, it would probably involve a customer holding up a shoe, pulling out the tongue/ tag, pointing at the size/ number, and asking me to tell them what number/ size it is.

I suppose dealing with an illiterate customer qualifies as dumb, though it's also incredibly sad.

 

[Xeromorph]

When I use to work at a book store a guy asked me if we sell dvds .

 

[Sidmen]

The stupidest has to be "Do you work here?"

Indeed. It's baffling how many times you'll be asked that at a retail position, especially when you're wearing a t-shirt with the store's name prominently displayed.

In terms of the "dumbest" question I've been asked, it would probably involve a customer holding up a shoe, pulling out the tongue/ tag, pointing at the size/ number, and asking me to tell them what number/ size it is.

I suppose dealing with an illiterate customer qualifies as dumb, though it's also incredibly sad.

I've become particularly fond of "Come here and assist me, retail slave."

Its not baffling, its a common colloquialism used by people trying to politely get your attention. You know this, you know it translates as "I need your assistance," what is baffling is that I've seen dozens of people mention it as a dumb question in this thread - like they're willfully ignorant to the phrase's purpose.

I was lying in the first line of this post. Recently, when I've needed assistance, I've started just telling people what I need done (typically when I need someone to unlock something - because storing $20 flash drives behind locked glass, while sitting next to them on an open shelf is a $70 router makes any kind of sense). For example, I'll say "Hi, could you please open this for me."