So relationships...Why?

[VanQ]

Eventually, you'll meet a person who makes you truly happy. Someone who makes you feel like a part of you is missing when they're not around. Someone who makes you want to try things you've never considered before. That's why. When it's good, a relationship is like a puzzle. The pieces fit together, and the picture isn't whole otherwise.

I read that in Fluttershy's voice because of you avatar, and that made it so much more believable.
OT: I can't really comment OP, I've never been in a relationship and ever since I resigned myself to a life of loneliness, it seems I've started to draw attention. I think I'll stick with being single for now though as I really don't have any time between full time work and full time studying (and part time Pokemon).

 

[Kaytastrophe]

Dude, a healthy relationship is the best thing in the world. It is awesome to know there is someone out there who cares about you, likes you for who you are, and is willing to do anything to help you. They are a constant support, they make you happy. They usually aren't meant to be stressful or anything... yes they can be at times but name me one thing worthwhile that isn't. Honestly, when your with the right person and have a healthy relationship its the best, its like living with your best friend only better.

 

[creager91]

Just a personal number I guess. It just seems that to me that people tend to get tired of the party and dating scene around this age + or - 2 yers I guess

Some people don't even get into the party and dating scene you know.

If I understand creager correctly, and also being older than 25. It is because you don't really know who you are till at least 25.

Some people don't even know who they are when they're 40. Arbitrary numbers.

Now you are just being difficult.

I'm sorry. But this is a thread about relationships, which are never easy to understand.

But hey I'm not 25 yet, so what do I know

Well it isn't that you just wake up on your 25th birthday and are changed. But one day you do just start getting tired of only living for you and wondering if their is more.

I've already realized what 'more' there is, and I prefer living for myself.

My girlfriend agrees with me on that!

k, just to be clear, I was using you in the broader sense, not a personal sense. I'm not saying anything about you personally.

Now from what I understand you are a girl and have a girlfriend. I'm from missouri, the show me state. So I need to see pictures or else it didn't happen.

I know, I know. My point is just that I think it's impossible to define an age after which relationships are actually meaningful, or something like that. I think whether a relationship is worthy or not is only subjective.

And shame on you for asking for pictures, shaaame!

Lol at least your a good sport about it a lot of people would easily take offense

Dude trust me from most lesbians I know if she is a she then you likely dont want to see it lol

Look bro, I'm like any dude. You know, once you see one chick, you want to see them all.

Haha I feel ya man but damn from the lesbians I know (I frequent gay clubs cuz the girls there are dimes and its the best club in my area) Id rather not have seen their partner lol

 

[LHZA]

What kind of woman are you the men of the escapist dating? I always read this complaint of woman costing money. I pay for things for my boyfriend just as much as he pays for me, so we both end up breaking even, also when we go out to dinner, movie or just out and such, we usually pay for ourselves, or he'll buy one pitcher and I'll buy the next. He buys me gifts for my birthday and christmas and I do the same for him. This is how it's pretty much always been between us. What's it been like for you? I really want to know.

 

[Sangreal Gothcraft]

One will eventually that one special person, until then, Screw that and I'll just continue to hop from one bed to another..

 

[creager91]

Dude, a healthy relationship is the best thing in the world. It is awesome to know there is someone out there who cares about you, likes you for who you are, and is willing to do anything to help you. They are a constant support, they make you happy. They usually aren't meant to be stressful or anything... yes they can be at times but name me one thing worthwhile that isn't. Honestly, when your with the right person and have a healthy relationship its the best, its like living with your best friend only better.

You literally described my relationship with my best friend who happens to be a girl. And before I was her best friend I thought she was really attractive and other guys do too. But we dont share Core values and ideals. We talk a shit tom about how pissed we would be if we were to ever actually date and I dont see her the same way I did before we were friends. Back then I thought she was really attractive and I wanted to get to know her. She was hooking up with my roommate/friend so I spent a shit ton of time with her and now I see her as more of a sister than anything. so how can you not have that happen? like how can people not have that loss of attraction to someone they claim is "their best friend"

The way I see it is people in relationship shut their friends out and their partner becomes their only and therefore best friend because they unknowingly shut everyone else out, sure they might stil have friends but they arent on the same level anymore

 

[creager91]

What kind of woman are you the men of the escapist dating? I always read this complaint of woman costing money. I pay for things for my boyfriend just as much as he pays for me, so we both end up breaking even, also when we go out to dinner, movie or just out and such, we usually pay for ourselves, or he'll buy one pitcher and I'll buy the next. He buys me gifts for my birthday and christmas and I do the same for him. This is how it's pretty much always been between us. What's it been like for you? I really want to know.

