So, my girlfriend is in porn and I don't know what to do.

Panzer_God

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Apr 29, 2009
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So, there's this girl at school that I've been casually dating for a while now, and it started getting serious about a week ago. Yesterday I saw a banner ad on a website that linked to several pornographic videos. What caught my attention was an eerie feeling that I recognized one of the girls, so I clicked on the link. I'm 98% sure it's her, but I don't know if I want to bring it up or not.

I don't have a problem with it, if she is, but I'm afraid of what impact it would have on us as a couple this early in the relationship, and even more afraid of what would happen if I ask and it wasn't her. What would you do in this situation?

EDIT: I am an American, in University and the girl in question is 21.

EDIT: I decided not telling her would be the smart, safe and logical thing to do. So I asked her, it's her. She did it needing the money and has stopped, although she hasn't ruled out doing it again if she's tight on cash. We're still together.
 

Erana

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Feb 28, 2008
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If it makes you uncomfortable, talk to her about it. A relationship can't work too well on an emotional level if there isn't open communication about your feelings.
 

Panzer_God

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Erana said:
If it makes you uncomfortable, talk to her about it. A relationship can't work too well on an emotional level if there isn't open communication about your feelings.
Well, that's a lot simpler than my train of thought was.
 

Lionsfan

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Jan 29, 2010
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Just talk to her. If it is her, she's not going to be offended you're asking about it, and if it isn't her, well then tell her at least she's pretty enough to be a porn star
 
Mar 26, 2008
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Yeah the best thing you can do is talk to her about it, and do it right away. If you're anything like me, the longer you keep something to yourself and let it fester your imagination can blow it up into something far worse than it may or may not be.
You yourself said that you don't have a problem with that; tell her that. It shows you're non-judgemental. At this stage in a relationship you've got to lay all that shit out first really. Some people say that a relationship can better withstand those kinds of revelations once time has built up the bridge of trust, but I think it's worse if you do that. People tend to get more hysterical when they think they've "wasted" all this time with someone they thought they knew.

98% sure is pretty bloody sure too, so it sounds like you're more convinced than not convinced. I know it sounds cheesy but that "complement sandwich" stuff actually does work. Like saying:
"I really like the way our relationship is going and I really like you..."
"I've noticed this banner on a website and the girl kinda looked like you..."
"I'm cool if that is you, I'm not sure how that fits in with our relationship so I want your thoughts on it. How do you see things working out?"

Putting a question back on her will snap her our of any potential automatic anger reactions she may have come across in the past if confronted with such things and then mature, reasonable discussion may follow.

Whatever you do, good luck dude.
 

Zhukov

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Dec 29, 2009
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Wait, you really can't tell for sure? That seems odd. Surely you'd know your girlfriend's face.

Oh man, I can only imagine her reaction if you ask her about it and it isn't her.
 

Jarek Mace

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Jun 8, 2009
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"...girl at school..." I sincerely hope you don't come from the UK, or that is just outright wrong.
 

straymatter

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Coincidentally, one of my exes texted me last week to ask if I'd ever posed for pornography, because he'd seen a picture on Reddit and thought it was me. He sent me a screencap. It wasn't me, but I could see the resemblance.

I don't think she'd be offended, really. There's nothing wrong with asking as long as you don't show any clear disposition one way or the other.
 

Supertegwyn

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Oct 7, 2010
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Here is what you should do:

You: Hey, I was looking up *INSERT PORN SITE* the other day.
Girl: Yeah?
You: I SAW YOU IN IT YOU SLUTTY ***** *THROW DRINK IN HER FACE AND RUN*

That'll show her......
 

Supertegwyn

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TizzytheTormentor said:
Supertegwyn said:
Here is what you should do:

You: Hey, I was looking up *INSERT PORN SITE* the other day.
Girl: Yeah?
You: I SAW YOU IN IT YOU SLUTTY ***** *THROW DRINK IN HER FACE AND RUN*

That'll show her......

OT: Be assertive, throw that drink in her face and LET HER HAVE IT! What? you think being "reasonable" will solve anything? Grab that drink and...you know what to do...
Reason never got nobody nowhere. Y'all gotta do what you gotta do.
 

AstylahAthrys

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Apr 7, 2010
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... pics?

That was a joke.

No, but, seriously, if you're positive it's her, then you really shouldn't have much trouble asking. Of course, if it's NOT, she might not be so happy, but 98% sure is pretty damn sure. I mean, I don't think I'd like the implications of being asked "hey, girl, I love you and all, but were you in a porno?" but that's because I wouldn't ever do porn, but if she has, she wouldn't mind.

Though, how do you feel about it if it is her, OP? Are you okay with your girlfriend being in a porno?
 

Jonluw

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May 23, 2010
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Ask her to do some freaky porn positions and stuff.
If she's able to, she's in porn.

Or talk to her, I guess.
If you're boring.
 

Ickorus

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Mar 9, 2009
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Don't do it.

See this post? [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.377210-The-most-awkward-moment-you-can-remember?page=2#14717344]

Yeah, I was in your shoes and I was wrong. So very, very wrong. (I was also 98% sure)
 

Fieldy409_v1legacy

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Google her name with safesearch off.

If shes done Porn you will likely find her name somewhere in credits or something
 

Kae

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I say tell her in a way that sounds like you're joking, like "Hey I was browsing the Internet and I saw this ad for porn and the girl looks like you, so I thought it was you" isn't that funny or however it is people do funny, I have no idea how to do humour, but I'm sure you'll figure it out, if she's not she'll think it's funny if she is then she might tell you, hmm... I'm starting to see holes in my plan.
 

Kermi

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Being casual/indirect won't help. Just ask her. IF you're right, she admits it, and you can decide if you're ok with dating a porn star.

If you're wrong, you deal with the slight awkwardness of her knowing you look at porn, just like EVERYONE ON THE PLANET.