So Let's Talk About Sex....

[burningdragoon]

Firstly...what does "open" mean? I have an idea, but not sure.

I believe "open" could mean a range of things from straight up polygamy or something like that to something along the lines of two people in a relationship who don't mind if the other having sex with someone else for also a number of potential reasons. That's a nice huge general statement there so I guess an example would if the "couple" were living quite a distance away. I don't like the idea at all and I would not accept that from a partner, but if it works for them I'm not gonna tell them to stop.

And waiting for marriage isn't unrealistic unless you want it to be unrealistic. My husband is the only man that will ever see my body. It is a decision I have made. There's nothing unrealistic about it. Unless you're implying that finding a husband of like mind is unrealistic, in which case, yeah, that's probably true, but he's out there somewhere.

As far as unrealistic it is to wait for marriage, I meant like you said, that actually finding someone who shares that belief is the hard part. I also don't think it's realistic to expect people to believe that or to always feel that way and that the potential to cause some strife in a relationship can be pretty high. Granted if a relationship ends over that, and you truly believe in those ideals, then it may have not been the right person anyway.

Sex should be reserved for marriage. End of story. Your body should be solely and eternally for your husband/wife. Nobody else. Your virginity is a priceless gift that can only be given once, and it should be given to that one person that you have decided to spend the rest of your life with, a person worthy of that gift.

Casual sex? Stupid as well as horrible. It's merely a temporary satisfaction of the body, which means that you'd rather do what your body wants instead of your mind, with disregard to your circumstances, ambitions, and reputation. Lack of self-control.

Waiting for love? If you are willing to wait for love...why not wait for marriage? It will be that much more sacred and special to the husband and wife, and the marriage will be strengthened by the trust and devotion that waiting conveys. There will be no doubt in either person's mind about their faithfulness.

As you probably guessed, yes, I am a Christian. Let the insulting commence. I happen to think that there is more to a relationship then just sex, and that sex is a fun and healthy bonus to the marriage. Sex is fun. It's proven. But if you're having sex just for sex's sake, then you're being no better then a dog in rut. There must be a foundation.

As for the first part of your post. I'm not sure how preachy you intended to come off, what with the text and all, but simply not everyone is going to feel that way. There isn't all that much you can reasonably do about it either. I dunno how much you agree with the idea of trying to convert people. That is one of the things that I do not really agree with, though I'm not sure how widely thought the idea is.

You may have lucked out by quoting another Christian (though you are clearly more devout than I am), so you certainly won't get any insults from me. Like I said in my post, I support the idea. I like the idea a lot actually, though whether or not I have the willpower to follow through with such I can't quite say. I do like hearing that there are still some people who truly wish that for themselves though.

 

[Kryzantine]

Since religion is somehow a factor in this, before I say what I have to, I'll mention that I am an atheist. I do not believe in a god. However, I am still quite spiritual, and I do not hesitate to help others backed into dark corners.

That said, sex is really overrated. It's... crude. There is no affection in sex. Hugs are better than sex. And kisses are the best things of all. True affections, the spine of a relationship, are not expressed in sex. And likewise, sexuality is not a virtuous trait. You are not a better member of society for having more sex. But you are a better member of society for being more devoted.

Sex is there, and of course, humanity needs to procreate. But when it comes to sheer pleasure, it's not as good as it's made out to be.

 

[SimuLord]

There is no affection in sex...But when it comes to sheer pleasure, it's not as good as it's made out to be.

You're doing it wrong.

 

[SimuLord]

There is no affection in sex...But when it comes to sheer pleasure, it's not as good as it's made out to be.

You're doing it wrong.

Although I agree, sadly some people get married in a rather contractual way. Sex is just a means to produce children so the family continues. Its breeding and that's all. Then there are those other people that have been hurt sexually/emotionally and shut themselves off to the emotional, sensual part of lovemaking. I think that's even sadder, but a good dose of therapy can correct that.

Or a night in the company of the right partner. Guys, find a girl with an open mind and a willingness to think of sex as something other than a means to make babies or a lie-back-and-think-of-England way to keep a boyfriend from cheating. Girls, find a guy who brings warmth, affection, and sweetness to his lovemaking (but can pound away like the piston in a race car engine when the situation warrants---the key here is a guy who's multidimensional).

