So relationships...Why?

[Liberaliter]

Because if you get it right they are fun.

 

[Quiet Stranger]

I'm awfully sad and lonely when I'm not with someone, sad and lonely.

 

[Colour Scientist]

Someone who loves you, sex and presents.
What more could you want?

 

[Gigano]

Guess the "why" - or whether to invest any effort at all - depends very much on the individual psychology and circumstances.

Any "why" would probably have to do with a desire for romantic companionship, and a relationship being the mean to fulfil that chosen goal. Some people apparently can't - or rather won't - live on their own it seems, and the whole idealized media depiction of "twosomeness" probably have something to do with that mentality as well.

Personally, I just get by with a little help from my friends. At least at this point, a stable romance just seems an expensive bother limiting my freedoms.

 

[creager91]

Let me clarify, I personally have no problem paying for a girl on a date, provided she doesnt expect me to pay at all, I however will not pay for a girl that already expects me too, if she doesnt bring any money I'm walking out on her. When I pay for something I want it to be because I want to pay for her not because she expects me to.

Fair enough. I totally 'get' that position.
But let me put this situation to you:

Say I invite you over to play video games.
"Sure!" you say! You come over, and I'm playing video games.
"So" you query "What are we going to play?"
"What?!" I gasp "Why didn't you bring your own video games?"
"But...you invited me."
"Man, I hate it when friends assume I'm bringing all the games when I invite them to my house for video games."

END SCENE!

So, do you think you could see the parallel to that situation, and you inviting a girl out for, say dinner? Or a movie? You invited them. They were otherwise not going to go to dinner at that time and place, or go see that movie at that time. You asked them to come out. Not as a friend in the sense of "Hey, I'm grabbing a burger. Wanna tag along?" But as in "I want to spend time with you specifically. Please come with me to eat."

With that in mind, I don't see why it's so unreasonable for a girl to expect the guy to pay.

If she were to invite you, well then go ahead and complain.
Or if you meet while you're at the restaurant or bar or theater already. Then fine.
But if you ask her out, then it's pretty reasonable for her to assume you're taking care of things.

I see the point you're trying to make, but I don't think it makes the same parallel that you think it does. In one situation you have two buddies who already know about each other and aren't subconsciously testing each other to see if they match up.In the other, yes I did invite the girl out but if I were to invite a friend out I would expect them to pay for themselves, even if its a mandate or even if I'm inviting my girl best friend out. The thing is, if they ASSUME (don't know how to bold the print so this will have to do haha) I'm going to pay then I can ASSUME that they didn't come out to spend time with me rather a free meal, movie etc etc.

 

[ashrossy]

I'm in what I'd call a fairly stable relationship (2 years, getting married on our 3 year anniversary).

It's mostly biological In my opinion. I know I love her, and I'd do most anything for her, and the same is true of her.
It's unexplainible, we've got less in common than my best friend but we're much closer. The point is, if you have a friend who you never want to lose and wouldn't mind living with (and if opposite gender, comitting to them physically), then for one, they're most likely your best friend and that's pretty much a relationship.

You might say that relationships induce stress, worry and are a waste of money, but the same can be said of friendships. If you have a close friend you end up worrying about them, sometimes being jealous of new friends they have and you do buy them things (even if it's just a coffee).

 

[bdcjacko]

Just a personal number I guess. It just seems that to me that people tend to get tired of the party and dating scene around this age + or - 2 yers I guess

Some people don't even get into the party and dating scene you know.

If I understand creager correctly, and also being older than 25. It is because you don't really know who you are till at least 25.

 

[DevilWolf47]

My girlfriend is the same way, which is why she tends to react to suggestions that we get married with hostility. We've been dating for a couple of years now, she's lived with me for over ten months, and there was only one short month-long period of her paranoia shining through before she learned to trust me. I got with her because...
...hey, why the fuck not? I got bored of my only human contact being with people who were dying, dead, or screaming at the top of their fucking lungs and making me deeply regret ever taking that fucking oath to save lives and forbid myself from ripping the bastards jaws off and beating them to death with them, so i started hanging out with her, we met when we were both volunteering at the same animal shelter.

