So my roommate changed rooms because I'm bisexual.

[lord.jeff]

The guy probably a little to in to himself and thinks you'll end up shagging him in his sleep or he's never delt with an openly gay person before and unfamiliar things make people uncomfortable.

 

[Gralian]

The main bothersome point for me is that this is the first time that I've been treated differently because of my sexuality.

Whaaaat? You mean to say you have an orientation that challenges the heteronormative status of society and you're surprised you've been treated differently because of your sexuality?

Is this guy for real?

Let me tell you something, matey. You will always get treated differently for whatever lifestyle choices you make in life. I got treated differently for playing computer games or watching anime. I got treated differently because unlike the typical football playing jocks my favourite "sport" is shooting targets down the range. I got treated differently because of the music i enjoy.

The point is we'll always be treated differently for whatever choices we make (Note: NOT saying orientation is a choice, but the lifestyle (embracing your identity as bi / homo / hetero / whatever) is) especially if it goes against societal norms. Wake up, sunshine: society says that bisexuals are a part of the minority along with the rest of the LGBT group. You have to expect this kind of reaction when you are a member of that group. Not everyone is going to have the same blasé reaction about what you divulge about yourself.

Different lifestyles? They like fucking guys. Big whoop. Some people like shagging fat chicks, that doesn't give them a whole new lifestyle.

Are you telling me the LGBT community doesn't have their own culture and lifestyle?

 

[Robert Ewing]

It's not uncommon to feel a bit uneasy around bisexuals or homosexuals.

I'm bisexual, and I feel really uneasy around a homosexual for example. I guess it's just social stigma, but you shouldn't take it to heart.

 

[fletch_talon]

Seems understandable to me.
Just as there are women who wouldn't feel comfortable sharing a room with men, and vice versa.
There are people who don't feel comfortable sharing a room with someone of the same sex who is homo/bisexual.

Nobody is saying people of non hetero orientation have no control and will jump anything that shares the same genitalia as they do. Its just a matter of not being comfortable sharing a close living space with someone who could potentially be attracted to you.

Seriously though, would this kind of thing garner so much attention if a woman was refusing to share a living space with a man?

 

[Thaluikhain]

That's what's wrong with people's perception of bisexuals and homosexuals. Ever heard this one? you're sat in a bed naked with Alan Carr and Cheryl Cole. Which one do you turn your back on? Now I thought that was was pretty clever until I realized that just because he's gay doesn't mean that he rape me the moment I turn my back on him. Unfortunately that is the popular opinion and at the moment there's nothing we can do.

Well put (excepting I don't know who those people are).

Yes, this is a minor example of homophobia, but that doesn't mean that it isn't one at all.

 

[Woodsey]

Different lifestyles? They like fucking guys. Big whoop. Some people like shagging fat chicks, that doesn't give them a whole new lifestyle.

Are you telling me the LGBT community doesn't have their own culture and lifestyle?

No, I'm telling you the idea that a couple of gay guys and a bisexual in a dorm having a lifestyle that is completely contrary to someone else, JUST because they are gay, is stupid.

The "LGBT community" is a fairly useless umbrella term.

 

[Odd Owl]

I don't see what the problem is here. He's a homophobe, but apologetic about it. Nothing you can really do.

You can't fault someone for that.

That's what's wrong with people's perception of bisexuals and homosexuals. Ever heard this one? you're sat in a bed naked with Alan Carr and Cheryl Cole. Which one do you turn your back on? Now I thought that was was pretty clever until I realized that just because he's gay doesn't mean that he rape me the moment I turn my back on him. Unfortunately that is the popular opinion and at the moment there's nothing we can do.

Well put (excepting I don't know who those people are).

Yes, this is a minor example of homophobia, but that doesn't mean that it isn't one at all.

