So what makes a guy a dickhead?

[JagermanXcell]

If a guy lives in his own reality where he thinks he can get away with anything and everything, avoid all forms of criticism, complains when things aren't his way, and overall acts like a down right scumbag socially to everyone in intentionally harmful ways (wether it's through bullying, showing no respect for other's feelings or through racism)...
yeah, you got a dickhead.

Good ex.

Spoiler

 

[Cecilo]

From what I have seen about the entire "Nice Guy" Topic, is much more complicated then a lot of people seem to think it is.

Many of the men or teenagers that act like "Nice Guys" Haven't been in a relationship before, coupled with experiences where they see people who have treated them like crap, has lead to a unfortunate misunderstanding where they think that many women like jerks, as opposed to women liking confidence, strength, success and so on.

This further coupled with more likely than not, being called nice, or being praised for say opening doors, holding doors open, carrying things for other people, has lead to them being nice as a noteworthy trait, something that is uncommon rather than being expected.

It goes a lot deeper, and is a serious problem with my generation, or the new generation, I am not even sure what generation I am part of anymore, (I was born in the 90s), we are treated as children as special, unique, everything we do good and praiseworthy rather than actual accomplishment, it leads over to adulthood, where the only thing they were praised for was being nice, and now they think that is enough to get into a RELATIONSHIP, now many people see relationships as a way to get sex, and it's true many young relationships don't have to be marriage material, it might even be healthy to have someone to help you relax, for both sides.

Further, I am not sure there is any actual proof to show that the "Nice Guys" only want sex for being nice, it is just as likely, they like many people just want companionship, or an actual relationship, (Though as I said earlier, it wouldn't be farfetched to say some, not all want a purely sexual relationship).

TLDR - Not all of the Nice Guys might be after sex and sex alone, and it might be their upbringing that has caused their attitude and mindset.

 

[The Rogue Wolf]

A dickhead is a guy who expects to be treated far better than he treats others, under the rationale of "I'm me and they're not".

 

[Fappy]

Dickheads are the people that refuse to use their goddamn turn signals. Seriously, those people are the cancer of the world.

 

[Callate]

Tangentially related-

I got to thinking recently about what separates an "asshole" and a "bastard". (Excluding being an actual anal aperture or illegitimate child, thank you, ye wits.)

To my mind, the "asshole" is someone who either hasn't thought about how his actions are affecting others or is too distracted (possibly by the objective of his actions) to care. The guy who swerves into your lane so he can advance two car lengths as you slam on the brakes is an asshole.

Most of us are assholes at some point in our lives, or have individual days when we're like that because we have too much on our plate to think much past our own blinders. If we're decent people, though, we're embarrassed when we act like that, and we try to keep it to a minimum.

The "bastard" is the guy who swerves in front of you, knowing you won't be able to stop in time, because the insurance company is almost certainly going to find you at fault and he doesn't want to pay off his car.

Bastards are completely aware of the results of their harmful actions; they may even get off on them. They're pressing for an advantage, damn the cost. That guy who hits on the women in your party while genially insulting the men, certain that social propriety will keep him from getting called out? That's a bastard.

Assholes can get better. Barring a major dark night of the soul or a "A Christmas Carol"-level intervention, bastards think they've found a way that works for them.

 

[Strazdas]

who is a dickhead. literally the guy with a dick on his head. If you know your memes, scumbag greg fits the picture quite well. Also lanisters.

The idea is that "nice guys" are only being nice to get laid/get a partner, and feel entitled to those things because they are being nice, and this, in the end, makes them assholes. Being nice is okay though, but the attitude of "he/she should date me because I'm nice" is kind of dickish.

Its more a situation of she breaks up with an asshole, complains to you that "why cant her boyfriend be nice like you" then goes on to find another asshole.

A persons willingness to help you is an indicator of how much they value their relationship with you, and by extension how much they value you. When a friend refuses to help without a good reason it is hurtful because they show that they don't value you as much as you thought they did. Not because they have failed to repay a debt of favours.

