So I'm seriously considering suicide.

[Pegghead]

Not gonna lie, from what you said in your post that sounds like a bad situation. And that's exactly what it is. You don't deserve it, you probably weren't asking for it, shit just happened. Remember that. All the time the universe randomly sends horrible things in the way of good people, when that happens you just gotta power on through, because experience has taught me that these things always end over time.

Trust me, find somebody you can talk to about this, person to person. Though you can always do this face-to-face by turning to such people as school counsellors (and usually anonymously, hell, in my case my top-bloke of a house coordinator sent me himself) there are always phone helplines and even internet chat-rooms waiting (quite a number with trained professionals, for free). Hell, right now you're taking the first steps. Take the universe's shit and confont it rather than letting it stew inside, bring the brick-shithouse out into the open and dismantle it brick by brick.

But above all, don't let it rule who you are inside and out. Oh yes, the people who do love and care for you (especially if you sat down and just...told them what you're going thorugh) need to know, but remember to laugh and to smile always.

I've said my piece, go now and power through it. We're always here with open arms, mate. Hell, feel free to PM me anytime. Falling into the kind of "stressing and crying every day" depression I've had the misfortune to experience is something I came out of far stronger than I ever could've imagined.

 

[Averant]

I'm 17 years old. And I understand that these problems may seem insignificant to you but to me they control my life. The things that I care about have abandoned me and it seems like I can not rely on anything.

And this, right here, in my opinion, is your problem. You're relying on other people for your happiness.

NEVER

EVER

rely on other people for happiness. Have a good time with them, hang out, catch a movie, sure, do that. But for the love of God, don't rely on them for anything, because unless they are your absolute omgwtfbbq best friends, or your girlfriend who is hopelessly in love with you, then they won't be in it for you. They'll be in it for the happiness that you give THEM, and the moment that dries up, so does their friendship. If they're decent people, they'll stick around and try to get it back, but a majority of people aren't decent.

Don't rely on them. Rely on yourself. YOU are looking out for YOUR best interests.

Yes, this is a highly cynical point of view. No person should ever have to have this point of view. But as depressing as it is, this is the most realistic POV I have come across yet. Or, rather, it's the most survivalistic one. This POV? It's for the loners. It's for the asocialists. It's for the people who who've never had support and don't need it.

You sound like a social person. The problem with being a social person is that, like you've suggested, your happiness revolves around other people. You'll be happier than an Asocial person will ever be, but it's your friends that get you up there. When they crash, when they change, you crash. And you crash hard. The higher you fly, the farther you fall, and the harder you hit.

So, my advice? Be cynical. Be a loner, at least until you find some decent friends. Because ffs, man. There's millions of people in the one city you live in. Your school has... what, a couple thousand? At most? There's more to life out there. A metric shit ton more. Suicide is just plain shortsighted.

Get out there and find new friends, or rely on yourself. Or watch MLP. I hear that helps.




And if you REALLY need to distract yourself, here's a piece of joke advice I give all my friends:

Don't kill yourself. Kill OTHER people! You stay alive, it's more productive, you let off stress, and you get rid of some assholes in the world! It's a complete win situation!

[sub]My friends always laugh when I tell them this.

The real joke is, I'm only half kidding.[/sub]

 

[Mr.Swiggly]

Well, dude I only have one point to make.

Think about all the beautiful things in this world you could miss out on. Not to get the chance to see the Wonders of the World, missing out on meeting new people, missing out on the future. Don't you want the chance to see what new technologies will come, don't you want to play video games of the future or read a new book, listen to the music that will be made, and see how the world changes around you?

I would never want to miss out on the future to see what will come, all the possibilities. And neither should you.

 

[Grabbin Keelz]

Girlfriend broke up with me, friends turned into enemies, parents ignoring me and favoring my brother, all the while my depression (which I though had gone away) has been growing and growing.

While I believe all these, they're all a bit vague. In my time of high school, I can't even count the times I heard the whole 'friends become enemies' drama.
In life, people are going to betray and abandon you, so here's what you do. You turn around, walk away, and make new friends. With experience, you'll be able to tell right from the first conversation who's going to stick around and who's going to walk off.

When all else fails, just talk to people. Doesn't even matter who. Talk to your friends, your parents, your brother, your teacher, your barber, that guy standing next to you while you wait for the elevator. Usually when someone is in a suicidal stage, they try to have as little social interaction as possible, and when they do it's usually hostile.

Also if you have an interest you should find a fanbase for it and stick to it.