I have never understood this. Homophobia is the irrational fear and/or hatred of homosexuals. Nothing in the guy's email suggested that he was a homophobe. In fact, he was very polite about it. At most, the email indicates that he was uncomfortable with the situation. But there are any number of reasons that would account for his discomfort, none of which involve a fear or hatred of homosexuals.

What about his response makes him a homophobe?

 

[PhantomEcho]

But you couldn't -pay- me to live in a 'suite' full of people who have such fundamentally different lifestyles from my own. It would be as bad as if I tried to drag one of my buddies from the shop to go see 'Phantom of the Opera'. Everyone would just feel awkward and nervous and out of place.

Different lifestyles? They like fucking guys. Big whoop. Some people like shagging fat chicks, that doesn't give them a whole new lifestyle.

OT: "I just have never faced this situation before and it would be in my best interest to back out."

And that's how we get stuck with attitudes from the 1950s.

And this, here, is how we get McCarthyism.


You are mistaking -discomfort- for bigotry. And if you can't tell the difference between the two, you're going to run around making ignorant statements like this one thinking that you actually have a valid point. And then people might start listening to you, and we'll have an entire CULT of people running around who don't understand the basic instinctive process of "Keep to Your Own" and actually believe that being uncomfortable in prolonged settings with people who have major differences (and yes, I'm sorry to say, but sexuality really is a MAJOR difference... seeing as sex pretty much runs our society) in personality and lifestyle is bigotry, racism, or homophobia.

And by extension, these impressionable folks will actually PERPETRATE the problem.

Bigotry would mean I look down on, disdain, or otherwise feel superior/more right than everyone else. Because my opinions are superior, nobody else is worth considering. All of my prejudices and intolerance would never be questioned or challenged.

Discomfort? That's just not feeling comfortable in a situation, for whatever reasons or factors.

So put it another way, let's take a look at your argument for a minute. These guys, they're sexually attracted to men. Nope. That doesn't bother me. I'm not uncomfortable with that thought. These guys, they engage in sexual activity with men. Again, doesn't bother me in the least. My room-mate is Bi-Sexual? Hey, so is my girlfriend... again. It doesn't bother me.

But all of these things equal one major conclusion: I am the only straight guy in the room.

That makes me uncomfortable. In the same way being surrounded by a group of burly black men would make me uncomfortable. In the same way that being surrounded by a group of Jewish people would make me uncomfortable. In the same way that being surrounded by a group of ALCOHOLICS would make me uncomfortable!

It has nothing to do with being around those 'terrible gay guys', and everything to being 'the only straight guy' in sight. Just like being the only sober guy in sight, I wouldn't be comfortable with my surroundings.

And that's nothing to do with bigotry at all, I'm afraid... rendering your precious 1950's sentimentality moot.

But here, I'll go a step further: "They like fucking guys. Big Whoop. Some people like shagging fat chicks."

Okay, your argument, although crass and lacking in regard for women (most of whom resent men calling them 'chicks', possible sexism?), has been accepted. For the sake of simplicity, let's remove the 'lifestyle' differences from the equation and look at this in straight-up terms of DISCOMFORT FACTOR:

In a dorm/suite full of gay/bi-sexual men... I'm the only straight guy. I'm the odd-man-out. I'm the 'Token Not-Gay Character' in this little sitcom of life. And that's not fun. That means I'm also the butt-monkey. That means I'm plucky comic relief. Which is fine, sometimes, but we're talking about school. School is stressful enough without becoming the bit-character that everyone loves to see walk into awkward situations. That's not the kind of role that's going to result in a happy ending, either. It's the kind of role that's going to end with me getting into all kinds of frustrated fights and ridiculous arguments over 'house rules' and 'boundary issues'. By the end of each show, I'm once again squarely in the background as the personalities and humor of the gay characters come back into focus.

Sure, you can subvert the typical 'comic relief' character by making him the 'main character' and all... but I'm just not main character material. Never have been. Never will be.

