Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[Kitsune Hunter]

Granted, but your handwriting will only be better when you write in your own blood

I wish that I could find true love

 

[EeveeElectro]

Granted, but it's a horse.

I wish I could get over this cough.

 

[username sucks]

Granted, you now sneeze constantly instead.

I wish my history teacher could give instructions that make sense.

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

She now gives perfect instructions on how to make the perfect scrabbled eggs to anyone who speaks Konkani. Also, now she only speaks Konkani.

I wish that Candlejack wasn't afte

 

[username sucks]

Granted, now yo

I wish I knew what Not was going to say, and who Candlejack is.

 

[Teoes]

Granted, but the whole point of him is that once you say his name, he kidnaps you. See ya.

I wish to be rewarded for remembering to not mention Candlejack by na

 

[username sucks]

Granted, your reward is to never be heard from again, which is nice if you are antisocial I guess.

I wish I was a genius.

 

[Teoes]

Granted, but it's a genius for DDR and you live in the middle of the Australian outback, so all you can do is pound away at the kitchen lino.

I wish I could be bitten by a cobra.

 

[username sucks]

Granted, but the venom doesn't kill you. It instead makes you live in extreme agony all the time, and is incurable.

I wish for it to be Friday already.

 

[Kitsune Hunter]

Granted, but it will be Monday the next day

I wish I knew what to wish for

 

[username sucks]

Granted, you just used your one and only wish to know what you wanted to wish for. If only you could wish for that thing, right?

I wish I could turn invisible at will.

 

[Teoes]

Granted but it comes with noxious flatulence. Everywhere there is a smelly guff, people will think you're present.

I wish I could ruin the next poster's wish.

 

[username sucks]

Granted, but only if you post after me.

I wish that I didn't have to make a wish.

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

Granted, you now make demands.

I wish I was better at Dota 2.

 

[Teoes]

Granted, but no-one else plays it any more.

I wish I could come up with a better way to ruin someone's wish.

 

[Rowan93]

Granted, but the only thoughts you're now capable of are along the lines of "how can this be ruined?".

I wish mecha got an exception to the square/cube law so that they could exist and be awesome.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted but they go on a rampage and kill everyone in horrible wars.

I wish for boar.

 

[OmniscientOstrich]

Granted, a horde of 3,000 boar will now follow you wherever you go.

I wish I could play every instrument known to man like a pro.

 

[KOMega]

Granted, you can now play every instrument (even mayonnaise) like a pro-wrestler.
You are not good at wrestling, but you can play instruments as if you were a pro-wrestler.

I wish dust wouldn't collect on my things.

 

[Kitsune Hunter]

Granted but now dust shall collect on you

I wish I was the greatest swordsman in the land