As I said earlier for me its more of a dating thing. Like the girls now expect the guy to pay for everything and its just not fair

 

[Nimcha]

Lol at least your a good sport about it a lot of people would easily take offense

If I was to take offense to any such remark all I would do my whole life is feeling offended. I'd rather just ignore most of it.

 

[darkonnis]

I think of it like this:
Imagine you found the greatest, bestest ever thing in the entire world, bar none. You could argue the object of your success. What is the point without having someone to share it with?
You could argue you have friends, you'd be right. But how many friends wouldnt get tired of hanging round with you endlessly and wouldn't try and make inroads into their own lives? Not many.
I often find people with opinions that say "its all a waste" either haven't met the right person, got hurt, or have never experienced.
I find my relationship to be great, i do thing i may not otherwise do because i have someone to go with. For example the holiday i just came back from, could i have taken my friends? yes, would it have been boring if i had? yes. What did we do? Not much actually, no subtle winks there or anything, literally not a great deal. Just spent time wandering about somewhere different, without care or worry. Some would say that sounds boring and yes i would agree. But going and doing it, much different.

If you ignore the wall of text,
then all i have to say is this: Its like going travelling, yes you can see the 7 wonders of the world on the internet and experience them, but by visiting them you realise that they are just objects and its the people you were missing out on. Relationships are the similar

 

[Dorkamongus]

Snip

Thus reinforcing my belief that love is merely cognitive dissonance

You know, just because we know how and why something happens, does not make it bad.
I learned a few thing's from Dragunai's post, and realized most of them apply to me when I'm with my girlfriend, but that's not a reason for me to suddenly break up with her simply because my body and mind react that way with her.

Just to clarify, I'm not accusing you of anything, or something like that. I've read the all of the thread up to this post, so I get where your coming from and decided that this was a good spot to jump in.

Simply because that's how we react, or simply because sex and mating is our basic motivation for it, does not mean that it's bad, or that we can't get more out of it. Would I like to have sex with my girlfriend? Of course, but I haven't yet, because that's not what she wants right now, and I'm perfectly fine with it. Getting married to her is my biggest motivation to push myself through college and get a good job. Is that bad? I don't believe so. It happens to be my motivation, but that doesn't make it horrible or cynical.

... I guess what I'm trying to say is, just because "love" is a natural and explained phenomenon, does not make it bad. In the end, it's what you do with it, and how you react to it.
...I'm 19 too...

 

[Dragunai]

snip.

Thus reinforcing my belief that love is merely cognitive dissonance

Exactly. Isnt the world a wonderful place thanks to science!
Who needs that poetic love shizen when we have scientific fact. The reality being - I dont love you I am merely drawn to you by a series of chemical reactions to incur the breeding process and propogate the species!

 

[Kevlar Eater]

To me, a relationships is basically a tradeoff: sex for a place to stay. The deal applies to both genders, until one party finds someone who looks and/or can relate to better, then the other party is wondering where (s)he went wrong.

Also, I have never even so much as batted an eyelash at the dating scene, and from the nightmare stories I've read and heard, I would be wise to avoid it.

 

[Kaytastrophe]

Dude, a healthy relationship is the best thing in the world. It is awesome to know there is someone out there who cares about you, likes you for who you are, and is willing to do anything to help you. They are a constant support, they make you happy. They usually aren't meant to be stressful or anything... yes they can be at times but name me one thing worthwhile that isn't. Honestly, when your with the right person and have a healthy relationship its the best, its like living with your best friend only better.

