Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. 3.1415926....

I wish for a disabled atomic bomb in my living room for a centerpiece.

 

[RaphaelsRedemption]

Granted, but then they use the same hand to stratch your face.

I wish for my acne to disappear.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted, you now have a massive tumor (in the shape of a tail).

I wish for the day to end.

 

[RaphaelsRedemption]

Granted, but then there are no following days.

I wish for a personal assistant.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted but its this guy:

I wish for my memories to be completely erased.

 

[RaphaelsRedemption]

Granted, but they are replaced with the memories of a genocide victim.

I wish for a fountain in my bedroom.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. It uses water directly from the sewage system.

I wish for a broken rocket launcher.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. Hope you enjoy this phone book from the nursing home.

I wish for a flaming helicopter.

 

[Frozen Donkey Wheel2]

I-Wait, what? Um....The flaming helicopter is filled with....angry....bears. That are on fire. Yeah.

I wish to have awesome sex with Mila Kunis right now with no resulting STDS, pregnancies, or social obligations. Other then the whole "sex" thing.

 

[RaphaelsRedemption]

Granted, but she is turned into a guy immediately prior to the act.

I wish for 6 different flavours of deodorant.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. But the flavors are from the "Ode to the Sewer" line.

I wish to smack my head against a wall as hard as possible.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. You are the god of broken staplers.

I wish for a plague of locusts to attack me.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. Human corruption makes them taste faintly of mold and gunpowder.

I wish that I was arrested for drug trafficking.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. It's made of cardboard and requires some assembly.

I wish for more old people sex.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. Too bad it's a meow of apocalyptic proportions. The sheer magnitude of the noise rends the planet in two!

I wish for a tornado. In my house.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. My grandma hears you and forces you to join us.

I wish I could scrub that image from my mind.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. Unfortunately, this particular grandma is deceased.

I wish for SPINNING BLADES OF DOOM to be installed haphazardly around my apartment.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. A delicious beetle and earthworm cookie coming right up. It's a specialty of the insect bakery.

I wish to destroy all plastics and plastic products. Ever.

 

[kdread1]

Granted but I EAT THE COOOOOKKKKKIIIEEEEE BWAHAHAHA.

I wish Minecraft was finished .

*EDIT* Ninja'd.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted, but she needs you to gather the seven sacred stones of the outworld before she'll give you the cookie.

I wish to eat a lead lollipop.