I work in the cloakroom at a nightclub, so in addition to stupid people, most of my customers are also drunk. Many of them are drunk AND stupid. There's a lot of stupid that I get most nights.
- On the counter, printed in huge letters, is a sign that says "£2 PER ITEM" (it is also listed twice on the wall behind me). People will come up and ask me how much it is to put something in the cloakroom. I always look pointedly down at the sign before answering.
- The mens toilets are about three meters away from the cloakroom. You can see the door that says "Boys Only" from the counter. I always get people asking where the mens are.
- "Is this a gay club?" What? No. These rainbow flags, posters for gaydar, and collection tins for THT, and the fact that the place is fucking swamped with gay/lesbian stereotypes and drag queens mean nothing.
- "Can a get a drink here?" No. This is a cloakroom. If you want a drink,, go to the bar. That shouldn't be complicated.
Another thing that happens a lot is that people will, to save themselves the £2 cloakroom fee, leave their coats and bags just lying around the club, often with their wallets, phones, mp3's, etc in them. The number of them that are genuinely surprised when their shit goes missing is staggering. I mean, the club has literally hundreds, sometimes close to 1000 people in it, compared the a security team of about 5 people. it is YOUR fault if someone steals your stuff because you put in on the floor and walked away with it.
And my personal [least] favourite, are the people that lose their tickets (each coat that is given to me is exchanged for a numbered ticket that corresponds to the numbered hanger that the coat is on) and expect me to just be able to look and find their coat from hundreds. The amount of whining, pleading, aggression and sometimes violence I get from people who don't understand that a) it would be a massive waste of my time to go through every single coat in the place just to try and find theirs, b) it clearly states that you have to wait until the end of the night if you lost your ticket and that NO EXCEPTIONS will be made, c) it's my job on the line, and if I end up giving out the wrong item, i'll be in trouble. Frequent questions include:
- Can't I just describe it to you? it's black (50% of the coats will be black).
- I can give you my initials, will that help? (initials are not unique, and i would still have to look at every item in the cloakroom)
- Can I come behind there are look? (No)
- Can't you just be nice? (No)
- Well, then I want to speak to your manager. (My manager wrote the sign that says no exceptions)
- Fine, I'll just jump over and get it then. (Security!)