So, my family basically thinks I am a loser

[The Heik]

*snip*

If I may be so bold, you may want to show your parents this image

Because this is pretty much the the best representation of what post-secondary life is.

 

[Oinodaemon]

Dude, totally. I was literally the most popular kid at my high school. I got my GED, and moved to a very secluded place where it's just myself and my wife. I keep in touch with a few of my friends, but I've purposely cut myself off from 99% of the people I used to know. Why? So I could focus on writing my novel. My family respects me for it, though. Your family should respect your decision also, there's nothing wrong with secluding yourself to pursue an interest.

 

[Mutie]

-snip-

Dude, this is basically my life. The one major difference is that my parents are exactly the same (though not quite so bad) so I never really had to live up to their social expectations, only academic.

Tarry not, fellow dude. As my mother always said: Life's shit and then you die. At least we have special edition video games, DVD box sets, awesome music, close attractive female friends who just "don't see you that way" and marijuana. There the only things in life worth bothering about.

 

[Warlord211]

Your story sounds almost exactly like mine. Except I haven't started college yet. My mom hates that I play video games all the time. My dad is more accepting, he even has his own PS3 and plays COD a lot. I just graduated high school and now that it is summer, I don't see my friends a lot so we don't talk a whole lot or hang out more than once a week. My parents are constantly on my case about getting a job, but no one will call me back and basically no one in this city I live in, is hiring. It's annoying but I can't do anything about it.

 

[hotsauceman]

Wow. im in nearly the exact same boat. All my old "friends" i only new through having all the same classes. But i didnt get to know them much. Now im in college head deep in a sociology book sitting on a couch near where they hang out on campus(only place mid day i can go get a nap or it having wi-fi. I know the feeling. your geeky like geeky things and are afraid too admit it until you know them at first. But you dont get to know them because your afraid they might judge you. I also now the feeling of not wanting to be part of college culture(which sometimes feels counter to what the goal of college is) My advice....Dont care. What right does society have to tell you how you spend your days.

 

[Mechanix]

Now, I personally would have come outside and told them off if I heard them talking like that about me. If you're going to call be a loser, don't say it behind my back. But I understand with lower self-esteem that probably didn't enter your mind. I've been there.

First things first, I would recommend actively looking for a job. It will give you the money you need to go hang out with the friends you've met at college (when they're doing stuff you're into), and, a job is a great place to build up social skills. The job itself is already one thing in common with co-workers. Just keep telling yourself you're getting a job for you and your personal needs, not so your dad is happy. Don't stop telling yourself that until it sinks in.

About your family itself, well, I've never been close with anyone but my mom and dad because I'm physically very far from the rest of my family. Sometimes I feel like I'm missing something, but overall, I'm fine. And I've heard enough stories from various people to know that families aren't always as great as the world makes them out to be. So try not to worry what they think too much. Your immediate family is important, but if they become unsupportive, ignore them.

I've been in your situation before, feeling really shy and unsure, feeling like you don't have enough friends.....yeah, enough friends by who's standards? Society's? Embrace the friends you have now, and if you really meet someone new that would make a great new friend, you'll know.

 

[Krinku]

It doesn't quite sound like they think you're a loser, they just want to see you having more fun(which you do I suppose just they don't see you having it), and how do you view your social life? Do you have a few close friends you do keep in contact with? Cuz if so I don't see the problem I just have like a few close friends and I'm plenty happy.

Side note though: I'm kind of like this unfortunately: extremely introverted, really shy meeting new people, no self esteem... I'm hoping to get a job to support myself in college though.

 

[w00tage]

They have a typical case of "he's not like us, and we think we're good, so he must be bad or weird" complex. It's very common among people who are easily pleased, like by going out drinking with friends and calling that a good time. When I was young I'd do it to be one of the crowd, but I was completely bored by the entire "good time" thing, which mainly involved getting inebriated, seeing who you could lie into liking you and then bragging about how cool you were to your friends. So even though I was "out having a good time", it was all wasted time.

Oh yeah, end result was every one of those friends ended up hooked into a crappy marriage / divorce / child support bondage with some manipulative, desperate or outright damaged person they met when they were out with their friends in a bar. I didn't.

So don't feel bad about what you have in your life because it's not what other people think you should be getting. Just live your life, pursue your interests, find some way to make them valuable to people so you can pay for yourself without being a slave, and make friends with people who share your interests. That's all there is to being happy.

