Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[KOMega]

Granted. You receive a totally sweet tasty bacon roll. Some guards start looking around for you.

I wish for some delicious hot tea.

 

[username sucks]

Granted. It is still delicious because the poison is tasteless.

I wish for an ice cube.

 

[kailus13]

Granted, you have a cube of ice a mile wide dropped on you from 50 feet up.

I wish for a butler.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted but once you are fulfilled in life he will eat your soul.

I wish for bacon.

 

[username sucks]

Granted, I just created bacon for you at the convenient location of the Earth's core.

I wish to rule the world!

 

[Teoes]

Granted, but everyone else is dead and you have crippling abandonment issues.

I wish everyone everyone had a friend like me.

 

[KOMega]

Granted, but those friends are then all trapped in magic lamps lost in an unknown desert. At least they have disney songs to entertain them.

I wish I could use the internet anywhere, even in the middle of nowhere.

 

[username sucks]

Granted, you can interface your mind to the internet from anywhere. However, your organic brain cannot handle the internet, so it causes your head to explode into double rainbows and pictures of cats.

I wish I could punch my calculus teacher without any criminal charges.

 

[Teoes]

Granted, but that doesn't stop your Algebra teacher taking bloody vengeance.

I wish I could eat a whole doughnut without licking my lips or fingers.

 

[QuietCupOfTea]

Granted, you no longer have any lips or fingers.

I wish my hair was naturally blue.

 

[KOMega]

Granted, cuz you gotta have blue hair. Fortunately your name does not change to Stinkoman.
Unfortunately it turns out you were the best friend character that dies to raise the stakes.
Shoulda wished for main character hair.

I wish a clean, good looking business suit with tie.

 

[username sucks]

What? INCORRECT SENTENCE STRUCTURE ON A WISH?!?!?! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU HAVE DONE?!?! YOU JUS-

I wish the Earth gets put back together.

 

[KOMega]

lol sorry, my mistake.
Granted, the pieces of earth are all smooshed back together.
Australia was always in the middle of the U.S. right? yeah.
Right beside the island of Germany.
A convenient fancy clothes store lands beside my house. yay!

I wish I could create a perfectly good bagel anytime and anywhere that I could eat.

 

[kailus13]

Granted, perfectly good i subjective, so it is made out of glass.

I wish for a moment of silence.

 

[OmniscientOstrich]

Granted, you are now deaf.

I wish I had X-Ray vision.

 

[God'sFist]

Granted but you can only see past the skin.

I wish that everyone on earth could have the worst day of their lives.

 

[Kitsune Hunter]

Granted, but you will suffer an even worst day than everyone else

I wish that I had the power to materialize anything I want

 

[Dalek Caan]

Granted, but anything you materialize is extremely radioactive.

I wish for 3 plain hamburgers, medium fries and a coke.

 

[KOMega]

Granted, a random McDonalds in Russia has been given your order.
The don't do delivery so you must travel there and pay for it before they will give you your food.
Also, they mess up your drink and give you diet coke.

I wish I could type really fast.

 

[username sucks]

Granted, you can hit random keys really fast.

I wish that my handwriting was better.