 

[Mr.France]

In a few hours I'll be 19, and I'm still a virgin of both dick and lips. I agree with many things you said, I'm more interested in a lasting and meaningful relationship than just sex for sex. That is partially responsible for my rather sad love life. The other reason is that most girls I had to coexist with in school were friends to a-holes who bullied my for about a third of my life, so I was not interested in getting to know them. The only girl I knew I really liked didn't like me back, so here I am "holding safe sex in the palm of my hand". And I'm not ashamed of it, I choose this over meaningless relationships with people I don't necessarily like. Though by now I'm pretty desperate to find someone I know and like that knows and likes me back. It is going to be tough considering my enviable social skills and numerous friendships, but I wouldn't have it any other way, despite everything.

You've gotta stick to your principles.

 

[Popadomus Ohio]

i am also a virgin, but i'm not really in a rush to have sex. i reached a point about a year ago when i realised that i wasn't fighting women off with a stick and i've never really had a serious girlfriend. so i don't think that i will be losing my virginity any time soon. at the moment i am more concerned with starting a relationship with someone, and even this seems a bit ambitious. despite knowing that i might have to wait a while longer to have sex, i have strong views on some things. i have a strong ethic against taking advantage of people when they are drunk. i would far sooner have sex with someone who could make a conscious decision than someone who couldn't tell up from down.
i think that everyone would like to have sex with someone they love, and more power to anyone who wants that.

 

[Silva]

Now I may be a prude or I may be close minded with an old fashioned way of thinking but am I the only one who is bothered when you hear about people like this?

And she's not the worst I know. Some are in the triple digits and they're not even 30. Some friends I know have friends at that age (19) who are in the hundreds.

I hate to point out something that someone probably already said in these ten pages of thread, but it would take a lot of evidence for me to believe that anyone aside from George Clooney has reached triple digits as far as different lovers goes.

Frankly, there is a lot of lying about sex in modern Western culture. Very few people have as much as they say they do, I would wager, and how much they say it is probably drastically exaggerated. The more insecure the person, the more likely they are to use sex as a justification for what they're like and as an "achievement" to hang in front of other people who fall for the lies, or feel like they're failing to conform.

Males in particular are pressured to get as much sex as they can by a certain age (females are as well, but not "too much" or they're unfairly labelled). It leaves nerds in a ghetto of depression because they don't live up to jock or cool standards. It's little wonder that in a society obsessed with sex, where everyone has to have a certain amount or feel inferior to what is supposedly average (especially when we personally want it anyway), we have things like emo music that continue to express how disappointed young people are with life. Romance literature doesn't help either - everyone's ideals of love are so high that not even the most balanced and interesting partners can live up to them. We've sold love. Literally and metaphorically, from top to bottom. It's a serious problem.

I think that those who say they are going to wait until someone who loves them comes along - especially if they say it without religious influence on their decision - are brave and resisting a lot of social pressure. I'm the same, so I really respect that, Julian.

Casual sex and open relationships are fine if you have the chemical balances to enjoy them. I myself find the whole thing an incredibly painful and excruciating concept, which will in my view only lead to a lack of real fulfilment, jealousy and eventually a lot of social trauma. But it depends on whether we live in our hearts or in our heads. If it's the latter, I'm sure the casual side of things is more appealing. And if those who seek the casual only find people who fit our own category, then good luck to them. It's if they link up with the others that it does damage, because expectation does not meet expectation, and disappointment ensues.

The heart people, to use a mildly pretentious phrase as a summary, meanwhile, seem quite disenfranchised by modern culture. Our style of life is not good enough for the magazines or the social world. No wonder so many of us spend our lives on computers - the physical world (as in, the feelings of the body, our reactions to those around us on that level) can be a very painful thing to be exposed to. But we're not helping ourselves out of it either. Then again, it would require academic-level ideas to really figure out how to bring this type of person back up in happiness, statistically. Certainly, a sensible degree of media regulation might help, but that's only possible if you're not in the US - the Constitution is a double-edged sword.

 

[Blemontea]

Turning 17 soon, never had the sex with the women but my tissues used to quickly, till i mad a promise to someone so now im just waiting, im not going to have girlfriend during highschool (dont hold me to it) and will just spend my friday nights with my good friends and you guys.

as for the sex thing, i dont know from what i heard its a religious experience when you add bacon... bah dum tish

 

[Theninja'skatana]

I like sex!

I don't like having sex with a girl who has had a lot of partners though. That's yucky and makes it not special. It's supposed to be special. If you're gonna do it, do it with someone you care about, not someone you just met and are lusting after.

It can be a whooooole lot of fun if done correctly and safely

Basically this but casual is fine as long as no kids or diseases recevied

 

[Vunts]

I only want to have sex with people I like, so that would mean the girlfriends that I've had in the past. I don't care for one night stands, nor would I like if my gf would be banging some other guy while we're dating. So no to casual sex n stuff.

