38 heart attacks and my girlfriend?s ruptured eardrums later, the NFL?s regular season came to a dramatic conclusion last night as my 49ers finally, fucking FINALLY, took down the Seahawks at their house, one of, if not the, loudest and most hostile environments in the league. It?s been damn-near a decade since we?ve done it; QB Russel Wilson had a perfect 8-0 record at home against us, and the look on his stupid, cherubic face as he hung his head in defeat in front of the thousands that make up the 12th man? I? Ok, nerds, this was equivalent to that heartwarming moment when Darth Vader, watching Luke Skywalker get force lightning?d by Palpatine, had an ?ok, I?m tired of this shit? moment, grabbed Palpatine and tossed him to his death. We won the NFC West, a bye and home field in the playoffs; that?s a metric fuck-ton for a banged-up, scrappy team that this time last year was a league laughing stock and only had high draft picks in its future. I was screaming at the TV, SCREAMING. The mixture of emotions was a volatile cocktail of white-hot rage, intense desperation and manic elation play by play. Greenlaw?s tackle at the 1 yard line that cemented the Seahawks demise is one of the most passionate sports moments of my life; it was something I wanted so desperately, I would have killed for it without hesitation (in the moment, nothing premeditated.) I collapsed on the living room floor once the call was confirmed and the 49ers took over on downs with 9 seconds to go. How apropos as just two weeks ago, the Falcons beat us by breaking the plain by literal inches in the final seconds of the game, and this time, every angle showed, without question, that my Niners would NOT allow such a thing again. I cried. My girlfriend was confused and annoyed. We clawed our way through the most difficult latter half of a season schedule the league has ever seen and showed everyone that we can compete with and BEAT the best. No one knows what the playoffs will hold for us, but I?m proud of my guys for making it this far. How does anyone not love football??
And in other news:
- The Patriots LOST to the Dolphins forcing the Patriots to forego a playoff bye for the first time since the Brady/Belichick era began, and in the playoffs with conference opponents like Mahomes-flavored Kansas City Chiefs, ?little brother that got tired of getting picked on? Buffalo Bills and the flat-out scary Baltimore Ravens, well, let?s just say the Super Bowl is more than likely gonna be a little less ?Patriotic? than it has been for the past 20 years?
- The Eagles WON, beating the Giants and ripping the NFC East division from the fucking Cowboys? grimy, greedy, undeserving mitts. Every time I looked at the standings and saw my 10, 11 win team in a wild card spot while the fucking Cowboys were ?winning? their division with a barely .500 record, I wanted to puke at the sheer injustice of it. Don?t get me wrong; I?m no fan of the Eagles, and after the favor they did me yesterday, the can die in a fire for all I care, but I certainly hate the Cowboys (second only to the Seahawks,) and being able to rub in the face of all their insufferably cocky, fair weather fans the FACT that for all their apparent talent, they yet again failed to make the playoffs, is a uniquely satisfying feeling. Jason Garret and Jerry Jones have matching ?8-8? tramp stamps.
- My Ohio State Buckeyes fell to the Clemson Tigers in the Fiesta Bowl, eliminating them from contention for the national championship. Not happy about it, but I?ve always said the only game I need them to win is against our hated rival the Michigan Wolverines, and all other wins are icing on the cake, and we did that for like the 8th year in a row last month so yeah, on to next year.