So, my family basically thinks I am a loser

[AshtonF]

I am also having the same thing happen to me, however i have a lot worse, my family thinks i am a loser and i am a good deal younger than you. plus, they not only think of me as the bastard nerd son they never wanted they also assume i am a homosexual (I have nothing wrong with Homosexuals, but it still offends me that they ASSUME it), which doesn't feel very good at all...

 

[DracoSuave]

Playing Devil's Advocate here.

Maybe they're concerned about you, and see someone not socializing much and perhaps are concerned with a lack of ambition in that regard?

There's more to life than a computer and car. Perhaps that is why they express concern.

 

[ElectroJosh]

Parents are always concerned. Although I was the geeky one in my family I was also had the biggest social life. As a result my parents complained I was always out and never had time for family.

My younger brother, in contrast, was quite the stay at home introvert and my parents were constantly worried that he had no friends and social life and wished he could be more like me in that regard.

There is no happy medium for parents because they are worried about anything that they think might be detrimental to your happiness and/or success. Don't worry though, it sounds like your parents want you to have a good life and that is why they are concerned.

 

[Aetera]

I'm also in a kind of similar situation.

I have really severe Bipolar Depression, and the meds aren't really helping, so I've failed out of college and been put on medical leave after going near catatonic/suicidal more times than I can count. All of my friends are friends from college, and live far away from me, so lately I've just been in a sleep a lot/eat/internet cycle. So yeah, my family has pretty much given up on me.

 

[TheComfyChair]

I'm the most successful person in my family. Ever. And i've only just graduated (Physics at University of Birmingham, which is essentially the best department in the UK for Physics unless you actually believe the guardian and think it's Oxford ) so no, i don't get any of that XD I'm also not particularly social (can't be bothered with the whole going out drinking thing, far too much effort ) but i've also never relied on such things to be happy and outgoing around new people (then again, i've had a girlfriend for 4.5 years). I'm a weird one, but then again i've had a weird upbringing

i've also never seeked approval from them either.

 

[DSQ]

The thread title makes it sound like your family is a bunch of assholes, but from the quotes it's clear they're just concerned. They don't think you're a loser (probably).

This.

Plus it doesn't matter what they think if you are happy the way things are. Try to tell them that next time they compain about you not going out enough.

 

[funguy2121]

snip

It sounds like they were expressing concern and not disdain for you, though it's always akward to hear one's self being assessed like this. Don't listen to any idiot who tells you that your family sucks - they're just trying to help. Is not what your mom said true - haven't you lost touch with all of your old friends except 1?

If you're no longer a very social person and don't want to be, no one should try to force you (and it doesn't look like they are). But I am fairly certain that when you're 30, if you never try to go out and socialize in your late teens and early 20's, you'll regret it.

 

[Hosker]

The world would be a much better place if people knew what introversion and extroversion are.

 

[Killclaw Kilrathi]

So here my thought on the whole situation-
Screw them!!! So is it to say that we all must lead that sort of life? While I'm not saying being more social is bad but no one should say our lifestyle should be frown upon. We shouldn't be define by other people prefer social life over to ours. So I say take pride of your current lifestyle and appreciate the small things to it like e.g. at least I got good quality friends over to quantity and by being indoor your not going to get mugged or get drunk etc.
If it does bother you about the back talk then I guess confront it to them if you want to or just leave it.

Don't think I could have put that better myself, society seems to try and force us to all be a certain way, like certain things, believe certain stereotypes. The key is to realize that what other people think doesn't really matter, do what makes yourself happy.

Also, I'm pretty surprised that the OPs family wants their college student son to go out more, my family would be berating me every time I did that for skipping my studies or something.

 

[funguy2121]

I don't get you people. If you're enjoying yourself doing whatever then why the fuck does it matter so much what others think and say? Also, get a job? You're fucking 17 you've still got a whole four more years before you need to worry about a job.

Oh, how I envy you. Oh wait, I forgot where I'm at. I mean this sincerely, in case anyone's wondering. I've had to work full time consistently, school or no, since I was 16. Not everybody has parents/grants/other means of paying those damned bills and putting gas in the tank and food on the table while they attend school. Hell, I finished trade school 2 years ago, and I slept 4 hours a night when I was lucky. My point is that you shouldn't assume that everyone has it as easy as you. Of course, you shouldn't take it for granted either. And now I sound like a pedantic grandpappy. Where's my cane?

 

[Everian]

1/ your in college Learning for future employment, you dont really have time to find a big Job.
2/ "when i was his age" i hate the phrase. what people did 20 years ago is not the same as what people do now. its only in the last 10 years or so has home entetainment really taken off.
3/ Do what you enjoy doing. if you dont like going out drinking/partying, dont do it.

 

[Phoenixlight]

I will never understand why the fuck parents care whether you go out and do things they wouldn't approve of anyway or not.

 

[AndyFromMonday]

Oh, how I envy you. Oh wait, I forgot where I'm at. I mean this sincerely, in case anyone's wondering. I've had to work full time consistently, school or no, since I was 16. Not everybody has parents/grants/other means of paying those damned bills and putting gas in the tank and food on the table while they attend school. Hell, I finished trade school 2 years ago, and I slept 4 hours a night when I was lucky. My point is that you shouldn't assume that everyone has it as easy as you. Of course, you shouldn't take it for granted either. And now I sound like a pedantic grandpappy. Where's my cane?

I've never heard of teenagers actively searching for a job in order to pay the bills or put food on the table. I'm guessing you had it pretty rough. I just don't see how at 16 people start worrying about things that, at least most of the times, tend to come crashing after you're 18 years old.

 

[TheYellowCellPhone]

Go punch a bear and beat it in a battle of fisticuffs, they'll be proud of you again.

...But I suggest get a job, with hope co-workers can be friends (or seem like friends to your family).

 

[sora91111]

Dude that sucks, but collage is as much a challenge as an oppertunity. Somethings get harder.

 

[GLo Jones]

Well, if you fit their definition of a loser, then yes, to them, you are a loser.

As for self-esteem, that's not something that's just gonna come along one day, and unless you're content living life as it is right now -feeling how you do- for the rest of your life, you're gonna have to do something about it yourself.

Only you can boost your own self-esteem, and only you can change your lifestyle.

 

[L9OBL]

how does it make you a loser? im in the same situation. Im going to school but prefer relaxing alone than going out. people are exausting and no job? so what your going to school its not like you arnt doing anything like those 40 year olds in their mothers basements