So you've just found out your spouse is a former porn star.

[KeyMaster45]

As I was reading my morning paper today I skimmed over the "Dear Abby" advice column which had the tagline "Wife's dark past". A man had just found out that his wife of five years had starred in somewhere between ten to twenty porn films when she was 19.(she is 32 now according to him) The man was devastated at this revelation, as was his wife when he confronted her about it, and was having trouble getting over it.

I will give you all a moment to thoughtfully sip your cups of tea and adjust your monocles.

...
...

Now, imagine yourself in the same situation with your significant other; be they real or hypothetical. How would you go about handling it, and would it bother you at all?

 

[Esotera]

I don't think it would really bother me as it would be in the past, and it's not necessarily something that you'd want to bring up if you regretted it. It might bother me if my hypothetical spouse was still a porn star, but I'd try not to care as it's just a job at the end of the day.

 

[hermes]

I would be more bothered because she didn't told me in the (over) 5 years of relationship, than because of the nature of her secret.

 

[IndomitableSam]

The trust issue would be the killer, not the fact of the porn. I have no issues with people working in that or related industries (at all, really)... it would be the fact that they never told me. Someone who would hide that, knowing how accepting I was, would be hiding more and I would probably leave them then and there... and go straight to a clinic to get tested, too, since they could have been hiding so much more.

 

[JoJo]

I would be surprised, I'll give you that but otherwise... can't say I'd care that much, even about the secrets part, heck there are secrets I have which I don't intend to tell any future spouses about and I'd understand why they'd hide such a past.

 

[Queen Michael]

"You mean that woman I watched on video all those years ago was not your identical twin who died tragically in a trumpet-related accident?"

 

[M K Ultra]

I would demand signed copies of her work.

Captcha: tickled pink

 

[AgentNein]

From what it sounds like this happened well before their relationship started. None of his business really, assuming she's got a clean bill right?

 

[BloatedGuppy]

Meh.

Someone lying/hiding this is fairly understandable, there are a lot of moralizing prats out there when it comes to sex. Particularly when it comes to a woman's "purity". I would be surprised, but I can't imagine I would really care all THAT much. Clearly I liked the person enough to marry them.

Anyone who thinks their spouse is 100% honest with them 100% of the time is lying to themselves. It's a good idea not to lie about important things, but what my wife did to make a living years before I knew her ranks pretty low on the spectrum of "important things". As for the guy from the Dear Abby column, his histrionic response to the news is pretty good evidence that she had the RIGHT IDEA about keeping it secret. If your spouse is too immature/too high strung/too jealous to handle information like that, it's a kindness to keep it from them.

 

[AgentNein]

also I hear a lot of people assuming she was dishonest. Remember this happened about thirteen years ago and they've only been married for five years. There's a good chance that she considers that a closed chapter in her life. Her not sharing what happened potentially five or so years before she met her husband isn't her necessarily lying.

 

[Muspelheim]

I'd probably go "Do you honestly think I'd be such a self-righteous moral puritan that I'd have any problem with that, dearie? :<", since me being fine with that would be something that I hope would come across after five years. Then we'd just move on.

 

[Programmed_For_Damage]

If she's perfectly happy with me then who am I to rock the boat and dredge up stuff from the past. We've all got shameful things in our past that we prefer to keep clandestine.
If she was the one to break the new to me and not me finding one of her movies on the net it would certainly make things easier to accept.

 

[krazykidd]

Well then , i'd want to know why the hell my current girlfriend is so damn reserved in bed . Then i'd probably leave her .

Also , how the hell do you just find that out?

 

[kannibus]

No problem at all. I didn't make her sign a 100% disclosure agreement when I got married.

Of course me being the absolutely vile example of male chauvinism I am, I'd probably review all her work and then when she claims that she doesn't want to try out anything kinky, I'd hold up examples.

I am a bad person.

 

[Zykon TheLich_v1legacy]

I would absolutely get her to perform her greatest hits catalogue with me.

 

[Erttheking]

I'd be kinda freaked out, because porn stars don't always use protection and I might have caught something.

 

[IckleMissMayhem]

Well then , i'd want to know why the hell my current girlfriend is so damn reserved in bed . Then i'd probably leave her.

Also , how the hell do you just find that out?

Ninja'd on both points, damn you!

...methinks somebody had a nasty surprise whilst having some "alone time" - although imagine how awkward the conversation would be "Darling, come look, this woman looks exactly like you" (...........) "Well........."

 

[Amakusa]

To be honest if i was the husband i probably wouldn't care. The simple reason is that happened before they got married and here's the thing...she isn't doing it now. If she was still being a sex worker and didn't discuss it with her husband, then yeah it would be a problem.

The husband should just get over it. You don't tell people everything about your past. There are some things you keep to yourself. It like being asked by someone to give a list of your sex life, how many times you did it, were they any good. If someone asked me that, i would tell them to jump off the cliff.

Then again i would be happy that i have a wife that is in/famous now. I'd want a copy of the whole catalog and see what positions she did and if she was comfortable doing them again heh.