 

[Get_A_Grip_]

Yeah, sleeping around is over-rated.
Romantic sex FTW. It really does feel that more awesome.

 

[Superior Mind]

It's been so bloody long since I got laid I doubt I remember it accurately. :/

 

[Fawcks]

I don't do casual sex. I've only had sex with one lady, and it was the one I loved. Yep.

 

[Julianking93]

I hate to point out something that someone probably already said in these ten pages of thread, but it would take a lot of evidence for me to believe that anyone aside from George Clooney has reached triple digits as far as different lovers goes.

No, no. I agree, she probably is lying as is everyone at that age when it comes to sex. But the problem is that even if she is lying, she still has that mentality and that persona. It's rather sad really that people try to become something they're not in order to fit into peer pressure.

Frankly, there is a lot of lying about sex in modern Western culture. Very few people have as much as they say they do, I would wager, and how much they say it is probably drastically exaggerated. The more insecure the person, the more likely they are to use sex as a justification for what they're like and as an "achievement" to hang in front of other people who fall for the lies, or feel like they're failing to conform.

Males in particular are pressured to get as much sex as they can by a certain age (females are as well, but not "too much" or they're unfairly labelled). It leaves nerds in a ghetto of depression because they don't live up to jock or cool standards. It's little wonder that in a society obsessed with sex, where everyone has to have a certain amount or feel inferior to what is supposedly average (especially when we personally want it anyway), we have things like emo music that continue to express how disappointed young people are with life. Romance literature doesn't help either - everyone's ideals of love are so high that not even the most balanced and interesting partners can live up to them. We've sold love. Literally and metaphorically, from top to bottom. It's a serious problem.

Indeed there is. Like I said before, people feel more obligated to do so in the western societies for....hell I don't honestly know why, it's just seen that way. Perhaps it's the media that is to blame. Making out only those who fuck constantly to be successful.

I will agree with you on the inferior feeling. Even as someone who sticks to his own morals, I get that feeling. It's only natural. I can't imagine how bad it is for some people. While I may weep from time to time that I feel unloved or whatever, there are those who feel even worse off than I do and the only thing to blame is the image that this society shows as being "the best." If you're not like this, you can't be socially accepted, so anyone with any actual morals or decency is seen as an outcast.

I think that those who say they are going to wait until someone who loves them comes along - especially if they say it without religious influence on their decision - are brave and resisting a lot of social pressure. I'm the same, so I really respect that, Julian.

Mmmm yes, stroke my ego Huh? Oh yes, well I wouldn't say that necessarily but yes, in order to not really give a fuck about what others thing and to not give into pressure like others is a great feat in any situation. Sex, drugs, or even your own personal style. Those who stick to their own ways that they truly believe to be good without outside pressure or pressure brought on by the society should be commended.

Casual sex and open relationships are fine if you have the chemical balances to enjoy them. I myself find the whole thing an incredibly painful and excruciating concept, which will in my view only lead to a lack of real fulfilment, jealousy and eventually a lot of social trauma. But it depends on whether we live in our hearts or in our heads. If it's the latter, I'm sure the casual side of things is more appealing. And if those who seek the casual only find people who fit our own category, then good luck to them. It's if they link up with the others that it does damage, because expectation does not meet expectation, and disappointment ensues.

The heart people, to use a mildly pretentious phrase as a summary, meanwhile, seem quite disenfranchised by modern culture. Our style of life is not good enough for the magazines or the social world. No wonder so many of us spend our lives on computers - the physical world (as in, the feelings of the body, our reactions to those around us on that level) can be a very painful thing to be exposed to. But we're not helping ourselves out of it either. Then again, it would require academic-level ideas to really figure out how to bring this type of person back up in happiness, statistically. Certainly, a sensible degree of media regulation might help, but that's only possible if you're not in the US - the Constitution is a double-edged sword.

Pretty much the whole point of the thread right there. You hit it perfectly, good sir. Well played!

This is probably the most reasonable and logical post in the entire thread and for that, I thank ya! ^-^

 

[Snork Maiden]

A little context for me - I've been with my current girlfriend for the past 4 and a half years. She's my first real relationship, but we're currently closer than ever, and are living together in our own little place. I love her to absolute pieces, and would be totally lost without her - I see no need to "play the field" and am happy to spend the rest of my life with her. On top of that, sex is brillo tops - we're just as adventurous as each other and (almost) as horny as each other. I can only assume that the sex is so good because we're so close.