 

[Bob Hoss]

Wait 20 days. If your life hasn't even had one measly good thing happen, consider changing your life, rather than ending it.

My "wait 20" rule hasn't failed me all the years I've wrestled with depression. Count to 20, if your still mad, do something. Wait 20 minutes, if you're sure your emotions make sense, keep 'em up. Wait 20 days, if things haven't changed, make them better yourself. Pick up a new hobby, pamper yourself, whatever. Just don't kill yourself. Kinda a waste, y'know?

 

[captaincabbage]

In the words of Tyrion Lannister: "Aah you see, death is so finite, whereas life, life is full of possibilities."

Listen to the Imp, he has good advice.

 

[Smooth Operator]

I'd recommend playing Katawa Shoujo. It might inspire you as it has so many others.

Indeed, nothing like a good cripple dating sim to pick you up

 

[CounterReproductive]

So I know that this isn't a place where I should/can vent my feelings, but everyone on here has always helped me out before so I'm really hoping someone can now. Simply put for the past few months everything has been going terribly in my life. Girlfriend broke up with me, friends turned into enemies, parents ignoring me and favoring my brother, all the while my depression (which I though had gone away) has been growing and growing. My life, up to this point, has been relatively easy to deal with. But everything happening at once really makes it hard to cope. I'm sure that someone on here has been in a worse situation then this, so I'm asking this from anyone. How do you deal with this?

If you will bear with me I will attempt to help, although this could take some time and we will take each point in turn. Please be aware i have no idea of your age so some of this may seem stupid or pointless. In my defense i have attemted suicide at a point way below where you are now, it was a silly gesture then as would yours be.

ok here we go

1 Your girlfriend left you, everybody goes through this, you are not alone, and hey look on the bright side you are single and can start to flirt with new girls, do the stuff you want to do.

2 Friends became enemies. If they were truly your friends they wouldn't have become your enemies so bluntly forget them, you don't need pricks like that in your life.

3 oparents ignoring you ? Wow I'd have loved it if my parents left me alone when i was growing up,Maybe they are not ignoring you, maybe, just maybe they are giving you some room to stand on your own two feet a little and grow up a little harder. Your parents divorced when you were seven and your brother blames you for it ? Sounds like bro is being an aggravating little shit. Ignore him, and move on.

Depression... been there done that, the trick was to look for anything however small to be positive about. I tried drugs ( they don't work ) alcohol (doesn't work) Happiness can only come from within. so just do the things that make you feel good/better about yourself. Just try to keep them within the bounds of legal activities.

 

[Cpu46]

My life, up to this point, has been relatively easy to deal with. But everything happening at once really makes it hard to cope.

Been exactly where you are now, situation was a little different, but the feeling you described is all to familiar. Life tends to hit you like an avalanche sometimes but trust me, you are stronger than this. People live through being scorned by lovers, betrayed by friends, abandoned by parents, and yes, even avalanches.

That isn't to say you are over reacting, I would feel the exact same way in your situation. However at my lowest point the one thing that kept me from even trying to plan a suicide was the idea that this is it. One life, one ticket, one trip. You end it here there is no coming back. No seeing what lies between here and whatever the destination is. Sure the pain will be over, but who says that pain would have lasted. Persevere, push through, take medication, go to a group. I don't care if you have to fight, yell, scream, or just plain shut down for a short time [footnote]Done all of these. Keep in mind these may not be fun, dignified, or painless but they are justified if it keeps you from taking your own life.[/footnote]

Just don't give up.

 

[orangeapples]

My question for you is: how do you vent?

Here's me in high school:
-Third child
--Older Sister in high school: Honor Roll, academic decathlete.
--Older Brother in high school: Private school, honor roll, ran track.
--Younger Sister in high school: honor roll, school band section leader
--Me: failed freshman English, no extra curricular activities
--Older Sister: Went to a 4 year university, finished in 5
--Older Brother: Went to a 4 year university, finished in 6
--younger sister: Went to a 4 year university, finishing in 3
--Me: went to a community college, finished in 4, then took a year off
Parents divorced when I was 8.
-I have, to this day, no real connection to my father since then.
I was overweight (210 lbs), now I'm 240 lbs. To this day I am the only overweight person in my close family.
I had 4 friends. I barely talk to them today.

There was really nothing going for me in my life. I was depressed and came to the conclusion that there was no reason for me to live. I told myself, I'm not going to be another statistic and I'm going to make a reason for me to live.

