So you've just found out your spouse is a former porn star.

[BloatedGuppy]

Actually I think that makes it less understandable. If you hide it from them and you think they would care, it's quite a bit worse than if you'd thought they wouldn't and didn't tell them. If they would care you should get around to telling them or not be with them.

Why? It's who they were, not who they are.

Are you of the opinion that people can't change? Do you tell everyone every little thing about you? Every dark thought, every little misdeed, because you think they *might* care?

Whoever coined the term "honesty is the best policy" is an idiot.

 

[disgruntledgamer]

Well after I've gone screaming to the clinic my acceptance would depend on mt blood test and her pap smear. If everything is clean I'd probably be still upset she never told me of her past and a bit insulted she thought I'd never find out.

On the flip side being an ex-porn-star there would be little she would reject doing, so take the good with the bad I guess.

 

[hazabaza1]

How long ago is this?
Because like, a year and a month ago she wouldn't have been legal. I'd go to the fucking police is what I'd do.

EDIT: Oh, same situation as the guy?
If she was doing it while we were together... probably be pissed, get tested and shit, go from there.
If it was a thing and then we got together? Whatever. It'd be weird, but hey, can't change the past.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

Because you think they would care, that's why. Is it for you to decide what they should or should not care about?

I think people might care about a lot of things. I think my Mother might care if I'm in ill health, but I won't necessarily rush to tell her. I think my friend might care if someone spoke poorly of them, but I won't necessarily rush to tell them. Just because someone *cares* doesn't mean they are entitled to information, or that imparting said information to them is in anyone's best interests.

Are you of the opinion that you should ignore what other people care about in regards to what they do just because you don't care? Oh silly Jew, I'll feed you pork because I think not eating it is silly!

You're about a hair's breadth away from Godwin's Law, so you might want to calm down with your slippery slopes. I've been pretty clear about what my opinion is on the subject. If you want to extrapolate from that and determine that I think whimsically fucking with people just for lulz is a good time, then fill your boots.

Do you stop and consider context before posting? Do you think all situations are equal? Is it beyond you to imagine that maybe sometimes you owe people more information than in other situations, or do you blindly assume all situations are the same?

Yes. No. Why do you think one party is "owed" this information?

I'm really not certain why, once romantically entangled with someone, you are entitled to full and absolute disclosure of anything and everything that person might have done in their life that would rankle your moral fiber, especially if the reason for your outrage was something as banal as jealousy. If I am with someone, my primary concern is who that person is today, not who they were 10 years ago. Naturally conditions apply to this, in case you want to come flying in with "woop woop what if they were a serial killer" or something equally non-constructive to the conversation at hand, but sexual history and/or employment history don't really qualify. Naturally, everyone is different. One might be an incredibly jealous and possessive individual, and believe their spouse's body is their property, and as such they are entitled to a detailed bill of sale. If that's how people want to live their lives, that's none of my concern.

If someone chooses to share their past and their secrets with me, that is a privilege. It's not something that gets automatically dispensed the moment we decide to become a couple. Some people might go to the grave holding on to a painful secret, that's their right.

 

[Saulkar]

I would be more bothered because she didn't told me in the (over) 5 years of relationship, than because of the nature of her secret.

True.

OT: If me and my significant other ever reconciled I would be inclined to ask them to endow me with their vast knowledge.

 

[Beffudled Sheep_v1legacy]

I'd be pretty ticked that they never told me but I really wouldn't care. I wouldn't have any nasty diseases (if I did there would've been problems early), and if I can make her happy in bed I wouldn't feel inadequate.

I'd be slightly uncomfortable by the amount of other guys or women she has screwed buuuut I'd get over it.

So in the end I'd respond with a resounding 'Meh'.

 

[Creator002]

I wouldn't really be bothered about the films, but more by the fact she didn't tell me. That would be the only problem for me.

 

[ffs-dontcare]

It would disturb me, yes, if I found out my partner used to do porn.

There are two reasons. Firstly, it'd definitely be a confirmation that she has more experience than me, and I'd feel rather intimidated by STOP LAUGHING RIGHT NOW.

Secondly, I find it very, very difficult to have any sort of attraction to women who have been in porn.

But the more pressing concern is that she kept it from me all this time. Forget the fact that I now fear I may be shit in bed. Trust is the bigger issue here.

I mean, this is huge for me. However, my reaction would also depend strongly on why she did it. Did she need the money or did she need the pleasure?

Of course, past is past.

And the more... unhinged part of me would want to look at her old material so I can properly understand the extent to which she did it. I wouldn't be content to just know that she did porn in the past. I'd be curious as to what she specifically did during that time.

I'd more than likely stay with her (unless it was the straw that broke the camel's back in terms of an unhappy relationship) and I would still love her to bits and nothing would change whatsoever as long as I know for a fact she really does love me back - but I'd be disappointed that she lied to me in the first place, as I assume that relatively early in our friendship we'd have found out each other's likes and dislikes in terms of potential partners. And I'd definitely bring that up in the conversation and calmly discuss it with her.

 

[MortisLegio]

One if you truly love them than whatever there past contains shouldn't matter. The only thing I would be upset about is that she thought to hide it from me because, to me, it feels like she couldn't trust me to stay with her knowing that knowledge.