 

[redeemer09]

see im the only university student in my family. so, when they talk shit i usually turn them and give the douche bagish smile i can muster and say"whos has a bachelors degree raise your hand"which end with sour looks and one lucky s.o.b

 

[SillyBear]

Anyway, i was downstairs watching TV, and i hear my mum and dad and sister talking about me in the garden, i muted the TV so i could eavesdrop (not a good thing i know))

To be honest, this is the only bad thing your family has done here - and I'll explain why later. But talking behind your back like that isn't a good thing and I'm sorry. That does show a lack of respect. Anyway, onward!

i basically heard my dad saying that i should be out having fun, going out on the town etc with my friends, and my sister agreeing with him

My mum tries to defend me, but in a shitty way, saying "well he doesnt have many friends anymore, he left them when he finished high school, he doesnt keep in touch"

Then my Dad is like, "well why not, i used to go out all the time with my friends when i was his age"

this basically went on for like 10 minutes, both of them basically saying i am a no life loser with no job or money etc

Nothing wrong with any of this. Your Dad was having a blast at your age, he was probably hitting the town, making friends and living life. It's only natural for him to want you to experience what he did. It's what being a Dad is about. He sees you huddled up around your computer and thinks you are missing out.

now to be fair, i havnt really been avidly looking for a job, mainly due to me being not so good with the whole meeting new people because i have no self esteem, and i know i should, but i have been to some interviews and i just get all nervous and fidgety etc.

This isn't an excuse at all, and to be honest, I'm on your Father's side here. Everyone and I mean everyone experiences anxiety around people. Especially during job interviews! They are the most nerve racking thing we do in day to day life and everyone dreads them and everyone feels a little insecure.

Part of life is having to move forward through your problems. Never seek to be comfortable. Get out there, tackle your insecurities and try to make something of your life! I was in your position not long ago and I can tell you, living life is better. Struggling and making money and doing things you may not want to do, and being proactive creates a better lifestyle. It sounds counter intuitive, but it's true. Anyone who has been lazy and then found a job will agree with me here.

now i am fine with not going out getting drunk etc, its not my thing, and dont get me wrong, i love my parents, they have provided for me, and gotten me lots of nice stuff, and i am super grateful for that, but it isn't nice to hear your parents basically think your a loser

That's fair enough. Not everyone likes the whole going out and getting drunk routine. But, facts are facts and in today's world not doing so does make you seem a bit of a "loser". Yeah, it's idiotic and yeah it's stupid - but get used to it. Lots of people think it. The reason is because lots of people are idiots.

So has anything like this ever happened to any of you? is anyone here like me? (i know there are probably loads of people that have had similar experiences, if you're one of them, lets hear your story)

I was in a similar position. It happens when you are doing nothing with your life. Get out there and struggle like the rest of us, boy!

One thing I will add here is that you're naturally going to be biased to any criticism you hear of yourself. We all are. Listen to what you're parents are saying, no matter how cruel it sounds. It's cliche, but they are saying it because they love you and they want you to have fun and live life.

 

[ExileNZ]

Wow.

Um... fuck 'em.

If you're at uni at 17 and doing well at it then they should just let you do it.

Now, in their defense, even if they're saying that they're not saying it to you directly, so for now it's more of a nebulous thing they've only recently put into words. As long as they're not busting your balls over it personally (after all, they might think it'd distract you from your studies) I'd ignore them and get on with your life.

If, when your studies are over, they still think the same, then you need to do something - more specifically, you need to get out there, find a job and move away from them. Tell them "So long and thanks for all the fish" and move on.

 

[Fooz]

I don't get you people. If you're enjoying yourself doing whatever then why the fuck does it matter so much what others think and say? Also, get a job? You're fucking 17 you've still got a whole four more years before you need to worry about a job.

Oh, how I envy you. Oh wait, I forgot where I'm at. I mean this sincerely, in case anyone's wondering. I've had to work full time consistently, school or no, since I was 16. Not everybody has parents/grants/other means of paying those damned bills and putting gas in the tank and food on the table while they attend school. Hell, I finished trade school 2 years ago, and I slept 4 hours a night when I was lucky. My point is that you shouldn't assume that everyone has it as easy as you. Of course, you shouldn't take it for granted either. And now I sound like a pedantic grandpappy. Where's my cane?

wow you seem like a trooper, much respect

 

[opp1123]

I figured that one out my freshman year of college when I got good grades and no social time. Then it was reinforced this year when I got sleep, social time, and bad grades. lol

snip

Oh I do have a job for the summer, it's full time and because both my parents work I rarely see them.

 

[penguindude42]

cool story bro