I know mental health is a hot topic, so I qualify this sentiment as highly hyperbolic: I wanted to kill myself yesterday. My 49ers, one of only two undefeated teams in the NFL, LOST yesterday to the fucking Cleveland Browns. I am not a shit talker; I don't care how great we look on paper, in film, or out of the mouths of pundits, you will never find me swaggering like our shit doesn't stink. I don't "expect" to win every game, much less am I'm going to throw my expectations in the face of an opponent. So when my humility is validated in an "any given Sunday" game like yesterday's loss, it stings pretty badly.
Against my better judgement, I let my gf talk me into going to a sports bar to watch the game; her Saints and Seahawks were playing at the same time as my Niners, and instead of playing musical TVs at home, we opted to go somewhere where our heads on a swivel could watch all three games. Know this: I am VERY passionate when it comes to my Niners. I don't care where I'm at, who's around, you need to know, if my Niners are playing, I'm going to be loud. I was the lone Niners fan in a half empty bar where only ONE other guy was watching the games, and he was staunchly anti-Niners (Cowboys' fan.) I was watching quietly the whole game (which is rare for me, but a close one tempers my enthusiasm,) and when we missed that final field goal that would have sealed the win, I shouted "MOTHER FUCKER!!!!" at the top of my lungs. The whole bar turned to look at me, saw me in my Purdy jersey, and decided it wasn't an "active shooter" situation, just a devastated fan, but this +300 lbs dude stood up and shouted at me "That's what you get you cocky sumbitches!" I politely replied with something to the effect of "you need to sit the fuck down before I knock you the fuck down," a threat which I've no way of backing up save for pure fury and passion; that guy could easily have killed me. He came over and extended his hand saying it wasn't personal, he just really hates the Niners. I respect that; the Niners/Cowboys is a storied rivalry, and only a week prior we routed his Cowboys pretty badly. We shook hands agreeing to disagree, but I still needed to leave as I was intoxicated, furious, and extremely sad, i.e.: I wanted to kill myself. Got home, and unceremoniously hung my Purdy jersey back up until next week.
My gf's other favorite team is the Eagles, the only other undefeated team, and they were the midday game and televised, so she wanted to watch the game at home (mostly because she was afraid my ass might be tasked to cash the checks my mouth was writing if I kept drinking.) She wanted me to "get over" my loss and support "her team" last night since her Saints and Seahawks both lost earlier too. Huh, almost 8 years together, and she still doesn't know who she's talking to on NFL Sunday. In the NFL, she has 30 "favorite" teams; the only two teams she won't actively root for are the Cowboys because she's surrounded by Cowboys fans, and the 49ers, because she lives with an insane person who values his life based on their win/loss ratio, and proudly wears a "Fuck The Seahawks" t-shirt whenever the Niners play them. The other 30 teams, she likes because she's either been to the city, or she likes a team vicariously through a friend or family member who supports them. I didn't say anything, but the only saving grace for me yesterday would have been the Eagles losing too so I wouldn't have to hear Sports Center talking heads regurgitating "the ONLY undefeated team in the league" for the next week. They played the Jets; it was unlikely they would lose... but they did! I went from devastation and recklessly risking my life bullying a man twice my size, to 3 hours of silence as I seethed watching the Eagles play, to an outburst if elation in the face of my gf's despair. I almost spit on her Jason Kelce jersey (which I bought her) while she was wearing it, but even in my bitterly spiteful and euphoric state, I knew that'd have been a bridge too far.
TL;DR? I am insane, capable of few things, but willing to do most things, and a Niners' game is my hair trigger.