For example, I have done more for some friends than I have for others. Yet I would expect, or hope for, the same willingness to do me a favour from each of them.

Doing nice things for people is one way of building that relationship. However, most people do it because they value the relationship, not because they want to get the 'implied favours' that they can squeeze out of said relationship.

Treating people as nothing more than slot machines is one of the symptoms of being a psychopath.

You do it yourself. You give "Value" to the relationship. you do things for people who you "Value". People value things that are beneficial to them. You expect them to help you, which is where thier value comes from. you sugarcoat it because its not acceptable to openly talk about benfit relationships and that may decrease the value of your relationship, since your friends may become less willing to help you. Now, favours are different and personal. For some thats free food while others just knowing somone knows about you is enough. Its still some fomr of personal gain. humans do EVERYTHING for personal gain. Its just that its popular to mix personal gain with material gain because of the money cult.
If that makes me a psychopath, then every single human on this earth is a psychopath.

 

[mistahzig1]

I think it's simply indifference towards anyone else's feelings or lack of empathy that makes a person a d*ck

 

[Ubiquitous Duck]

I'm Australian so just about anyone that pisses me off or mildly annoys me is a "dickhead."
Even my mates are dickheads sometimes.

It's one of those words with subjective meaning to it. There's no objective definition of the term, beyond that it's someone that is or is being generally unpleasant.

I think I agree here - herein lies the problem of defining when a 'guy' is a 'dickhead'.

Without some sort of definition or agreement of the severity of that label means or a definition of it, in itself outside of this context, then we are a bit stumped.

I don't really use 'dickhead' to be honest. I'm more for just calling a guy a 'dick'. It is a specially-reserved term in my book and I've only really met a couple in my life - but I wouldn't say that I look out for a particular characteristic or trait and then immediately assign that person as a 'dickhead'. It's more of just a general feeling or gist of a 'guy - perhaps influenced by key events, but not always.

 

[ClockworkPenguin]

A persons willingness to help you is an indicator of how much they value their relationship with you, and by extension how much they value you. When a friend refuses to help without a good reason it is hurtful because they show that they don't value you as much as you thought they did. Not because they have failed to repay a debt of favours.

For example, I have done more for some friends than I have for others. Yet I would expect, or hope for, the same willingness to do me a favour from each of them.

Doing nice things for people is one way of building that relationship. However, most people do it because they value the relationship, not because they want to get the 'implied favours' that they can squeeze out of said relationship.

Treating people as nothing more than slot machines is one of the symptoms of being a psychopath.

You do it yourself. You give "Value" to the relationship. you do things for people who you "Value". People value things that are beneficial to them. You expect them to help you, which is where thier value comes from. you sugarcoat it because its not acceptable to openly talk about benfit relationships and that may decrease the value of your relationship, since your friends may become less willing to help you. Now, favours are different and personal. For some thats free food while others just knowing somone knows about you is enough. Its still some fomr of personal gain. humans do EVERYTHING for personal gain. Its just that its popular to mix personal gain with material gain because of the money cult.
If that makes me a psychopath, then every single human on this earth is a psychopath.

In so far as the relationship is valuable, and therefore actions taken to strengthen it benefit that aim, then yes you do gain from it. But the difference is that the relationship is itself the aim, rather than a means of receiving favours down the line. 'someone knowing about you' is not a favour. Not unless you want to stretch the term to breaking point. The key factor isn't whether you gain from a relationship or not, its whether you consciously treat it as an ends in itself, or merely as a means to get something.

If it's the latter, you're kind of an asshole. And no, I've seen far to many examples of people doing things for no gain to believe that 'everybody acts that way'.

 

[BeerTent]

So, I've been noticing a lot of this on the Escapist lately.

"What makes a man a dick?"
"What is this 'Nice guy' Thing about?"
"Why are fedoras a universal sign of creep? Along with tapout shirts, and being 'alpha?'"
"Why do people give me looks when I'm barefoot with a trench-coat?"
"I just think women are deplorable when they don't shave. Am I a bad person?"

