Do you have any spare room or compartment? If so then hide your valuable things when you're trying anything. He seems like he'd destroy your stuff. Also when you say he's bulkier is it mostly fat or muscle or a mix? It'll be much easier if it's fat.
Sibling problems - Need advice
- Thread starter NoNameMcgee
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So, you're 19? You can discipline a 14, and your parents don't seem to be big on punishments so they probably wouldn't give you shit for it. I'm guessing you're bigger and stronger than him, and if he's that bad, threaten violence, although try and avoid it.
I'm 19 too, and my brother is 14 (coincidences, eh?) but he's fairly intelligent and well behaved these days, but he did used to be a bit of a terror. He grew out of it though, but not after I threatened to beat him around the head with a hockey stick. I didn't actually hit him (with an object. I punched him on occasion, but never full whack).
Maybe just annoy him. Be awkward. He's used to getting his own way, so don't let him have it. Eat the last piece of cake. Play on the Xbox all day. That kind of thing.
If he's 14 and he hasn't learned to behave, something needs to be done. If your parents won't do it then you should.
I'm 19 too, and my brother is 14 (coincidences, eh?) but he's fairly intelligent and well behaved these days, but he did used to be a bit of a terror. He grew out of it though, but not after I threatened to beat him around the head with a hockey stick. I didn't actually hit him (with an object. I punched him on occasion, but never full whack).
Maybe just annoy him. Be awkward. He's used to getting his own way, so don't let him have it. Eat the last piece of cake. Play on the Xbox all day. That kind of thing.
If he's 14 and he hasn't learned to behave, something needs to be done. If your parents won't do it then you should.
No offence, but you sound like a small bit of a psychopath.HG131 said:
Maybe you should stay away from advice threads.
Ooh good point. See? I never had this problem. My brother is 6 years older...he'd pick on me and beat me up now and then, but then I would blow him away with my SONIC BOOM. AKA my insanely loud screech of doom. We were pretty good most of the time though, and get along great now. :/danpascooch said:
Firstly, DO NOT use corporal punishment. All violence does is incite more violence. Secondly, send him to a psychiatrist. Try and get the parents to a shrink as well and you yourself should go to but in different sessions. Most of the times people find it uncomfortable to pour what they've got when there are others around to hear it.
The best suggestions here are those telling me to talk to my parents about this, as it seems like the only way I can really do this. But I have tried this a lot with all the methods people here have offered and nothing has worked because they still treat him exactly the same way. Other suggestions involving psychiatrists etc are good too, but I'm sure I can't make my family see one and I certainly can't afford one myself (I'm currently unable to work for a little while due to VISA troubles after moving abroad.)
Yeah punishing my brother in anyway pretty much isn't going to work, because he will give as much as he gets... I break something of his? Pah, he'll just come and break something of mine. Hide something of his? Isn't going to work, he'll simply scream and shout until my parents force me to give it back. As danpascooch says, it will get messy fast, and I don't think being forceful towards him or violent in anyway is going to work. Last time I even so much as annoyed him and shut my door in his face, he kicked my door so hard he put his foot through it and now I have a massive hole in my door. He doesn't understand how to cope with this kind of stuff yet and if he doesn't take it from his parents he certainly isn't going to take it from his big brother who he certainly does not respect.The Lizard of Odd said:
You really need to talk to your parents.
Or just buy a dead-bolt and lock him out of his room. I'd recommend buying one for your door, too, if you tried that course of action. You know, so he'd have to break out an ax if he tried to get in your room. I think you parents might[/] notice your brother attacking your door with an ax. Even the most weak-willed parents would notice/punish for that, I think.
Or just buy a dead-bolt and lock him out of his room. I'd recommend buying one for your door, too, if you tried that course of action. You know, so he'd have to break out an ax if he tried to get in your room. I think you parents might[/] notice your brother attacking your door with an ax. Even the most weak-willed parents would notice/punish for that, I think.
I have a friend who was prone to violent outburst similar to the ones you described. He mellowed out after becoming a teenager. Perhaps this will happen for your brother, too.
It's difficult to give advice about a person I have not met. Have you tried discussing this with him? Perhaps you could try to express your extreme disappointment verbally whenever he misbehaves. If he has any respect for you deep down, he may change his actions.
If not, I have no idea. Leave for college soon.
(First post! Hello Escapists)
Edit: I think violence is a terrible idea. It will only escalate things.
It's difficult to give advice about a person I have not met. Have you tried discussing this with him? Perhaps you could try to express your extreme disappointment verbally whenever he misbehaves. If he has any respect for you deep down, he may change his actions.
If not, I have no idea. Leave for college soon.
(First post! Hello Escapists)
Edit: I think violence is a terrible idea. It will only escalate things.
I have been punished twice in my life for mis-behaving. Surprisingly I learned that I didn't like being grounded or spanked (back when spanking your kid wasn't considered the act of the great satan). I turned out great, I don't break rules, I'm obedient (most of the time), and I do things around the house without being asked. The rest of my siblings don't have the same mindset... all of them have been punished hundreds of times. It still hasn't sunk into their heads that maybe they should have learned from their punishments.
Beat him up. I'm also fourteen, but if I acted like that I'd get the tar knocked out of me.
If me and my younger brother were fighting and my dad was at work or busy, our older brother would smack some sense into us. He didn't do it to be mean, he did it because we deserved it.
If me and my younger brother were fighting and my dad was at work or busy, our older brother would smack some sense into us. He didn't do it to be mean, he did it because we deserved it.