Anyway, aside from some moments where i have to bail her out of awkward situations using charm, wit, and the natural intimidation that comes from resembling a shaved bear; yet i'm happy with her. She keeps life interesting, and it's not like i would have done something better with that money anyway.

 

[Nimcha]

Just a personal number I guess. It just seems that to me that people tend to get tired of the party and dating scene around this age + or - 2 yers I guess

Some people don't even get into the party and dating scene you know.

If I understand creager correctly, and also being older than 25. It is because you don't really know who you are till at least 25.

Some people don't even know who they are when they're 40. Arbitrary numbers.

 

[bdcjacko]

Just a personal number I guess. It just seems that to me that people tend to get tired of the party and dating scene around this age + or - 2 yers I guess

Some people don't even get into the party and dating scene you know.

If I understand creager correctly, and also being older than 25. It is because you don't really know who you are till at least 25.

Some people don't even know who they are when they're 40. Arbitrary numbers.

Now you are just being difficult.

 

[SnipErlite]

She's fun to be around, I find her attractive, she's pretty awesome and I like her.

So we spend time together, go places and have fun.

That's all there is to it in my mind *shrug*

 

[Nimcha]

Just a personal number I guess. It just seems that to me that people tend to get tired of the party and dating scene around this age + or - 2 yers I guess

Some people don't even get into the party and dating scene you know.

If I understand creager correctly, and also being older than 25. It is because you don't really know who you are till at least 25.

Some people don't even know who they are when they're 40. Arbitrary numbers.

Now you are just being difficult.

I'm sorry. But this is a thread about relationships, which are never easy to understand.

But hey I'm not 25 yet, so what do I know

 

[archvile93]

Eventually, you'll meet a person who makes you truly happy. Someone who makes you feel like a part of you is missing when they're not around. Someone who makes you want to try things you've never considered before. That's why. When it's good, a relationship is like a puzzle. The pieces fit together, and the picture isn't whole otherwise.

I can not ever see that happening to me, though that's probably just me. It likely comes from rarely, if ever, making myself available, a general lack of trust in others, and apathy toward the feelings of others. Maybe I just never understood that whole concept of love, but it just seems like a massive drain of time and resources for the incredibly slim chance the other party will put out months down the line. If I really needed that so badly as to spend thousands on it I could just hire a prostitute where my odds are much better and it's a lot cheaper.
So yeah, to the OP, I never got it either.

 

[euro2019]

Hello fellow escapists. I was wondering what you guys could tell me about relationships and why they are so appealing to you or unappealing. As for myself I have become somewhat of a cynic in the past few years and I feel that relationships are just reasons to induce stress, worry, and jealousy also a colossal waste of money. Now granted I have been asked if I was a...pick up artist I think the term was?

Anywho the point is that I'll admit, ever since my ex left me I kind of became a bit of a player and thus a cynic but enough about me what do you guys think? and also if you feel the need to persuade me otherwise I do try to keep an open mind so fire away

Personally I like the single life and I hate it at the same time. I want a relationship but I don't want the commitment. You get happiness with someone else, but you're also bound to rules. I don't like rules lol.

Mainly since I travel so often and I like to enjoy myself, so I like the friend with benefits situation. The problem with that is trying to find someone up to that, and knowing if you can trust them. I don't sleep around, but if I go to a club or to another country I don't want to have to worry about the whole missing thing, and the whole worrying about staying committed.

L.A is my lady:

<Youtube=13x3pcDRBek>

That's the only relationship I want

 

[bdcjacko]

Just a personal number I guess. It just seems that to me that people tend to get tired of the party and dating scene around this age + or - 2 yers I guess

Some people don't even get into the party and dating scene you know.

If I understand creager correctly, and also being older than 25. It is because you don't really know who you are till at least 25.

Some people don't even know who they are when they're 40. Arbitrary numbers.

Now you are just being difficult.

I'm sorry. But this is a thread about relationships, which are never easy to understand.

