Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[Morsomk_v1legacy]

Granted, but you don't know how to write! In fact, you don't even know how to form words on paper, but you do still have a pretty good looking handwriting.

I wish I had a bag of goodies.

 

[Teoes]

Granted, but the kid you just stole it from is crying and his parents are giving you filthy looks. Pretty sure the Dad could have you.

I wish everyone was as awesome as I am.

 

[username sucks]

Granted. Now everyone has blurry faces. Thanks, Teoes.

I wish people were smarter.

 

[Teoes]

Granted. Oh Christ, the smugness and arrogance is unbearable. Just because people are smarter, doesn't mean they agree - and now they all think they're right and know better!

I wish people were dumberer.

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

Wish.exe has encountered a divide by zero error. If the problem persists, please contact 666-SELL-SOUL.

I wish people wouldn't wish for impossible things.

 

[username sucks]

Granted. Now the magical wish-granters here can follow a completely logical and realistic plan.

I wish for faster internet.

 

[BQE]

Granted. Too bad the outages are constant.

I just wish I had more time.

 

[Teoes]

Granted. You've lost your job, your home and your family. No more distractions = more time!

I wish I could create fire with a snap of my fingers.

 

[EeveeElectro]

Granted. But you set fire to yourself every time.

I wish for a safe to eat, legally acquired tasty sandwich!

 

[username sucks]

Granted! It has the tastiest legal poison sauce you will ever find! And the best part is that it doesn't take effect for two days, so it is perfectly safe while you eat it.

I wish for a door. That is all.

 

[Teoes]

Granted, but it's really small and painted a horrible obnoxious colour.

I wish for my very own dragon.

 

[BQE]

Enjoy your Komodo dragon!

I'm sorry it's dead.

I wish I was prescient.

 

[MemLCol TBOT]

(Copied from google:

pre·scient
/ˈpreSH(&#275ənt/
Adjective
Having or showing knowledge of events before they take place.
Synonyms
foreseeing - provident
)

you become prescient. Aliens invade as you do so and kill you.

i wish i understood what it means to be prescient.

 

[Teoes]

Granted, but the knowledge comes at the price of forgetting something else; like who you are and where you live.

I wish I had quesadillas.

 

[BQE]

Quesadillas are yours. Shame they are filled with cockroaches.

I wish it'd never stop raining.

 

[Teoes]

Granted. That wish ruined itself.

I wish for a bacon roll to go with my soup today.

 

[JasonKaotic]

An endless landslide of bacon rolls onto your house, and you die a delicious death.

I wish I didn't have work tomorrow.

 

[Mirakill]

Granted, today is your last day on earth.

I wish that MOBA communities were nicer.

 

[BQE]

Easy solution, MOBA communities are in fact, so nice that it's both disturbing and unsettling. These unbearably nice communities have now driven you away from MOBAs once again.

I wish people didn't idolize celebrities so much.

 

[Dr.Susse]

Granted; the homeless 100 is now the most popular thing ever and many lives are lost over it.

I wish beer could cure every problem.