So my roommate changed rooms because I'm bisexual.

[Helmholtz Watson]

Eh, I wouldn't let it get to you. I'd be a bit uncomfortable too.


And I'd like to point out, one of my oldest friends is gay. I've got absolutely nothing against him. I've got no secret fears that he's harboring attraction for me. He's a great dude, always reliable, and quick to lend a helping hand whenever you need him. We frequently hang out at events my more 'macho' friends don't quite get: theater, band, opera.

I don't know many straight guys who would willingly sit through a musical either. So it's good to have a friend who'll make me feel less out of place.

But you couldn't -pay- me to live in a 'suite' full of people who have such fundamentally different lifestyles from my own. It would be as bad as if I tried to drag one of my buddies from the shop to go see 'Phantom of the Opera'. Everyone would just feel awkward and nervous and out of place.

Every day. Until such time as I moved.

It's one thing to be friends, to hang out, or to socialize with people. It's another to live with them. Now, I'm assuming this guy didn't know you. So I'm operating under the assumption that I have to -assume- what the gay neighbors and bi-sexual roommate would be like.

My 'assumption' would instinctively be that there are quite a number of differences, up to and including sexual preference. And that would make me nervous. Not only on the level of 'what am I going to walk in on when I get home?', but also on the level of 'do I really want to have to be careful how I speak every day to avoid offending someone?'

It's rough. It's hard to always be socially mindful. That's why we instinctively group into groups of like-minded folks. It's more comfortable to deal with people who behave and react in ways which you can understand and predict.


But look.

My guess is, it would just have been terribly awkward and uncomfortable for the guy. He was probably being very honest when he said he didn't have a problem with you on any kind of a personal level... and that he didn't feel comfortable trying to live with someone who is bi-sexual, and having gay neighbors, and never really knowing how to act and behave.

And that's nothing to be offended about. It's a symptom of unfamiliarity and uncertainty.

So I come back to my point.

If it's bothering you, I wouldn't let it. And if it's not bothering you, then all the more power to you. Because it's awkward all the way around, when two people don't really know how to interact with each other.

yeah that is pretty much everything I was thinking when I read OP

 

[icaritos]

Let us all ignore the fact that this is a dorm where most of the occupants seem to be gay/bisexual people, which corresponds to roughly 5% of the world population. No, I'm sure they all ended up there purely by coincidence (the stars aligned or some other bullshit) instead of making the personal choice of sharing living space with those with common lifestyles.

Now let's criticize that guy for making the VERY SAME DECISION, and say it was discrimination.

 

[Olrod]

Meh. The guy was probably just an idiot.

I wonder what his reaction would have been if you were of the other gender?

 

[Dystopia]

As a women, I would obviously refuse to share a room with a straight man. I wouldn't be expecting him to fancy me, but first of all, it's a possibility (and vice versa of course), and secondly, I would feel very uncomfortable sharing such close quarters with someone who was sexually interested in my gender.

So who am I supposed to room with? And does it matter that I mostly just like girls?

I'm bisexual myself, so here's what I would do: I wouldn't mention it to the girl I was sharing with. If I don't fancy her, no problem, she never needs to know. If I do, I deal with it, find someone else and move on.

 

[iNsaneMilesy]

If I can recall, most university dorms have a preference for the types of people you would prefer to room with, at least they did at mine. You don't have to be a Homophobe to feel uncomfortable living with someone who is gay or otherwise. He may have gay friends or relatives who he loves, doesnt mean he has to click with or be surrounded by the lifestyle 24/7. You should live where you feel most comfortable.

 

[Zen Toombs]

Once again, OP here and I think that the Potential Roomie reacted relatively well to the situation. He MAY have acted out of discrimination, but as I've said about five times now, he reacted relatively well. He was uncomfortable, and so he avoided the thing that would make him uncomfortable.

Let us all ignore the fact that this is a dorm where most of the occupants seem to be gay/bisexual people, which corresponds to roughly 5% of the world population. No, I'm sure they all ended up there purely by coincidence (the stars aligned or some other bullshit) instead of making the personal choice of sharing living space with those with common lifestyles.