You literally described my relationship with my best friend who happens to be a girl. And before I was her best friend I thought she was really attractive and other guys do too. But we dont share Core values and ideals. We talk a shit tom about how pissed we would be if we were to ever actually date and I dont see her the same way I did before we were friends. Back then I thought she was really attractive and I wanted to get to know her. She was hooking up with my roommate/friend so I spent a shit ton of time with her and now I see her as more of a sister than anything. so how can you not have that happen? like how can people not have that loss of attraction to someone they claim is "their best friend"

The way I see it is people in relationship shut their friends out and their partner becomes their only and therefore best friend because they unknowingly shut everyone else out, sure they might stil have friends but they arent on the same level anymore

I think the difference is life goals. Yes you have best friends and such but a time will come when you guys might have to separate for work or whatever (not because of choice). A girlfriend or boyfriend has goals that are similar to yours and you work together to achieve them. Honestly, I'm not exactly sure what the difference between a really best friend and an actual spouse is... maybe it is just one of those things you know when you know and you can't describe it to someone who hasn't experienced.

 

[Zechnophobe]

Hello fellow escapists. I was wondering what you guys could tell me about relationships and why they are so appealing to you or unappealing. As for myself I have become somewhat of a cynic in the past few years and I feel that relationships are just reasons to induce stress, worry, and jealousy also a colossal waste of money. Now granted I have been asked if I was a...pick up artist I think the term was?

Anywho the point is that I'll admit, ever since my ex left me I kind of became a bit of a player and thus a cynic but enough about me what do you guys think? and also if you feel the need to persuade me otherwise I do try to keep an open mind so fire away

I have a great relationship right now, for the past 6 years. She's very nice to me, and knows how to make me feel better. She is fun to just chat with EVEN NOW, and just sitting next to her on a sofa makes my day better. I like that I can do things for her, and make her happy, and I like that she doesn't want what I can't give to her. I like that she's the only person I've met who I cannot lie to, and the reason I can't lie to her makes me realize something about myself.

A good relationship is these types of things. If you haven't experienced it, then I don't think you can understand.

 

[Decum]

Honestly I've not really had a girlfriend since primary school, so basically, I've never really had a girlfriend but to me, i see a girlfriend as just a super best friend that i can have sex with, maybe i'm wrong because I've yet to get a girlfriend but i'm still young, i think when i turn 20, if i still haven't found one, i'll change my view.

 

[creager91]

wow i got quoted a shit ton haha but from what i hear you guys are just describing my relationship with my best friend - sex

 

[Naheal]

I have trust issues. I tend to not like opening up to people in general, so relationships tend to be bad both for me and whomever got stuck with me. Being alone isn't so bad when your friends are pretty close, anyway. It's not like you deal with that whole loneliness all that often.

Edit: I'm also a bit of a wanderer, so having a relationship with anyone other than someone who's willing to wander with me would be... detrimental to both of us.

 

[Saviordd1]

Hello fellow escapists. I was wondering what you guys could tell me about relationships and why they are so appealing to you or unappealing. As for myself I have become somewhat of a cynic in the past few years and I feel that relationships are just reasons to induce stress, worry, and jealousy also a colossal waste of money. Now granted I have been asked if I was a...pick up artist I think the term was?

Anywho the point is that I'll admit, ever since my ex left me I kind of became a bit of a player and thus a cynic but enough about me what do you guys think? and also if you feel the need to persuade me otherwise I do try to keep an open mind so fire away

Its weird honestly, im the same way, (maybe to a lesser degree due to my age) but I honestly barely find reasons to be in committed relationships, mostly its just pick up a girl, or guy, have some fun in some form then just drop them and move on, no stress. But everyonce and then you run into someone who REALLY grabs your interest, someone you feel comfortable around 100% and genuinely have feelings for. I dont mean love, god no im to young to understand that clusterfuck but something...more then physical attraction

 

[Nova Helix]

I feel that relationships are just reasons to induce stress, worry, and jealousy also a colossal waste of money.

Uhh sucks for you? It is the exact opposite for me, my other half is a de-stress, we trust each other so no worry or jealousy, and we split food and video games. It's the best thing ever.

 

[creager91]

I feel that relationships are just reasons to induce stress, worry, and jealousy also a colossal waste of money.

Uhh sucks for you? It is the exact opposite for me, my other half is a de-stress, we trust each other so no worry or jealousy, and we split food and video games. It's the best thing ever.

Ok im just going to say to everyone in general that the girls I tend to be attracted to aren't what youd call gamers, sure they may play mariokart/party or def jam rapstar or other party games but they arent ones to play real games. I honesty don't think I could ever date a gamer anyway