Really? You can't hit up tumblr? You haven't checked reddit in a macaw's age? Have we not spent any amount of time on social media? (Even the ones I'm not allowed to talk about here. Oh, so many posts about this where I frequent.)

If you're a deplorable hateful human being, then you will find that people will label you as such. If you look and act as one, you are one. I can't simplify this any more. That is the answer OP. But, say, you're not. You genuinely care, you're a good person. You just look like the people I kindly guide out of the bar. Well, perhaps you should come out from under that rock and find the number one rule of our society. PEOPLE. RUIN. EVERYTHING. Maybe that's the answer! I've had so many things ruined by people, it's completely foolish that I can still stand then for any amount of time.

It's not a gender problem, it's a wide-spread problem that hits both side of things. We just use different names for the female creeps.

 

[Eamar]

Is "dickhead" really a clearly defined term these days? I call anyone (male or female, friend or stranger) who even slightly annoys me a dick/dickhead. It can be said in a serious or a jokey way and its meaning is entirely dependent on context.

Basically, I really wouldn't worry about it too much.

 

[Strazdas]

In so far as the relationship is valuable, and therefore actions taken to strengthen it benefit that aim, then yes you do gain from it. But the difference is that the relationship is itself the aim, rather than a means of receiving favours down the line. 'someone knowing about you' is not a favour. Not unless you want to stretch the term to breaking point. The key factor isn't whether you gain from a relationship or not, its whether you consciously treat it as an ends in itself, or merely as a means to get something.

If it's the latter, you're kind of an asshole. And no, I've seen far to many examples of people doing things for no gain to believe that 'everybody acts that way'.

If the aim is relationship, why is it your aim? Why do you need relationship?

There are no people that do anything for no gain. There are only people who gain something that you dont consider valuable. since, you know, they are different than you. For example for some people to see another person smile is useless and for some it enriches their life.

Really? You can't hit up tumblr? You haven't checked reddit in a macaw's age? Have we not spent any amount of time on social media? (Even the ones I'm not allowed to talk about here. Oh, so many posts about this where I frequent.)

You know, some people actually dont go around the internet and stick their parts on every website they meet. The only website that i have been more than perhaps once or twice on your list is reddit, and that is limited to 1 single circlejerk subreddit.

 

[Vault101]

The idea is that "nice guys" are only being nice to get laid/get a partner, and feel entitled to those things because they are being nice, and this, in the end, makes them assholes. Being nice is okay though, but the attitude of "he/she should date me because I'm nice" is kind of dickish.

While deceiving someone for sex sure is dickish (deceptive behavior is always kind of dickish) why is feeling entitled? Don't we always feel entitled? Don't we feel entitled to get a good game when we pay 50? for it? Don't we feel entitled to good grades when we study hard for an exam? Don't we feel entitled to a promotion when we feel we worked hard enough for it? etc...

If entitlement makes someone a dickhead than i can safely assume we all are dickheads.

feeling entitled to a game being good since you payed for it can (arguably) be acceptible

feeling entitled to someone ELSE namely the girl of your desires is not ok, because unlike a game she's a person with her own reasons and motivations, something the stereotypical "nice guy" seems to forget for example

guy: will you go out with me?
Girl: oh ummm...look, you're a nice guy but I don't feel that way about you

correct response

guy: ok

entitled response

guy: *****....

You know, some people actually dont go around the internet and stick their parts on every website they meet. The only website that i have been more than perhaps once or twice on your list is reddit, and that is limited to 1 single circlejerk subreddit.

oh the things one can learn on reddit! I've been studying the common "neckbeard"

"Why are fedoras a universal sign of creep? Along with tapout shirts, and being 'alpha?'"

you havent stumbled upon the Redpill have you?

 

[BeerTent]

Really? You can't hit up tumblr? You haven't checked reddit in a macaw's age? Have we not spent any amount of time on social media? (Even the ones I'm not allowed to talk about here. Oh, so many posts about this where I frequent.)