 

[Jamous]

I would be more bothered because she didn't told me in the (over) 5 years of relationship, than because of the nature of her secret.

I think this pretty much sums up the feeling I imagine I'd have. I don't really mind who else they sleep with, even whilst they're with me. So long as they're safe about it and still love me. That said, it can get into some fairly murky territory with some situations like this. For example, an acquaintance of mine's mother was ditched by a man who'd gotten married abroad. He took a great deal of the family money, upped, and left. Not a good situation. I suppose you have to really look at what you're okay with in your own specific relationship, find where each of you are comfortable and work from there. I'm perfectly happy with the concept of polyamory so I wouldn't take particular offense if my partner had sex with a bunch of people (so long, as I've said, they were open about it), yet my partner finds the idea quite difficult to actually accept, so it wouldn't really be ok for me to do so. I'm sorry, I'm not entirely sure quite how coherent this is.

 

[PromethianSpark]

As usual, the liberal, always nice guys responses. It would bother the fuck out of you all. men most so, but women. Its the human ego you see, and the male ego is the worst. How could you compete with all those hour long sessions with the biggest members u cud imagine! She was lying when she said I was the best she ever had! Did she just fake that orgasm just now? - And so the decent into egomanical maddnness and jealousy would go. Until you hate your partner and, but more so yourself.

Before you all jump to respond, this is the cold truth that you either deny, or lack the relevant life experience to know.

 

[Hagi]

I'd be pretty upset that she lied to me or expressly hid it from me.

You can't tell me that in five years of marriage you don't have a single conversation about past jobs or anything related.

I mean there's four options:

It doesn't mean anything to either of us, so there's no reason not to mention it.
It doesn't mean anything to her but a lot to me, it's important so therefore it'd be much better to hear it from her than from anywhere else. Stuff like this rarely stays quiet.
It means a lot to her but not to me, I'm her spouse she should feel comfortable talking to me about things that matter to her or there's something wrong here.
It means a lot to both of us, the above two reasons apply.

She should have said something. This isn't something I think that should be kept quiet about and if I was the sort of judgmental asshole that would dump her for this then I wasn't worthy of her in the first case and she's probably better off without me.

That being said, I wouldn't break it off or anything. We'd just need to have a serious discussion about trust and how important it is in marriage.

 

[The_Echo]

As long as she didn't do something horrendous, like scat porn or something, I think I'd get over it.

It's probably a bigger issue that she didn't tell me about it than her actually having done it.

 

[Haunted Serenity]

Did he ask "hey honey, just so we are clear you haven't starred in any porn films have you?" If no, she didn't want to talk about it so obviously it was a secret which unless as a married man I forgot to read the part where it says thats not ok is ok. If he asked and she said no and it came up, different story. My wife can have secrets and I from her. I trust her to tell me if she wants me to know.

 

[Hagi]

As usual, the liberal, always nice guys responses. It would bother the fuck out of you all. men most so, but women. Its the human ego you see, and the male ego is the worst. How could you compete with all those hour long sessions with the biggest members u cud imagine! She was lying when she said I was the best she ever had! Did she just fake that orgasm just now? - And so the decent into egomanical maddnness and jealousy would go. Until you hate your partner and, but more so yourself.

Before you all jump to respond, this is the cold truth that you either deny, or lack the relevant life experience to know.

You're totally right! All men are exactly the same and share your enormous arrogance and insecurity over their dicks.

All women are also totally the same and are all just cock-hungry bitches who live by one rule, and one rule only: biggest is best.

Everyone knows that how pornstars do it is clearly what's most pleasurable for the participants and not made for anything else. You should totally ejaculate all over your wife's face next time and then slap her tits several times, she'll love that for sure.

That's the cold hard truth you either deny or you just haven't had a guy with a 12 inch slong come all over your face.

 

[PromethianSpark]

It would disturb me, yes, if I found out my partner used to do porn.

There are two reasons. Firstly, it'd definitely be a confirmation that she has more experience than me, and I'd feel rather intimidated by STOP LAUGHING RIGHT NOW.

Secondly, I find it very, very difficult to have any sort of attraction to women who have been in porn.

But the more pressing concern is that she kept it from me all this time. Forget the fact that I now fear I may be shit in bed. Trust is the bigger issue here.

I mean, this is huge for me. However, my reaction would also depend strongly on why she did it. Did she need the money or did she need the pleasure?

Of course, past is past.

And the more... unhinged part of me would want to look at her old material so I can properly understand the extent to which she did it. I wouldn't be content to just know that she did porn in the past. I'd be curious as to what she specifically did during that time.

I'd more than likely stay with her (unless it was the straw that broke the camel's back in terms of an unhappy relationship) and I would still love her to bits and nothing would change whatsoever as long as I know for a fact she really does love me back - but I'd be disappointed that she lied to me in the first place, as I assume that relatively early in our friendship we'd have found out each other's likes and dislikes in terms of potential partners. And I'd definitely bring that up in the conversation and calmly discuss it with her.

This is the only honest attempt at introspection in this forum....

 

[crimson sickle2]

If I still love her than I wouldn't really care. The experience played a part to make a person I'd propose to, right? Otherwise, divorce excuse, but I doubt it'd come to that.