-next-

By this same vein, this also means that I'm perfectly fine living with people who like screwing fat women. Because I'm a fat guy. And I prefer women I won't break. So they'd be a lot like me, in that regards. Instead of being a background character who doesn't quite fit in with the crowd, I might even make it to a full-blown 'part of the crew'. Sure, I'm still just a glorified extra... but what the hell. I'm in the main group. I'm in most every episode. I can make my cameo, we can all get a laugh at my forgetting to wear pants... or my losing something that's on top of my head... and I can get on with my class schedule.

It's a completely different experience when you're not singled out. The COMFORT LEVEL doesn't care about tones of sexual inequality, or laws making it perfectly legal to drink to intoxication. It only cares about personal comfort in any given situation.

Speaking of alcohol, I wouldn't live in a dorm with a bunch beer-chugging, football watching, womanizers, either. You know, the kind who sit around making dick jokes all day and laughing at physical humor... the kind who call every woman a 'chick' and constantly ogle them as they go by. Don't get me wrong, this describes half of my friends. But being my friend doesn't mean I want to have to live in close proximity to you. I'd fall by the wayside just as quickly as I would being surrounded by gay guys... only my perceived effeminate nature would actually get me LABELED as 'the most likely gay guy' on the show. Which is actually ironic, seeing as I began this post responding to the accusation of my harboring 1950's sentimentality towards the gay crowd.

Still, folks will make their assumptions. Despite the glorious amount of sex I'll be having with my gorgeous girlfriend... people will just assume that because I like girly things, it's perfectly fine to assume that I'm into men. Even some men might get confused, which would lead to awkward situations no MATTER the company I live with.


Comfort levels have nothing to do with this 'mentality' you speak of. They don't relate at ALL to this misconceived notion that "We have to act like everyone is the same in order to beat racism/sexism/anti-gay bigotry!"

What we have to do is stop calling out everyone who feels the slightest bit uncomfortable in a situation where the tables are turned and brand them a racist/sexist/bigot.

There are people who are GENUINELY hateful of gays. There are people who are malicious towards women. There are people who hate fat guys, and who hate jocks. There are people who still think it's an insult if they call some dork in glasses a 'Nerd'.

And then there are people. Everyday people. All genetically hardwired to 'Keep to Their Own'. But society has magically deemed that this philosophy, too, is Racist/Sexist/Bigoted! Oh no, you can't keep to yourself! That's homophobic! That's sexist!

You can't not want to live surrounded by women! Not only are you probably gay, but you also have some kind of misogynistic streak, don't you?!


It's sensationalism, pure and simple.

What amounts to nothing more than 'preferring to live with people who are more similar to myself' gets blown out of proportion... and like you yourself have just proved Woodsey, get's balled up into some inane comment about how it's the 1950's all over again.


I've got another stereotype for you. It's called 'Kettle-Kicking Bastard'. All this guy or gal loves to do, all day, every day, is make life more uncomfortable for people.

And so what he'll do is he'll stir up discord wherever he can. He'll turn folks who try to offer supportive criticism into racists. He'll turn excessive use of 'he' into an accusation of sexism in writing. He'll say and do whatever it takes to rile up people in controversy, even when there isn't any controversy to be had.

And even when he's a girl, he's still just some desperate tool looking to make a quick and seemingly poignant statement without really saying anything meaningful at all.

 

[Mersadeon]

I say while I wouldn't have changed the room just because of something like that, I can understand if someone wants to. It's like if you say "sry, I don't wanna be your roommate because I really, really hate rap and since you say you are a big rap enthusiast and that you like to listen to it loudly, I don't think this is gonna work out."

 

[Cid Silverwing]

"I've nothing against bisexuals but I'm changing rooms anyway."

Towtly serial, u gaiz.

 

[Canadamus Prime]

So? It's his problem, don't make it yours.

