Serial Killer Round 47: It's Over!

RaNDM G

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Apr 28, 2009
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@Schizzy: Why would a ghost need a ghost blunderbuss to begin with?

@Mortis: I hear the Jivaroans are real friendly to celebrity philanthropists. I'm sure they'll be happy to help Mr. Clooney fit the part.

Seems like you have a hit on your hands. What did you plan on calling the sequel? The Thin Flippered Line?
 

Tortilla the Hun

Decidedly on the Fence
May 7, 2011
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@RaN: Hmm...I'll have my agent fly in to Peru and get in touch with them, perhaps adopt their kids to replace the crew members in exchange for old Gameboys they'll worship for a while 'til the batteries die out. Then they'll revolt, likely break into civil war before ultimately being violently taken over by a rival tribe. It'll be great!

Also, I've thought about it, but I'm having a hard time convincing a couple of the actors to do a very touching father/son scene that involves one regurgitating fishy mush into the other's mouth. Sean Penn is fine being on the receiving end, the difficulty is that Adrien Brody really doesn't like giving up his fish...
 

RaNDM G

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@Mortis: It's very simple. Give Brody a few hits of LSD, convince him that Penn is a very attractive female Emperor and the fish mush is a swig of Stella.
 

Schizzy

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Oct 9, 2008
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@RaNDM: You have NO IDEA how old I am, do you?

@Mortis: Does your mother know you're directing this?
 

RaNDM G

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@Schizzy: You are 33 years old...

or 396 months old
or 1,724 weeks old
or 12,069 days old
or 289,668 hours old
or 17,380,110 minutes old
or 1,042,806,645 seconds old

That's counting all the time you spent dead playing this game.
 

RaNDM G

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Apr 28, 2009
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@Scizzhy: Nope. Couples with kids live longer. Fact.

If anything, I should be docking off five years.
 

War Penguin

Serious Whimsy
Jun 13, 2009
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Okay! I'm sorry for taking as long as I did. Shit in the real world happened, and now I'm sick and I only just remembered to update this! So I got all the votes and I will notify to victim immediately. Sorry for the delay.
 

Diablo1099_v1legacy

Doom needs Yoghurt, Badly
Dec 12, 2009
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I AM VICTIM!
So there I was right, just waltzing down to the store to pick up some energy drinks to get me though the day when some bastard shouts "HE'S THE MURDER!"
Now I wasn't, but like he'd take that for an answer.

Either way, Mob rules, Mob chases, I make a run for it because I like living.
Ironically, that's what killed me, Ran though streets, alleys, over bridges, in sewers, bastards followed me.
Then I had the wonderful luck to hit one of those large drops in sewers, were all the shit and such just falls into a massive hole?

10 Meter jump to the nearest other pipe, Angry Mob behind me, What do you do? You jump and pray.

Needless to say, there was a lot of blood covered shit by the end of it all as my body was diced up by the machine at the bottom of the pit.
Ah well...The REAL Murder will see to them in the end...
 

Schizzy

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Oct 9, 2008
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@RaNDM: Fine! Hmmmph! Take away my old credentials, why don't you? *sob*

I just really like my blunderbuss, okay? I can put anything into it for ammunition. Like solid shot misery.

*Load gun with solid misery and fires at RaNDM*

@Diablo: What a dirty death!
 

Zero_ctrl

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Feb 26, 2009
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A small sect of the few remaining members of the police force was crouched in a darkened room, discussing plans for the morning shortly to come.

"Alright, I know I can trust you guys. We've been at this a long time. Who else could it be?" asks the figure at the head of the table, in a leading tone.

"I... I don't know for certain, but we're running out of time," I reply.

Another voice pipes up, "I've compiled this list of suspects from what little evidence we've accrued. It's difficult to trace any of these patterns, but they seem to be trending to toward this man here." He points to one of the officers, some squeak I never recognized.

"How can you know that?" I inquire. Several of the others mumble in agreement.

"I can't... not for certain. But all of the other reasonable suspects have either been murdered already or executed by us. Where else can we go with this?" His voice carries a hint of frustration. I can't blame him. You'd think that more people would give a shit about a mass murderer.

"Very well, since we have no better choice. Let us take a vote," voiced the impromptu leader. "Shall we accuse this 'Diablo' character of the heinous crimes?"

The small chamber resounds, "Aye."

[hr]

With the rising of the sun, the treacherous police department all arrives at the office. The group prepares to confront their primary suspect. It isn't long before they find him in front of a vending machine, sliding in coins for a drink. I glance to my right only to see a fellow of our party burst forth.

He shouts, sprinting now, "HE'S THE MURDER[ER]!!"

Naturally, our quarry scuttles off like a skittish rabbit. Sighing with a heavy tiredness, the rest of the group gives chase. If I had known that this would lead to my demise, I probably would have stopped them.

Not like it matters.

[hr]

Through the weary streets we ran, pursuing a man who knew not where to go. There was no possible way he could get away from us. All he was doing was prolonging his inevitable doom. This city is cursed, you know. Once your fate is decided, there's no escaping it.

Eventually we ended up trudging into the sewers. His pace was slowing, and so was ours. The murky sludge sloughed at our boots, each step splattering more of the gruel. Every one of us was exhausted beyond the point of conscious reason. Mindlessly treading through the dim tunnels, we eventually had him trapped between us and a pit straight to Hell.

His eyes were wide, fearful of the choice he had to make. I knew he would jump. They always do. Not one of us was surprised or angered when we saw him slip on the slick stone. He fell, arms helplessly flapping, into the deep sludge digestion pit. He fell with the rest of the sewage.

My colleagues began congratulating themselves. Saying, "Job well done," or "Mission accomplished." It wasn't really that hard though. All we did was run after a scared man. "Now we don't even have to get our hands dirty!" I heard a voice exclaim. No, maybe not. But our feet were. The fermenting odors had taken residence within my nose.

Then the final scream echoed up from within the abyss.

My mind, it began flashing me images of dark spirits replacing my fellow officers. The lights flickered, each pulse more intense than the last. A horrible yawning resonated through the unending tunnels. I ran, but I made now ground. Each intersection was further from the last, each bending more madly. I was surrounded by these demons, but I was alone.

Somehow, my fate was sealed to the pathetic excuse we had run down. My heart let out a quiet yelp. My lungs, clasping to each ragged breath, gave way to one final shout. The blood within my veins turned into a black oil, igniting my nerves. My scream lasted for what felt like years. It went black. It all went black.

Maybe, to this day, you can still hear me screaming if you go deep enough. Not that you'd want to.

TL:DR - I voted for him and died.
 

RaNDM G

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Apr 28, 2009
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Schizzy said:
*Load gun with solid misery and fires at RaNDM*
Schizzy, I was handcrafted from pure narcissism. What makes you think that thing will hurt me?

@Zero: Wow. That sucks man.
 

Schizzy

New member
Oct 9, 2008
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@Nouw: I think you're thinking of regular clothing iron. Those can really burn you bad.

@RaNDM: Narcissism immunises against misery? Call the press!

@Redlin: You're guilty until proven innocent. Even when you're dead!

@Link: It was a troubled household, methinks.
 

Nouw

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Mar 18, 2009
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@Schizzy:


Disappointed by the lack of burning though. I'm sure there's a picture somewhere.
 

RaNDM G

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@Schizzy: I'm fairly certain a high level of narcissism shields against everything.

@Nouw: No man, just... No.