Seriously, why do some guys pull this shit?

[Callate]

I'm guessing this guy was secretly thinking (or at least, fantasizing) that the two of you would end up together and your suddenly being in a relationship with someone else made him think, "Oh, god, I've got to get her thinking of me like a 'potential boyfriend' rather than a 'friend' now, it may already be too late!"

It also sounds like said guy-friend is really inexperienced with the opposite sex and about as smooth as a pine cone stuck superglued to a porcupine. He was probably putting himself in a corner when you were around because he was terrified of saying the wrong thing to you and screwing up his imagined chances of things "progressing" between the two of you.

In short, he's kind of pathetic, but he's probably not trying to be an ass to you; he just doesn't know how to act on his feelings, nor does he probably have the emotional maturity to recognize that the way he's acting now is a) not going to make you suddenly attracted to him and b) creeping you out.

I guess the question is whether you think he's dangerous, because it may be time for something between "I value your friendship, but we are never going to be anything more than friends" and "You need to back the #@$% off because you're making me want to file a restaining order."

 

[esperandote]

Kids do crazy stuff and the grow up to realize how stupid they were. Is the reasons why you don't like him that caught my atention, "he doesn't have a job or a car". Is that what you want in a guy? If he did have one, then you would be less inclined to reject him?

 

[kouriichi]

Girls pull it just as much as guys. >.>;