You know, some people actually dont go around the internet and stick their parts on every website they meet. The only website that i have been more than perhaps once or twice on your list is reddit, and that is limited to 1 single circlejerk subreddit.

Hey, I've only gone to ONE circlejerk, I thought it was fun but it wasn't!

Jokes aside,

I don't have accts there either, but this day and age, we need to gather our information from somewhere. We've all got friends who use facebook. Friends who reddit, and likely a friend who stumbles about tumblr. If you talk to these people, they're often more than happy to show you what they find. From foolish things like what really happens in that pokemon daycare, to the "nice guys" from okcupid, nice classy, fedora clad men who declare it's mortal sin for a woman to not shave her legs.

But the fact that you don't surf news aggregators and imgur, peeking for Ukrane's situation and adorable cat pics isn't the part that bothers me. The part that bothers me is that for some reason, people just don't understand. You know, the whole "I'm a deplorable human being. Why are people calling me crazy?" And one I've heard myself, "So what, I look like a streaker. Why are you taking me out of the bar?"

Everyone's so concerned about being some asshole, that they turn around and show it all off. People try so goddamn hard to fit into some sort of cliche that, yes, they make an ass of themselves. They put out this extremely heavy outward appearance that doesn't define them in any way shape or form. And when you ask them two solid questions, you just realize they're just an asshole, and they have no value for other human beings. This is why both women and men can take one good look at that dumbass fedora, or those thick black frame glasses and say "Eugh, creep." They are completely justified, wholeheartedly to make these justifications and associations.

And I haven't even touched the desperate yet. The "She owes me because I bought her a drink." or, "She's a **** because she won't get to know me." Why are you, so entitled, that people need to know you?

Now, Strazdas. Keep in mind that none of this is directed to you. I don't think your a horrible person because I have no idea who you are, and I'm trying to keep away from any gender bias too. I've seen both men and women pull this shit.

"Why are fedoras a universal sign of creep? Along with tapout shirts, and being 'alpha?'"

you havent stumbled upon the Redpill have you?

Actually, I go on news and frontpage. I've bounced before the province started requiring licenses for bouncers, while it's great there's no thug bouncers, being one means I'm out of a side-job.[footnote]On the bouncing topic, I know the rule of Zero, and have followed it.[/footnote] I don't need no redpill to see this shit. We've got what, 4 major universities here? We got a lot of stupid fucking people here.

Wait, didn't you d- Aah, never mind. You can only go cold turkey for so long. WB.

 

[Strazdas]

I don't have accts there either, but this day and age, we need to gather our information from somewhere. We've all got friends who use facebook. Friends who reddit, and likely a friend who stumbles about tumblr. If you talk to these people, they're often more than happy to show you what they find. From foolish things like what really happens in that pokemon daycare, to the "nice guys" from okcupid, nice classy, fedora clad men who declare it's mortal sin for a woman to not shave her legs.

But the fact that you don't surf news aggregators and imgur, peeking for Ukrane's situation and adorable cat pics isn't the part that bothers me. The part that bothers me is that for some reason, people just don't understand. You know, the whole "I'm a deplorable human being. Why are people calling me crazy?" And one I've heard myself, "So what, I look like a streaker. Why are you taking me out of the bar?"

Everyone's so concerned about being some asshole, that they turn around and show it all off. People try so goddamn hard to fit into some sort of cliche that, yes, they make an ass of themselves. They put out this extremely heavy outward appearance that doesn't define them in any way shape or form. And when you ask them two solid questions, you just realize they're just an asshole, and they have no value for other human beings. This is why both women and men can take one good look at that dumbass fedora, or those thick black frame glasses and say "Eugh, creep." They are completely justified, wholeheartedly to make these justifications and associations.

And I haven't even touched the desperate yet. The "She owes me because I bought her a drink." or, "She's a **** because she won't get to know me." Why are you, so entitled, that people need to know you?

Now, Strazdas. Keep in mind that none of this is directed to you. I don't think your a horrible person because I have no idea who you are, and I'm trying to keep away from any gender bias too. I've seen both men and women pull this shit.

