So my roommate changed rooms because I'm bisexual.

[Fasckira]

I see nothing wrong with what hes done. I'd be more confused as to how you came to tell him you were bi before you'd even met the guy? How did that even come up in conversation?

This guy hasn't been insulting or rude, hes taken the time to think about his answer and then responded logically and calmly. You never know, you might bump into this guy in the future and end up being really good friends but for now hes made a choice. Why are you venting about this?

 

[Gecko clown]

That's what's wrong with people's perception of bisexuals and homosexuals. Ever heard this one? you're sat in a bed naked with Alan Carr and Cheryl Cole. Which one do you turn your back on? Now I thought that was was pretty clever until I realized that just because he's gay doesn't mean that he rape me the moment I turn my back on him. Unfortunately that is the popular opinion and at the moment there's nothing we can do.

 

[Geo Da Sponge]

Well, I suppose there are worse ways for it to go, and at least he was honest about it. I mean, we on the Escapist can hardly be angry at someone for trying to avoid situations that could be socially awkward.

Meh, fuck them.

I think that's what the ex-roommate was worried about. /Tasteless joke

 

[RatRace123]

He didn't seem hostile, just uncomfortable, and he was polite about how he went about it.
It's understandable, as others have said he may just be backing out to avoid any awkward situations that may arise.

You can't totally begrudge someone for being uncomfortable with something, and his reaction is a hell of a lot better than those of some other people.

 

[everythingbeeps]

As others have said, it's perfectly understandable. He wasn't insulting, he didn't express a problem with you, he just said he wasn't comfortable with the situation, and honestly, a lot of people wouldn't be.

The main bothersome point for me is that this is the first time that I've been treated differently because of my sexuality.

Welcome to life. Not everyone is going to be comfortable with your sexuality. And frankly, he handled the situation in the best possible way considering his discomfort.

If you expect everyone to be perfectly comfortable with you and your sexuality, prepare to be disappointed by life.

 

[juraigamer]

My previous best friend, who died because of cancer, was bi but mostly leaned towards gay. I didn't think any less of him for this. He even lived in our dorm's suite were there was no way to lock to doors from the other roommates.

At least your prospective roommate had the decency to tell you why, but he's still a pussy for running from a situation he had never dealt with before. Kids these days don't know what being a real man is all about.

 

[hotacidbath]

It's unfortunate that he couldn't even take the chance to meet you, but he was polite and straight-forward about his uncomfortableness and simply chose to switch rooms. Maybe you guys would've gotten along great and you would change his mind about gays/bisexuals or maybe he would've hated living with you and became resentful thereby making things worse. I have a few gay friends that lived with straight homophobic roommates and they probably would've preferred your situation to theirs. Not everyone is going to be comfortable with your sexuality, man up and get used to it. The world would be a much better place if everyone dealt with this sort of thing in a polite and respectful manner.

 

[Imperioratorex Caprae]

[vent]
Okay, the explanation: my current roommate is transferring to a different school, and so I was given the e-mail of the person that was going to room with me in my dorm. We spoke for a bit, until it came up that I was bi and our suite mates are gay.[sup]1[/sup]

Silence ensued for several days.

A few minutes ago, I received the following message from the prospective roommate:

Hello there,

I regret to inform you that I switched rooms. I have nothing against bisexual or gay people at all, I just have never faced this situation before and it would be in my best interest to back out.

I really appreciate the honesty and straight forwardness about the subject. That's highly respectable.
I wish you the best of luck during the spring 2012 semester!

Thanks,
[name redacted]

Sooooo... Yeah.

That was fun.
[/vent]

[sup]1[/sup]: For reference, the dorms at my school are set up with two rooms of two people conjoined by a shared bathroom. The people in the room connecting to us are called our suitemates.

1. At least they were honest, and not degrading toward you nor did they down on you for it just said they weren't comfortable.

2. They have a right to not be comfortable with a situation they know nothing about and probably don't want to.

 

[Woodsey]

But you couldn't -pay- me to live in a 'suite' full of people who have such fundamentally different lifestyles from my own. It would be as bad as if I tried to drag one of my buddies from the shop to go see 'Phantom of the Opera'. Everyone would just feel awkward and nervous and out of place.

Different lifestyles? They like fucking guys. Big whoop. Some people like shagging fat chicks, that doesn't give them a whole new lifestyle.

OT: "I just have never faced this situation before and it would be in my best interest to back out."

And that's how we get stuck with attitudes from the 1950s.

 

[hazabaza1]

Be grateful he didn't start insulting you or making excuses. Probably took a lot of balls to admit to a bisexual person that you'd feel a bit uncomfortable living with them.

 

[Jadak]

Perfectly understandable, and (as a heterosexual male) I'd do the same. For all the same reasons I wouldn't want a woman as a roommate, I do not want sexual interests to have anything whatsoever to do with my living arrangements in any situation with the one exception of moving in with someone I'm in a relationship with.

For a roommate, I want a common gender, common personality traits, and common interests, including sexual preferences. Such an ideal situation often isn't going to happen, particularly with college dorms, but when you know for a fact that one option doesn't fit what you want, it's easy to cross off the list.

Although personally, I wouldn't have actually stated that as the reason in the email. It's nice of him to be honest and all, but it really doesn't leave you any better off than if he'd just said "I found something else, sorry" and moved on.

