Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[Barbas]

Granted, if you prise it from the tattered claws of this curs'ed mummy.

I wish for a private ocean.

 

[Bizzaro Stormy]

Granted. Worst septic leak I've ever seen.

I wish that silly wolf would stop howling.

 

[Rabbitboy]

Granted. He is now to busy eating you.

I wish for a pot of gold on the other side of the rainbow.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, you will be taxed from hell and back by the Leprechaun Tax Agency... and, if the rumors are true, you will loose more than just the thought of seeing a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow...

I wish I didn't have to "gotta go fast"!

 

[Fractral]

Granted. You now have legs made of concrete.

I wish I was a better chess player.

 

[Barbas]

Granted. You've become so good taht the machines have put a hit out on you. :c

I wish that the war hadn't bankrupted us all.

 

[QuietCupOfTea]

Granted, the only one bankrupted is you.

I wish for eternal happiness.

 

[Rabbitboy]

Granted. You will now be happy forever, even at totally inappropriate moments. Like the burial of your first child who tragically died in a freak midget golf accident.

I wish that the next wish I make won't be ruined.

 

[Yuno Gasai]

Granted, but now you're all out of wishes. Good luck making a wish that can't be ruined when you can't make any wishes!

I wish my hair would behave itself.

 

[Bizzaro Stormy]

Granted. The headcrab on you will keep it in check, no problem.

I wish the wishing wells actually granted wishes.

 

[Barbas]

Granted. They also spew toxic smog.

I wish all the oceans were clean again.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, the land becomes too dirty to live on... (Hope you can grow some gills in less than 1.287408395775 milliseconds...)

I wish a was a Power Ranger!

 

[Bizzaro Stormy]

Granted. You die in the gritty reboot.

I wish the color green was actually blue.

 

[QuietCupOfTea]

Granted, but the colour blue is actually green.

I wish I was a better cook.

 

[Barbas]

Granted. You now work with Gordon "Fucking Donkey" Ramsay.

I wish I had lifetime free entry to any Disneyland.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, you can only ride the Small World ride... in G MAJOR!

I wish I could be like Mike!

 

[Bizzaro Stormy]

Granted. You now have the physique of Michael Moore.

I wish for a donut.

 

[Rabbitboy]

Granted. But I have already eaten it.

I wish for a time machine.

 

[Barbas]

Granted. It only goes in one direction and takes a year to recharge.

I wish for a plate of cod, haddock, mackerel and sole.

 

[Brownie80]

Granted. Your breath smells like fish so bad it can never smell like anything but fish ever again.

I wish I knew the meaning of life.