The reason why is this.
____________
Woman is here Man is here.
~~~~~~~~~~~~

People can only be put in the friendzone for so long. They get desperate. Plain and simple.
How would you feel if every guy you met rejected you, laughed when you asked them out, or just didnt have the time of day for you? Chances are, youd be in the same boat as him, and say something a bit creepy. ((Ok, maybe not as creepy as what he said, but still creepy))

Guys just tend to have their biological clock tick earlier then women. You know, having a penis nagging at them every time they look at someone they're attracted to.

Hes a friend right? So just put it to him a bit straight. Your looking for love in a different place. If things dont work out there, you'll talk to him more, and a get to know him a bit, and then decide if hes the type of guy you want to be with.


Or, you could give him a handjob and shut him up. Its a bit of a bandage on the situation, and could have repercussions in the future, but its alot more of an immediate fix. Once he sees its mostly lust driving him for you, he'll back off. ((Due note, im a bit of a "bro", so i could just be saying the handjob part because i look after my bros/bronies))

 

[TheDooD]

Typical friend-zoned beta male.

He doesn't know how to be a man so he just acts like a boy.

He'll learn one day.

Or he'll get absorbed in the fat rolls of the internet.

Even an Alpha male can get tossed into the friend zone. NO guy really wants to be there, strung along and played with. I have working relationships with women that I find attractive and I make it clear that I find them as such. Then I make sure if we're gonna be friends there's gonna be neutrality about it I don't ***** to her about girls and she doesn't ***** about her boyfriends. After that it's pretty much all good until we both decide we want something more.

 

[Hussmann54]

Wait. . . Amy, is that you? I'm sorry! I just really like you! Can't blame a guy for trying right .

Hey, how dare you pretend to be me!
Her name is Rin and she's going out with Ryan and he is a complete jerk. He doesn't deserve her at all her short red hair is so hot and her nosering makes her look so cool. I don't get why she chose a guy like him over me, I care about her so much.

Its like "The Escapist: Soap Opera!"

 

[Rin Little]

Kids do crazy stuff and the grow up to realize how stupid they were. Is the reasons why you don't like him that caught my atention, "he doesn't have a job or a car". Is that what you want in a guy? If he did have one, then you would be less inclined to reject him?

No I wouldn't. I'd reject him no matter what because I barely know the guy for as long as I actually have known him, but him being close to 30 and never gone to college, not having a real job, or a car aren't exactly factors that work to change my opinion of him either.

 

[McMullen]

I had some things in common with this guy once. I was completely infatuated with someone at a time when I wasn't emotionally mature enough to deal with those feelings properly. I didn't persist after she told me she wasn't interested, but I did wallow in self-pity to a degree that now makes me cringe a little bit whenever I think back on it, and I'm sure that I annoyed the hell out of her at times. Thankfully with time and introspection I got better. It helped that soon after, a friend was complaining about this guy who was doing the same thing to her, so I got to see what it's like from the other side.

I think a lot of it comes from being socially inept, some of it comes from a lack of confidence, and a great deal of it comes from getting your education in romance from the wrong places (mostly movies and TV). I dread to think what kids of similarly limited understanding take from Twilight.

In the end I think what really did it for me was seeing for myself just how annoying and immature this behavior is. The best advice I can give is to minimize contact with him and make sure he knows that you are absolutely uninterested in him. This is important; he seems to still think that given enough time you'll change your mind. I hoped for the same for a couple months (though I never tried to persuade or harass her as this guy is doing to you) but she reminded me often to not get the wrong impression, and I soon accepted this and it became a semi-friendship that lasted as long as we were at the same school, after which we parted ways and neither of us made an attempt to stay in touch.

Unfortunately he's going to have to do most of the work in pulling his head out of his ass, and that will probably take a while. He needs to see how annoying he is, how wrong his ideas on romance are, realize that you're not going to change your mind, and get to the point where he asks himself "Why would she or any other woman be interested in me anyway?". When he does that maybe he'll get better, or at least stop pestering you or whoever else he might be obsessed with by then.

 

[Slayer_2]

A girl is twice as attractive if she's in a relationship.

 

[Strain42]

Guys that become friends with women based solely on wanting to be with them is a bad idea from the start. I've been in that situation more often than I care to admit. I'm happy to say I've grown up.

However, it can still happen. A guy who does what the TC is saying isn't very good at it. Once you go there, you've shown your dark side, and it can be very hard to even save the friendship at that point. The better thing to do is try to be generally happy for the person, and stay a good friend.

That way (don't hope for this) if they DO break up, you're not the "WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME!?" guy. You're the good guy who didn't freak her out, and your chances might still be there.

There is nothing to be gained by trying to pull that "I could make you happy, too" crap and trying to make a woman feel guilty for dating someone that isn't you.

 

[Gamblerjoe]

I will express as much contempt as I want toward whomever I want. It doesn't make me arrogant, it makes me a jerk. Feel free to put words in my mouth though. People like the creepy kid clearly need defending, so Im sure they're glad to see they have a champion for their cause.

If someone doesn't earn something, then no, they do not deserve it. I know what its like to have problems. I know what its like to be neglected. I know what its like to have not been taught anything about interpersonal relationships. I know what its like to be a beaten dog. I have no sympathy for people who wallow and cant get over it. I have no sympathy for people with no desire to improve themselves.

Claiming to suck at something is no excuse. I hear people say things like "Ill never have a 6-pack" or "Ill never be good at picking up girls." Well, they're right. They've made up their mind that they will ever have those things, and no one is going to achieve it for them.

Yes, you can express all the contempt you want towards them.
The fact that you are entitled to be an ass, doesn't make you any less of an ass when you do start showing contempt.

Your arrogance is a separate issue.
"I know how to be disarming, to have funny and clever moments" etc, etc...
You used this thread as a blatant tool of self promotion, jumping at the opportunity to acquire some internet glory by evaluating yourself in a purely subjective way.
No human being can ever look at themselves and describe what they see without emotions getting in the way.
That is why I avoid it. I mean no offense, but people like you are why I try not to quantify myself.

I'm not saying that he deserves the girl and I am by no means championing creepy stalkers.
He should stop immediately, as the girl obviously does not appreciate what he is doing.
However, his actions did not warrant your scathing reaction.

He does deserve to have a shot at it.
However he decides that he's going to try and get the girl, that's his choice and he's fully entitled to approach the issue the way he wants.
So no, he doesn't deserve to be "ejected from the playing field."

There is a fine line between narcissism and pride. If you think I crossed that line, then that is your opinion, and you are entitled to it. I'v obviously shown some pretty strong opinions myself.

Sometimes pride is all you have. At times it has been the only thing keeping me going. Anyone who can pull them self out of the pit and dust them self off deserves to feel good about it. If it weren't for my sense of pride, I wouldn't have a house or a car, and I'd probably still be a virgin.

 

[MaxwellEdison]