Now let's criticize that guy for making the VERY SAME DECISION, and say it was discrimination.

Erm, we actually did end up in the same room by coincidence. Or at least, I ended up there by coincidence: the homophobic ex-roommate I mentioned earlier? I changed rooms because my best friend is VERY gay, and the homophobic ex-roommate could have used one of me as a cudgel to beat up three of me. [sub]That is to say, he was RIPPED[/sub] The only suite available to me happened to have some gay people in it, but I only really cared that it was available and did not contain the risk of my best friend being assaulted.

As for my suite mates, they were friends back in high school, and then they decided to room together for college. Just like my younger brother decided to do, and many other people decided to do.

As for the dorm as a whole (or even my floor), there's not very many other gays. Not as sure about the lesbians though.

-snip-

-snip-

I'm bisexual myself, so here's what I would do: I wouldn't mention it to the girl I was sharing with. If I don't fancy her, no problem, she never needs to know. If I do, I deal with it, find someone else and move on.

But it was relevant, he spoke of his girlfriend and I spoke of my current boyfriend....

I do see where you are coming from though.

 

[generals3]

With a bisexual, you act like s/he's just a person, because that's all we are. People. *Hippy music starts playing*

As for jokes, ones that involve homosexuality? That's fine. Jokes that are in poor taste? Can be alright okay, but go in the "dead baby comedy" bin. Jokes that are homophobic? Never okay.

Exactly the same as racist or sexist or XYZBBQist jokes. Those jokes are never okay. Jokes in poor taste can be alright, and jokes that just involve race or sex or barbecue are always fine.

See i'd be screwed already, i don't censor myself joke wise and hate having to do so. (to be honest i don't see what's wrong with homophobic/racist/misogynistic/etc... jokes as long as you keep it balanced and don't only make such jokes and it's clear you don't target a certain group because you secretly hate them)

 

[Astoria]

At least he was pleasant about it. There would be many people who would abuse you for it any chance they got. He can't help feeling the way he does about it so I wouldn't worry about it.

 

[bliebblob]

Bah don't feel bad about it. Would you rather he did come live with you and was acting awkward all year? Homophobes aren't going to disappear anytime soon, the best you can hope for is that they leave you alone. And he did so yay
Besides, from his answer I gather he isn't homophobic at all. He just didn't want to be the odd man out. And I can totally understand that. I myself once didn't take a very nice dormroom because the entire dorm was filled with girls. Doesn't mean I hate woman.

 

[Zack Alklazaris]

I wouldn't take that too hard. Its one thing to not want to be friends with someone because they are bi/gay. Its something else completely to sleep in the same room with that person if your straight. You are in your most vulnerable state in your room, you take a shower, sleep, sometimes wander to the bathroom in boxers, etc. If in the back of your mind you know that your roommates may be attracted to you it can make some people very uncomfortable.

 

[Batou667]

I do realise that it was Potential Roomie[sup]TM[/sup]'s right to back out of an uncomfortable situation, and never said that it wasn't. I also do realize that I will be treated differently by some because I'm viewed as different. I simply wanted to take a moment vent.

Ergo the [vent] [/vent] tags.

Imagine your room mate was going to be a girl. She finds out you're male and messages you to say "Hi, I'm sure you're a nice guy but I was really expecting to be sharing with another female. I don't really feel comfortable sharing with a guy. I'm going to have to back out of this one. No offence, good luck".

You wouldn't be pissed off about that, would you?

You'd just accept her decision. If she'd been willing to share, more power to her, but there's no shame in her not being comfortable with the arrangement. And the thought that "she's a man-hater, she obviously already decided that I was going to rape her, what a bigotted *****" wouldn't even enter your mind.

Exactly the same situation with this guy. He just wasn't comfortable with the idea: that doesn't mean he's a homophobe, or that he needs to be educated. Just respect his wishes. When I say stuff like "we need to tolerate intolerance", this is exactly the kind of thing I'm talking about.