 

[Woodsey]

snip

All you've done is underline the problem (although at least you said something among all that crap; my Lit teacher would shoot me if I handed something in with that much waffle). People are uncomfortable because they back out - as this guy did - from "potentially uncomfortable" situations. And what does this lead to? Why, bigotry! Because if no one hangs around with anyone even in the slightest bit different, then no one can survive outside of that environment. And... hey... wait a minute! That bigotry stuff was in the 1950s, wasn't it? Why yes, I think it bloody well was!

Look at that, I do know the difference between two words. By fucking Jove! Perhaps if you'd read my comment properly - and stopped imagining yourself as Token Black from South Park - you wouldn't have had to waste all your time.

As for sexuality being a major difference: only if you make it so. Which this guy has, and which you are making it. In reality, the difference between me and a gay guy is not that far beyond the difference between my friend who prefers blondes, whilst I prefer brunettes. And in society as a whole that gap is ever-closing (albeit far too slowly), and it'd close quicker if people didn't run at thought of being the 'odd one out', or defend such an infantile response.

 

[theriddlen]

I understand your used-to-be roommate. He just wouldn't feel comfortable around you, and you have to accept that, not try to imply that he is homophobic and portrait yourself as a victim.

Why would he feel uncomfortable, you ask me? No, it's not because you are bisexual. It's because you are a person that could possibly be interested in him, and he won't ever feel the same way about you. It doesn't matter than you are bi. If you were a ugly girl, he'd feel the same way.

 

[Woodsey]

Because if no one hangs around with anyone even in the slightest bit different, then no one can survive outside of that environment.

We're not talking about 'hanging out'. There's quite a difference between going out for drinks with somebody, and living in the same room for an extended period of time with someone.

It's political correctness gone mad. Everybody wants a world where everybody is perfectly accepted by everyone else, but it's just not going to happen. As long as differences exist, bias will exist, it's that simple.

Don't get angry with a person's lack of acceptance, appreciate their tolerance.

"It's political correctness gone mad."

Eugh. At least come up with a new way of saying that fucking phrase. You haven't even used it properly.

And yes, I meant live with/hang around with/occupy the same space as/etc, people don't speak in entirely literal sentences.

 

[lacktheknack]

It's certainly a lot better than him moving in and having everything go horribly wrong, right?

 

[ultimateownage]

He sounds like a nice enough guy. He didn't want anything bad to come from it, because he's probably not used to being that close to people who aren't straight. Might have been where he grew up or something. I disagree with him wanting to back out like that, but at the same time I disagree with you mentioning your and two other people's sexualities in the first meeting with someone. He shouldn't have been that against it, but I can't imagine a way to tell someone who you like fucking that quickly without it being way too frontal.

 

[PhantomEcho]

snip

All you've done is underline the problem (although at least you said something among all that crap; my Lit teacher would shoot me if I handed something in with that much waffle). People are uncomfortable because they back out - as this guy did - from "potentially uncomfortable" situations. And what does this lead to? Why, bigotry! Because if no one hangs around with anyone even in the slightest bit different, then no one can survive outside of that environment. And... hey... wait a minute! That bigotry stuff was in the 1950s, wasn't it? Why yes, I think it bloody well was!

Look at that, I do know the difference between two words. By fucking Jove! Perhaps if you'd read my comment properly - and stopped imagining yourself as Token Black from South Park - you wouldn't have had to waste all your time.

As for sexuality being a major difference: only if you make it so. Which this guy has, and which you are making it. In reality, the difference between me and a gay guy is not that far beyond the difference between my friend who prefers blondes, whilst I prefer brunettes. And in society as a whole that gap is ever-closing (albeit far too slowly), and it'd close quicker if people didn't run at thought of being the 'odd one out', or defend such an infantile response.

Woodsey, your logic fails to astound. In fact, it fails to be logic. By your reasoning, we should all just throw outselves blindly into uncomfortable situations, because FUCK... nothing's a big deal when you don't give a shit about it! Hey, you know... that's a great sentiment!