No, i dont have friends who think its funny to make fun of how people dress, regardless of website they visit. Nor do they ever share tumblr with me. the only time i went to tumbler other than google image search was for Desert Bus Photo gallery. and even then i was triced into that by redirecting link. And i never saw what happens in pokemon daycare either (seriuosly, is that a thing?).

And no, they are not justified by making these assumptions. that makes them asshole on the same level as those creeps. People dont need to know me. people need to stop making assumptions based on clothes. not everyone has the same taste like you. not everyone tries to define themselves by clothes. i wear what is comfortable first and practical second. looks only come into it as much as is defined by my work rules. Yet, if you were making assumtions at first glance i would be that "bully untouched by intellect" based on looks alone. I actually heard that one couple times.

Yeah, im not taking it personally, i merelly gave myself as an example that not everyone is following all of internet. and im not saying assholes dont exist, merely that they are not defined by clothing.

 

[Vault101]

This is why both women and men can take one good look at that dumbass fedora, or those thick black frame glasses and say "Eugh, creep." They are completely justified, wholeheartedly to make these justifications and associations.
.

while I understand the distaste towards Fedoras I don't think its particularly fair to write people off just because they wear one, they aren't [i/]always[/i] misplaced either, I honestly think some people pull it off fine

I mean yeah if I see some guy in the classic Fedora outfit I will internally roll my eyes but at least give him a chance,

 

[Phasmal]

TLDR - Not all of the Nice Guys might be after sex and sex alone, and it might be their upbringing that has caused their attitude and mindset.

To be fair, what they want doesn't really factor into it, it's how they act when they realise they aren't gonna get it.
Nobody's bad for just wanting something.

I probably shouldn't be posting more about this, but I'm against the `but they don't just want sex` as a defence. Even if they did it wouldn't matter.

 

[BeerTent]

[...]

No, i dont have friends who think its funny to make fun of how people dress, regardless of website they visit. Nor do they ever share tumblr with me. the only time i went to tumbler other than google image search was for Desert Bus Photo gallery. and even then i was triced into that by redirecting link. And i never saw what happens in pokemon daycare either (seriuosly, is that a thing?).

And no, they are not justified by making these assumptions. that makes them asshole on the same level as those creeps. People dont need to know me. people need to stop making assumptions based on clothes. not everyone has the same taste like you. not everyone tries to define themselves by clothes. i wear what is comfortable first and practical second. looks only come into it as much as is defined by my work rules. Yet, if you were making assumtions at first glance i would be that "bully untouched by intellect" based on looks alone. I actually heard that one couple times.

Yeah, im not taking it personally, i merelly gave myself as an example that not everyone is following all of internet. and im not saying assholes dont exist, merely that they are not defined by clothing.

The Pokemon daycare thing's a joke. You put two in there, and if you did it right, you get eggs. Doesn't stop the internet from making copious amounts of jokes about it though.

First of all, experience overrules kindness. I'm not saying that just because you look a certain way, you're going to get kicked out instantly. If that were the case, I would agree with you, but it's not. I feel that we're missing something, because it's not the clothes we're making fun of. [http://i.huffpost.com/gen/913644/thumbs/o-NICE-GUYS-OF-OKCUPID-facebook.jpg] Make sure to understand that.

Second, how can you say it's not right for someone to judge based on appearances? Are you saying this because you've never done this before? Are you the sort of person to sit with the shaggy unfortunate to listen to their story? Or when they hold a used needle, do you step aside because they "look" dangerous? How does the basic human ability of picking out dangers, wrong on the exact same level as saying "Rape is okay? [http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-2XoWDHBHCEw/UOhiqmuxOpI/AAAAAAAABGo/8x2Y0kEo6j0/s640/tumblr_mfiyctmuFX1s0cjm8o1_500.png]" Why is the assumption of me being weak and nerdy, wrong on the same level as saying "Homosexuality is wrong?"