But hey I'm not 25 yet, so what do I know

Well it isn't that you just wake up on your 25th birthday and are changed. But one day you do just start getting tired of only living for you and wondering if their is more.

 

[Dragunai]

Relationships are the basic human intinctual desire to find a mate to produce offspring. In protocivilisation this consisted of finding a female (if male) and doing the act with her, the protecting her and the offspring while providing food.

In modern civilisation it is finding a female (if male) and nurturing a relationship for the same reasons as in the proto eras only with the modern reinforcements of marriage thrown in by the christians circa the birth of the religion which was adopted and reinforced by the state before a child you have is legally considered "Shared" else it either belongs to one or the other of its parents.

So there you have it. Its an instinct moulded by each era of society it is found in.

Love however is a chemical reaction caused by dopamine, norepinephrine and phenylethylamine released by the brain when you encounter someone of the opposite (or same) sex (depending on preference) and they are considered by your brain to be the correct defintion of what you find attractive. These chemicals lead to an increased heart rate, flushed skin and sweaty palms and also include the possible side effects of a "high" and excitement.

According to some researchers the mixture of dopamine and norepinephrine cause the following effects in the mind and body:

elation,
intense energy,
sleeplessness,
craving,
loss of appetite and focused attention

All of these traits by anyones defitions are "love"
So No there is no such thing as poetic or "True" love, merely a series of chemical reactions in the human mind that tell us the Person who caused it is an ideal mate with which to have children according to your own preferences and psycholoical conditioning.

...

So...
Yeah...

Have fun with that.

 

[creager91]

Just a personal number I guess. It just seems that to me that people tend to get tired of the party and dating scene around this age + or - 2 yers I guess

Some people don't even get into the party and dating scene you know.

If I understand creager correctly, and also being older than 25. It is because you don't really know who you are till at least 25.

Some people don't even know who they are when they're 40. Arbitrary numbers.

Now you are just being difficult.

I'm sorry. But this is a thread about relationships, which are never easy to understand.

But hey I'm not 25 yet, so what do I know

Well it isn't that you just wake up on your 25th birthday and are changed. But one day you do just start getting tired of only living for you and wondering if their is more.

This is what I meant actually, and seeing as how im 19 Im going to live it up while I can. That is while I have my health, charm, good looks and a desire to party

 

[creager91]

Relationships are the basic human intinctual desire to find a mate to produce offspring. In protocivilisation this consisted of finding a female (if male) and doing the act with her, the protecting her and the offspring while providing food.

In modern civilisation it is finding a female (if male) and nurturing a relationship for the same reasons as in the proto eras only with the modern reinforcements of marriage thrown in by the christians circa the birth of the religion which was adopted and reinforced by the state before a child you have is legally considered "Shared" else it either belongs to one or the other of its parents.

So there you have it. Its an instinct moulded by each era of society it is found in.

Love however is a chemical reaction caused by dopamine, norepinephrine and phenylethylamine released by the brain when you encounter someone of the opposite (or same) sex (depending on preference) and they are considered by your brain to be the correct defintion of what you find attractive. These chemicals lead to an increased heart rate, flushed skin and sweaty palms and also include the possible side effects of a "high" and excitement.

According to some researchers the mixture of dopamine and norepinephrine cause the following effects in the mind and body:

elation,
intense energy,
sleeplessness,
craving,
loss of appetite and focused attention

All of these traits by anyones defitions are "love"
So No there is no such thing as poetic or "True" love, merely a series of chemical reactions in the human mind that tell us the Person who caused it is an ideal mate with which to have children according to your own preferences and psycholoical conditioning.

...

So...
Yeah...

Have fun with that.

Thus reinforcing my belief that love is merely cognitive dissonance

 

[Vern5]

You know what? I actually enjoy being alone. Yet I'm also in a happy relationship. See, it's nice to be on your own but sometimes, a change of pace is nice. Also, I don't really care about myself so I end up putting all of my efforts towards making her happy and she does the same for me. It's nice to be useful to somebody.