There's just one problem.

This might come as a news flash for you, mate, but HUMANS ARE FUCKING HUMAN! (because hey, you like swearing, right?)

So when logic fails, I guess I'll just have to beat you over the head with this. Humans. Are. Human. Repeat it. Live it. Understand it. You cannot expect that people should sacrifice their ability to function comfortably... in order to keep up with the latest trends in political correctness.

It doesn't work. It has -NEVER- worked. You just end up with a BUNCH of uncomfortable people fidgeting and squirming. Who wins? Hmm? Who comes out on top there? The bi-sexual guy who has a roommate who doesn't feel comfortable sharing a room with him every day for god-only-knows-how-long because he doesn't know how to act?

Does the guy who changed rooms win by staying, and learning how to live alongside Gays through way of fidgeting and sitting awkwardly in a group?

You can say what you want, but BLINDLY charging into situations has been universally accepted as a BAD IDEA for... oh... fuck... centuries now. And you know what? There's a good reason for it! Because NOBODY fucking wins. Just ask the Native Americans! Sure, they got a few good ambushes in there... but it just fueled racial hatred against them to the point that the fledgling United States opted for a policy of utter extermination!

Oh yes. Victory indeed. We all lose out on culture, and have to live with a history of bloodshed and hatred looming over our heads.

But no, no... you don't see it that way! You suggest we should all BEAT uncomfortable ideas into our heads until what? Until we REALLY come to resent them? Until folks begin misattributing their discomfort to some inherent flaw in sexuality?

Bigotry arises not from people being unwilling to LIVE IN THE SAME HOUSE... it comes from people being UNWILLING TO UNDERSTAND ONE ANOTHER. And that doesn't take living in the same room. It doesn't mean you're always COMFORTABLE in close proximity to the person. In fact, comfort has exactly FUCK ALL to do with bigotry unless you use it as an excuse.

Am I excusing hatred by saying 'Homosexuality makes me uncomfortable'? No, of course not. Because it doesn't. Homosexuality, asexuality, bestiality, the hell do I care about someone's sexual preferences? You can be sleeping with your cousin for all it matters to me. As long as you don't forcibly shove your private interests into my life... I really couldn't care less what you do in your bedroom, barnyard, or at the family reunion.

Does that mean I want to live with it, every day, just a stone's throw from my own door? Of course not. Nor should it! People have a right to feel awkward and out of place. It's just a part of life.

When you try to make it into something it's not, like you are now... well... you just come across as a self-important ass. And that's your right too, sure. But I sure as hell wouldn't want to live with someone like that.


You call being uncomfortable the PROBLEM... I call it a natural response to logical reasoning in the human animal. It's hardwired into us. And it's not a bad thing. Sure, one can argue that it leads us to ostracize those who are different, but as I've already pointed out, it obviously doesn't HAVE to since I have absolutely no problem associating with my gay friends... nor my friends in the shop... nor my friends who do nothing but play Dungeons and Dragons.

In a social setting, none of these differences matter. But home isn't a social setting. Home is a private place where we go to unwind from the day. Saying that someone is WRONG because they choose to surround themselves with familiar and comfortable things at home is just imbecilic. When you compound the stress of a student atmosphere, where learning and exams and the like are as much a factor as anything... the idea of COMFORT is -very- important.


It's great that you can feel comfortable in all situations, if in fact you really can. It's a testament to human versatility when we manage to encounter new situations and grow. But it most certainly isn't a situation of bigotry when we opt to refrain. That's not a juvenile response. It's just a response, based entirely upon factors which matter to the individual.

It's your response TO this response that is juvenile. Naive, even, for you truly expect that the world is simply going to drop all of it's emotional baggage and accept a completely new way of thinking and interpreting what it means to be 'Human' without any of that awkward, stumbling phase we're all going through right now.