And here I am. I'm going to be 25 this year. I'm on track to be a teacher. I currently work with children. Give that a try. look for a job at a tutoring/daycare/after school learning center. You don't even have to really do anything when you work with the really young kids. They thank you for almost anything. Kinda weird, but when you see how happy and smiling and enjoying existing. I could care less about my problems. I might not be eating for the next few days? I could care less because those kids are happy, and I was able to be a part of that.

Now, when I was in school (both high school and community college), I had no plans of becoming a teacher. I was only there to be on my mom's health insurance plan. I just happened to stumble upon teaching and realized, this was perfect. I have new friends now too. Some of them were old acquaintances who I have become closer with than the people I met them through. Now, when I started looking at the positives in life, it wasn't a magical turn around of everything and the world was sunshine and rainbows. The world stayed the same, but I changed. Because I changed, I felt compelled to change the world around me. Change things for the better. As I made these changes to myself, my friends (complete roster change), the things that are important to me, slowly but surely the world around me did get better.

So I'll be going back to my initial question: how do you vent?

Here are some of the things I did. They may not work for you, or they may. Perhaps it may inspire you.
-I wrote poetry.
-I experimented with guitar and piano.
-I'd go running until I was exhausted (not very far at all)
-I'd fill the sink with water, close my eyes, take a deep breath and put my head under water just to feel the water on my face and close off my other senses.
-I'd fill the sink with water, close my eyes, take a deep breath and put my head under water and scream.
-I kicked stuff. brick walls, fences, trees (lots of big inanimate object that I couldn't break).
-I'd scream into pillows.
-I took up cooking (I'm not a very good cook, but I enjoy cooking, but more so the eating)
-I cleaned things
-I read a book
-I played video games
-I went to church
-I listened to music (Linkin Park, Green Day and Blink 182 will always have a place in my heart I am not kidding)
-I did origami

A lot of these things I still do. Being able to vent is crucial and some people just don't do it. They think activities like those above are pointless, and that's the beauty of it, many of them are. Try something you've always wanted to do, but felt it was beneath you in some way. I use the phrase "That was dumb, but at least I had fun" way more than when I was in high school and my life is definitely way more fun than when I was in high school. Stay away from smoking and alcohol; those just amplify whatever deeper level mood you were already in.

So think about how you can vent, because what worked for me might not work for you, but you could always try them out. Once you commit suicide, all of those opportunities are gone.

Most importantly, talk to someone in person. If you rally don't have anyone close to you that you can trust, go to the school guidance counselor. I know people make fun of them and what not, but they are there to help you. Talk to someone ASAP. Have you called a suicide hotline? You are not going to be a bother to these people by talking to them. Some of them are pretty bored and they need someone to talk to too. Just think about that; you have other options.

Well, it is 1AM for me, and I have got to go to sleep, so I'm not going to be replying anytime soon...

 

[Conza]

So I know that this isn't a place where I should/can vent my feelings, but everyone on here has always helped me out before so I'm really hoping someone can now. Simply put for the past few months everything has been going terribly in my life. Girlfriend broke up with me, friends turned into enemies, parents ignoring me and favoring my brother, all the while my depression (which I though had gone away) has been growing and growing. My life, up to this point, has been relatively easy to deal with. But everything happening at once really makes it hard to cope. I'm sure that someone on here has been in a worse situation then this, so I'm asking this from anyone. How do you deal with this?

I'm an unemployed workaholic, so, I would consider my personal situation to be worse, but its all subjective, I judge work as the most important thing in my life, and I'm lacking it, your priorities may be equally important to you.

You need to get even, not quit the game. That's how I like to look at it, if you quit, then they all win, but if you hang in there, you'll get your due, work hard and know what you want and it'll come.

 

[CrazyGirl17]

...I'm not sure what I can say to help change your mind. Maybe talking to someone like your parents or a school councilor will do it.

The point is, suicide isn't the answer, your life has so much meaning to it than that...

 

[HardkorSB]

Even though my parents have joint custody I rarely see either of them, when I do see them they usually comment on how I spend too much time in my room or how my brother does things better then I do.

So just tell them how you feel. Did you tell them what you told us even once? If not, that's part of the problem.

That's great that you can stay strong after being put down, but here's the thing. I can't. I'm not strong. I'm some creepy kid without too many friends.

Sure you can. I'm not strong. I just took so much shit throughout my life that the things that used to get me down do nothing to me. Plus, each time I go through the same thing, I already know how to react in order to get the best results. That's not strength, that's experience.