First impressions are a thing. If you or I dress like an idiot, then you or I are likely going to be treated as such in public. If people don't want to know you, that shouldn't bother you, but if it does bother you, that's your problem. (Unless, this person's actually important, but I assume you're smart enough to dress nice to a job interview.) People have a right to say no to you, or make assumptions based on that first impression, and there's nothing you can do about it other than accept it. If someone doesn't like you on that 1st impression, step aside. It does not give you the right to force yourself on them, to 'make' them like you.

Finally, I'm not saying everyone who wears a goddamn fedora's a "Nice guy." But it's become this unsightly thing in today's culture. I've had to take more of them out than I've had to leave alone. This is what we call a trend. This is what we look for, both when we're in charge of keeping a place clean, and when we're looking for someone to take home. I'm not saying it just because "The internet." I'm saying it because I'm in a city with 4 universities, and the most bars per-capita in the Atlantic. This is what we see, and if you look like a cookie-cutter bully, then people are going to assume that at first...

 

[Strazdas]

First of all, experience overrules kindness. I'm not saying that just because you look a certain way, you're going to get kicked out instantly. If that were the case, I would agree with you, but it's not. I feel that we're missing something, because it's not the clothes we're making fun of. [http://i.huffpost.com/gen/913644/thumbs/o-NICE-GUYS-OF-OKCUPID-facebook.jpg] Make sure to understand that.

Second, how can you say it's not right for someone to judge based on appearances? Are you saying this because you've never done this before? Are you the sort of person to sit with the shaggy unfortunate to listen to their story? Or when they hold a used needle, do you step aside because they "look" dangerous? How does the basic human ability of picking out dangers, wrong on the exact same level as saying "Rape is okay? [http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-2XoWDHBHCEw/UOhiqmuxOpI/AAAAAAAABGo/8x2Y0kEo6j0/s640/tumblr_mfiyctmuFX1s0cjm8o1_500.png]" Why is the assumption of me being weak and nerdy, wrong on the same level as saying "Homosexuality is wrong?"

First impressions are a thing. If you or I dress like an idiot, then you or I are likely going to be treated as such in public. If people don't want to know you, that shouldn't bother you, but if it does bother you, that's your problem. (Unless, this person's actually important, but I assume you're smart enough to dress nice to a job interview.) People have a right to say no to you, or make assumptions based on that first impression, and there's nothing you can do about it other than accept it. If someone doesn't like you on that 1st impression, step aside. It does not give you the right to force yourself on them, to 'make' them like you.

Finally, I'm not saying everyone who wears a goddamn fedora's a "Nice guy." But it's become this unsightly thing in today's culture. I've had to take more of them out than I've had to leave alone. This is what we call a trend. This is what we look for, both when we're in charge of keeping a place clean, and when we're looking for someone to take home. I'm not saying it just because "The internet." I'm saying it because I'm in a city with 4 universities, and the most bars per-capita in the Atlantic. This is what we see, and if you look like a cookie-cutter bully, then people are going to assume that at first...

well.... thats a... post.

Experience overrule kindness but you have no experience if you dont get to know that person. due to each person being unique your experience with another person does not apply. ever. However many people falsely apply said experience and make the mistake of grouping people based on some artificial trait that isnt important (such as clothes).

I can say it easily. here i said it right in this post. I have to admit there were sitautions where i did, however i do my best not to do that when i can. It is as wrong as assuming all gamers are fat nerds living in basements. Im sure you can see why its a bad assumption.

Its not a matter of people not wanting to know me. That is totally fine. Its people that change their actions based solely on the fact that i wear different pants than others for example. I never said it gives me any rights to force them to do anything, merely that they should not judge people before knowing if thier judgement has any basis. The pictures you provide are more than looks. This is knowledge, altrough indirrect since the person is speaking (to you, and everyone else reading that) at that point you can read what he says and decide whether your views math.
(altrough i was actually interested that OkCupid actually had that kind of question. I used that service for... 3 days... then got bored).

And these people prejudging would be completely wrong. on a whole opposide end of the spectrum even. Only goes to prove my point really.

Capcha: walk free. Well i cant because social norms and shit.