And that's not even arguing that your belief in sexuality being no bigger a difference than a preference in blondes and brunettes is utterly fallacious.


So really, what am I saying? What am I arguing here?


Get this. I'm arguing that your arguments on how we should approach sexuality are actually ENLIGHTENED. Naive. Before their time. Yes. But enlightened. And I encourage you to hold onto them (if in fact they are actually true and your own), because that IS indeed the way that things should be heading.

But we're not there yet, as a society. We may never be there completely. And that's FINE!

I'm also arguing that your RESPONSE to people who differ from your position is absolutely backwards and wrong, and is in fact PERPETRATING the problem rather than resolving it! It is this very mentality that causes people to rescind FURTHER from the cusp of enlightenment. It is this very sentiment, that ANY amount of discomfort is racism/sexism/bigotry that causes people to FEAR the situation like they do.

By lambasting and destroying the character of anyone who is slightly uncomfortable around intimidating black men... who is fearful of being singled out in a group based on being a different race... who doesn't feel comfortable living surrounded by homosexuality because they have had no experience with how to interact with a group of gay men... you are creating an environment of fear and mistrust.

These folks, like myself, begin to double-check every word they say. They have to focus intensely hard on not saying anything that might be misconstrued as racist. All the while, the folks on the other side are suffering the SAME PROBLEM.

I've got quite a few black friends who, in the beginning, didn't like to talk around me. They were worried I would take offense to their slang terms for white men, to their interests, to their musical tastes. They were always in a group, so I was the only white person there, and they felt uncomfortable with me being around.

I've got a few black friends who are actually more like myself than my white friends, too, who felt ENTIRELY uncomfortable in that crowd.

Eventually, we all worked out an understanding, but it didn't happen overnight.

These things take years. Decades. And you can't expect the change to be universal. We're programmed to feel certain ways. The fear of getting singled out ISN'T juvenile... it's a defense mechanism. Because people DO prey on the one who sticks out, just like any other animal.

When you add onto that awkward fumbling phase this BULLYING of people who don't immediately agree with your enlightened stance? You breed fear and resentment. They begin to resent the gays/women's rights/minorities. They begin to resent you and your 'enlightened' self. And in return, these resentments manifest themselves as sexism, racism, and prejudice against anyone who is different.

Because you PROVE THEIR POINT. You single them out. You ridicule them. You bring that very 'juvenile' fear to life. And then you throw up your arms and wonder why our society's growth towards tolerance and acceptance has been so slow.

 

[Woodsey]

snip

All you've done is underline the problem (although at least you said something among all that crap; my Lit teacher would shoot me if I handed something in with that much waffle). People are uncomfortable because they back out - as this guy did - from "potentially uncomfortable" situations. And what does this lead to? Why, bigotry! Because if no one hangs around with anyone even in the slightest bit different, then no one can survive outside of that environment. And... hey... wait a minute! That bigotry stuff was in the 1950s, wasn't it? Why yes, I think it bloody well was!

Look at that, I do know the difference between two words. By fucking Jove! Perhaps if you'd read my comment properly - and stopped imagining yourself as Token Black from South Park - you wouldn't have had to waste all your time.

As for sexuality being a major difference: only if you make it so. Which this guy has, and which you are making it. In reality, the difference between me and a gay guy is not that far beyond the difference between my friend who prefers blondes, whilst I prefer brunettes. And in society as a whole that gap is ever-closing (albeit far too slowly), and it'd close quicker if people didn't run at thought of being the 'odd one out', or defend such an infantile response.

Woodsey, your logic fails to astound. In fact, it fails to be logic. By your reasoning, we should all just throw outselves blindly into uncomfortable situations, because FUCK... nothing's a big deal when you don't give a shit about it! Hey, you know... that's a great sentiment!

There's just one problem.

This might come as a news flash for you, mate, but HUMANS ARE FUCKING HUMAN! (because hey, you like swearing, right?)