When I let people into my mind and show them who I really am, I usually don't expect them to use personal information against me.

How did I exactly use what you told us against you?
There's a difference attacking you and giving you constructive criticism. I see the flaws in your thinking and I point them out. If you're just going to dismiss the advice someone gives you without even trying to apply it to your life then why do you ask for advice?

Life is short, you'll be dead before you know it. If you don't care about it anyway then experiment. Do things you would normally be afraid to do. Go bungee jumping, learn parkour, walk up to the cutest girl you can find in your school and ask her out.
And don't tell me you can't. You can end your life but you can't live it?

 

[Angie7F]

So I know that this isn't a place where I should/can vent my feelings, but everyone on here has always helped me out before so I'm really hoping someone can now. Simply put for the past few months everything has been going terribly in my life. Girlfriend broke up with me, friends turned into enemies, parents ignoring me and favoring my brother, all the while my depression (which I though had gone away) has been growing and growing. My life, up to this point, has been relatively easy to deal with. But everything happening at once really makes it hard to cope. I'm sure that someone on here has been in a worse situation then this, so I'm asking this from anyone. How do you deal with this?

Girlfriend dumped you = Not worth dying over. You will meet a better girl and then you think "Why the hell did I even want to kill myself over THAT?"

Friend became enemies = Not worth dying over. Once you graduate school, you wont even see them anymore. Screw them, go find some other people to hang out with.

Parents ignoring you etc = This can be tougher because unlike girls and friends, you are stuck with them for life.
Also, your expectations for your parents to love you unconditionally has been imprinted in you since you were tiny, so it hurts real bad when they are cold to you.
You will have to come to terms with the fact that parents are human too and they are very very flawed, despite them seeming to be gods to their children. Try reading books like "Toxic Parents" and you will get the idea.
What I am trying to say is not go hate your parents, but try to accept their faults, and be the bigger and better man. If you can be like that to your parents, you will find any other human relationship easier to handle.

depression = this is also tough because unless you take care of the cause and overcome it, it puts a damper over everything in your life.
I know its hard to understand the cause of your depression when you are in the midst of it.
So I just want you to know that its ok to feel like you are the most saddest person in the world. Dont bother thinking about how there are other people who are in much worse situations. You are not them, and right now your life sucks and that is all that matters. dont be afraid to be selfish.

But in the end, you can always kill yourself later, so try postponing it.

When I was suicidal I used to think about how exactly I would execute it and I realized it was too much trouble and postponed it, and I have postponed it for over 14 years now.

 

[buddee1]

When I let people into my mind and show them who I really am, I usually don't expect them to use personal information against me.

How did I exactly use what you told us against you?

I wasn't referring to you at all.

 

[cambamuniverse]

The point is, don't do it. Reading the other posts it seems as though it's all been sorted out, but I will add my 2 cents in because I used to be like you. That's probably a stupid thing to say, I don't want you to think I know exactly what you're going through but in middle school all of my friends and family abandoned me, and I planned my own suicide, it was either that or run away. I saved up money to buy guns and thought about being a hitman or mercenary because I wanted to go out with a bang. Then I met a girl, loved her, but she dumped me, and I wanted to commit suicide all over again. But eventually I realized that these people who ruined my life were not worthy of my tears or my bloodshed, and I realized it was all PERSPECTIVE. If you view yourself as insignificant, then you're gonna put importance on others which is a no-no. If you're a "creepy kid" then find other creepy kids. Join the drama club (I'm an actor, love the drama club but we get weird kids here and there but we accept them because we're cool) it's about perspective and confidence. Eleanor Roosevelt said that it is only you who can control what hurts you, so don't let others hurt you. If people call you ugly or say that you'll be unsuccessful, why give them the satisfaction? Get on the cover of GQ and make millions. The girl who made me want to commit suicide? I don't give a damn about her anymore. In fact we became good friends after that. Suicide would be a mistake, so don't do it. Get through these difficult times, join an after school activity. Joining drama was the best thing I ever did because it gave me friends (and also teh womenz). S*** happens, fight through the pain, and show people that you're better than they think (and not by shooting up the schoool either, just be confident). I watched a lot of confidence videos, got cleaned up, worked out a lot, became great at acting, and it was all something to do, and now I am confident and people (not everyone, because we all have haters) but a lot of people love me. Work towards tomorrow. Forget the past. At this point I'm rambling, I've said my piece, good night.

