So my roommate changed rooms because I'm bisexual.

[Zen Toombs]

[vent]
Okay, the explanation: my current roommate is transferring to a different school, and so I was given the e-mail of the person that was going to room with me in my dorm. We spoke for a bit, until it came up that I was bi and our suite mates are gay.[sup]1[/sup]

Silence ensued for several days.

A few minutes ago, I received the following message from the prospective roommate:

Hello there,

I regret to inform you that I switched rooms. I have nothing against bisexual or gay people at all, I just have never faced this situation before and it would be in my best interest to back out.

I really appreciate the honesty and straight forwardness about the subject. That's highly respectable.
I wish you the best of luck during the spring 2012 semester!

Thanks,
[name redacted]

Sooooo... Yeah.

That was fun.
[/vent]

[sup]1[/sup]: For reference, the dorms at my school are set up with two rooms of two people conjoined by a shared bathroom. The people in the room connecting to us are called our suitemates.

Edit: Yes, I understand that Potential Roomie[sup]TM[/sup] reacted RELATIVLY well, and that life will (and in fact, it already has) move on.

I had been extraordinarily lucky enough in my life to have never been treated differently for my sexuality, even from people who are blatantly homophobic.

Spoiler: Case in point:

I -snip- had an ex-roommate who I had the following exchange with:

Homophobic roomie: *Homophobic slur directed at television!*
Toombs: So you've been using that word a lot. Do you have a problem with gay people?
Homophobic roomie immediately says "Yes".
Toombs: Erm, I'm bisexual.
Homophobic roomie: Nah, that isn't a problem. You're cool.
Toombs: 0.o

I do realise that it was Potential Roomie[sup]TM[/sup]'s right to back out of an uncomfortable situation, and never said that it wasn't. I also do realize that I will be treated differently by some because I'm viewed as different. I simply wanted to take a moment vent.

Ergo the [vent] [/vent] tags.

 

[Kolby Jack]

Eh, it's understandable. It's not like he was insulting you or anything. He's just a little uncomfortable about it, and is trying to avoid what could be a rather awkward situation.

 

[chaosyoshimage]

Clearly he's just insecure about his sexuality and totally into you. Yep, that's it...

 

[Gmans uncle]

I'm Bi as well, and I would say his reaction seems more to be that of fear of potentially awkward situations in the future, rather than actual homophobia. Or perhaps he just has really intrusive, religious parents who forced him to switch or something.
I know how you feel though, when I came out at least 3 of my friends wanted nothing to do with me, but I live in Utah so I kinda expected that.

 

[PhantomEcho]

Eh, I wouldn't let it get to you. I'd be a bit uncomfortable too.


And I'd like to point out, one of my oldest friends is gay. I've got absolutely nothing against him. I've got no secret fears that he's harboring attraction for me. He's a great dude, always reliable, and quick to lend a helping hand whenever you need him. We frequently hang out at events my more 'macho' friends don't quite get: theater, band, opera.

I don't know many straight guys who would willingly sit through a musical either. So it's good to have a friend who'll make me feel less out of place.

But you couldn't -pay- me to live in a 'suite' full of people who have such fundamentally different lifestyles from my own. It would be as bad as if I tried to drag one of my buddies from the shop to go see 'Phantom of the Opera'. Everyone would just feel awkward and nervous and out of place.

Every day. Until such time as I moved.

It's one thing to be friends, to hang out, or to socialize with people. It's another to live with them. Now, I'm assuming this guy didn't know you. So I'm operating under the assumption that I have to -assume- what the gay neighbors and bi-sexual roommate would be like.

My 'assumption' would instinctively be that there are quite a number of differences, up to and including sexual preference. And that would make me nervous. Not only on the level of 'what am I going to walk in on when I get home?', but also on the level of 'do I really want to have to be careful how I speak every day to avoid offending someone?'

It's rough. It's hard to always be socially mindful. That's why we instinctively group into groups of like-minded folks. It's more comfortable to deal with people who behave and react in ways which you can understand and predict.


But look.