He's told you why he pulls it. He's lonely and wants some.
If he's going to be such a dick about it though, you might want to stop hanging out with him.

Also, guys don't pull this shit, as you said in your post. *some* guys do, as you said in your title. I don't like being stereotyped with people like this

 

[Kermi]

I'll be honest. I did that to a girl once.

I barely knew her, had met her once, we'd barely chatted online. I maybe had a major crush. Then she announced she was dating someone. I was shocked! I believed I was right for her! Dormant feelings that had been ebbing away suddenly flared into live, and my response was "Um, but what about us?".

She, quite rightly, asked me: "What do you mean 'what about us'?". We discussed it and in the end I accepted it - not because I understood I was crazy and that she really didn't have any feelings for me, but because I begrudgingly accepted that if I cared about her, I would care about her happiness more than mine, and therefore I should give her my blessing to keep seeing this other guy.

Without even being aware of it I allowed a passing infatuation to develop completely inside my mind to the point that I was sure she felt the same way even though I had given her no reason to think I was interested in her or been given any indication she was interested in me - and when she became unavailable I became obscenely jealous.

I was young and foolish. I grew out of it. Your guy friend will grow out of it too - explain to him there's nothing between you and give him a chance to redeem himself by not being a creepy jerk. If he keeps it up, cut him off from you completely.

 

[TheDooD]

If you have guy friends and they aren't gay. They all have a crush on you and should have gave them a chance before tossing them into that friend bin. He's pissed off because he feels betrayed that you can fall for an outsider and not somebody who stood at your side.

Would this also mean that if the guy friend is bi, he has a crush on all his friends?

Most likely which would cause quite a lot of emotional strain.

 

[Herr Uhl]

If you have guy friends and they aren't gay. They all have a crush on you and should have gave them a chance before tossing them into that friend bin. He's pissed off because he feels betrayed that you can fall for an outsider and not somebody who stood at your side.

Would this also mean that if the guy friend is bi, he has a crush on all his friends?

Most likely which would cause quite a lot of emotional strain.

Does this also apply to girls?

 

[zama174]

Snip

Sounds like a lonely man, or a serial rapist. If you don't accept him things may get very ugly.

Or I am completely wrong and he is just a loser and you will be perfectly fine so long as seeing an occasional peeping tom doesn't bother you to terribly much..

 

[Gothproxy]

Because, generalization aside and for lack of a better term, guys are dumb. That's not to say that all of them are, nor is it to say that all girls are not. But trying to understand WHY a guy/girl does something stupid like this is about pointless as trying to understand Lady Gaga's fashion sense. Men don't understand women and women don't understand men. They also (both sexes)don't seem to understand themselves either else why continue to do stupid stuff...meh.

Just tell the boy who got stupid that he's a douchebag and that he can be your friend again when he grows up.

Or something along those lines.

 

[zama174]

If you have guy friends and they aren't gay. They all have a crush on you and should have gave them a chance before tossing them into that friend bin. He's pissed off because he feels betrayed that you can fall for an outsider and not somebody who stood at your side.

Would this also mean that if the guy friend is bi, he has a crush on all his friends?

Most likely which would cause quite a lot of emotional strain.

Does this also apply to girls?

No dumbass! Girl's only like the rich guys or the jackasses! *roles eyes* People these days...

 

[TheDooD]

If you have guy friends and they aren't gay. They all have a crush on you and should have gave them a chance before tossing them into that friend bin. He's pissed off because he feels betrayed that you can fall for an outsider and not somebody who stood at your side.

Would this also mean that if the guy friend is bi, he has a crush on all his friends?

Most likely which would cause quite a lot of emotional strain.

Does this also apply to girls?

its a bit different girls can have more a neutral relationships.

Edit

Which pretty much circles back to the OP's current problem. She thought it was a neutral relationship because she's use to doing such with her girlfriends. Yet with a guy you have to be damn direct and blunt with them. You're either gonna let us fuck around or you're not but you better not fucking keep us in the middle while you're complaining about you're gonna to or are putting out to.

 

[esperandote]

Kids do crazy stuff and the grow up to realize how stupid they were. Is the reasons why you don't like him that caught my atention, "he doesn't have a job or a car". Is that what you want in a guy? If he did have one, then you would be less inclined to reject him?

No I wouldn't. I'd reject him no matter what because I barely know the guy for as long as I actually have known him, but him being close to 30 and never gone to college, not having a real job, or a car aren't exactly factors that work to change my opinion of him either.

Good to know. He's that old? Well, i guess he is one of those guys with little social skills (specially with women) and introverded. Give it some time and hell realise that he's wrong or resignate to the fact that you're not atraccted to him.

I had some things in common with this guy once. I was completely infatuated with someone at a time when I wasn't emotionally mature enough to deal with those feelings properly. I didn't persist after she told me she wasn't interested, but I did wallow in self-pity to a degree that now makes me cringe a little bit whenever I think back on it, and I'm sure that I annoyed the hell out of her at times. Thankfully with time and introspection I got better. It helped that soon after, a friend was complaining about this guy who was doing the same thing to her, so I got to see what it's like from the other side.

I think a lot of it comes from being socially inept, some of it comes from a lack of confidence, and a great deal of it comes from getting your education in romance from the wrong places (mostly movies and TV). I dread to think what kids of similarly limited understanding take from Twilight.

In the end I think what really did it for me was seeing for myself just how annoying and immature this behavior is. The best advice I can give is to minimize contact with him and make sure he knows that you are absolutely uninterested in him. This is important; he seems to still think that given enough time you'll change your mind. I hoped for the same for a couple months (though I never tried to persuade or harass her as this guy is doing to you) but she reminded me often to not get the wrong impression, and I soon accepted this and it became a semi-friendship that lasted as long as we were at the same school, after which we parted ways and neither of us made an attempt to stay in touch.

Unfortunately he's going to have to do most of the work in pulling his head out of his ass, and that will probably take a while. He needs to see how annoying he is, how wrong his ideas on romance are, realize that you're not going to change your mind, and get to the point where he asks himself "Why would she or any other woman be interested in me anyway?". When he does that maybe he'll get better, or at least stop pestering you or whoever else he might be obsessed with by then.

You must be like a thousand years old because that pure wisdom. I did something like this too, I used to fall "in love" with girls that i found pretty and then proceded to make them like me by doing the stuff you seen in movies and hear in songs. The biggest crash I suffered was when the girl started dating one of my best friends and when they split she started dating my brother.

 

[ultrachicken]

Well, popular culture tends to hammer in the idea that persistence will eventually yield sex and/or love. This guy doesn't sound like he can function socially, so he's probably latching onto that, consciously or not.

Cut off ties with him, because I don't see how being associated with him will work in your favor. Especially when he tries to cyber or whatever with you over IM.