 

[Keava]

His right. He didn't call You or your suit mates names. He didn't go "lol u gay!!11". He said he wouldn't be comfortable with it, and as he respects Your orientation You have to respect the fact that he might not feel all that well being suddenly put in situation he has no prior experience with.
That's what tolerance is about. Acknowledge each other's differences and accept that fact without going against each other.

I know it can suck from Your PoV, feeling like Your choice of orientation has somewhat ruined it, but in the end it's neither of You fault. Such things can and will happen. You can't force people to love Your orientation, whenever You are gay, bi or straight and in the end it's better for everyone involved if You get what You feel comfortable with rather than months of awkward situations.

 

[Guffe]

I started thinking and I don't know how I would react.
I feel pretty neutral now and I don't think I would have problems living with a bi- or homosexual man but that's easy to say when I haven't faced the situation.
I hope I wouldn't have any trouble with it, otherwise I think I would feel bad about myself.

 

[JoesshittyOs]

I don't see what the problem is here. He's a homophobe, but apologetic about it. Nothing you can really do.

You can't fault someone for that.

 

[Tanner The Monotone]

[vent]
Okay, the explanation: my current roommate is transferring to a different school, and so I was given the e-mail of the person that was going to room with me in my dorm. We spoke for a bit, until it came up that I was bi and our suite mates are gay.[sup]1[/sup]

Silence ensued for several days.

A few minutes ago, I received the following message from the prospective roommate:

Hello there,

I regret to inform you that I switched rooms. I have nothing against bisexual or gay people at all, I just have never faced this situation before and it would be in my best interest to back out.

I really appreciate the honesty and straight forwardness about the subject. That's highly respectable.
I wish you the best of luck during the spring 2012 semester!

Thanks,
[name redacted]

Sooooo... Yeah.

That was fun.
[/vent]

[sup]1[/sup]: For reference, the dorms at my school are set up with two rooms of two people conjoined by a shared bathroom. The people in the room connecting to us are called our suitemates.

It's a strange circumstance that he has never had any experience with. I think he handled it pretty well.

Honestly I would have probably do the same thing, except maybe tell you in person.

 

[Neosage]

The fact that you thought introducing yourself by stating your sexuality and your suit-mates sexuality to him before you met him would have weird-ed me out too. It comes across as if it's a big deal for you and will be for him, or at the very least somewhat intimidating.

 

[Freaky Lou]

[vent]
Okay, the explanation: my current roommate is transferring to a different school, and so I was given the e-mail of the person that was going to room with me in my dorm. We spoke for a bit, until it came up that I was bi and our suite mates are gay.[sup]1[/sup]

Silence ensued for several days.

A few minutes ago, I received the following message from the prospective roommate:

Hello there,

I regret to inform you that I switched rooms. I have nothing against bisexual or gay people at all, I just have never faced this situation before and it would be in my best interest to back out.

I really appreciate the honesty and straight forwardness about the subject. That's highly respectable.
I wish you the best of luck during the spring 2012 semester!

Thanks,
[name redacted]

Well, would you rather s/he continue to live with you, feeling uncomfortable and nervous all the time? Obviously this sort of thing is not going to make you feel good, but it's most definitely better for both of the people involved.

 

[LordFisheh]

As someone who rates awkwardness and embarrassment on a fear level around that of death, I can kind of see where he's coming from. It's not that he wants to be offensive or that he doesn't want to be progressive, it's just that for some, awkwardness can really hit hard.

 

[gazumped]

I dont really see the problem. If the roomate was a girl (Im assuming your a guy, since your posts use very gender neutral terms) and you were a straight guy she would probably feel uncomfortable living with you on campus. Doesnt mean they hate you or thinks less of you, just that it would be a little uncomfortable, especially considering they dont even know you. I would have no problem rooming with my gay friends.....hell, i have no problem sharing a bed with my gay friends....but Id feel a little uncomfortable living with a gay guy that I didnt know.

Part of the dis-analogy is that gay/bi/pan/bbq guys aren't really into straight guys, whereas straight guys ARE into straight girls. Straight boys tend to be unavailable to us, or so I hear.

Hey, man, you can't help who you love! If we all only fell for people who were available to us, the world would be a much happier place.

But also (agreeing with excentric's point but expanding on it) as a girl I'd be fine in the same room as a straight/bi/gay guy I did know, I would not be comfortable with any guy I didn't know unless he could somehow prove that he was totally not into girls. Of course I don't think all guys are rapists, but quite frankly, if I don't know a guy, I DO NOT WANT TO BE ASLEEP IN A ROOM WITH HIM ALONE AT NIGHT. Chances are he's perfectly decent, but what the heck do I know?

Your would-be-roommate's line 'I just have never faced this situation before' does suggest that he's just not got much experiences with being around bi/gay guys in general, but I don't think any of that was disrespectful.

(In case it sheds any context on my post, I'm also bi.)

 

[Drake666]

I'd hardly call it homophobic. More like intelligently avoiding awkward situations. I wouldn't want to live with someone who had a completely different life style than my own in a dorm. I'd say the same thing to gay people, bi people, overly religious people, etc.

I want a gay male roommate as long as he'll wingman for me.

Humm... never thought of that...

(Not that I wouldn't want to live with a gay/bisexual roomate... just never thought of all the benefits!!!)