Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[Trippy Turtle]

Granted, but thanks to some delicious poison it will be your last.

I wish for pet snail.

 

[TheLastSamurai14]

Granted, it goes on a rampage and destroys your entire town.

I wish for angel wings.

 

[steeple]

granted, but they're extra spicy, and people always try to eat them...

I wish to have a tin-can launcher in fallout and use those worthless pieces of junk to kill mutants!

 

[Kuroneko97]

Granted. A puma barges into your house and mauls you alive.

I wish to understand the appeal of anal sex, because I don't see why anyone would ever do it.

 

[steeple]

Granted. A puma barges into your house and mauls you alive.

I wish to understand the appeal of anal sex, because I don't see why anyone would ever do it.

you seem to be awfully interested in sex, young lady!

OT: granted, now you cant sit for a week without feeling burning sensations...

I wish uranus wasnt so gassy...

 

[tobi the good boy]

Granted it's now made out of the densest material in the universe, throws off the axis of the sun and sends earth (where you are currently residing) into the deep black void of space where you and everyone you love freeze to death.

I wish for a Jammie dodger, devoid of all possible wrong doings that the Ruin a wish Foundation could ever cause to befall upon either me/my loved ones/me home/my planet/my universe/ my multiverse/my Jamie dodger.

 

[Robert632]

Granted. I track you down and steal your jamie dodger. And eat it right in front of your face.

I wish people would stop trying to break the Ruin a wish Foundation system.

 

[tobi the good boy]

Granted; you die a horrible, horrible, death because of this exact wish.

I wish Robert632 were still with us, alive and kicking.

 

[Dr.Susse]

Granted, He sold his account to a very strange and frequently abusive person.

I wish Furburt was less of a celebrity in his time and was still on the site.

 

[Robert632]

Granted. No one knows who he is, becoming part of the unrecognisable horde that is 90% of any forum. Thus you rarely, if ever, communicate/see him.

I wish to eat the last cookie ever.

 

[TheLastSamurai14]

...Not granted. That cookie is mine.

I wish for the best gaming PC evar. Oh, and the funds to upgrade it for the rest of time, of course.

 

[Kuroneko97]

granted, now you cant sit for a week without feeling burning sensations...

How is that appealing?!

OT: Granted. A puma barges into your house and eats it. Then they shit it on your face.

I wish for a doughnut ring due to the way my last wish was granted.

 

[AwesomeExpress]

Granted, someone burns rubber in the shape of a donut on the street by your home.

I wish for a nice tall frosted glass of A&W Rootbeer.

 

[steeple]

How is that appealing?!

I could try and come up with a better reason, but I really think you probably wont believe any of them anyway

OT: granted, it's so tall that you cant drink from it, and if you try to tip it so you could drink a bit, you'd get crushed

I wish to meet the crushinator in real life

 

[Kuroneko97]

Granted. A puma barges into your home and sets crushinator in front of you. Then it shits on crushinator.

I wish for Kirby's ability to copy abilities!

 

[Dr.Susse]

Granted but you accidentally swallow Rosie O'Donnell.

I wish to build you a new house.

 

[Robert632]

Granted. Just as you finish putting the bricks on the massive super house you fall off the latter you were on, and like a generic red herring murderer, I hide your body so nobody can find it.

I wish The Escapist was populated by cookie people.

 

[Dr.Susse]

Granted but everything has gone stale.

I wish for more puns in the world.

 

[pyramid head grape]

Making Puns because punishable by death!

I wish for a 3rd arm!

 

[QuietCupOfTea]

Granted, you now have a third arm underneath your left foot.

I wish for an awesome costume.