So when logic fails, I guess I'll just have to beat you over the head with this. Humans. Are. Human. Repeat it. Live it. Understand it. You cannot expect that people should sacrifice their ability to function comfortably... in order to keep up with the latest trends in political correctness.

It doesn't work. It has -NEVER- worked. You just end up with a BUNCH of uncomfortable people fidgeting and squirming. Who wins? Hmm? Who comes out on top there? The bi-sexual guy who has a roommate who doesn't feel comfortable sharing a room with him every day for god-only-knows-how-long because he doesn't know how to act?

Does the guy who changed rooms win by staying, and learning how to live alongside Gays through way of fidgeting and sitting awkwardly in a group?

You can say what you want, but BLINDLY charging into situations has been universally accepted as a BAD IDEA for... oh... fuck... centuries now. And you know what? There's a good reason for it! Because NOBODY fucking wins. Just ask the Native Americans! Sure, they got a few good ambushes in there... but it just fueled racial hatred against them to the point that the fledgling United States opted for a policy of utter extermination!

Oh yes. Victory indeed. We all lose out on culture, and have to live with a history of bloodshed and hatred looming over our heads.

But no, no... you don't see it that way! You suggest we should all BEAT uncomfortable ideas into our heads until what? Until we REALLY come to resent them? Until folks begin misattributing their discomfort to some inherent flaw in sexuality?

Bigotry arises not from people being unwilling to LIVE IN THE SAME HOUSE... it comes from people being UNWILLING TO UNDERSTAND ONE ANOTHER. And that doesn't take living in the same room. It doesn't mean you're always COMFORTABLE in close proximity to the person. In fact, comfort has exactly FUCK ALL to do with bigotry unless you use it as an excuse.

Am I excusing hatred by saying 'Homosexuality makes me uncomfortable'? No, of course not. Because it doesn't. Homosexuality, asexuality, bestiality, the hell do I care about someone's sexual preferences? You can be sleeping with your cousin for all it matters to me. As long as you don't forcibly shove your private interests into my life... I really couldn't care less what you do in your bedroom, barnyard, or at the family reunion.

Does that mean I want to live with it, every day, just a stone's throw from my own door? Of course not. Nor should it! People have a right to feel awkward and out of place. It's just a part of life.

When you try to make it into something it's not, like you are now... well... you just come across as a self-important ass. And that's your right too, sure. But I sure as hell wouldn't want to live with someone like that.


You call being uncomfortable the PROBLEM... I call it a natural response to logical reasoning in the human animal. It's hardwired into us. And it's not a bad thing. Sure, one can argue that it leads us to ostracize those who are different, but as I've already pointed out, it obviously doesn't HAVE to since I have absolutely no problem associating with my gay friends... nor my friends in the shop... nor my friends who do nothing but play Dungeons and Dragons.

In a social setting, none of these differences matter. But home isn't a social setting. Home is a private place where we go to unwind from the day. Saying that someone is WRONG because they choose to surround themselves with familiar and comfortable things at home is just imbecilic. When you compound the stress of a student atmosphere, where learning and exams and the like are as much a factor as anything... the idea of COMFORT is -very- important.


It's great that you can feel comfortable in all situations, if in fact you really can. It's a testament to human versatility when we manage to encounter new situations and grow. But it most certainly isn't a situation of bigotry when we opt to refrain. That's not a juvenile response. It's just a response, based entirely upon factors which matter to the individual.

It's your response TO this response that is juvenile. Naive, even, for you truly expect that the world is simply going to drop all of it's emotional baggage and accept a completely new way of thinking and interpreting what it means to be 'Human' without any of that awkward, stumbling phase we're all going through right now.

And that's not even arguing that your belief in sexuality being no bigger a difference than a preference in blondes and brunettes is utterly fallacious.


So really, what am I saying? What am I arguing here?