 

[NightmareWarden]

I was going through a terrible depression a year ago so I think that I might be able to help. Did I take pills for it? No. Did I talk to a therapist for it? No. Would I have felt better if I had done one of those? Probably, but I was stubborn and I was against for personal reasons at the time. Why should you give up on everything when you haven't even tried everything? If it even has a chance to help, don't count it off. If you don't want to take pills or see a shrink, that's your choice, but make sure that you bother to look at some more options online. Learn a little bit about how other people have been depressed, how others have tried to help, and how people have come out of a serious depression or a slump.

I realize it has been said, but changing the way you think does help. Do I think that you should plaster on a fake smile and just "be happy"? Heck no, you should sit down and figure out your beliefs and your interests. One thing that helped me is that sometimes I would just sit down and start typing. Sometimes it would be like a diary entry, sometimes it would be a design for a character if I was considering on writing a little story. Whether it is just starting to do something about how you're feeling, writing your feelings down, or even something like "getting a new hobby" or "trying a new sport", just keep going. I don't just mean just keep living, you need to just do something even if it is something which you think you could be made fun of for so long as it is something that you think it is worth doing. I like to read on these forums because some of the threads really make me think. Do I get a tangible benefit from them? Not necessarily. Do I have to do it? No. Can I get my feelings hurt or could I feel worse afterwards? Yeah, but I won't feel that way forever. The most important thing that I realized after my depression slowly started to end is just that... it started to end. If you just keep moving forward and make as few stops as possible, you will move out of this crappy time.

(sort of messed up part incoming, please don't comment on this, but I think that he needs to hear this if it even has a chance to help)
This last bit is going to sound...odd but it kind of helped me. When I realized that I was depressed, I realized that one of my problems was that I dwelled on every. little. thing. If I felt really guilty or I was sad because I had done something stupid and I was feeling down on myself I did the only thing that I thought made sense at the time...I punished myself for it. NOT LIKE THAT. A slap to the face, a punch to the gut. Cutting yourself didn't really make sense to me in all honesty... The first two were actually, well bracing. I didn't beat the crap out of myself obviously, but dwelling on something really can hurt you far worse.


I still believe I may be a bit screwed up in the head, but I would do anything to keep the perspective I have now. Give some little part of yourself importance. Give yourself a few good points by being honest about your good points, even if they may be irrelevant and expand on them. Make your rules to live by and just keep going. I'm not saying your life will become amazing, but it WILL end.

 

[Saint of M]

I'm not going to say things could be worse as they can, but that doesn't mitigate the fact that life is still hitting the fan. Maybe family counseling, see a therapist, and demand why your brother always blame your parents divorce on you and why your parents make comments on how your brother is better.

Specifically for now your brother. How old is he because statements like I blame you for mom and dad getting a divorce when you were 7 is asinine, and I would call him out on it.

 

[Endersgate1321]

So I know that this isn't a place where I should/can vent my feelings, but everyone on here has always helped me out before so I'm really hoping someone can now. Simply put for the past few months everything has been going terribly in my life. Girlfriend broke up with me, friends turned into enemies, parents ignoring me and favoring my brother, all the while my depression (which I though had gone away) has been growing and growing. My life, up to this point, has been relatively easy to deal with. But everything happening at once really makes it hard to cope. I'm sure that someone on here has been in a worse situation then this, so I'm asking this from anyone. How do you deal with this?

The thing to remember that it is all happening at once and just like any storm no matter how strong it will pass. I've been thier and gone down that road myself but if it wasent for finding something to look foward too I'd be gone. It will pass buddy keep hanging on.

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

I just came through that, I guess the details are different, but in the end it's all much of a muchness. What I realised when it came up, and what you'll see (if you're not seeing it here), is that people really do give a shit about you. Hell, look at the support you've got from a bunch of strangers.


Secondly, things will get better. You can make new friends and new people, all the feelings you have for your ex-girlfriend are going to fade (you'll realise all the clichés are true; letting go really is the hardest bit, and it's horrible feeling like there's something left unsaid (although you'll always think of something else, so don't go there)). There'll be something new on the horizon, there really will.

I'd bet a lot of money that you think we couldn't possibly understand and that your situation is unique, but it's not. That's not to say it's less-bad, but we understand. If we weren't separated by many miles I'd give you a hug. I wouldn't suggest you get counselling or whatever because I doubt there's much they could do for you. This is one of those things that gets better with time. You might not believe me now but in a few months you'll see (trust me here).