Actually, from what I've read on the nature-nurture debate, it seems that (with an exception made for extreme situations) the way a parent choses to raise their child (including the way they penalize the child) doesn't really have much affect ultimately.
Kids are much more likely to learn how to behave from peer groups, and if you'll allow me to briefly test a sudo-metaphorical story, perhaps it will become why. I used to have a cat, and the cat would misbehave from time to time. How to punish the cat? One was to spray him with a waterbottle. But ultimately that didn't encourage the cat to behave, it just encouraged him to behave when I was around. Why was that? Because the cat knows it's only getting sprayed for misbehavior if it gets caught misbehaving. Many websites suggested spraying the cat for misbehavior, but being sneaky about it, so it didn't realize that I was spraying it, and if I'd managed to sneak up on that damn cat even once I'm sure it would have worked. Why? Because if the cat thinks it's getting sprayed for the behavior, as opposed to thinking that it's getting sprayed for the behavior when it acts that way in front of me, then it is more likely to believe that punishments will always occur for misbehavior, as opposed to only for misbehavior that is caught.
This is the same for children, parental punishments may cause them to behave more when in the immediate vicinity of a parent, but they won't actually make the child behave well. Children understand that they are being punished for acting badly when they are caught, so parental punishments often just teach them to get better at not getting caught. Peer groups, however, are more like the person who can sneak up on the cat to spray it. Their functions are not so obvious as the cause and affect of the parental punishment, and so children are more likely to follow the rules that those groups create for them then they are to follow the rules that their parents create for them. If your brother is already fourteen, it's unlikely that anything your parents can do will cause him to behave better, if anything, an attempt to do just that could encourage him to behave worse.
Kids are much more likely to learn how to behave from peer groups, and if you'll allow me to briefly test a sudo-metaphorical story, perhaps it will become why. I used to have a cat, and the cat would misbehave from time to time. How to punish the cat? One was to spray him with a waterbottle. But ultimately that didn't encourage the cat to behave, it just encouraged him to behave when I was around. Why was that? Because the cat knows it's only getting sprayed for misbehavior if it gets caught misbehaving. Many websites suggested spraying the cat for misbehavior, but being sneaky about it, so it didn't realize that I was spraying it, and if I'd managed to sneak up on that damn cat even once I'm sure it would have worked. Why? Because if the cat thinks it's getting sprayed for the behavior, as opposed to thinking that it's getting sprayed for the behavior when it acts that way in front of me, then it is more likely to believe that punishments will always occur for misbehavior, as opposed to only for misbehavior that is caught.
This is the same for children, parental punishments may cause them to behave more when in the immediate vicinity of a parent, but they won't actually make the child behave well. Children understand that they are being punished for acting badly when they are caught, so parental punishments often just teach them to get better at not getting caught. Peer groups, however, are more like the person who can sneak up on the cat to spray it. Their functions are not so obvious as the cause and affect of the parental punishment, and so children are more likely to follow the rules that those groups create for them then they are to follow the rules that their parents create for them. If your brother is already fourteen, it's unlikely that anything your parents can do will cause him to behave better, if anything, an attempt to do just that could encourage him to behave worse.
I would suggest that you....
Walk into his room while he's gone at school and take ANY belongs that entertain him or are important to him(laptop, ipod, exc..), put them in your car, and wait in his room until he gets home.
When he walks in to find his stuff missing, tell him that until he starts behaving, he won't get them back. And if he responds like the brat that he is, simply punch him in the face (repeatedly if needed) and drive away with his stuff.
On the way to the car, however, tell your mother in her face that if she won't punish her own children, YOU will.
You can also just live and let die with this one,and just let him grow up like the wreck that he is and wait for the adult world to chew him up and spit him out like a terrible meal.
Walk into his room while he's gone at school and take ANY belongs that entertain him or are important to him(laptop, ipod, exc..), put them in your car, and wait in his room until he gets home.
When he walks in to find his stuff missing, tell him that until he starts behaving, he won't get them back. And if he responds like the brat that he is, simply punch him in the face (repeatedly if needed) and drive away with his stuff.
On the way to the car, however, tell your mother in her face that if she won't punish her own children, YOU will.
You can also just live and let die with this one,and just let him grow up like the wreck that he is and wait for the adult world to chew him up and spit him out like a terrible meal.
It's the other way around at my house my older brother is 18 and he is a self absorbed, immature, douche who throws a *****-fit if he doesn't get his way. like almost everyday he just throws my bedroom door open and jumps on me at like 6:00 in the morning even though I don't have to get up till 7:00 and he knows it. he also knows that I don't get much sleep the night before and am probably exhausted and it's really a test of patience because if I even make the slightest hint that I want him to leave he'll start his little speech about how I'm being a dick and to grow up even though I'm the one who has to get up in the morning to go to school(he dropped out of highschool), I'm the one who actually has a job and plans to do something with my life, when he just sits at home and watches T.V. or goes off with his friends to get high somewhere and then he thinks that he can criticize me about spending my free time playing video games, bullshit he has to get off his lazy ass and do something before he can criticize me for something like this but as far as he is concerned he is an infallible god who is incapable of doing wrong and it's fucking bullshit that I have to take it just because he needs everything to go his way an... oh sorry I got off track I think you should lay down the law your self and force some damn respect in to his skull and make it known that if he disrespects his parents or you he is gonna get his ass beat no warnings just get him while he isn't paying attention... and make him wear a dress when you have company that will also help...AverageJoe said:I'm 19... Should have just checked my profile man