Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[NoOne852]

Granted. But it melts in the sun and you end up drowning in the gooey mess.

I wish I had a dinosaur henchman!

 

[Padwolf]

Granted, but their arms are too short to really be much use.

I wish for a popcorn making machine!

 

[MrCollins]

Granted, but it only works when you are in the bathtub.

I wish for less sadness

 

[NoOne852]

Granted. Everyone but you will never be sad again.

Spoiler: But this may cheer you up

I wish I understood...well...everything.

 

[Dalek Caan]

Granted, your mind explodes with the info.

I wish I had a Scyther.

 

[thesilentman]

Granted, just have fun managing the guy without a Pokeball.

I wish I could fall and miss the ground.

 

[username sucks]

Granted. You miss the ground because Earth is now gone, and since you are in space now, you die from the vacuum.

 

[thesilentman]

Granted, whatever you invisible wish is. Oh sorry, I'm mistaken. Whatever you wished for is now given to someone else with full immunity from any disasters whatsoever. Including lack of logic.

I wish to hack into Congress for the lulz. Wait, someone else took that role. I instead wish to be a grand master in chess.

 

[Dr.Susse]

Granted you are now the worlds leading expert on the musical Chess.

I wish music was better these days.

 

[Fractral]

Granted, because it already is, as far as the current generation is concerned.

I wish for big muscles.

 

[MrCollins]

Granted, but in order to maintain them you must constantly abuse steroids and now don't have the time for anything but exercise. The steroids also make you impotent.

I wish for a quick death.

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

Granted! On the universal time scale, 3 million years in agony is just a blink of an eye!

I wish for

 

[thesilentman]

Granted, but not to you. Articulate properly next time.

I wish for free Internet on my phone!

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted but your battery life now only lasts for 2 minutes.

I wish for PM's.

 

[thesilentman]

Granted. Enjoy the spambots.

I wish that I could end the world.

 

[Dr.Susse]

Granted but you become so in love with the world that you never use this ability.

I wish for a Latin dance party.

 

[NoOne852]

Granted. You are sent back in time to said party and you can never return.

I wish for a clean bill of health!

 

[Dr.Susse]

Granted the bill is for Three thousand dollars.

I wish people where less whiny.

 

[thesilentman]

Now you're the whiny one.

I wish for more genius people.

 

[NoOne852]

Granted, but in order to balance the offset, there are no more "inbetween" levels of knowledge. You are either a genius or incredibly dense.

I wish for the ability to switch between realities of real life and video games.