Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[Dr.Susse]

Granted the are made with the meat of the dolphin.

I wish I was better a water skiing.

 

[Dead Seerius]

Granted, but now you live in the desert.

I wish it would stop raining.

 

[OmniscientOstrich]

Granted, it will never rain again. You've condemned the earth to become an arid wasteland. Congratulations, you monster.

I wish that humans didn't have to sleep.

 

[TheDoctor455]

Granted but umm... ever read the Creepypasta story 'The Russian Sleep Experiment'... yeah... its a bit like that. Have fun with that.

I wish the ME3 endings didn't suck so bad (even after the EC).

 

[staika]

Granted but the new ending is only available by selling your soul to EA.

I wish that my downloads were faster

 

[TheDoctor455]

Granted, but they now download directly into your brain... slowly replacing all of your treasured childhood and adolescent memories... and 'your first time'. Enjoy!

I wish the Ruin-A-Wish Foundation was uncorrupted.

 

[staika]

granted, congratulations you have destroyed the very fabric of reality.

I wish I had more money

 

[MetaKnight670]

Granted, you now have one more dollar than before at the cost of 70 years of your life. So congrats I guess.

I wish that I could use my mods in Civ 5 multiplayer.

 

[kailus13]

Granted, but nobody else plays it.

I wish for socks.

 

[staika]

Granted but the cloak glows in the dark and the dagger narrates your every movement. Enjoy your insanity

I wish for a pet chimp

 

[TheDoctor455]

Granted, but it has the exact same voice, personality, and mannerisms as Claptrap. And it never shuts up. Ever.


I wish staika would change their avatar to something less... seizure inducing.

 

[OmniscientOstrich]

Granted, though I may or may not have spilled arsenic into it.

I wish for an unlimited supply of wishes.

 

[TheDoctor455]

Spoiler: Granted!

I wish for more Dr Pepper.

Your image didn't work.

OT:

Granted, but now you find that you can only wish for more and more money to be taken away from you.

I wish I had a working, non-glitchy Portal gun... and that GlaDOS, Wheatley, and all the folks at Aperture Science were nice people.

 

[TheDoctor455]

Granted, but now you've been sucked into the game world, are trapped there... and then you realize... you're stuck in the worst game ever made ever. Worse than E.T. even.

I wish the person below me wasn't a blue cat.

 

[staika]

Granted, now whenever you start to get tired you will be transported to a world filled with scary psycho clowns.

I wish I had food

 

[Yuno Gasai]

Granted, but as you go to eat it, a bear beats the shit out of you and consumes the food himself.

I wish my arms weren't sore.

 

[staika]

Granted, you no longer have bones in your arms.

I wish this day would never end

 

[Frission]

Granted. You die at Scorpion King 2

(Whatever that is)

I wish I had eidetic memory.

 

[thesilentman]

Granted. It fails though, and you get Alzheimer's instead.

I wish for a cuddle.

 

[TheDoctor455]

Granted, but its a cuddle with a Deathclaw in heat. Enjoy your horrible painful death.

I wish Bush had never been president (either of them).