Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. We're working in an old-school bartering system. Your vault is filled with withered wheat and sickly calves.

I wish for a homicidal platypus.

 

[Snowden's Secret]

Granted, but the homicidal platypus only kills those you love and/or value in life, leaving you alone in a life of eternal regret.

I wish I was multilingual.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. You are now fluent in the language of the duck-billed platypus. That's good, because I value you as a person. Maybe you can talk my new friend down.

I wish for a cursed amulet of horrible luck.

 

[AwesomeExpress]

Granted, she turns you into a newt. And this time you don't get better!

I wish for Philip Seymour Hoffman to not be Venom.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. But Topher Grace still was Venom.

I wish someone would kick me in the face.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted but it is as strong an impact as a fly landing on your face.

I wish for [user]Xpwn3ntial[/user] to grant my previous wish.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted, but XPwn can't do it because they are far too busy being attacked by weasels wielding wavy weapons.

I wish for more alliteration in my life.

 

[Valkyrie101]

Granted. You live in a world made of clouds and candyfloss. Good luck hurting yourself.

I wish for my speaking questions to be done.

 

[Xpwn3ntial]

Granted. You are mute now.

I wish for a better world.

 

[cryogeist]

Granted but it has no oxygen
i wish i wish i had a fish

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. It's been nicely browned and served with lemon.

I wish for more problems!!

 

[cryogeist]

Granted theres so many the mere thought of one of them explodes you mind
i wish that space marine finally came out and i had it

(also your corruption isnt bad i like fish )

 

[AwesomeExpress]

Granted, but you have nothing to play it on.

I wish I had my own personal butcher.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. All of your meat is a breeding ground for flies.

I wish I on fire!

 

[cryogeist]

Granted..but you cant die or move but you can still feel the pain
i wish for ceak

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted, you get ceak but due to the uranium present in the molecular makeup of the cake mutant, you die of radiation poisoning.

I wish I wasn't tired.

 

[AwesomeExpress]

Granted, you are now fluent in the ever language, but no one can understand you.

I wish I was a real boy!

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted! You are a real boy made out of wood!

I wish for a cheese grater.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted but your worst enemy gleefully uses it on your cheeks.

I wish I knew more people here.

 

[Nouw]

Granted, everyone here now knows you but because you posted a naked picture of yourself.

I wish for a pie.