Get this. I'm arguing that your arguments on how we should approach sexuality are actually ENLIGHTENED. Naive. Before their time. Yes. But enlightened. And I encourage you to hold onto them (if in fact they are actually true and your own), because that IS indeed the way that things should be heading.

But we're not there yet, as a society. We may never be there completely. And that's FINE!

I'm also arguing that your RESPONSE to people who differ from your position is absolutely backwards and wrong, and is in fact PERPETRATING the problem rather than resolving it! It is this very mentality that causes people to rescind FURTHER from the cusp of enlightenment. It is this very sentiment, that ANY amount of discomfort is racism/sexism/bigotry that causes people to FEAR the situation like they do.

By lambasting and destroying the character of anyone who is slightly uncomfortable around intimidating black men... who is fearful of being singled out in a group based on being a different race... who doesn't feel comfortable living surrounded by homosexuality because they have had no experience with how to interact with a group of gay men... you are creating an environment of fear and mistrust.

These folks, like myself, begin to double-check every word they say. They have to focus intensely hard on not saying anything that might be misconstrued as racist. All the while, the folks on the other side are suffering the SAME PROBLEM.

I've got quite a few black friends who, in the beginning, didn't like to talk around me. They were worried I would take offense to their slang terms for white men, to their interests, to their musical tastes. They were always in a group, so I was the only white person there, and they felt uncomfortable with me being around.

I've got a few black friends who are actually more like myself than my white friends, too, who felt ENTIRELY uncomfortable in that crowd.

Eventually, we all worked out an understanding, but it didn't happen overnight.

These things take years. Decades. And you can't expect the change to be universal. We're programmed to feel certain ways. The fear of getting singled out ISN'T juvenile... it's a defense mechanism. Because people DO prey on the one who sticks out, just like any other animal.

When you add onto that awkward fumbling phase this BULLYING of people who don't immediately agree with your enlightened stance? You breed fear and resentment. They begin to resent the gays/women's rights/minorities. They begin to resent you and your 'enlightened' self. And in return, these resentments manifest themselves as sexism, racism, and prejudice against anyone who is different.

Because you PROVE THEIR POINT. You single them out. You ridicule them. You bring that very 'juvenile' fear to life. And then you throw up your arms and wonder why our society's growth towards tolerance and acceptance has been so slow.

Look, you can write all that in 2 paragraphs. You don't sound more intelligent because you draw a very fragile line between this situation and the Native Americans (where the fuck did that even come from?).

"Eventually, we all worked out an understanding, but it didn't happen overnight."

Good, so you're agreeing with me then - the situation has to occur for things to get better. You know what I used to hate? Those bloody class presentations they make you do in high school for inane shit. You know what I hate less now that I have to deliver them practically every week for 6th Form (or Senior Year - I think - if you're in the States)? Those bloody class presentations.

Nobody likes uncomfortable situations, that doesn't mean they should be patted on the back all the time and told its OK and "oooh, its just human nature! You shouldn't have to change at all". Fuck that. Things take effort, and it takes effort because people weren't brought up to do it in the first place. If they put in the effort, things will be a lot nicer down the line.

The issue is really not even that he felt uncomfortable. The issue is that he pussied out, and that his qualifying statement for doing it is considered fine. I suppose he would get a brownie point for being honest.

And seriously, whilst you're writing out your response, think about what your POINT is and just say it. I promise you'll sound much more clever.

(Oh, and yes I like to swear. Acute observation, well done.)

 

[SL33TBL1ND]

That looks fine, there. He was uncomfortable with it and respectfully backed out.

 

[Dystopia]

As a women, I would obviously refuse to share a room with a straight man. I wouldn't be expecting him to fancy me, but first of all, it's a possibility (and vice versa of course), and secondly, I would feel very uncomfortable sharing such close quarters with someone who was sexually interested in my gender.

This is pretty much the same thing. Props to him for being honest and backing out instead of causing problems later on.