That said, we're in a kind of semi-open relationship. I'm more than happy for her to sleep with other guys, with the stipulation that she's honest about it to me and I'm not being ignored in favour of him (in which case bringing him back for a threesome is totally cool). If she's ever with someone else I actually find it totally hot, and it normally leads to totally hot sex between us. The situation doesn't happen often at all, but I'm happy for it whenever it does.

I know some people think sex is special, and so can't get their head round an open relationship. I don't think this is the case at all - sex isn't special. What me and my girlfriend have (sex included) is special, but that doesn't automatically mean sex elsewhere isn't fun. Bottom line is, I think casual sex is great, whatever the situation, as long as everyone involved knows what it is. Me and my girlfriend trust each other implicitly, and we know any sex outside our relationship would be just that. It wouldn't work at all if we weren't totally dedicated to each other. Likewise if you're single, I think casual sex is just fine, as long as the other person knows it's just casual sex. Having sex with someone who might have feelings for you is a total no no. By the same token, if you're actively looking for a relationship, then sleeping around to try and obtain that probably isn't going to make you happy.

 

[Lynx]

Other people's sex life is their business. Sleeping around doesn't make you a slut/manwhore, and saving yourself doesn't make you a prude. It's your own goddamn business. Personally, I like casual sex.
I'm not much for open relationships though. It just ain't my thing, I guess.

 

[yoyo13rom]

I think that those who say they are going to wait until someone who loves them comes along - especially if they say it without religious influence on their decision - are brave and resisting a lot of social pressure. I'm the same, so I really respect that, Julian.

Hey! I find that offending!
I'm religious but I don't have anything against premarital sex. Although I think that if you want to wait for the right person to come by and love in the whole meaning(not just sex, but love as in really love, as in want to be with her love, as in you want to be with her forever love; I doubt there is a more passionate love than one that requires eternal commitment), then why shouldn't you marry her first?
Anyway that's just an opinion and unfortunately as many opinions it doesn't matter to much to the world outside the individual's head...

 

[Julianking93]

I think that those who say they are going to wait until someone who loves them comes along - especially if they say it without religious influence on their decision - are brave and resisting a lot of social pressure. I'm the same, so I really respect that, Julian.

Hey! I find that offending!
I'm religious but I don't have anything against premarital sex. Although I think that if you want to wait for the right person to come by and love in the whole meaning(not just sex, but love as in really love, as in want to be with her love, as in you want to be with her forever love; I doubt there is a more passionate love than one that requires eternal commitment), then why shouldn't you marry her first?
Anyway that's just an opinion and unfortunately as many opinions it doesn't matter to much to the world outside the individual's head...

What if you're someone like me who doesn't believe in marriage?

By the way, I'm not attacking you here, but this is an actual point I'm making.

 

[Johnny Reb]

i have no real problem with sex between couples. Like if your seeing someone and you really care about them, why not? but its sleazy tramps (both men and women) who go around just sleeping with random people just for their own personal enjoyment. that's not cool and can be very dangerous. like if i were to have unprotected sex right now with some random hot girl, and later find out i now have HIV. i would be screwed. sure the act of having sex would have felt good. but the aftermath of unplanned, unprotected sex isn't pretty at all.

 

[crudus]

I was talking with a certain user here who shall not be named, who is in full support for casual sex and open relationships.

Was it me? It was me wasn't it? I really hope it was me

Now, I think I've made my stance on the subject clear by now, but for those of you who don't know, I am the type of person who wants to wait for someone I love until I have sex so needless to say, I don't agree in the least with those types of people who go round having sex with as many people as possible.

Note that I'm in no way saying my way of thinking is better, it just works best for me. I personally don't see the point in going around fucking everyone you possibly can when you have your hands to give you the same satisfaction. For example, I know a girl who is 19 and has had sex with 29 men. And she lost her virginity at 17.

Now I may be a prude or I may be close minded with an old fashioned way of thinking but am I the only one who is bothered when you hear about people like this?

And she's not the worst I know. Some are in the triple digits and they're not even 30. Some friends I know have friends at that age (19) who are in the hundreds. Personally, I don't see the point of that. Thinking about things like that makes me very uncomfortable and I know that's just me but I can't be the only one.

I'm all for sexual freedom, but when it gets to that point, it becomes a little much.

So, Escapist, what do you think about all this?

For those of you wondering, I am 16, a virgin and an atheist, so my opinions on sex are not affected by religious influence.

Moving on. I totally believe in casual sex and open relationships but I use more discretion than your friends. My current list is 2 people over 5 years. Most of that is because I am extremely lazy. I will say that sex is no where near the same satisfaction as masturbation. There is typically more to sex than just going at it. I really can't describe it. You just have to experience it yourself.