My guess is, it would just have been terribly awkward and uncomfortable for the guy. He was probably being very honest when he said he didn't have a problem with you on any kind of a personal level... and that he didn't feel comfortable trying to live with someone who is bi-sexual, and having gay neighbors, and never really knowing how to act and behave.

And that's nothing to be offended about. It's a symptom of unfamiliarity and uncertainty.

So I come back to my point.

If it's bothering you, I wouldn't let it. And if it's not bothering you, then all the more power to you. Because it's awkward all the way around, when two people don't really know how to interact with each other.

 

[Zen Toombs]

Well, I hardly interact with my suitemates, other than the occasional "Hi" around campus or letting them in when they lock themselves out. As for walking in on me... well, my roomie would be just as likely to walk in on me with a girl as a guy. So there's that.

The main bothersome point for me is that this is the first time that I've been treated differently because of my sexuality.

I even had an ex-roommate who I had the following exchange with:

Homophobic roomie: *Homophobic slur directed at television!*
Toombs: So you've been using that word a lot. Do you have a problem with gay people?
Homophobic roomie immediately says "Yes".
Toombs: Erm, I'm bisexual.
Homophobic roomie: Nah, that isn't a problem. You're cool.
Toombs: 0.o

 

[Vicarious Reality]

I quipped a little that i'm bi, and my roommate got scared
And said i'm moving in with my straigthies in bel air

 

[Twilight_guy]

Well at least he was nice about it. Even if he does have an issue so long as he's nice about it I think the world is still a good place.

 

[Craorach]

Hardly surprising. I don't really have anything against anyone of any sexuality, but I can't be sure I'd be comfortable living in a college room with someone with such a vastly different lifestyle to me.

That said, I'd be unlikely to be comfortable living with anyone of any sexuality who wasn't able to keep it to themselves and the volume down. I'd imagine hot twin redheaded bi curious lesbians would even get old after awhile.

 

[Rednog]

I give the guy props for being straight forward and honest, I don't really think he is doing anything wrong.
University can be a stressful place and adding any other tension, imagined or not, can really make things painful.
I had an acquaintance that got paired with his polar opposite his freshman year and he couldn't do anything about it until the second semester and he was absolutely miserable and actually did somewhat poor on his classes that semester.

 

[excentric22]

I dont really see the problem. If the roomate was a girl (Im assuming your a guy, since your posts use very gender neutral terms) and you were a straight guy she would probably feel uncomfortable living with you on campus. Doesnt mean they hate you or thinks less of you, just that it would be a little uncomfortable, especially considering they dont even know you. I would have no problem rooming with my gay friends.....hell, i have no problem sharing a bed with my gay friends....but Id feel a little uncomfortable living with a gay guy that I didnt know.

 

[GrimTuesday]

Meh, fuck them. If they feel that they don't want to share a room with you, that's their problem. I've always figured that the kind of people who allow someone elses sexuality to interfere with their interactions when it should be a non issue aren't worth bothering yourself over. Its just close mindedness, and there's not much you can besides move on. Unless of course you informed him that there would only be one bed, and you would be the big spoon...

 

[ShortHairedOffender]

It's like he thinks it'll rub off on him.

 

[ShortHairedOffender]

I'd hardly call it homophobic. More like intelligently avoiding awkward situations. I wouldn't want to live with someone who had a completely different life style than my own in a dorm. I'd say the same thing to gay people, bi people, overly religious people, etc.

I want a gay male roommate as long as he'll wingman for me.

 

[The Madman]

I don't see the problem. They were polite and they were concise, couldn't ask for better.

Not everyone is going to agree or be comfortable with everything you do, that's a fact of life no matter who you are and what you believe. That they were so mature and straightforward about their thoughts is a good thing. Would you have preferred they stay silent and have just suffered through the awkwardness, perhaps making things difficult for both of you?

 

[BathorysGraveland]

I also fail to see something wrong here.

He felt uncomfortable and dealt with the situation maturely and with respect to you. More than can be said for a lot of other people. Just be glad you didn't get a "I don't want to room up with a fucking ******" or similar comment and got a respectable and completely understandable answer.