 

[Zen Toombs]

I do realise that it was Potential Roomie[sup]TM[/sup]'s right to back out of an uncomfortable situation, and never said that it wasn't. I also do realize that I will be treated differently by some because I'm viewed as different. I simply wanted to take a moment vent.

Ergo the [vent] [/vent] tags.

-snip- It should be right above me, anyway.

Batou667, please read my post before you get upset at me. Note the two underlined portions.

Edit: Also, while I don't like intolerance, I am okay with (as you said) "tolerating intolerance". I was, as I said, just wanting to vent. I am not upset with this person; I don't like the situation, and wish it was different, but I'm not upset.

Please do actually read the posts you're quoting before you react though.

Finally, yes, I would be just as upset with the girl for not wanting me as a roommate: Not upset, but wishing the situation was different.

 

[Batou667]

Batou667, please read my post before you get upset at me. Note the two underlined portions.

I'm not upset. I was just replying to your post.

I realise you were venting - maybe I was venting a bit too.

 

[PhantomEcho]

Batou667, please read my post before you get upset at me. Note the two underlined portions.

I'm not upset. I was just replying to your post.

I realise you were venting - maybe I was venting a bit too.

Indeed, perhaps the thing we should be most grateful for here is the fact that, with remarkably few exceptions, most people here are simply TOLERANT of people.

Because at the end of the day, folks, we're all merely human.

Nobody can expect more of you than being human, and still claim to be justified. That we find so many people willing to express and share their foibles and feelings on the matter?

That says more than anything.

That's how people grow and expand.

 

[saucecode]

That does suck, but still, your ex-roommate reserves the right to choose who he or she stays with.
But if it leaves you alone, that must really suck.

 

[Thomas Eshuis]

Different lifestyles? They like fucking guys. Big whoop. Some people like shagging fat chicks, that doesn't give them a whole new lifestyle.

Are you telling me the LGBT community doesn't have their own culture and lifestyle?[/quote]

Yes, it's called a community because it is a name for all people of none-heterosexual orientations. It's not a club where everyone acts the same and believes the same things.

"It's very dear to me, the issue of gay marriage. Or, as I like to call it: 'marriage.' You know, because I had lunch this afternoon, not gay lunch. I parked my car; I didn't gay park it." -Liz Feldman"

I know this about marriage equality, but the point is the same, your sexual orientation does not dictate how you act or what your moral values are, which is the definition of lifestyle.
A sexuality is not a lifestyle.

 

[Colour Scientist]

And that's how we get stuck with attitudes from the 1950s

I don't know, I can kind of understand where he's coming from. Provided it isn't just homophobia.

If I had to share a room with people I didn't know I'd prefer if it were girls rather than guys, just because I'd feel more comfortable. It's not because I think I'm going to be gang-raped that they'll automatically be attracted to me or anything, I'd just like to be completely comfortable in the space I have to live in. I wouldn't feel like that if I had to get dressed/undressed/etc... in a room with a straight guy there. If it was just the shared bathroom then I probably wouldn't mind but I wouldn't want to share a room with someone where sexuality or sexual tension could be an issue.

I assume it would be the same for a guy sharing with another gay/bisexual man.

EDIT: By this I mean bedroom specifically, I've lived with guys before.

 

[Treblaine]

I had been extraordinarily lucky enough in my life to have never been treated differently for my sexuality, even from people who are blatantly homophobic.

People get treated differently all the time, just usually in the same way.

Ever notice how all MEN aren't allowed to enter female changing rooms? Is that sexist?

Well it is tolerated because ALL men are treated the same. In an ideal world there should be no problem for men and women who don't know each other to strip naked in front of each other but more often than not it IS a problem!

You ever consider he didn't want to share a space with a bisexual because he himself was interested in men but otherwise didn't want to get intimate? Or that he was simply in the closet and didn't want to come out yet or approach the issue, which I think he has every right to, it's his decision. He isn't forcing you to leave, he himself is leaving and it could be simply because he likes you.