Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[The Pumpkin Witch]

Granted, but he will only grant it to you when you're dying and too weak to change it to something useful.

I wish that I had gotten a 100% perfect score on that math test I bombed yesterday.

 

[NoOne852]

Granted. You will get it once you discover the TARDIS.

I wish for invisibility the ablility to fly at any speed I want

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted, but you can only fly 3 inches off the ground.

I wish for the ability to scream incoherently in the streets.

 

[NoOne852]

Granted, but only when you only do it when nobody is around.

I wish for eternal life my own pet dragon!

 

[username sucks]

Granted, but it is hungry, and you are the only meat nearby.

I wish my recurring nightmare would stop. Seriously, brain, it's been 3 months already!

 

[NoOne852]

Granted, but you only get to sleep for 3 hours at a time.

I wish for unlimited resources

 

[NoOne852]

(Oh boy! It benefits me? )
Granted, but the world will end tomorrow.

I wish the world didn't end tomorrow.

 

[thesilentman]

Granted, but only for you. No one else is spared from the destruction of earth. You then die thirty seconds later due to lack of oxygen.

I wish that I had a working Steam account at this point...

 

[MrCollins]

Granted, but Valve goes out of business and Origin takes over its servers, making you pay for everything.

I wish I had a good film to watch.

 

[Dr.Susse]

Granted due to error on metacritic Legally blonde 2 is now "Good". Enjoy.
I wish for more beer.

 

[NoOne852]

Granted. But you are now allergic to hops.

I wish to have my master's degree.

 

[NoOne852]

Granted. But only if you fell asleep an hour ago and not a second more.

I wish people weren't so ignorant.

 

[MrCollins]

Granted, everyone now knows everything, everything you've ever done. They know, they KNOW and they are coming for you.

I wish for a bigger bed.

 

[thesilentman]

That bigger bed will just devour you in it's sheets, suffocating you to a painful death. Of course, if that's your thing...

I wish to tame Satan, Pokemon style!

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted but using it in battle damns your soul and sets you on fire.

I wish for money without work.

 

[NoOne852]

Granted. Every time you need more money, someone close to you will die and you will inhereit all their money.

I wish I was be a pyromancer!

 

[thesilentman]

Granted. Have fun being the weakest zombie!

I wish that this site would stop with the sexism and relationship threads.

 

[NoOne852]

Granted. The site will now be shut down.

I wish my college wouldn't turn on the AC in the middle of winter...

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

Spoiler: Granted!

I wish more wishes were this easy to ruin.

 

[thesilentman]

Ah, the thing is, the moment you ruin a wish, it ceases to be a wish. TRY AGAIN.

I wish for a chocolate house! NOT THAT KIND THAT COMES OUT OF INTERESTING STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESSES.